...“Well, when nobody knows how you feel...

...Do you think those emotions are real?...

...Or do they go away if they are not spoken?"...

...— Ghost By Gatton and Rich...

Growing up, my family was filled with love and joy. They always tell me that I am their pride and joy, their light, their treasure.

Our house was always filled with the laughter we shared, and the bonds we cherish. My mom and dad always gave me whatever I wanted, never saying no to my requests. There was not a single day they made me feel like I was unloved.

But life doesnʼt always give us happy endings. The happiness of our family faded, the moment a life ended.

I had a little sister. She was eight years younger than me, we cherished her so much. She and I were my parentsʼ precious treasures.

We never fought over anything nor one of us ever felt like the other one is superior than the other. Both of our parents treated us equally.

When I was eighteen, it was my graduation day, and my mom was with me, my little sister and dad were running late because my sister closed her eyes again after waking up. Sheʼs so cute.

By the time it was almost my turn to be called to the stage, a phone rang, and it was my momʼs.

It was a call from my dadʼs number, but rather than my father, a woman spoke through the call.

"Hello, is this the owner of this phoneʼs wife?" the woman from the other side, sounding urgent.

"Yes, hello, who is this?" my mom answered.

"Maʼam, your husband and daughter got into an accident, they are in a critical condition. Please come to the hospital immediately!" the woman stated.

My and my mom looked at each other with fear written all over our faces. Without hesitation, we ran to the hospital and left the graduation ceremony as quickly as possible.

When we got there, we asked a nurse where to find my dad and little sister, and a doctor approached us. I recognized the voice as the woman who called us.

She told us that their lives are in danger and needs to get surgery right away. Although my dadʼs condition isnʼt as severe as my sisterʼs, he still needed to be treated as soon as possible.

My mom told the doctors to do whatever they could so that both dad and my sis wakes up.

A few hours which felt like an eternity passed, and the doctor came to us with a saddened look.

"Maʼam, your husbandʼs condition is now stable..." she said.

My mom and I sighed in relief, but was sceptical because of the doctorʼs sad look.

"... but your daughter... she couldnʼt make it..." she continued. My mom fell to her knees, her tears falling from her eyes.

My heart shattered, as if my world had collapsed in just a second as I heard those words coming out from the doctorʼs mouth. My sister... My baby sister who was barely even ten...

I pulled myself together, and supported my mom. I bit my lower lip, stopping myself from crying while my mom buried her face to my chest, breaking down.

°°°

3 years have passed since then. Mom locked her heart, shutting everyone away. She barely spoke to Dad, though Dad already explained that a truck crashed into them from the left side where my sister was sitting, she still would not listen and blame him for killing their treasure.

Dad got tired of the blaming, of the pain, he stopped trying. He stopped explaining. He stopped loving. They both did. Whenever he and Mom talked, it always ends up them arguing over the smallest things, and for some reason, I somehow always get caught up with their arguments.

They always shout at each other, blame each other, hell, they shout at me, too. Which is weird because they have always been gentle with me. They have always been gentle with each other.

My perfect, happy family shattered. Where has all the love gone? We used to laugh together, share burdens with each other, but now... itʼs all just yesterday. All in the past. Forgotten.

I borne with it for the past years, hoping, just hoping that maybe someday they will wake up and make up already. Their fights always get to me. I feel frustrated, angry, sad, and alone.

I always talked about my burdens to my family, to my sister. I always tell them about the smallest inconvenience, tell them about little things that ruined my day, and they would always listen and comfort me even though I was just acting like a spoiled girl I am. But how can I do that anymore when I donʼt feel them anymore? My parents are still here, but I donʼt feel the love they have always gave anymore, I donʼt feel the comfort and presence I always loved anymore.

For the past 3 years, I fought with my thoughts alone. All those what ifs in my mind every night when Iʼm alone. I couldnʼt shed a single tear for the past years of my life without my little sister, my heart ached, watching my family fall apart each passing day.

What about me? Have they ever considered my feelings lately? I know itʼs hard for them, but what about me? They lost a daughter, and I lost a sister. A best friend. How could they not consider my feelings every time they fight, bringing me in the fight with them. Have they ever thought that maybe Iʼm tired of all the pain, too? Iʼm tired of all the drama. I just wish my sister was here. All these unsaid questions in my head. All these unsaid thoughts killing me each time they come back. All these unsaid words waiting to come out, will forever remain unspoken.

I closed my eyes, as I feel the pain in my heart cuts through deeper and deeper. I felt my breath getting harder and harder. I could hear people talking but it wasnʼt clear, as if I am underwater. Then, moments passed and all turned black. It was the last thing I saw before the darkness claimed me.

..."The greatest danger for most of us ...

...Is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, ...

...But that it is too low and we reach it."...

... — Michelangelo...

I felt my heart shatter the moment I heard that my husband and child got into an accident. Me and my eldest daughter rushed to the hospital where they both were admitted.

It was my daughterʼs graduation, yet instead of feeling joyous and celebrate what was suppose to be a special day, sadness and despair filled us both.

Moments after waiting for the results of their surgery, the doctor came to us. She told us that my husbandʼs condition was stable, however my daughter couldnʼt make it.

I fell to my knees, crying my eyes out. My daughter supported me, comforted me, however I could feel nothing but heartache.

How could this have happened? It was suppose to be a special day...

I felt rage and sorrow beyond saving, my daughter is gone... If only... if only I couldʼve been there to protect her... if only I had bring her with me and not let her sleep through... if only my husband driven safely.

This is all my fault... his fault.

If he hadnʼt to let her sleep through and told me not to worry because he will go there with her, then this wouldnʼt have happened! My husband killed my treasure.

°°°

A few days have passed and itʼs my daughterʼs funeral. My husband has not woken up yet, hah! He couldnʼt even be here to see his daughterʼs last days.

Heʼs there, lying comfortably in the hospital while here I am and my eldest, crying our hearts out. I still cannot accept the fact that my baby is no longer here... my treasure.

°°°

Three years flew by just like that, and me and my husband always fought. There was not a single day that we donʼt have an argument. My eldest watched us, unflinching, as she does her own thing.

I donʼt know, but every littlest things he does makes me angry. Maybe itʼs because I still blame him for my daughterʼs death. Although he already explained what happened that day, I still couldnʼt shake the fact that heʼs here, fine and well... I know I should have been grateful that he made it... but...

Days went all the same, and as I drove to the store to buy groceries, I spotted my daughter from a distance.

She left the house earlier barely eating her food. Of course that was probably because me and her dad fought again.

She entered a taxi, and I got curious as to where she was going, so I followed her. After minutes of following her, I lost sight her due to traffic.

I went back to the grocery store, bought supplies, and headed home. As I drove home, I still couldnʼt shake my thoughts about my eldest. Where was she heading? Her office is in the opposite direction.

The night came, and it was dinner. Silence filled the room as we ate.

"Darling, where did you head a while ago?" I asked my daughter, breaking the silence.

She paused for a moment and mumbled, "Wow, how long has it been since you called me that...?"

"What?" I asked as I couldnʼt hear what she said.

"Nothing, Mom. And I went to work a while ago, why?"

"I saw you while I was buying groceries. You rode a taxi to the opposite direction." I said plainly as looked at my food again and cut my meat with a knife and stabbed a fork supporting it.

A short silence filled the room once more when a voice suddenly spoke. "What? Where were you headed instead of work? Donʼt tell me you are seeing someone?"

"I—" my daughter spoke before I cut her off.

"Well you not!? Canʼt you see Iʼm talking to my daughter!?" I shouted full of frustration.

"She is my daughter, too!" He shouted back.

"This is between me and my daughter, stay out of it!"

"Again, she is my daughter as well! And whatʼs wrong with me asking, huh?" he said and looked at her. "So? Are you seeing someone, huh!? Better stop before I find out who that is. Donʼt let that person get in the way of your future!"

"Can you not be so dramatic!?" I shouted full of rage. "And you young lady, answer my question!"

"Ha! So Iʼm the one being dramatic!?" he said sarcastically as he brushed his hair to the back with his fingers.

As I was about to say something, a slam in the table silenced the room.

"Well you both stop!? My gosh! Such little thing and you make such a big deal out of it!" my daughter shouted while panting, silencing me and my husband.

A few seconds have passed, and my daughter started panting heavily than earlier. She grabbed her clothes where her heart was located and then massaged it as she was having a hard time breathing.

My and my husband rushed towards her, "Whatʼs wrong, sweetheart!?" my husband asked in a panic.

"Letʼs bring her to the hospital!" my voice cracked and I could feel my heart shatter as I looked at her.

We arrived at the hospital and they immediately took my daughter to the ER.

I could still feel my heart beating faster and faster because of panic. My husband hold me, supporting me as I cried.

No. I canʼt loose my treasure... not again...

Moments passed, and the doctor came to us. "Iʼm sorry, Maʼam, Sir... but your daughter— she couldnʼt make it. We did our best to stabilize her breathing, but she... she already passed..."

I felt déjà vu, and broke down to my knees. My husband whispered comforting words to my ears.

I felt him look up, and spoke. "What happened? Why did this suddenly happened? Was there something wrong with her, Doctor?

I looked up and waited for his answer. His eyes widen and I raised my brow.

"Oh, my goodness, has she not told you about her condition?" the doctor said.

"What?" me and my husband looked at each other, confused.

"What do you mean? Explain." my husband demanded.

"Your daughter has cardiomegaly, which means her heart has enlarged and it was already at a dangerous state..." the doctor paused for a moment. "She went here this morning to have a check up, I even told her that her condition was getting worse and that she needs to take care of herself more. However, she said that I should not worry because everything will be okay." The doctor continued.

I could feel my body shaking, my heart racing, and I couldnʼt talk as if someone had pointed a knife to my neck.

"Maʼam, Sir, did something happened to trigger her?" the doctor asked hesitantly.

"Me and my wife were having an argument... Then... shit! If I had known..." my husband cursed.

The doctor went silent for a moment and said, "I will leave you here to talk, Maʼam, Sir." then left.

My husband hugged tighter me as I cried in his chest.

"Iʼm sorry. Iʼm so sorry, Wife. This is all my fault again. If only..." I could feel his tears as his voice cracked.

"I could not even save both my daughters. What kind of father even am I..." he continued.

I looked at him and said, "No. Itʼs my fault. If I hadnʼt been so stubborn, this wouldnʼt have happened! If I hadnʼt blamed you and instead be thankful that you are still alive, things wouldnʼt have come this way. Both our babies would still be alive...!"

"If only I had listened to your explanation, and comforted you when you did your best to turn the car around the other side so that she wouldnʼt be hit, but instead I only shut myself up and sealed my heart... Iʼm so sorry." I felt my tears never ending as I realized all the stupid things I had done.

He wiped my tears, "Shh. I understand what you feel. I blame myself, too. I just wished you couldʼve listened to me..." he said with a painful smile.

"I just couldnʼt accept it. I just couldnʼt accept that I lost my treasure... And because of that I lost all my treasures. I lost all of you..." I said painfully, my tears wouldnʼt stop falling.

"No. You did not lose me. You did not lose our treasures. Theyʼre still here." my husband pointed at my heart.

"Iʼm still here. Iʼm sorry, Wife..." he said hugging me tight.

I broke down once more, "I-Iʼm so sorry... Iʼm so sorry... I was so focused on what I lost, I forgot what I still have... what I had. And now... and now my babies are gone... My two treasures..."

My husband and I hugged each other as we broke down venting the pain we had hold for three years.

Iʼm so sorry, my darlings. Mommy has caused you and your Daddy so much pain. I hope you can ever forgive me.