"Let's break up." he said as i quitely sat at the end of the bed.

"Is that what you have to say after sex?" i laugh lightly and face him. And I saw a serious face I have never seen before.

"Are you serious? " i asked again. Confused.

And he let out a heavy sigh.

"Yes. I am serious. I should've done this long ago." as he said to me which makes me more and more confused.

"Why?" I asked again. Repeatedly.

"Why? Why? Did I do something wrong? What's wrong?" as my chest grew heavy I cling to him as if not letting him go.

"Nothing. Ok?" he said so calmly.

"What the hell? Is that it? Tell me your real reason. I'll understand." i told as I cry.

"Reason? Nothing more than just our relationship is fruitless from the beginning. Ok? You know it. What can we do instead of fucking and messing every single day? Nothing. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dragged you into this. I'm sorry I made you sacrifice many things and people. Im sorry. But this has just to end. Just forget about me and get a real life. Get married abd be happy with a wife and children. Please. Its over." he said as he get dressed leaving me on top of the bed, crying.

"Why? After all this time you just gonna leave me like this?" my chest hurts to much. As if something is piercing it. And I cried and cried. Asking myself what jist happen. Where could have things went wrong between us. Is this a dream? The 3 year old relationship has got to be a dream.

After that night, I stood there at our apartment. As if still waiting for him to come home. His things was still there, shoes, clothes, his guitar and keyboard. Leaving them here, he was so in a rush that he had not taken his things away.

I have never imagined that my relationship with him will end this way. I know, most of the time, I may say too much. I get easily embarrassed in front of people, but we never had a fight, or argue so harshly that my lead into break up.

I will wait for him here. I will wait for his explanations whether it's something silly or too much, I will understand and accept it. But please, for now, explain this to me.

This feeling of being alone in this apartment grew a lonely feeling, looking back 3 years ago, what should I do to not severely makes us this way. Maybe we shouldn't have started or maybe I should've been stronger not to falter for him. These maybe's keeps making my chest hurts as I look at his keyboard, this time of day he would sit there a play a song for me while I feed him breakfast. Tomorrow will Saturday we should be going to date but why? Why am I sitting alone here. Thinking of this things that hurts me. Why did you end this with me. Chad. What have gone wrong?

A week had pass since that night happened, and up until now, no Chadrick Wilders showed up. I was left alone here with a lousy excuse of breaking up, no further explanation, nothing else, nothing more. Even his things are still here, the table of which our coffee breakfast is now empty. The clothes I haven't washed up, I thought if he's here, maybe this apartment is clean.

But here I am, waiting, as if waiting for a dead person to comeback home after buried under it's grave. But, the person I am waiting is not dead, above all Chadrick is healthy.

Being alone here makes me remember old memories about us, and I can't help it. About those simple days doing nothing, lying in sofa doing nothing, listening to his composition about some good days and in love lyrics, about the days of how we met, the way we were, the way he is that made I me fall in love with him. His stuffs are still here, guitar and keyboard, his notes on lyrics and his smell. Darn, I miss him already. Just staring at this empty place makes me sleepy. It's hurting in my chest, so bad.

Three year ago......

" oh my God!" I bursted out of my frustration, almost throwing the folders I collected to my students on my desk of which I usually sitted on during my lunch break or working on checking students piled up files and activities that have been passing through the semester.

"Haha. Man, students these days are so much tiring. I remember when I was in college I usually skip class but deadline is deadline. But the students of today? Man, they sure party alot then getting frustrated to their teachers and professors for being devil in deadline. I wish they see us working at night even if its already our rest time. Right, Yaeil? " co-professor Dolan Nang said.

Well, I know he is complaining, actually, I am complaining too. All my frustrations and stress, they are being piled up on the bears I buy in some department stores and even at some night market. Yes, I am a hard-core bear collector. I have no idea when and how this habit has kicked me but, sometimes I do wish to see some bears, from Poland or everywhere where there is snow, coffee and bear.

"Haha. True. I never would've like to be a student in college these days. But their works and activities are getting more harder than ours way back." I reply to his comment on my frustrated outlook earlier.

Professor Dolan smiled grinningly and said " Hey, why don't we go have some clubbing tonight?" chuckling while arm are on my shoulder. I look at other professors, as if asking for some back up. But since I'm one of the youngest in the office, I know that I will fail to look for some reason not to go to.

"I think that's a good idea!" one of our co-professor bursted while stretching at his table.

"C'mon, man. you gotta come with us. You can't run today" he teased to me, laughing.

"Ugh. Okay. But I will just have to go home early, I want to rest early." I said wanting some guarantee to my spurted words. And they laugh thinking that I am a workaholic.

But to be honest, I am making another persona out of me every time I get drunk. And is what I am hiding all these years.