1.

I looked at our professor in Law walking in the middle while distributing the exam results. The sound of her stilettos echoed on the cemented floor. My classmatesare already looking at their own results. Some were disappointed and others were happy.

“I thought I didn't get anything.”

“It's okay, we all failed.”

The professor walked passed me and handed me my results. I sighed. I didn't bother looking at it. The professor went back in front and the noise stopped and the class fell in silent.

“Am I disappointed?” she asked. “Probably. Because no one even passed. What's happening with this section? The highest score you've got didn't even make it to the passing score.” she turned at my direction. Some of my classmates looked on.

“I told you so, she is the highest.”

“No wonder.”

I focused on what the professor was saying. “You knew me. If failed then failed. You didn't want me to see you on summer. right?” she stated with a slight sarcasm. My classmates groan in frustation. “I don't want to see you guys either so please, focus on your studies.”

When she finished her lectures, she let us out of the room. I was about to leave when she called my name. “Miss Dizon.” I stopped walking and turned to her.

“What happend?” she asked. “You didn't pass the exam I gave. You are one of those i hope to pass. Is something bothering you?” I was caught off guard with her question.

“Im fine, Godmother- Ma'am Rodriguez.” I corrected. I used to call her godmother outside the classroom. She and my Mom also work together, both Law firm. It's her part time job to teach at University. “I guess I just didn't get ready.”

“Well then.” she said with a sigh. “You know how your Mom checks on you. She will not be happy if she find out.”

I forced a smile. “It's okay, I'll take care of this. You don't have to bother.”

She gazed me with concern. She's now my godmother, not my professor.

“When I'm inside the classroom I'm a professor, but when the class is over, im your second parent. You can tell me anything, okay?” she give me an encouraging smile.

I tried to smile back. “I will keep that in mind, godmother.”

I adjusted the grip of my shoulder bag. And I bid my farewell and leave the classroom.

I sighed. I walked out of the University. It's already dark. It's seven thirty in the evening after all. Students with evening classes like me also came out. Everyone seems tired.

I went to the black car parked at the parking lot. When I got closer, I immediately opened the door and dropped myself in the back seat.

“Do you have anything else to go, Isabelle?” I heard the driver ask from the driver's seat.

I shook my head. “Straight home”

We had a quiet ride home. I watched the colorful lights outside as we slowly made our way home.

What happened, Isabelle?

This is also what I want to ask myself. It feels like I'm not being my usual self this past few days. I don't know why, but everything seems draining me down.

Recently, I often lost my focus especially when it comes to academics. Often distracted and out of mood. According to our senior students, the junior year is the most exhausting and challenging year of our course. Maybe I'm just tired.

We got home after a few minutes. When the car entered the drive way, I noticed two vehicles parked in the garage. It means that mom and dad are already here.

I got out of the car when it stopped.I said goodbye to the driver before I entered the house. Our house is big, but not the mansion type. Just the right size for CPA Lawyer Mom

and Company Manager Dad.

The bright interior of the house greeted me as I entered.

“How's your day?”

I was immediately paused when I ate. It was a routine, for them to ask me about my day when we dined together, which is rare. They often work overtime and go out of town with their jobs.

“It's fine.” I answered.

I don't know if it's a coincidence every time something bad happens in my day, and thats the time they'll go home early.

“I heard today is your exam with Mona?” she asked referring to my godmother.

I blinked. “Yes, Mom.”

“How was it?”

I focused on my food before I talked. “No one passed.”

My mom stopped slicing the meat. “Pardon, Isabelle?” she said. A frown started to form in her smooth head. “You've been reviewing all weekend, right? And you didn't even get a passing mark?”

“Im sorry. I didn't expect it to be that hard.” I said. “But I got the highest score.”

I noticed that Dad was disappointed. “Not an excuse. You should have tried better.”

I stopped and did nothing but nod. “Yes, Dad.” I don't have a choice.

They continued to eat as if nothing happened. I did the same. I'm used to it. It happens everytime. They couldn't recognize my achievements unless it's perfect or if I'm a the number 1.

---

I went back to my room when I finished diner. I get dressed before sitting on my bed. It was almost nine o'clock but I still have to prepare for my presentation tomorrow.

I looked at the thick papers of Financial Book lying on the table. I already memorized my presentation last week. Bit I have this itch to review it over and over to make sure that I won't make a mistake.

I'm not allowed to make a mistake.

My Dad is the most competitive person I know. When I was young, they always told me to “be best, or be nothing”. No one remembers a second best or the rest for that matter.

Their expectations for me was high. I'm their only child. And sometimes I'm afraid I won't reach that. So I have to keep up and do my best. And though I often excel like they always want me to I can't help but to ask myself if I really want this.

---

I pressed the remote I was holding. The last slide of my presentation appeared. My one hour report was over. I waited for questions but my classmates stayed quiet.

I noticed that our instructor in the back of the classroom was sitting up. It was staring at me intently. I have answered all of his questions earlier in the discussion.

“Class, any questions?” he said looking at my classmates.

No one spoke. I remained standing in front asking myself when I could sit. I snapped back in attention when our instructor spoke again.

“Well, I guess everything is clear?” Some were agree. The instructor looked at me again. “Very well presented, Miss Dizon. You never fail to impress me.”

“Thank you Sir.”

After class, I was left to fix the projector used in the presentation. My classmates greeted me as I left the classroom.

“Isabelle, Congrats.”

“The presentation was smooth.”

I just smiled at them. Here, they make it sounds like a big deal. How I get the highest score, how I ace reporting. But when it comes to home, everything is just ordinary. It's as if given, expected, nothing new or special. I can't help to feel the same. My parents raised me to be a perfectionist, maybe that's why I'm never happy with my achievements.

I walked out of the classroom and walked down the crowded hallway. And once again, I felt it. In standing here at midst of people hurrying to and fro, people who know what they want and how to achieve it. People with concrete direction. And here I am, standing in the middle and asking myself, what am I even doing here?

We had an hour vacant before the next subject. I walked to one of the scattered sheds on campus to spare my time there. Occasionally, I go to the library but we don't have a test now so I decided to go outside first.

I went to Reader's Sanctuary. The park where large acasia tree's can be found on campus. Beneath it are the steep sheds and benches. You can hear nothing there but the natural noise around. It's strictly for outdoor reading purposes.

So I was shocked to hear some noises while sitting of one of the sheds. I was in the middle of opening the book I was carrying, when I stopped and looked at the shed not far from me.

It was a group. They were talking and laughing. One of them was holding a guitar. One of them is singing and one of them are laughing non-stop. I don't know what is he laughing at. It seems really amusing for him to laugh like that.

They are members of Official School Magazine - The Arcadian. I know one of them. She's from my college, Marketing Major. Pia Marie Mendoza. I also once was a classmate in a subject.

They sang around. One of them noticed that I was watching them. It turned around and smile at me. I immediately turned away and turned my attention to the book that I was reading.

I have no idea that time that the strangers I was staring at will play a important part of my life.

END OF CHAPTER 1

THANKS FOR READING

2.

I was walking down the University pathway the next day when i met my godmother. I rarely see her at the University this early.

“Good morning.” I greeted. “What are you doing here this early?”

She smiled at me. She is wearing a slacks and a cream blouse. She looked very formal. Like in just one glimpse you already know that she is a professor or a lawyer.

“Im just adjusting my class schedule. How about you? Did you eat?”

Actually I was going to the cafeteria for lunch at that time. “I'm about to.”

She looked at her wrist watch. “Lets have a lunch together.”

I no longer refused when she invited me to a nearby cafe at the University. After ordering, we sat down near the glass wall where the College of Arts and Social Science can be seen.

“Its been a long time since I ate with you.” she said when our orders came. “When was the last time? I think it was your brother Francis' birthday.”

I nodded. It was almost a month ago. On the birthday of her eldest son Brother Francis. Brother Francis is twenty two years old. He's three years older than me. But he is still third year college like me because he keep changing course. First he took a business course, then shifted to nursing, then engineering, until he choose culinary.

“How is he?”

She stopped eating. “He's good.” she said. “He looks happy with his course now. He lasted one year and a half, which is an improvement.”

I remember him always getting in trouble inside or even outside the school. He does not attend class. That he dropped in his subjects.

I remembered his father's birthday wish for him. He hoped that Brother Francis figure out what he wants to do in life and hoped it makes him happy.

I used to ignore about those things.

I wish it makes you happy or I wish for your happiness. I thought that request was very general. It's too common for a birthday wish. It also seems like the default birthday wish when you have really nothing to say.

But as time went on, I gradually came to see its importance. Are you happy? Is such a difficult question. If someone would ask me this right now, I wouldn't know how to answer it. I don't know if I'm happy doing the things I'm doing or I'm only doing this things out of someone else's happiness.

“People always notice how good he is in the kitchen” my godmother said. “It's almost natural for him to cook.”

Brother Francis is good in almost every dish. When there's a feast, you would think that you're in a high end restaurant when he is the one who cooked the foods.

“But when I asked him before, he always said he didn’t take it seriously. Just for fun when there's a feast. But I think he's just afraid.”

I stopped eating. “Why is that?”

“Francis finally found his passion.” she said. “But he's afraid to face it on because this time if he's going to mess up, he's going to mess up something that is really important to him.”

I couldn't speak.

“How about you Isabelle?” I blinked and faced her.

“Other than being a student, what do you want to do?”

Her question lingered on me the whole day. I couldn't answer it. It was as if asking me about my preferences and what im fond of caught me off guard. Because I don't think what I want is significant enough.

“You're not going to be a student forever. Don't let your schooling interfere with who you are”

But I don't even know if I have a life outside the of the school or if I have an identity other than being a straight-A student. Except as Isabelle that everybody expected to be seen, I don't know if me that I want to see existed. I'm too focus preparing for the future that I don't even know who I am at this moment.