Once upon a time, Riana was so grateful to marry Septian, a well-established and handsome man who was sought after by many women in the capital. But now, that gratitude has turned into a burden that constantly suffocates her chest. How could it not, she once believed that Septian truly loved her, but it turned out that he married her only to be close to her sister, Liliana.

That conviction has grown stronger since two months ago, precisely when Liliana became a widow with a six-month-old baby. Under the guise of pity, Septian asked her to live with them. The excuse sounded sweet, but in Riana's eyes, it was all proof that her husband's heart had never truly belonged to her.

"Riana, this is the grocery money for this week. Don't forget, the fridge must always be stocked with food. Your sister is still breastfeeding, she needs nutritious intake and shouldn't eat late. And you also have to be frugal," said Septian as he handed a wad of red bills to her.

The single word 'frugal' felt like piercing Riana's heart. Of all her husband's commands, why did that word have to be directed at her, while almost all the needs were prioritized for her sister?

"Frugal, Mas?" Riana repeated softly.

"Yes. The company has been going bankrupt lately. Besides, you're a housewife, you don't go anywhere, so you don't need to buy all sorts of things or join social gatherings," Septian said, further deepening the wound in his wife's heart.

Even though before marriage, the 29-year-old woman was a high-achieving medical graduate with cum laude honors. However, for the sake of her love for Septian, she was willing to give up her career and choose to be a housewife. She considered the sacrifice worthy in order to bear the status of Septian Prawira's wife. Unfortunately, now it all feels in vain.

"Then what is that money for, Mas?" Riana asked in an annoyed tone after receiving the money from her husband. Her eyes briefly glanced at two other wads of money that were still neatly arranged on the table.

Septian adjusted his glasses for a moment, then glanced at the money. A thin smile appeared before he answered, "That's for your sister-in-law. You know she has a lot of needs, right? Have to buy clothes, toys, milk, diapers, and much more."

"But Mas..."

"Riana, don't be stingy. You know your sister is a widow. If it's not me, her brother-in-law, who fulfills her needs, who else? I don't want to argue anymore, we've discussed this often," Septian said in a cold tone before he walked away, carrying the money that had been prepared.

Riana could only stare at Septian's back as it slowly disappeared into the white walls. Her gaze was empty, as if hoping that the man would return to her. However, it was all just a dream. It had been an hour since her husband left, and he had not returned to their room.

"Is it true that there is no hope for me, Mas? We have been married for years, but you never allowed me to sleep by your side, except when you wanted to have marital relations..." Riana muttered softly, with tears starting to fall.

As a doctor, Riana understood very well that her husband had sleep disorders due to past trauma. Therefore, she tried to understand the reason Septian never allowed her to sleep by his side. She tried to instill understanding in her heart, that it was not because of her.

However, some time ago, the bitter truth slapped her in the face. With her own eyes, when she was about to bring a glass of warm milk, Riana saw her husband able to fall asleep soundly on her sister's bed. Since that night, her understanding slowly crumbled.

That flashback now haunted her. Riana sat on the edge of the bed with a swollen face, tears still flowing non-stop. The wound in her heart grew deeper as if her sacrifices all this time had never been considered.

"I've tried to understand, Mas... but it turns out that you don't need me," she whispered softly.

Riana's tears flowed even more profusely, wetting her cheeks until they fell onto the pillow. The night felt so long and lonely, only her sobs could be heard in the room. She hugged herself, trying to find the warmth she had never received from her husband.

Riana once imagined, a life full of love, togetherness, and happiness, but in reality, it was just a mirage. Every day she had to face the bitter reality, that her existence was only a complement.

The ringing of the cellphone made Riana end her pain. She saw that the caller was from one of her lecturers and former supervising doctors. She immediately wiped away the remaining tears and neutralized her emotions.

"Hello, Doc," Riana greeted softly.

"Riana, I have read your application letter to participate as a volunteer in Sorong. Have you thought about it carefully?" asked Doctor Alif, his voice firm yet gentle.

"Yes, Doc. I think it's been enough for the past five years wasting my degree. My soul as a doctor is called again, more than just a feeling of guilt. There are many who need basic medical assistance there, and I want to be useful again," Riana replied, her voice a little loud, as if convincing herself.

Doctor Alif was silent for a moment, then asked carefully, "Do you understand the consequences? Far, heavy, and may take a long time. What about your family?"

Riana closed her eyes for a moment. Thoughts about Septian and Liliana raged, but her answer was firm, "I understand, Doc. That's why I have to go. Not to run, but to find out who I am again. If not now, when else?"

"I appreciate your decision," replied Doctor Alif. "Alright, there is a short selection and training process. If you pass, the departure may be next month. Prepare documents, rapid tests, and permission letters from family members if possible. If you need administrative assistance, just come to the hospital, I'll help take care of it."

Riana felt something warm creeping into her chest, a hope. "Thank you, Doc. I will come this week."

After hanging up the phone, Riana sat for a moment looking at the window. She remembered a week ago, after seeing her husband so close to her sister, she immediately decided to become a volunteer. She didn't want to torture herself anymore, if Septian didn't love her, letting go might be the only way to happiness.

Besides, why should she fight for a love that would never be hers? In addition, the woman her husband loved was her sister. And she deserves to be happy!

Riana took a deep breath after feeling calm, she wanted to get a glass of water to wet her dry throat. However, before she opened the door, there was a knock on the door.

"What's wrong, Sis?" Riana asked when she found out that the person knocking on the door was Liliana, holding her little baby.

"Riana... can I sleep here? My baby is very fussy, maybe he is disturbed because your husband is sleeping there, and snores very loudly," said Liliana with a tired face.

Riana was silent. There was a bitter taste rising again. How could her sister say that without any reluctance at all, as if everything was normal?

"Oh..." Riana replied in a hoarse voice. She tried to smile, even though her heart felt crushed.

Liliana, without being invited in, barged in and put her baby on the bed, then sat quietly while asking innocently, "You look pale. You're not jealous, are you?"

Riana's anger flared. Her throat was choked, her lips began to tremble, ready to throw out all the words she had buried all this time.

"Riana, I really love Mas Irfan, so there's no way I could betray him. Especially with your husband, so don't think too much about it," Liliana said, cutting off Riana's intention to speak further.

That was the third time Liliana had said something similar since they started living together. Riana wanted to believe her. She wanted to be sure that her sister wouldn't fall in love with Septian. But what made her anxious was the opposite, Septian's feelings.

Could Liliana still convince her with those words if she knew that her husband secretly had feelings for her?

"Riana, don't be silent all the time," Liliana said while cradling her baby who was crying again.

For a moment, Riana's heart calmed down. She realized, this was why she always chose to remain silent. Her sister was the only family she had left. Especially since Liliana was now a widow with a small baby. If she told the truth, wouldn't that only cause problems, even make her sister leave this house? As a younger sister, Riana couldn't possibly do that.

"I know, Sis… you really love Mas Irfan. I'm not jealous. I believe you can definitely set boundaries," Riana said as gently as possible, even though there was a wound in her heart that was still open.

Liliana smiled faintly, as if relieved. "Thank you for trusting me. You should focus on your own household, don't keep thinking about things that make you think negatively."

Riana only nodded, even though her heart didn't accept it. How could she focus if every time Septian came home, his eyes always searched for Liliana? How could she be calm if the smile that used to be only hers, was now more often etched when her husband talked to her sister?

However, now Riana was trying to stay strong for the common good. Besides, she would leave Septian, giving the man a chance to pursue his happiness. This thought was indeed stupid, but wasn't it better than being trapped between her husband and her sister?

"Let me hold her," Riana said while asking for the baby from Liliana's arms. Her sister handed her over with relief, while Riana tried to calm little Lira in her arms. Seeing Liliana starting to lie down, Riana dared to ask, "Sis, what do you think of Mas Septian?"

Liliana, who initially looked relaxed, was immediately startled. "What do you mean?"

"Yes, what kind of person do you think Mas Septian is?" Riana asked again, in a soft tone so that the little baby wouldn't wake up.

Liliana thought for a moment before answering, "All women know that Septian is an idol in the capital. Handsome, rich, charismatic. He is… just like Mas Irfan used to be. If Mas Irfan's company hadn't collapsed and left a lot of debt and now he's passed away, maybe the two of them would be the toughest competitors."

Riana understood those words very well. She still remembered, when she was in college, Liliana chose a business major, that's where she met Irfan and also Septian. Meanwhile, she took a medical major. Even though they were orphans, their parents had prepared educational savings so they could get their bachelor's degree.

That's where the seeds of love began to grow. Unfortunately, Liliana only had feelings for Irfan until she finally married him. Meanwhile, Septian, after Liliana officially became Irfan's wife, he still often visited the house until he finally proposed to Riana. At that time Riana didn't suspect anything because she also liked Septian. But now, if she thought about it again, it felt like a big mistake.

"So you think… Mas Septian is the same as Mas Irfan?" Riana asked again, this time carefully.

Liliana smiled faintly, then looked at the ceiling of the room. "Yes, more or less like that. It's just that there's one thing that's different."

Riana swallowed, her heart sank. "Different how, Sis?"

Liliana turned slowly towards her sister. Her eyes were calm, but contained something difficult to guess. "Septian has a gaze that's hard to maintain. Sometimes… it makes people misunderstand. Including me."

Riana's heart stopped beating upon hearing her sister's statement. However, in the next minute, Liliana's small laugh dispelled everything.

"Hahah, I'm just kidding, Riana. Besides, why are you asking such strange questions? That's enough, it's already late. It seems like Lira is comfortable sleeping with you. I'll go back to my room, take care of her…" Liliana immediately got up and walked away without waiting for an answer.

"Bu… but, Sis," Riana said softly, almost inaudibly. Liliana had disappeared behind the door, leaving a silence that pressed on her chest.

Riana looked at Lira's small face that was sleeping peacefully. Her fingers gently touched the baby's cheek, as if seeking some comfort. "Lira… you sleep with Auntie tonight, okay? Just think of it… maybe our last days together," she whispered bitterly.

Slowly she laid the baby on the bed, then lay down next to her. Her eyes felt heavy, until finally she fell asleep with uncertain feelings.

***

When the dawn call to prayer had just echoed and Lira's cries broke the silence. Riana woke up with heavy eyes, then quickly reached for her niece. She patted the little one's back gently and made sure her diaper wasn't full.

"Auntie's niece is thirsty, huh? Ssst… let's find Mama first," she whispered softly, trying to calm her down.

However, her eyes scanned the entire room, there were no signs of Liliana's presence. Riana checked the temperature of the bed which was actually so cold, she frowned and asked herself, 'Didn't sister Liliana come back to the room last night? Then where did she sleep?'

The baby cried even louder, as if adding to her anxiety. With hurried steps, Riana went out, tracing the hallway of the house. Her heart was filled with an increasingly pressing feeling of unease.

Riana stopped for a moment in front of the kitchen, and it was empty, there were no signs of Liliana preparing milk or anything. The living room was also deserted, only the dim light was still on from the night before.

That feeling of unease turned into a fear that was difficult to explain. The little baby in her arms continued to struggle, making Riana press her cheek to the little one's crown. "Calm down, honey… let's find Mama, okay?" she whispered in a trembling voice.

Slowly she approached her sister's room door. Her breath was heavy. Her fingers hesitated for a moment when she wanted to knock, but finally she pushed the door open slowly.

Ciiiit—

The sound of creaking hinges broke the silence, making her heart beat erratically. In her heart she prayed, hopefully what she was thinking wasn't true. However, as the door opened wider…

Riana was stunned to see the scene in front of her, instantly her body froze. She could hardly breathe. Her hands that were hugging Lira were shaking violently, making the baby cry loudly again. But the cries seemed to disappear in her ears, defeated by the sound of her heart breaking repeatedly.

Tears were pressing out, but her body was too stiff to move. She could only stand in the doorway, staring at the bitter reality that she had feared all this time had finally come true before her eyes.

"Mas… Sis…" she whispered softly, almost inaudibly.

Lira's crying grew louder, drowning out Riana's sobs that were caught in her throat. The crying successfully woke Liliana, who had been dozing off in Septian's embrace, as well as Septian, who immediately jolted awake. They both froze when they found Riana standing in the doorway, holding Lira tightly in her arms.

"Rin… t–this isn't what you think," Liliana's voice trembled, panicked, as if searching for a reason that could save her.

"Riana, don't misunderstand. I just fell asleep here last night," Septian added, his tone hurried.

Riana looked at them alternately. The man she called her husband, and the sister she always trusted. Her heart trembled greatly, as if her body could no longer support the wound she had just seen. She wanted to believe… but if she did, wouldn't she be laughing at herself? Making herself a clown in her own household.

"But… I clearly saw you earlier…" her voice broke, soft but full of pain, enough to make them both silent.

"Riana, I know you must be doubting, I understand…" Liliana quickly chimed in, "Last night after I changed my clothes, my eyes couldn't stay open anymore. You know I fall asleep easily. And about earlier, you must also know… when we're in dreamland, it's impossible to be aware of our surroundings."

Seeing Riana still hesitant, it was now Septian's turn to step forward and approach her. "What your sister said is true. Sorry, I was also exhausted last night and fell asleep after giving Liliana the money. Don't misunderstand again, Rin. Besides… aside from being my sister-in-law, we used to be friends. Sleeping like this has become a normal thing."

Those words pierced Riana's chest deeper than anything. Her body stiffened, as if no longer able to stand. Septian's words, which seemed to belittle her pain, only made her tears fall uncontrollably, soaking Lira's small cheeks, who was still crying in her arms.

Seeing Liliana's and Septian's gazes directed at her, Riana hurriedly wiped away the remaining tears. She didn't want to look weak, didn't want the two people she loved to know how broken she was right now. Even though she had tried to accept it, had prepared her heart for the worst possibility. But why did it still hurt so much, as if a dagger was repeatedly thrust into her chest?

"Rin…" Septian's voice was heard again, this time softer, as if trying to calm her down. But for Riana, that tone sounded like an insult.

She looked down, looked at Lira for a moment, then slowly handed the baby into Liliana's arms. "Yes, don't worry. Lira needs your breast milk now, Sis. She hasn't stopped crying since earlier."

Liliana received Lira with a confused face, but she didn't remain silent. Liliana once again wanted to convince Riana, she said, "Rin, please believe me. I couldn't possibly…"

But Riana immediately took a step back, avoiding her sister's touch. Her eyes were wet, but this time there was a faint determination behind the tears. "You don't need to bother explaining anymore. I understand."

"Thank goodness," Liliana said softly, before turning around and starting to breastfeed Lira.

Meanwhile, Riana turned her gaze to Septian. Her voice sounded flat, cold, without emotion, but it pierced even deeper. "Mas, do you still want to be in this room and help Sis Lili? If so, I'll go out first."

Riana immediately turned around, but Septian quickly chased after her. As soon as the door closed, he grabbed his wife's arm. When Riana turned around, it was clear in her eyes that there was only hatred for him. Septian found it hard to believe. Hadn't Riana loved him so much all this time? She was willing to be a housewife, taking care of all his needs without the help of a maid, and always obeying his every word.

Roughly but full of fear of losing her, Septian pulled Riana's hand until her thin body was trapped in his embrace. "Honey, don't be angry anymore, okay? I really didn't mean it that way. This is all just a misunderstanding."

In Septian's embrace, Riana laughed dryly. In the past, she had always looked forward to this embrace. But now, the embrace no longer gave her warmth. Her body was stiff, not responding at all. Her tears fell silently, soaking Septian's shoulder.

"Let go, Mas…" she whispered softly, but firmly.

"If you're still angry, I won't let you go," Septian said, his voice trembling, trying to sound firm even though it was clearly filled with anxiety.

However, Riana's attitude of just giving up only made his chest feel tighter. With a heavy heart, Septian finally loosened his embrace, then cupped his wife's shoulders. His eyes stared deeply, as if wanting to convince Riana with the sincerity of the love that he had proven for the past five years.

"Okay… let's just say what you saw earlier made you doubt. But, Riana, I really love you. I couldn't possibly have anything with your sister. You know, we used to be close, friends for a long time." His tone of voice was soft, full of hope that his wife would believe him.

Riana remained silent. Her eyes were empty, refusing to give way to those words.

Hurriedly, Septian raised two fingers, as if making a vow. "I promise, this won't happen again. If I'm sleepy, I'll go straight back to the study and sleep there. Okay?"

'You didn't even say you'd sleep in our room. Is that really your love, Mas?' Riana thought bitterly.

Seeing Riana still silent, Septian tried to reach her again. "Riana, you remember… today is the day I proposed to you. As a reminder, let's have dinner outside. I want us to remember that again."

Riana was silent for a long time. Her heart was still sore, the wound was still gaping. But when her gaze met Septian's pleading eyes, the image of their initial togetherness slowly appeared, a time when love was so simple and sincere.

Her tears fell again. Not because of anger, but because of longing for the Septian she used to know.

"Mas…" she whispered softly. "Why do you always know how to make me waver?"

Septian immediately reached for Riana's hand, holding it tightly. "Because I never want to lose you, Honey. You are my world. Believe me, no one can replace your position in my heart."

Riana looked down. Her heart was at war between logic and love. But in the end, she nodded slightly, not because she gave up, but because she wanted to test Septian for the last time.

"Okay…" she said softly, almost inaudibly. "I'll go to that dinner, Mas."

A relieved smile immediately broke out on Septian's face. He pulled Riana back into his embrace, this time more gently, as if promising in silence to protect what was almost at the edge.

"Thank you, Honey," Septian said, then released his embrace and kissed Riana's forehead.

That morning everything seemed back to normal. Until breakfast time came, Riana had finished cooking Septian's favorite fried rice and served it on the table.

"Fried rice with your favorite sunny-side-up egg, Mas," she said softly.

Septian looked at her with a smile, then began to eat the breakfast. Riana also sat across from him, even though her heart was still plagued by a sense of unease that she found difficult to understand.

The atmosphere at the dining table was so quiet. Only the clinking of spoons and forks could be heard, until suddenly the sound of footsteps approached from the direction of the hallway.

Riana turned her head, and her heart stopped beating instantly.

Liliana appeared from behind the bedroom door with her hair still messed up, her face without makeup, but what surprised Riana the most was the clothes she was wearing, a thin black camisole that was clearly too revealing to be worn in front of her own brother-in-law.

The spoon in Riana's hand fell to the floor.

Meanwhile, Septian, instead of turning to his wife, hurriedly looked away, as if not wanting to be seen paying too much attention to Liliana.

In her heart Riana screamed, "Oh my God, Sis… what do you mean by coming out wearing clothes like that?"