as I lay there on the floor surrounded by my blood and rose petals that I finally coughed up I thought how ironic it was you said your favorite color was red and now my hands are soaked in blood as I laid there on the floor I wondered if you can't love me why should I love myself I knew it was all going to end soon so in the last little bit of time I have loved I'm going to tell you the story on how I died I guess I should start from the beginning right I think it probably all started on my freshman year of high school now that I sort of say it out loud I think it definitely happened then I walked into my homeroom classroom and I saw a tall beautifully destructive boy and he looked up at me with his electric green eyes I've never seen eyes as captivating or beautiful as his I felt like I could stand to them for hours and just see electric dancing acrosses pupils like it does the night sky I guess I should have known then that's something a little off this year I've always been kind of short and scrawny and nerdy but this boy was everything I wasn't he was confident out there tall strong and he was smart but he wasn't nerdy so when I was paired to be decimates with him I knew something bad was going to happen I should have just changed teachers home rooms how maybe even schools but my stupid idiotic brain decided this year would be fine when he sat next to me and said hi I looked into those electric green eyes and I felt my heart skip a beat I knew it was bad later that day I was laying in my bed and thinking about the boy with the captivating eyes as I laid there I felt sharp agonizing pain ripped through my throat as I started violently coughing I sat up and suddenly I started to feel rose petals fill my mouth with the sting of the metallic taste of blood I started to freak out and suddenly remembered the tale of the disease that my mom told me when I was younger I immediately grabbed my phone and started googling this so I could make sure I wasn't you know dying in a way I guess I am though it just said I had a hanahaki disease the next day I just remembered how mercilessly I got bullied that year when I got tripped in the hallway I saw the ground coming towards my face really fast I close my eyes and embraced for the impact but a few seconds later it never came it was weird I felt weightless light I should be falling I open my eyes and looked up to see the cute boy in my biology class caught me we were so close I was freaking out the cute boy shove me back up on both of my feet and he asked me are you okay and then he looked at the boy who tripped me and said something along the lines of don't do that again or you'll regret it I don't really remember I was so caught up in my mind thinking of how cute he was when then I felt the metallic sting of blood in my mouth and rose petals and thorns climbing up my throat I ran to the bathroom and started keeping all the rose petals into the toilet it was so weird and kind of painful I went back to class right before the bell rang and sat down to see the cute boy looking at me concerned he said are you okay you just suddenly ran off as I looked down and I said in a small voice I'm okay he was always kind respectful and some days I even thought it was flirting oh how wrong I was well one day I was on my way to deliver a love letter my bullies the cornered me one on both sides they pushed me or guide me kind of hard to decide but the coursed me up onto the roof they started giggling and mocking me and saying how stupid I was you know I had to top grades in the class they mocked me they giggled they laughed it was humiliating after a while they sneered and walked away I know it's pathetic and useless of me but I just curled up in the corner on the roof and sat there I heard the Bell signaling the next class while after a while I think they got bored and left or whatever I know it's stupid and pathetic but I just sat there in the corner crying I heard the Bell signaling for the next class it's slowly rang out in my ears I didn't care anymore I just sat up there curled up and crying I know it's pathetic I've always been this way but I just sat there I cry cried looking at the ruins of my letter they destroyed they didn't even read the whole thing not like I wanted them to but maybe it could have been something beautiful if they actually read it when I felt someone tap my shoulder I jumped I was scared maybe it was one of the other boys I didn't know they're still bruises on my ribs where they kicked me last time so I hope it wasn't as I looked up tears staining my cheeks the cute boy in biology so they sat down next to me he crouched down and asked are you okay what happened I just buried my face into my arms curling up shaking violently hoping he would just go away I didn't want him to see me like this I'm humbled in a sad voice go away I don't want you to see me like this he said I don't know why it's just another part of you a sad and beautiful part of you you're super strong I understand that people can be mean and harsh suddenly I got up I mean not suddenly I've been feeling nauseous and blood in my mouth for the last couple minutes we've been talking but I ran down to the bathroom to feel ripping in my throat and rose petals and thorns ripping my throat up but whatever I knew this feeling wouldn't last much longer if I had to tell him something but I hope for a little while longer we could just be friends keeping the way we are I didn't think he liked me the same way well one day that cute boy in biology asked me to come up to the roof and talk when he said it I felt so excited I felt so happy and I thought how kitty was looking down and kind of blushing I guess for a second I thought with Glee it would be the perfect time to tell him how I felt as we walked I could almost feel the radiant energy coming off him are handsome was brushing as we walked I realized how close we were he suddenly mentioned his favorite color was red and I'm mainly thank you just said it because he wanted to break the awkward silence but anyways I laughed and said how random it was as he pushed up in the roof doors and we walked out more towards the edge I guess so he's a giant friend so we couldn't fall off anyways even if I wanted to so we could just look out we could see the wind dancing in between the trees it almost looked like the trees were dancing the wind was whipping around us almost like it was telling me to run to get out of there like I would get my heart broken as he opened his mouth and said he's always liked me as he said that I thought for once maybe I could be safe and loved and cherished but now all of my beliefs came out and started to believe me and said it was all a joke and how someone like me can never have some like him I felt so embarrassed just standing there taking the chairs and jobs at my slowly crumbling heart as I ran back home I couldn't stand there any longer I realized how stupid I am how naive I was and that I was kind of relieved he didn't reciprocate my feelings after all that I realized he could never go through the pain I went through never deal with the suffering I did he could never give me his heart the way the same way I did I gave him my heart and he gave me pain and I guess here we are now as I laid there and took my last breath I faintly heard my mom screaming my name as she walked in to see my room covered in bed rose petals and blood so much damn blood if I could go back and change my fade I would never walked into that classroom never walked into that school never woke up that morning as I laid there I thought how ironic it was you said your favorite color was red and now I barely could talk without crimson blood spilling from my mouth I wanted to go back so I would have never went through that pain of feeling my throat getting ripped up and my heart getting ripped out of my chest as I laid there and took my last breath my skin losing all of its color in my eyes going blank like I was staring into the void that never looked back at me I laid there and took my last breath I felt numb not the numb that your foot feels after it falls asleep but more like the numb of not feeling anything not paying not happiness just nothing as I finally took my last breath I said through a cough blood spilling down my cold lips if you can't love me no one should love me not even myself I'm so sorry I thought someone like you could ever love someone like me I said trying to hold back tears but then I let it all go like a damn breaking to a Marcellus River the end of the story and my pathetic life