My name is Abel Caspian.

I was adopted by the Caspian family, one of the most respected families in the Capital. For as long as I could remember, I lived a life others could only dream of. Warm meals. Expensive schools. Parents who smiled at me with pride.

I was born holding a golden spoon.

Later, my parents discovered the truth.

I was not their biological son.

I was devastated by the fact.

I waited for their love to fade. For disappointments knowing that their precious son was not their own. I was waiting for the distance but it never came.

If anything, they loved me more.

Their real son, Casey, who had been lost years ago and only returned after graduating high school came back to where he belong. He was gentle, polite, and painfully unfamiliar. I stepped aside for him without being asked. I already knew my place.

As long as I could stay, that was enough.

But this world was never fair. Because this world was inside a novel.

A Boy’s Love novel, to be exact. One filled with obsession, misunderstandings, twisted affection, and ruined families. And in that story, I wasn’t the misunderstood second lead or the tragic lover.

I was the villain.

The protagonist was Casey. And the male lead was someone I loved.

Charlie Hunter.

He was a senior at our university. He was tall, confident, and handsome in a way that made people turn their heads without realizing it. Everyone liked him. Everyone wanted to be close to him.

And me? I was not special enough to stand beside him. So I stayed far away.

I watched him laugh with his friends over small jokes. I memorized the way he smiled when he talked about things he loved. I kept my feelings buried where no one could see them. I never planned to confess to begin with. Loving him quietly felt safer.

Until I saw him looking at Casey.

Then following Casey.

Then pursuing him openly, shamelessly, like the world belonged to him.

That was when my heart broke.

I told myself to accept it. I told myself I had no right to feel jealous. But jealousy doesn’t listen.

I began to feel small and replaceable. Like everything I had was borrowed and could be taken away at any moment. The love of my parents. My place in the family. Even the right to love someone.

That insecurity rotted inside me.

I didn’t notice when silence turned into resentment. When admiration turned into envy. And when fear turned into cruelty.

I don’t even remember the exact moment I crossed the line. I only know that I hurt the person who truly loved me.

Not Charlie. Not my parents.

It was someone who chose me even when the story said they shouldn’t.

And by the time I realized my mistakes, it was already too late.

Too late...

I died without understanding what I did wrong.

Or maybe…

I understood it too late to be forgiven.

....

When I opened my eyes again, I was seventeen.

My bedroom ceiling was the same one I used to stare at when I couldn’t sleep. The curtains my mother insisted on keeping. My phone buzzing on the desk with messages I hadn’t yet ruined.

I had returned to the beginning.

At first, I thought this was mercy. A chance to fix my mistakes. To avoid becoming the villain I once was. To let Casey and Charlie have their story without interference.

Then I remembered him. Blake Morgan.

My chest tightened the moment his name surfaced. Blake was my childhood sweetheart. My first friend. My first safe place. He was the boy who held my hand when I was scared of the dark, who shared his umbrella with me during summer rain, who promised we’d always stay together even when we grew up.

Until, I broke him.

In my previous life, Blake returned from abroad after years of study. He became the youngest CEO in his family’s business, successful and composed. I was proud of him. And ashamed...

Because when he came back, I was already obsessed with someone else.

I took Blake’s love for granted. I pushed him away when he tried to get close. I snapped at him when he worried. I treated his concern like a burden.

And when everything collapsed, when I lost everything and everyone, Blake was still there.

Until I hurt him one last time.

I never saw him again after that. That was my greatest sin. So when I returned to the past, Blake was the first person I searched for.

Except… something was wrong.

Blake had regressed too. I realized it the moment I saw him. His eyes were calm in a way they shouldn’t be. Too controlled. Too distant. When he looked at me, there was no warmth, no familiarity, no unconscious closeness.

Only polite restraint.

He still smiled. But it never reached his eyes.

“Abel,” he said, formal and careful. “It’s been a while.”

It hadn’t been. Not really. But to him, it had been a lifetime.

Blake remembered everything. And unlike me, he chose distance.

He no longer waited for me after class. He no longer texted me first. He kept conversations brief, respectful, and painfully impersonal. He treated me like someone he used to know and decided not to love anymore.

That hurt more than my death ever did.

This time, the roles were reversed. I was the one chasing. The one holding regret. The one begging silently for a second chance.

But redemption isn’t about forcing forgiveness. So I stopped reaching for what wasn’t mine to take.

I focused on changing quietly.

I stopped watching Charlie.

I stepped away from the jealousy that once consumed me.

I treated Casey with genuine kindness, not guilt or comparison.

And with Blake…

I learned to love him from a distance. I supported him without asking for closeness. I respected his boundaries even when they cut deep. I protected him from the future pain I once caused, even if that meant never standing by his side again.

But fate is cruel in stories like this.

The more I changed, the more the original plot unraveled. Charlie no longer followed Casey as obsessively. Misunderstandings didn’t happen the same way.

And Blake began to notice.

Not my words. But my actions.

He watched me choose restraint where I once chose selfishness. He saw me walk away when I wanted to stay. He noticed that I never once tried to trap him with guilt or memories.

That was when his distance wavered. Redemption doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in quiet moments.

A glance held a second too long.

A message replied to instead of ignored.

A hand almost reaching out, then stopping.

This time, I won’t ask him to forgive me.

If Blake chooses to walk away again, I’ll accept it.

Because loving him properly means respecting his choice.

And if this world is truly a novel…

Then this time, I don’t want to be the villain.

I just want to be someone worthy of the love I once destroyed.

............

Hi Dearest💕

I worked really hard on this story. I know you don’t usually like angst, but I poured all of my pent-up emotions into it. I really hope you’ll like it.

^^^Ms. Lazy🥰^^^

............

It had been two years since I regressed.

Two quiet years where nothing truly changed, and yet everything felt different.

The day Casey came home, the Caspian residence was filled with celebration. My parents were genuinely happy. Their smiles were wide, their voices warm, and the servants moved with an energy I hadn’t seen in a long time.

Still, beneath it all, there was something awkward in the air.

Casey stood in the center of it, polite and calm, like someone afraid of taking up too much space. He had grown up in a small family. A normal one. And when the truth was discovered, that he was not their biological child, everything changed for him.

They didn’t hesitate.

They contacted the Caspian family and accepted fifty thousand dollars as compensation for raising him. Not a day was wasted. The exchange was clean and efficient, like a transaction instead of a farewell.

I felt no sympathy for them. At least they weren’t my real parents.

My adopted parents once told me that I was born to a single woman. She died during childbirth. They didn’t know who my biological father was.

I never asked about him. I hated him. I hated the man who let my mother give birth alone. The man who wasn’t there when she died on the same day I was born. How irresponsible could someone be, to abandon both life and death so easily?

Casey, on the other hand, was nothing like I had expected.

He wasn’t pretentious. He didn’t act entitled or bitter. He was kind in a quiet way, gentle without trying to be. From the very beginning, he treated me as his real brother.

Legally, I was.

By blood, I wasn’t.

But Casey never made that distinction.

He was brilliant too. Always at the top of his class. So it was only natural that he entered the best university in the country. The same one as me.

Everything seemed normal after that. The household settled down. Casey adapted, my parents still the loving ones. My parents tried their best to bridge the gap between the past and the present.

Only I felt out of place.

I moved through my own life like an audience member watching a familiar play. I already knew the scenes. The conflicts of everything. The ending of the story.

I didn’t know if it was because I remembered the story of this novel, or because I had already lived this life once and failed so completely.

Maybe it was both.

My parents noticed the change in me. They asked if something was wrong. If I was sick. If university was stressing me out.

I told them I was just tired.

That wasn’t a lie. I was really tired of knowing what would happen.

Tired of remembering mistakes I hadn’t made yet. Tired of carrying guilt that no one else could see. Most of all, I was tired of wanting nothing.

I didn’t want love.

I didn’t want ambition.

I didn’t even want redemption anymore.

I just wanted to sit quietly in the background and let the story pass without touching me again.

But stories like this never allow that.

I met Blake Morgan again on a weekday afternoon.

It wasn’t dramatic like in a movie drama. There is no rain. No sudden music. Just a scheduled meeting room at the Caspian Group building, where my parents had brought me along under the excuse of “family exposure.”

I knew he would be there.

Blake’s family had been one of our longest partners. In my previous life, this meeting marked the beginning of everything I ruined.

This time, I was already bracing myself.

When he walked in, I almost didn’t recognize him.

Not because his face had changed, but because his presence had.

Blake had grown taller. Broader. His black hair was neatly styled, his suit tailored perfectly to his frame. He looked like someone who belonged in this world of contracts and negotiations.

Someone so accomplished.

But it was his eyes that made my fingers curl into my palm. They were calm, clearer, and empty of the warmth I remembered.

He looked at my parents first, greeting them politely. His voice was steady and professional. Then his gaze shifted to me.

There was no hesitation. No surprise. Only acknowledgment.

“Abel,” he said. “It’s been a while.”

Yeah, it's been two years.

To me, it had only been time.

To him, it had been a lifetime.

I forced myself to smile. “Welcome back.”

That was all I managed to deliver.

We didn’t sit next to each other. Blake chose the seat across the table, creating a distance that felt deliberate. When I spoke, he listened. When I stayed quiet, he didn’t fill the silence like he used to.

He didn’t tease me. He didn’t glance my way for reassurance. He didn’t reach out unconsciously, as if my presence grounded him.

It was like watching a stranger wearing Blake’s face.

At one point, my mother excused herself to take a call. My father followed shortly after.

The room fell silent.

In my past life, Blake would have spoken first. He would have asked how I’d been, if I was eating properly, if university was exhausting me again.

This time, he simply closed the folder in front of him and stood.

“I should head out,” he said. “There’s another meeting scheduled.”

I panicked. There’s something twisted sharply in my chest.

“I heard you just returned from abroad,” I said quickly. “Congratulations… on becoming the manager.”

Blake paused.

For the first time since he entered the room, he looked at me properly.

“Thank you,” he replied. “I’m just doing my job.”

That was when I knew. Blake remembered everything.

The way he kept his distance wasn’t confusion. It wasn’t indifference. It was a choice.

“I’m glad you’re doing well,” I said.

I meant it. I really do.

He nodded once. “I hope you are too.”

He left without another word. I stayed seated long after the door closed. My hands were trembling from something I couldn't understand.

This was worse than anger. Worse than accusation. Blake hadn’t come back to confront me or demand answers.

He had come back having already decided to stay away from me.

Later that night, I found my phone vibrating on my desk. A message from an unfamiliar number came in.

Blake Morgan:

Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not avoiding you. I just think it’s better for us to keep some distance.

...I stared at the screen until my vision blurred.

In my previous life, Blake loved me loudly. Desperately. Without reserve.

In this one, he loved me carefully. Or maybe he no longer loved me at all.

I typed a reply.

Then erased it.

Then typed again.

Abel Caspian: I understand. Take care.

The message sent.

A single sentence. With no apologies. No explanations. No requests.

Because this time, I refused to hurt him again by being selfish.

I placed the phone face down on the table.

Outside my window, the city lights glowed quietly, indifferent to my regret. And for the first time since my regression, I accepted a painful truth.

Redemption would not be granted just because I wanted it.

I would have to earn it. Slowly and silently.

Even if the ending no longer included me.