The air was filled with the scent of jasmine and roses, and the sound of children bustling through the crowd. It was the night before my cousin's much-anticipated wedding. I wore a red lehenga, embroidered with gold, a thin, bright gold necklace wrapping my neck, and large earrings that hovered just short of my shoulders.

I stood alone amidst the crowd. Among all the people who spoke to me and all those who smiled at me, my eyes searched for a particular someone - the one I barely have a chance to see.

" Oh Dear, It's been so long since I have seen you! How are you?"An elder in a dark blue saree said.

" Fine, Auntie" I replied, my eyes still wandering as my lips returned her smile.

" What are you studying now?"

" I am studying medicine, my final year just ended!"

" Oh, my dear. Still as brilliant and studious as ever. Huh!"

My lips curled into a wide grin just enough to satisfy the complement.

Suddenly my eyes fell upon a pair of brown eyes. His eyes caught mine and held them briefly, before he turned back to greet the elders, leaving my breath uneven.

" Ishaan, Did you complete your studies? " Someone asked him. I longed to hear his voice but it never reached me - only the warmth of his face did, glowing with an 'yes'.

I don't know why but a familiar yet lost feeling wrapped around me. I paced along the direction he was standing.

I was interrupted by another one of my sister's friends, Amaya. She was three years older than me and is a good friend of Ishaan.

I took a few more steps and reached a hand distance to them.

" You are enjoying your time after college, right!" Amaya asked him

" Yeah, I am trying my best." He returned the statement with a smile

" Hello! " I said, my voice piercing through their conversation.

He looked at me with a warm smile.

No, please! Don't smile at me like that

" Oh Nia! Our little doctor how are you doing?" Amaya asked.

" Fine, How are you? "

" Never felt better."

The air fell silent

" It's rare to see you guys meeting and why are you still acting like strangers! Come one guys, talk! you studied together for 5 years and were friends since childhood"

I gave her an awkward smile.

Even though Ishaan and I studied in the same school for a whopping 5 years, our friendship didn't go beyond smiling at each other, when we see or just have a casual talk. Back in school days, we used to fight like ferrets.

*****

It was in eighth grade when I changed my school and shifted to a new one. I have heard from my parents that he will be in my same class. I didn't know that it was going to have a lasting impact on my life.

It was the first few days of school and everyone was just getting to know each other. Then one of the girls in my class came to know that we know each other.

" Anika! You know Ishaan? "

" Yeah" I said and nodded.

" So you've known each other since childhood!" She exclaimed.

" Mmm"

" Then why are you not talking to each other and acting like strangers"

" We are not acting, we are practically strangers. It's just that we happen to know each other. We don't talk much before and I don't plan to do so later either. "

A statement that I said jokingly, came true and scarred my heart, till it bleeds and refuses to heal.

*****

Creators note:

Anika is the female lead's name and Nia( pronounced as Niya) is her pet name.

Amaya was called by someone and she left us. I was happy to have him all to myself, but to break the ice was a massive job to do.

" Well, how are you?" I asked. Oh god, it's the only thing I know to ask.

" Fine, what about you? "

" Same here."

Really! Could this get any more awkward.

" Have you heard about Jasmi, she got married last september. " I tried my best.

" Yeah I couldn't make it to the marriage. I had exams. I saw the photos on instagram, though "

" Oh! You missed it, there were a lot of our classmates there. " I said as if I don't know why he didn't attend the marriage. Of course I know, I asked around a bit about his absence.

" Mmm"

" Ishiha is back, right? " I asked. She is his elder sister and one of sister's bosom friends.

" Yeah, she came 2 days ago." He answered.

Now what to talk.

I want to talk to him about a lot of things. But I can't get a word out of me.

How have you been - without me?

Did you miss me like I did?

Did you think about me all the time like I did?

Did you wish to see me?

I felt hopeless as I can neither ask him these questions nor accept the truth. He won't miss me cause if he did, a single message and I would have bombarded our chatbox with my rambling.

Well I am partly in fault too since I don't have the courage to initiate a talk either.

Our chat is restricted to a happy birthday message that we sent each other. Atleast he didn't forget my birthday like I never forgot his.

" Do you remember Neeraj?"

" The tall boy, who had glasses right?"

" Yeah, him! He recently started a business and is even planning to get married soon"

" What? Marriage? We are only 22! I can't believe it, isn't it a bit early! " I said my voice racing and shaken.

"Well he's been in a relationship since our school days. Remember her? Her parents are insisting on getting her married so.." He looked around and replied

" Oh I see" I can't believe I just lost control of my stupid mouth. It's just that when I heard about a boy getting married, I felt like he would get married soon too. I can't even think about his marriage. He would call me and I would have to see him getting married to someone else. He will grab her hand tightly and smile at her.

No Anika! Don't think about it. It will only hurt you.

" Well what are your plans for the future? " I asked trying to distract myself from my gloomy thoughts.

" Job related or marriage?" His lips curled into a sly smile and God I want it to be mine.

" Both! " Yes it's perfectly natural to enquire into such details between classmates.

" Well I just finished college, so at first I want some peace of mind and would just like to idle around. I have given some interviews and will wait for the results meanwhile." He paused and looked at me, his glare piercing my eyes.

" About marriage I haven't thought much about it. " He added.

Yeah you may have not thought about it but I have. I have dreamed billions of times about marriage - our marriage, where I will walk in a carmine red lehenga and you in a champagne coloured sherwani. We would be in so much love.

No stop daydreaming

" What about you? Ready to settle soon or waiting to complete your studies?."

" Yeah my first priority right now is to complete my internship. I don't have time for anything else now and would think about the rest after it." I lied like I haven't been married to him in my head.

Our chat went on about a lot of casual matters, our mutual friends, the gossips and so on. It was one of the longest chats I had with him and I wonder why I didn't took an initiative in the past. Well he used to be the fun type and talk to everyone in the class but would refuse to talk to me. So I was kind of upset about it and would never initiate a talk.

Just like that the marriage I had been looking forward to.. ended. It was the only hope of seeing him after nearly 3 years.

After school we seldom met. We didn't have much opportunity to. I thought since our houses are nearby and are good family friends we would meet often. But after school we both got into college in far away places and couldn't get a glance at each other. On the rare occasions, where could meet each other- either I won't be able to make it or he won't be. It was like fate was not on my side.

After school I thought I would forget him. I thought he was just like any other friend I had and I would get over him. But no I hadn't. I realised that I have been lying to myself in my first year of college.

In college I had a pretty big friend circle and it was a girls only gang. We used to play all sort of games and would fool around once in a while since we can't get the pressure of the med school to affect our lives.

*****

Once I played truth and dare with them. There were six of us including my roommates Druvika and Mahima. There was only a single rule in our games- never lie to each other. We can opt to not answer but at the risk of being treated as if you trust them. It may seem toxic, but it's just how we are including myself. Girl friendships are always twisted.

The game started and initially it was all questions like

' Your celebrity crush?'

' Favourite boy on campus?'

' When was your first kiss?'

But when it was my turn, things got a bit deeper.

" Who was your first love ? " The question seemed easy to answer.

" Sorry to disappoint, but I don't have my first love yet!" I answered confidently.

There were disapproving sounds from many of them but some believed it since I have a bit of female focussed thoughts.

" No, honestly I don't." I insisted.

They were going to move over, then one of my friends Diya said " What about Ishaan? " My lips tightened and my body froze a bit.

She knew Ishaan through some mutual friends and is from our same place. She has heard about our petty fights and ego clashes. But, I don't know what made her think that I had a crush on him.

" Ishaan, seriously! He is the last boy I would fall for. What is wrong with you?" I smiled. I didn't know I had feelings for him.

" Are you sure. Cause your pitch rises whenever you lie. Remember that time when you lied to the professor that we were late to class as there was a huge line in the mess. " Another one of my friends said leaving me completely defenseless.

" No guys, believe me! " I tried to plead.

" Okay, we trust you. " Mahima said.

That night when I put off the light to sleep Druvika asked.

" Are you sure you don't love Ishaan? "

" Why are you asking again? I told you I don't." I was done with that question. Why would I love a boy, who would rather pick a fight with me than talk to me?

" Okay, but hear me out. You told me he is tall, has brown eyes, is more on the lean side, has a warm smile, and a nice personality even though you don't talk much. " Druvi said. Mahima raised her head wondering where the conversation was going.

" Mm" I nodded, not at all ready to hear the next part.

" Look the boy you said was your type - what was his name again , Madhav right ?"

" Yeah !"

" I get it he kind of looks like Ishaan. You said you liked his looks but when he approached you, you didn't even talk to him. You just flat-out rejected him, even though you could have stayed as friends. " Mahima said, her face happy to connect all the dots. But the dots in my mind are all jumbled not clear enough to sort out.

" No, you got it wrong. I didn't like his personality and that is why I rejected him"

" You didn't even know him much, he told you to give him a chance at least as friends, but you were adamant on keeping him away. I almost thought you hated boys back then." Druvi said in a rush.

" Well I don't know why, but I didn't want to be friends with him "

" Like you already have someone in your mind " Mahima added.

" No I don't have anyone in my mind." My voice was starting to rise.

" Okay so calm down. It's okay if you don't want to tell us but don't lie to yourself." Mahima said pulling her bedsheet over her head.

" I will tell you a simple trick if you want to know if you like him or not. I don't know if it works but let's try. " Dhruvi said.

" Okay. " I can't deny them ever cause they are literally my mental support in college. They were the ones who got me out of my homesickness. Moreover, I also wanted to know what this lingering feeling between us was!