Cigarette smoke curled upward, dancing with the dim lights hanging from the club’s ceiling. Soft music flowed through the room, but in my ears it sounded like a distant, detached hum. Laughter from guests and hosts blended with the sharp scent of alcohol.

Tonight was slow.

Since I arrived, not a single guest had called for me.

I fixed my makeup—my red lipstick already fading, my hair needing to stay neat. In the middle of all this glittering chaos, I sat quietly in a corner and pulled out a small notebook from the pocket of my dress. My study notes.

The semester exams were coming.

I was holding together two worlds that should never meet:

a dental student by day,

a host by night.

Light and darkness—two worlds that demanded the same thing: money.

---

Ever since I moved to Jakarta, everything had changed. Living in a boarding house meant freedom—freedom to work, to wander at night… and to drown without anyone noticing. My parents didn’t know the path I had taken. They only knew I studied. They didn’t know the cost of keeping that dream alive.

When the university acceptance letter arrived, my father could only lower his head.

“Don’t enter. We can’t afford it. Just choose a cheaper major, Santi.”

But my mother, eyes shimmering, whispered,

“Just go. Mama will find a way.”

I didn’t understand where she got the money.

Later, I learned she had borrowed it from a wealthy lender in our small town—at a suffocating interest rate.

From then on, I tried everything to survive in Jakarta.

I posted an ad in the newspaper: private lessons for young children.

When I got my first customer, I was thrilled.

But the mother bargained endlessly until the transport cost was bigger than what I earned.

I taught another child—only for the mother to introduce me to an older man she knew.

The bad feeling he gave me made me never return.

I worked at a shop, but the pay didn’t cover basic living needs.

I tried selling items online to my classmates—at first it worked, but eventually I lost money.

Unsold stock piled up.

Jakarta was cruel.

Too cruel for someone who only wanted to survive.

---

One morning, I knocked on my boarding neighbor’s door—Yarni.

My last resort whenever I was truly desperate.

Tok. Tok. Tok.

“Mbak Yarni… I need help.”

She opened the door wearing a wrinkled house dress, her hair tied up carelessly, her face dull—so different from her glamorous nightly appearance. She worked as an LC at Club Scorpion, one of the biggest clubs in the area.

“Borrowing money again? Aren’t you ashamed? You haven’t even returned the last one.”

Her voice was harsh, but I knew she still cared—at least a little.

“Mbak… please. Just this once. My allowance is late again…”

She crossed her arms.

“You know what? Instead of borrowing, come with me tonight. Work.”

“What? Work what?”

She narrowed her eyes, blowing out smoke.

“Your face is decent. It’ll sell.”

I shook my head quickly. “No, Mbak.”

“Why not? It’s more respectable than begging for money.”

“But… my parents would never approve.”

“They don’t need to know. You think my money grows on trees? I have a child back in the village to feed.”

I froze.

Her words struck harder than reality itself.

“I’ll… think about it,” I whispered weakly.

---

I tried borrowing from my classmates.

All shook their heads.

All said the same thing:

“We’re broke too, San.”

“I just get enough from my parents.”

“Work, San. Find a job.”

The same response echoed through the boarding house.

I felt cornered.

That night, staring at the ceiling of my tiny room, I wondered:

Should I give up?

Is this really the only way?

---

That evening, after class, I knocked on Yarni’s door again. Softly. Hesitant.

She opened it and almost slammed it shut seeing me—before I quickly held it.

“Mbak… I’m in. But not every day. Okay?”

Her face softened. A small smile appeared.

“Of course. I’ll talk to Mami. You’ll work only on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.”

I nodded.

“Yes, Mbak. Thank you. Um… can I borrow a million now…?”

I said it fast before she could close the door.

She sighed but handed me the money.

A few days later, I officially became a host at Club Scorpion—one of Jakarta’s most glamorous… and darkest clubs.

That night, for the first time, I stepped into a world I never imagined entering.

A world that would force me to ask:

Was this a choice… or a rebellion?

The late afternoon sun slipped through the tiny gaps of my cramped boarding room—

a room so full of stacked belongings, it felt as suffocating as my life.

Mbak Yarni sat before her small mirror, dipping her brush again and again into her worn-out makeup palette, trying her best to make me look presentable for tonight.

She was going to take me to meet her boss.

I stood awkwardly, looking at myself in the borrowed black dress—

a beautiful, elegant gown that felt far too luxurious for someone like me.

The fabric was soft, smooth, and strangely foreign against my skin.

When the makeup was done, I froze.

The girl in the mirror wasn’t me.

A beautiful stranger with a black dress and high heels stared back.

I tried walking in Yarni’s heels—stumbling like a child learning to walk.

We both burst into laughter.

---

As evening settled, we got off the public minibus and walked toward Club Scorpion.

The building towered arrogantly, as if looking down on the entire city of Jakarta.

We hurried across the parking lot filled with expensive cars—

such a sharp contrast to our bitter lives.

The moment I stepped inside, my eyes widened.

The hall was vast and dim, filled with swirling colored lights.

A podium stood at the center for performances,

surrounded by low-partitioned cubicles—each with a round table and plush sofas where guests could drink while watching the stage.

Yarni pulled me into a room we passed earlier—large, dimly lit, and undeniably luxurious.

Glass-lined walls, a big black sofa in the center,

and an elegant wooden table that looked far too expensive.

Mami Marni sat there, smoking a cigar.

She examined me from head to toe—

like someone checking an animal before buying it.

“Beautiful…” she murmured, gently tugging my hair.

Though it was a compliment, fear crept up my spine.

Not long after, an elderly man entered.

Sharp suit, perfect posture—

the kind of man whose wealth spoke before he did.

“Ehm, so this is Santi? The girl you told me about, Marni?”

He chuckled lightly.

“Good. A dental student, huh? Such a pity… hmm. Can you manage your time?”

“I’ll try, Sir. If possible… I prefer only Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.

If it clashes with school, I’d like to ask for permission.”

My voice trembled.

This was a world far beyond my imagination.

“Since you’re a dental student, I’ll allow it. I respect your effort,”

he said.

Later I learned his name was Mr. Jay.

“Have you chosen a work name?” Mami asked, smiling like a villain from an old fairy tale.

A work name?

I didn’t even know I needed one.

“This is Erika,” Mami said, wrapping her arm around Yarni.

“I almost forgot her real name.”

Yarni grinned.

“How about… Clarissa?” Mr. Jay suggested.

And just like that, my name changed.

Santi for the daylight world.

Clarissa for the night.

---

After leaving the room, Yarni brought me to the host waiting area—

a lounge where girls in glamorous dresses waited for clients.

The moment I walked in, my chest tightened.

Cigarette smoke, the sting of alcohol,

the pounding music and flashing lights—

everything felt overwhelming.

“New girl,” Yarni introduced me.

Some laughed.

Some sneered.

Some simply didn’t care.

A woman with overly flashy makeup approached.

Her presence felt sharp, her smile almost sinister.

She blew out a cloud of smoke and I immediately coughed.

She laughed loudly.

“Well, well… who’s this creature?”

“This is Clarissa. She’s a dental student,” Yarni said proudly.

Every head snapped toward me.

“A dental student? Here?”

“How is that even possible?”

The room buzzed in disbelief.

---

Soon after, Mami Marni brought me to my first client.

“Mr. Yandi, this is Clarissa. She’ll accompany you tonight.”

He smiled kindly.

An elderly man, around sixty, polite and calm.

I quietly exhaled in relief—

my first client could have been much worse.

Mami stayed beside us for safety.

“Mr. Yandi, Clarissa is a dental student,”

she said, full of pride.

“Oh? Really?”

He looked surprised, then smiled warmly.

“Wow, the hosts here are getting more impressive,” he joked,

swaying a little to the music as smoke drifted between his lips.

“Of course!” Mami giggled playfully.

Before long, two of Mr. Yandi’s friends arrived—

men around the same age, cheerful and respectful.

They didn’t drink much;

they ordered food instead, which meant extra commission for me.

And so, my first night passed.

My first night

in a world I never imagined entering—

a world that made me wonder:

Was this truly a choice…

or the beginning of my rebellion?

The morning sun slipped through the narrow gaps of my tiny boarding room, waking me from a short, tangled sleep.

Last night, I had dressed like a dark version of Cinderella—

and now I had to return to being Santi…

just an ordinary girl trying to survive dental school.

I glanced at the clock—and froze.

My alarm hadn’t gone off.

I was late.

Panic hit me instantly.

I washed my face, grabbed whatever clothes were clean, and ran out of the boarding house.

Thankfully, the campus was only a few alleys away.

Even so, I was still breathless when I reached the practical lab.

This morning’s class was tooth restoration on the phantom models.

I had prepared everything—

except one thing:

My nails were still painted bright red.

Courtesy of Mbak Yarni from last night.

And of course,

Mrs. Desi noticed.

“Santi! What is this?!”

I could only force a smile of apology.

I was immediately told to stand outside with a few other girls who made the same mistake.

Fortunately, one of my friends brought a bottle of nail polish remover.

Embarrassing, yes—

but crisis avoided.

---

During lunch, the area behind campus was as lively as always.

Students—mostly female, because our faculty was known as the “Faculty of Extra Girls”—crowded around food stalls.

I ate my favorite chicken curry porridge with friends, laughing at small jokes.

It felt warm, light, normal.

Such a sharp contrast to the world I lived in the night before.

In moments like these, I almost forgot I had a secret life.

After eating, Ani and I headed to the tiny dental supply shop behind campus to buy red modeling wax.

Cheap, but still painful for our student wallets.

I was grateful for Ani.

I often borrowed her micromotor—an expensive tool for drilling on phantom teeth.

We heard that even in the clinic later, we might still use it.

As we stepped out of the shop,

I saw him.

Cahyono.

The senior every girl looked up to.

The one who led our freshman initiation.

Tall, fair-skinned, effortlessly handsome—

he had that quiet, confident aura people noticed from afar.

Every time he walked past, heads turned.

Mine included.

He laughed with his friends near his shiny sedan.

Everything about him looked so easy, so perfect—

like he belonged to a world far above mine.

If he was a portrait of perfection,

then I was the opposite.

I was Santi:

the girl with big glasses,

simple clothes,

often teased for looking strange.

And on top of that, I carried a secret life that no one here could ever know.

---

In our Prosthodontics class, the lecturer began explaining the materials for making dentures.

Her voice sounded like a long lullaby.

My eyelids felt heavy.

My head throbbed—

a reminder that I had only slept two hours after returning at three in the morning.

Until suddenly—

“SANTI!”

I jerked awake, standing up automatically.

The entire class burst into laughter.

My face burned with embarrassment.

I sat down slowly, praying the ground would swallow me.

Two worlds—

my daylight life and my nighttime life—

were already pulling each other apart.

And I had no idea

that very soon,

a new client would enter my life…

and nothing would ever be the same again.