In sleep a tear slipped from xiao feng's eyes, when xiao Feng opened his eyes he can't comprehend where he was but after some moment he realized its his not room, but he can't remember how he got here ...but shouldn't he be dead, he remembered clearly that...

A sound of notification came through the room. as xiao Feng looked around. he didn't seem to hurry but was rather calm...too calm

he saw the mobile phone on the bedside table. he picked it up and straight up opened the message.

〔Ren mei :- bro, are you really going to give that ps5 to wen chen? I will give you double money, please give it to me (cry)〕

then looked again at the mobile phone, he realized it's not his he never in his life would have bought this expensive mobile

sound of door opening

After discussing with his parents wen Zhou entered the VIP ward in which Xiao Feng was, upon entering he saw his little brother who had always had a cheeky smile on his face facing the window in daze

He never saw this look on his brothers face, he was slightly but still shocked but didn't show it. He looked in the eyes of his brother which were no longer sparkling but looked like bottomless darkness he calmly walked towards the bed took a seat beside Xiao Feng

Feeling the bed beside him dip a little Xiao Feng immediately knew someone had sat there. Actually he heard the door open but didn’t pay attention to it.

no response

still no response

Xiao feng pulled the blanket over his face intrupting the voice of other. xiao Feng didn't want to talk to anybody that was written all over his face and actions

seeing this state of his little brother wen zhou knew something happened something big that he must investigate with this thought in mind he left the ward and called someone

wen Zhou again turned to the door of the ward conflicted if he should enter or not. he wanted to go in, talk to his little brother but after seeing that state of his brother he decided against it and turned towards the elevator

.

Inside the ward Xiao feng still couldn't comprehend where and how he was here, why someone would call him feng'er...

maybe it's just a dream....

no… Nightmare

If Its real then... i don't want it... i finally found the calmness, the peace I wanted I don't want to.... live again

...

footsteps ..calm ,calculated cautious, sounded the door opened and as wen zhou predicted he is asleep. atleast, now he can finally see his brother who.. suddenly committed suîcide out of nowhere.

Two days... and he is still in hospital.Xiao feng had ignored anybody who entered talked or wanted to talk to him, he still can't remember (his head was wounded seriously)

if tried to remember his head would hurt, but something told him that its familiar... it had happened before

when Xiao feng was questioning himself outside the ward familiar footsteps slowly approached the door and the ward door suddenly opened the slight difference from before was Xiao feng's eyes instantly stared at the door

he said as he handed a bouquet of hyacinth flower in Xiao feng the bouquet was decorated with all colores of hyacinth making it captivating, and they were his.. Favorite

Xiao feng's gaze shifted from him to the flowers, now a neutral look on his face as admired them oddly...calming and setting his mind through head which was constantly growing

Lucas again calmly sat at the chair beside the bed consoling him like a child

he rubbed my back of head like calming a child

his phone that was in his other hand buzzed we both glanced at it,

my fists clenched the bouquet and the shits underneath the blanket a tear slipped through Xiao feng's eyes as he looked at the door from which Lucas left

His head was buzzing it was hurting, making him dizzy, but this is not what he cared about but the memory that came with that his grip tightened on the sheets as he realized something he is back in time 15 years the first time he committed suicîde but failed

his eyes which where now dyed in the shade of red shifted to the hyacinth bouquet the tears know slipped uncontrollably landing on the bouquet

He tilted his head slightly as felt the small petals of flowers against his cheeks his tears now stopped eyes red, if some looked they might forget what they were saying by seeing depth of misery in them

after unknown time he lifted his head picking the flowers that were in it apart, then he emptied the tissue box which were on bedside table filling it with petals

.

xiao feng knew that loving Lucas is his biggest sin of his that he committed unknowingly, what can he do let it be love or the lover they would suffer instead of letting it go it's a curse that if it attaches itself to something would not leave even when you hate it

Xiao feng slipped tHe box under the bed and slept. he knew ...he knew that what's coming is something they never wanted

His hands in his sleep still held the bedsheet tightly. his heart still remembered that day... he was the happiest person on that day not knowing what's coming next...

flashback

*light footsteps approached the car which waited for Xiao feng outside to S institute*

When Xiao feng reached the car he saw a Lucas his body structure had become slightly big,, but his face was still glimmering as before

He looked towards me smiling. We didn't say much it was awkward as we have not met since five years so starting the conversation was rather a little difficult for me

that was the only conversation we had till we reached my home I stole glance at hIm at every chance I got hIs were stIll mesmerizing as before making me want to stare at him but unfortunately i can't. i was so deep in my thought that i didn't know when we got home

lucas helped me with luggage and as we approached the front door i can hear familiar voices speaking , laughing and talking to each other only then did i realise lucas's family was also present there

it felt odd..it was my own home, but now thIs home felt more like a mansion.i have a lot of questions to ask at the same time my family felt alienated towards me why did they don't believe that incident.... was never my fault why listen to a outsider

it felt like my heart being squeezed when they didn't even greeted me when I came and started the conversation again

It really was my fault.. i think or why would all have ignored me for 5 years

Mom said as she patted the spot beside her...I was shocked and happy a small unnotIced smile made its way to my face as i quickly sat beside her maintaining a graceful and elegant image that mom admired then greeted Lucas parents

The conversatIon started between the two famIlIes as they talked on theIr own without acknowledging me i was happy just to be by there side i got used to this after there year of ignorance but still sometimes it hurts cause when i was in institute i always thought "they must be busy, or they have called me" even at my birthday, new year or holIdays there was hope in me as saw other parents picking there child i always stood by my dorm window staring at the cars coming hoping one of them to be for me or for my parents and brothers to pick me up but that dream.. Never came true. But I still always looked at my phone expecting something. Now that I came back it hurts seeing them ignoring me so blatantly

silence fell over living room, suddenly everyone was looking at me but as my gaze drifted to Lucas he seemed as confused as me even his parents seemed to know what's happening