The clock struck 1:07 am. June, a third year law student lay on her bed. Staring at the fan on the ceiling. Sleep wouldn't come, no matter what she did.

Her phone laid next to her with the unsent message: you probably don't care now, but I still like you.

She tossed and turned, sighing heavily. Eventually, she sat up, picked up her phone with trembling hands, and glared at the message. After a long pause, she deleted it.

It had been a year since they met. A year since she let someone into her heart only to be crushed completely.

They were no longer even, just-friends, they never got proper goodbye.

A year had gone by, but the past Haunted her like a recurring nightmare that never seemed to end.

Before all of this, June had been a second-year law student, driven by a dream to become a lawyer. She kept her circle small, not due to lack of confidence, but because she feared the cost of losing people. Her long blue braids were a crown she wore with quiet pride. Law demanded everything from her, but she'd learned early to balance pressure with silence, to survive without losing herself.

But now, that dream was on pause. She'd run away to hide from feelings she never got to process... feelings for someone who had broken her so badly the pieces were scattered far, and she couldn't find some of them.

The day they first met was an ordinary summer weekday, hot and bright. June was already seated in the lecture hall, notebooks open, waiting for the lecturer to arrive.

Then he came in late. Tall, emerald eyes, silky layered brown hair. He was simply dressed, neat without trying too hard. What caught her attention wasn’t his clothes, but the ease with which he moved, as if, the world belonged to him.

He smiled, a wide, careless kind of smile and looked around like someone who knew he was lost and didn’t mind it. He didn’t ask for directions. Instead, he dropped into the seat directly in front of her, no hesitation at all.

June quietly observed him as he pulled out his phone and started watching videos with volume low, posture completely relaxed, completely uninterested in the fact that class was about to start.

When the lecturer finally began, he glanced around the room in mild confusion. Then he turned, leaning back just enough to face her, and whispered.

"Hey, I think I have the wrong place. I was supposed to be at orientation."

June blinked, caught off guard for half a second. Then she shifted her notebook onto her lap and leaned forward just enough to hear him.

“Orientation’s in the main hall,” she whispered back. “This is ADR lecture."

His smile lingered, amused, curious.

“Thanks.”

She didn’t respond. She only looked away, though she could still feel his eyes on her.

Then he whispered again.

“Do you know someone called Dexter?”

June shook her head. “No.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

That should have been the end of it. But he didn’t leave. He stayed through the entire class, taking no notes, drifting in and out of focus, stealing glances at her when he thought she wouldn’t notice.

When the lecture finally ended, he turned to her again.

“I didn’t really want to go to orientation,” he said, a sheepish grin tugging at his mouth. “But if this is what studying law feels like…” He exhaled softly. “I’m scared.”

She gave a faint smile, unsure how to respond.

“Anyway,” he added, already standing, “see you around, Blue.”

And just like that, he was gone.

Even now, a year later, she remembered that moment. His bright, easy smile, his low, steady voice. He had seemed like the kind of person who would crash into someone’s life without warning and leave messy footprints everywhere.

And he did.

Dear diary,

It's 1:07 and I can't sleep.

I can't forget him,

My mind is like a broken record player stuck in a loop,

I don't know what to do,

Who to tell,

And how to stop myself.

~ June

June tossed and turned in her bed. Shifted from side to side. But no matter how much she tried, sleep wouldn't come to her.

It was that familiar feeling. Insomnia, she was back.

"Well nice to meet her again," June thought.

They had a lot to unpack together. Maybe this time, she’d help June finally let him go.

She turned to face the ceiling. The three voices in her head were louder than ever. They mocked her.

“Look at her… crying over a boy.”

The voices were cruel but right.

Yeah, she thought, see me cry over a boy.

Her phone vibrated. A notification. Her breath caught in her throat. She reached for it quickly, heart pounding.

A text.

hey, you asleep yet?

It was him.

After all those months he finally reached out.

It took her back. Back to the second time they met. She could never forget it. It was engraved in her memory.

A week had passed since orientation. June had almost forgotten about him.

She was on campus, taking a short walk, earphones in, listening to some soft classical music as she headed to the library. The air was calm, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was following her.

She clutched her books tighter, paused her music, and walked faster.

The footsteps behind her quickened.

She clutched her books tighter, paused her music, and walked faster.

The footsteps behind her quickened.

Panic surged through her. She started running.

She didn’t care who it was. She just needed to get somewhere...anywhere...with people.

Thoughts raced through her mind. Should I scream? Should I fight?

She didn’t see the stone ahead.

She tripped.

Really hard.

Her body hit the ground and pain jolted through her ankle. She growled under her breath, sitting up with difficulty. A twisted ankle.

Then someone knelt beside her and reached out a hand.

"We meet again, blue."

It was a familiar voice.

"I had been calling you...Why were you running?”

June's  heart was still racing.

She slowly raised her face up to see who he was and she couldn't recognise him.

"You are?" She asked curious. " Why were you following me?"

"Wow!" The guy exclaimed disappointed. "It's me, the orientation guy."

He smiled again. That smile. How could she have forgotten that smile?

“Oh,” she muttered. “Smiley face.”

The nickname slipped out.

He burst into laughter. “I’ve got a nickname now?”

She tried to stand, but a sharp flare of pain shot through her ankle, pinning her down.

“Twisted ankle?” he asked, concerned.

She nodded.

“Let’s get you seated somewhere.” He scanned the area, then suddenly lifted her to a nearby bench.

A second guy appeared this one out of breath. Tall and dressed similar to the first guy

Dexter.

June didn't know his name though.

“I was still talking when you ran off,” Dexter complained. “Why do you always do that?”

He spotted June, sitted trying to massage her ankle.

“Oh, it’s you,” he blurted. “The girl who doesn’t talk!”

His voice was loud and unfiltered.

“What happened here?”

“She fell,” the first guy said. “Twisted her ankle.”

“You need help getting to the clinic or something?” Dexter asked.

June barely whispered, “No… I’ll be fine. It’s nothing.”

He tilted his head, leaning in so close she could feel his breath.

“Yes?” he asked.

She shifted uncomfortably, leaning back. His closeness made her nervous.

He noticed it, so he instead squatted next to her and pulled out his phone.

“This fall’s on me,” he said with a light laugh. “I should take responsibility.”

He held out his phone. “If your leg still hurts, text me… Let’s be friends. I’ve got a feeling we’ll get along.”

And there it was again, that smile. The kind that lingered even after you looked away.

Behind him, Dexter scoffed, rolling his eyes like he’d seen this a hundred times before.

“Hey,” he interrupted. “I don’t know if you know me. We’re from the same class...I’m Dexter. This punk’s best friend.”

June’s fingers dug into her skin, her feet trembling under their watchful eyes. Every second stretched too long. She just wanted to run. Snatching the guy’s phone, she hurriedly punched in her number and shoved it back without meeting his eyes. A sharp jolt of pain ripped through her ankle, but she forced herself upright and limped away before either of them could stop her.

“Strange girl,” Dexter muttered.

The smile lingered on the first guy’s face as he watched her go. He hadn’t even heard Dexter.

“I want to get to know her,” he said quietly.

June hated herself for giving him her number. She could’ve walked away, but curiosity got the best of her. She needed to know who this guy was, why she was getting drawn to him

The same guy who shattered her so completely, she forgot what sunlight even meant.

Dear diary,

He has texted me again. I don't know what to say.

All I've been doing is staring at my phone, at his text.

~ June

June still couldn't sleep. She stared at her phone. At the message. She didn't want to reply.

Back then,  she would reply as soon as the message came in. Now  she didn't know what to say.

When they were friends, they would text till late night.

They didn't talk much, just learning about eachother, more so her.

He seemed overly interested in her and mostly asked about her than himself. He wanted to know what she liked to eat, her hobbies; if she slept well or not, had a good day or not; places she wanted to visit. Way too much about her. Not him

June had blamed herself for long,  she should have known then. He had never once told her about himself. He preferred to stay mysterious to her. She thought maybe if she knew more about him, whatever happened would have been avoided.

Blue, was what he called her.... because then her blue braids were memorable to him. He said they brought out her brown eyes. Blue so happened to be her favourite colour.

After the second encounter, she had been avoiding him for awhile. She had thought about it. Why was this guy overly interested in her. Why was he everywhere?

Her past experience with friends had taught her not to trust anyone. She believed no matter how lonely she was, nothing good came out of being around people. That way she didn't have to deal with the noise that followed.

One time she had left early for campus, she was still avoiding him, and Dexter. He was a first year student, what did he have to worry about? He still had enough time to party around while she had a lot of work to catch up on.

Towards her classroom, she spotted Dexter.

He was standing in one of the corners talking to a group of boys, he seemed to be in a good mood, he laughed really loud and hard. Their eyes met for a bit, he raised his hand to wave and she turned away immediately and hurriedly entered class. Dexter came in after her

"Hi blue!"

June was irritated. Blue, who said he could her that. There was something about him that she didn't like... He gave up a familiar aura that she couldn't trust.

She had decided, no, she wasn't going to talk to him or his friend Smiley: she didn't bother to learn his name.

Well I guess you won't talk to me either. Dexter said with his voice sad. " I just thought we could be friends too"

Friends, June thought. What good did they bring?

A few minutes later Smiley face came in,  he dashed past Dexter without saying hi to him and straight up to her

"hey, did I annoy you in any way, " he asked anxious.

She instead put her earphones in, pulled out a her books from her bag to study.

"Well am staying here till you talk to me." He said as he pulled a seat from a nearby locker and sat right Infront of her. His hands on his cheeks leaning on her locker.

Dexter thought it wasn't a good idea. And tried to talk him out of it. He still failed. He was determined. He wasn't moving until June spoke to him.

June's body tensed up. She never liked to be watched. Moreso by this strange guy. Her legs shook vigorously and she sweated excessively.

Furious, she got up, picked her books up, water bottle and stormed out of the class.

"She was clearly uncomfortable." Dexter stressed.

His friend didn't listen, he got up and followed after her keeping his distance.

June felt some one was following her. She looked back and saw him.  " The hell"

She moved even faster and this time was careful not to trip. He followed closely not trying to catch up just watching her.

This was even more terrifying, why was he following her. She clearly didn't want to talk to him. He should have understood that. She wanted her old life back.

She finally arrived at the library, he still followed her in. Didn't sit next to her. Just from a point where he could watch her.

What a strange guy he was!

He sat there, quietly watching her study until he dozed off.

She glanced up from her books. He was asleep, the window light shone on him clearly making him uncomfortable. Her eyes lingered longer than they should. Why was he still here?

She pulled out her jacket and put it over the window next to him, picked up her books and bottle and left the library.

He seemed tired. June saw it through his eyes. Maybe he could sleep comfortably and she could leave without being followed.

Dear Diary,

Anxiety's got me in its grip again

It's been months since I had decent sleep.

I deleted the text, and now I'm stuck in a loop.

My phone taunts me, and I can't help but peek,

hoping he'll reach out. Even though I believe he won't,

And my heart refuses to listen.

Tears stream down my face, a jarring contrast to the heat in my head.

~ June

June lay on her bed, exhausted, eyes heavy but sleep nowhere in sight.

She weighed the question in her mind,  would replying make her feel better, or would it tear something open she’d spent months trying to close?

She wanted to respond. To ask him why.

Why he hurt her. Why he never apologized. Why he was reaching out now, after all this time. She told herself she was almost over him. Not completely. Maybe a little.

When they were friends, they used to text late into the night. Not about but mostly about her.

Now, she didn’t know what to say to him at all.

For a long time, June had blamed herself. She should have known. He had never really talked about himself, never let her see past the surface. Mystery, she realized too late, had been his shield.

She used to think that if she’d known him better, if she’d asked the right questions, things might have ended differently.

After the second encounter, she had been avoiding him for awhile. Her past experience with friends had taught her not to trust anyone. She believed no matter how lonely she was, nothing good came out of being around people. That way she didn't have to deal with the noise that followed.

One time she had left early for campus, she was still avoiding him and everyone connected to him. He was a first year student, what did he have to worry about? He still had enough time to party around while she had a lot of work to catch up on.

Towards her classroom, she spotted Dexter.

He stood in one of the corners talking to a group of boys, he seemed to be in a good mood, he laughed really loud and hard. Their eyes met for a bit, he raised his hand to wave and she turned away immediately and hurriedly entered class. Dexter came in after her

"Hi blue!"

June was irritated. Blue, who said he could her that. There was something about him that she didn't like... He gave up a familiar aura that she couldn't trust.

She had decided, no, she wasn't going to talk to him or his friend Smiley: she didn't bother to learn his name.

"Well I guess you won't talk to me either." Dexter said with his voice sad. " I just thought we could be friends too"

Friends, June thought. What good did they bring?

A few minutes later Smiley face came in,  he dashed past Dexter without saying hi to him and straight up to her.

"hey, did I annoy you in any way, " he asked anxious.

She instead put her earphones in, pulled out a her notebooks from her bag to study.

"Well am staying here till you talk to me." He said as he pulled a seat from a nearby locker and sat right Infront of her. His hands on his cheeks leaning on her locker.

Dexter tried to talk him out of it. He still failed. He was determined. He wasn't moving until June spoke to him.

June's body tensed up. She never liked to be watched. Moreso by this strange guy. Her legs shook vigorously and she sweated excessively.

Furious, she got up, picked her books up, water bottle and stormed out of the class.

After a while, June felt some one was following her. She looked back and saw him.  " The hell"

She moved even faster and this time was careful not to trip. He followed closely not trying to catch up just watching her.

This was even more terrifying, why was he following her. She clearly didn't want to talk to him. He should have understood that. She wanted her old life back.

She finally arrived at the library, he still came in. Didn't sit next to her. Just from a point where he could see her.

What a strange guy he was!

He sat there still, his emerald eyes on her till he lost to sleep. quietly watching her study until he dozed off.  June peeped at him from the corner of her eye, his eyes were at her. And he didn't seemef not to notice her stealing peeks.

She glanced up from her books. He was asleep, the window light shone on him clearly making him uncomfortable. Her eyes lingered longer than they should. Why was he still here?

She pulled out her jacket and put it over the window next to him, picked up her books and bottle and left the library.

He seemed tired. June saw it through his eyes. Maybe he could sleep comfortably and she could leave without being followed.

June thought about it. She was right then. She should have stopped at that that day. She should have kept her distance from him completely. She should have stopped at the jacket.

She let him in because he helped her, because he stood up for her maybe a lot of times but especially that one time

That day, she was too busy running away from smiley face that she didn't see the guy she hated come her way

"You been ignoring me?"

She heard that voice, the voice that made her body quiver in fright.

It was him, Bob. The one who always asked for her number. Who gave her dirty looks in class, who bumped into her so hard that she fell and smirked like it was nothing. Who never seemed to hear when she said no.

"I said hi the other day," he continued, voice loud and sharp. "You run off  instead. That’s not very nice."

She froze in place.

She really wanted to smack him so hard, mostly on his face, and wipe that stupid pride off his face.

She wanted to say something to him. Something like "get lost, you creep!"

But like always, her mouth  couldn't make a sound.  Her feet were trembled so hard she couldn't  back away.

He took a step closer while his friends hyped him up. "You just like playing hard to get."

Her grip on the books trembled.

Maybe she could hit him and run off... what about the aftermath.... maybe she could stand up for herself once. Maybe this was the tim....

"Hey!"

Someone yelled loudly from behind. A different but familiar voice.

It was him, Smiley.

He walked up fast to her, face serious. No grin this time.

“She’s not interested,” he said, standing between them. “get lost.”

Bob scoffed, moved in closer, sizing him up. "Who the hell are you?"

"Get lost creep! She doesn't want you here."

They stared at each other intensely. Then Bob laughed out loud and sarcastic.

“Whatever. stupid first years.” he jeered as he treded off taking his friends with him.

June remembered how she felt that day, frozen in place. Her heart beat really fast. She was really terrified of him.

Then he looked at her. “Are you okay?”

Her voice was still gone. She couldn't find words to answer him.

" Look...I wasn't following you," he said, softer this time. "Its just you seemed uncomfortab--"

Junes emotions gave way and tears rolled down her cheeks fast. “Why’d you help me?”

He didn't answer. He just looked at her.

That day she was more embarrassed than angry, she  couldn't stand up for herself and this guy, she knew, she felt it, this guy who was more dangerous than Bob helped her, now she owed him.

And moreso, she cried Infront of him.

He slowly moved towards her, her sweater in his arm. He reached out his hands to pull her into his embrace.

June stepped back. He instead handed her sweater and started to speak again.

" Blue, you are scared of me too... I will stop bothering  you okay. Just say the word."

That should have been it. She should have ended it then. A lot went through her mind at that time. She  gathered her thoughts to say something to him. All she  said was...

"My name's June...not Blue."

He smiled at her again.

For some reason, his smile seemed to calm her down. The shaking stopped,her breath steadied. It felt like she could lean on him... just for a moment.

"Ryan," he said. "My name's Ryan."

Dear Diary,

I can't seem to stop crying. My eyes are swollen now, my throat is sore.

I've been holding on to this for so long. I keep crying for him, for what could have been. It's like my heart just won't let him go.

I just want to sleep. But I don't want anymore nightmares.

~June