they say "life is a gift"

But

Isn't the gift supposed to make you feel something?

They say pain teaches you lessons. But what if you can’t even feel it anymore?

Everyone tells you something that it will

but what if it will never? How can they tell you what to do?

....

I found myself in standing in the middle of nowhere, not just nowhere but filled with darkness that I cannot see anything but darkness but this?

there's no difference from where I live.

"hotoke.."

Her voice was like a feather brushing against my ear, soft enough to almost disappear if I blinked. I turned around not because I'm afraid who is it. But because i know who is it.

"mom?.." I called , my voice breaking in the silence. My words barely travel, like leaves drifting on wind. “Mom… are you… are you really here?”

I see them. Three figures, just ahead, bathed in soft light. My heart lurches. I know them. My dad, my mom, and Tokeho. A spark of something I haven’t felt in years flares inside me. They’re here… they’re really here.

I run toward them, arms outstretched, my chest pounding with a joy I didn’t know I still had. But no matter how fast I run, no matter how many steps I take, they don’t get any closer. It’s like the space between us is endless, stretching farther with every movement.

Why can't i come closer?

why can't i ran towards them?

I start running faster, desperation burning through me, minutes stretching into eternity, but the distance doesn’t shrink. My legs ache, my lungs burn, but I can’t stop. I have to reach them.

“Please… take me with you…” I cry, my voice breaking as tears blur my vision. They just smile at me. So gentle and real and I feel my hope twist inside me. I take another step. And then I notice it… I’m finally moving closer. My feet hit the ground faster now, a rush of relief, my heart soaring. I’m going to reach them… I’m going to hold them…

I run as fast as I can. I’m almost there. My hands are trembling, ready to wrap around them, to finally feel them, to finally belong again.

but then they start to vanish

Just like that. No warning, no sound, no trace. They disappear before I can even touch them.

I fall to my knees, sobbing, shaking, begging. “No… don’t go… please… please… don’t leave me again…”

The darkness swallows me, and suddenly everything is still.

I open my eyes.

I wake to the sound of my alarm, the same harsh beep I’ve been ignoring for years. The ceiling greets me, plain and cold. The corners of my room are swallowed in shadow. The walls are silent. The air tastes like nothing, and the silence… the silence is loud, pressing into my ears like it’s trying to remind me I’m alone. No laughter. No warmth. No voices calling my name. Just me. Just this room.

Eventually, I sit up. The sheets feel heavy and cold, tangled around my legs. My body moves on its own. mechanical and automatic. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and plant my feet on the floor, but it doesn’t feel like standing. It’s just… existing.

I dress for school without looking in the mirror. Shirt, pants, shoes. Every motion practiced, every movement without thought. I tie my shoelaces the same way I always do. My hands know what to do that my mind barely notices. I grab my bag, slinging it over my shoulder. My breakfast waits on the counter, but I don’t touch it. Food tastes like nothing anyway. I head out my door and start my boring life.

That how I live my dear readers.

The school gates are crowded, but it doesn’t touch me. I move through the throng of students like a shadow, steps automatic, gaze fixed ahead. Laughter, chatter, the slam of lockers—all of it drifts past me, meaningless.

“Yo! Hotoke!”

I glance to the side. Daiki is bouncing slightly on his heels, grinning like the world is his playground. He’s holding a half-eaten sandwich in one hand, the other waving wildly.

“Morning, sleep-deprived ghost,” he says, laughing. “Did you fight a bear in your dreams or just forget how to human this morning?” I don’t respond. I just nod slightly. Words feel heavy. Reaching out to match his energy would be pointless.

Daiki huffs exaggeratedly, poking my shoulder. “Seriously, man, you’ve got to wake up. The world called, it wants its living people back!”

I shrug again, eyes fixed ahead. My indifference

doesn’t faze him.

“Fine, fine,” he says, tossing the rest of his sandwich into his bag like it’s a weapon. “I’ll let you be mysterious and broody today. But don’t get too comfortable being a statue. Statues get dusted off, you know?” He laughs and bounds ahead, leaving me in his fading wake. His joy lingers behind him like a faint vibration I can notice but don’t feel.

Daiki.

He’s impossible to ignore. He's bright. Too loud. Too much in a world that’s mostly gray. Always grinning like he knows a secret nobody else does, bouncing on his heels, moving like he’s in constant motion even when standing still. He laughs too much, talks too fast, teases everyone around him, even mee. But it doesn’t bother him if you don’t respond. I don’t get him. Or maybe I used to, once. Now, I just notice him. His energy fills the space like smoke, curling into corners I thought were empty. His presence is annoying and somehow warm. He’s smart, I think. Quick. Observant. But he hides it behind jokes, pranks, and that endless grin. And maybe that’s why he’s still here. Still moving. Still… alive in a way I can’t touch anymore.

The classroom is buzzing with chatter, the hum of students settling in for the day. I slide into my seat near the back, backpack heavy on my shoulders, gaze fixed on the desk in front of me. The world moves, but I don’t.

“Hey! Hey, Hotoke!”

I glance up. Daiki is leaning across the aisle, grinning, eyes sparkling with mischief. He taps my desk loudly, nudges my arm.

"guess what! I know you'll be proud of me!" His grin was smug, full of confidence bordering on arrogance. "look, your friend just got accepted by the girl he likes!" He exclaimed proudly, eyes sparkling.

"uh. Congrats" I replied

"oh, c'mon man! You don't even seem happy for me! Aren't you happy?" he complaint "look, I know you really have that deadly life of yours but today is special day, man! My crush accepted me!" he added

I really don't understand that kind of energy he have...like it was something I could never have but I just nodded and pay my attention to what I'm reading.

"hotoke!" he calls again, still not giving up.

I glance up. Daiki is grinning again “You,” he says, pointing at me with both hands like he’s casting a spell, “are coming to my basketball game tomorrow. No excuses.”

I don’t respond. My gaze stays fixed on the page.

Daiki huffs, leaning closer, eyes sparkling.

“Come on! You can sit there, stare at the court like a statue, whatever. But you’re coming. You’ve got to see me make everyone eat dust.”

I shrug. Words feel pointless.

“That’s not a maybe,” he says, grinning wider, voice rising with playful triumph. “I’m counting on you being there. Front row. Cheering… or at least pretending to care.”

I keep my eyes on the desk. His grin doesn’t falter.

“Fine, fine,” he says, stepping back, dramatically tossing his backpack over one shoulder. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

I didn't shakes my head nor nodded, I just let him be. Cause I know I somehow would follow him without any words.

And the class continues silently

maybe to me.