My life Is roller coaster, there's many things I wanna do but at the same time I don't wanna do it, today I cried cause of 5 reasons....

I want A cat

I want to stay with Niva

Family

4.Future

5.Idk it yet but there was surely 5th reason

so yeah, it's 1st February Afternoon right now and I cried in morning while watching reels, Later I called my mom when she was having her Lunch She picked up and said Hi I guess yea I don't quite remember her first words, LoL idc well So I told her I was crying in the morning cause of this five reasons while Crying about it RIP ME DID YOU GET IT ? I WAS CRYING IN FRONT OF MY MOM CAUSE I WAS TELLING HER WHY I WAS CRYING IN THE MORNING AND GUESS !! HER REPLY "let me eat if you want to cry I'm hanging up, anything else u want to say ? and yes don't cry it'll be fine" I Again asked her permission to do suicide and ofc as always she said no and cut the call.

now the thing is Me and my Friend Niva we were doing deep talks since morning, We didn't had proper Lunch cause we live in pg and it's shit, she is currently Showering and I have to Pick up clothes from sun :) idk yes, I've to fold them and get ready before she come from shower, BUT BUT BUT !! INSTEAD OF THAT RIGHT NOW I'M WRITING THIS GOD DAMMIT NOVEL I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT YES !! well so WHY I've to get READY ?? so the thing is we are going on ride as always, we'll stay outside till evening we'll eat outside also.. today's plan over

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 90 1 2 3 4 5 7 8 9 d h r u e y e y e te g e ye y e y e y e r t u u uj u. ii I I u. u u up. U u u u u up u u. u u up u. uu. u. ii. ii. I ii. I ii. I I I I I I I I u u isd d d s. S sd d d d d d d d do d d d d e d d d d d d d d d. D d d e. w 3 34 4 4 r r r e e e e e r r r r r e r r r r r r rr r r r r r r r rr r r t t t r e ee r r r r rr r r r t t t tt t t t t t rr SHE IS FUCKING DONE WITH HER SHOWER I CAN HEAR IT RIP I'M GONE I'M SUCH A LAZY POTATO SHE GONNA KILL ME I DIDN'T DONE ANYTHING RIP IT BYEEE!!!!

Another Day, Monday.

So yesterday Niva Had break up with her boyfriend in the evening and then we went in Burger King for the dinner, ordered two meals

Niva was crying and telling her boyfriend to forget about it and not call her anymore, While I was sitting quietly and getting happy Cause now she's only Mine.

Then we started eating and Of course as always she didn't complete her food I ate it later, Then went home and I slept early at night

woke up at 5

2 Feb 2026

ate Dhokla in breakfast, came to college and first lecture was History and right now it's TRD…

currently having Break, my bank account is freezed so can't use online payment, cash I've only 500 rupees Smth ...

this is what m gonna make sheet of for TRD lecture

this is the Modal have to make Front Elevation, Back, Elevation, Right and left Elevation, And Plan of the modal

I made every easy one but THAT FUCKING SIR MADE IT COMPLICATED OH FUCK !!

so after Reaching home We'll Get freshened up then I'll use phone, then Sleep, then for tomorrow I've to make 5 Modals for the Jury YUP !! HELL YESSS !! SHIITTT SO TOMORROW'S GONNA BE TIRING DAY, then I'll use phone, then Dinner with Niva, then I'll use phone till late night

THAT'S IT FOR TODAY

so let me give u unnecessary knowledge about me...

1.Fav food \= I basically can eat everything, I eat whatever is healthy, I ain't that peaky about it, But I'm vegetarian so I eat veg , but I also think about eating Sea food one day

2.Fav color \= it's Blue

3.Fav place to go on a Date: Tracking, bitch, jungle, zoo, museum, tower climbing, rive front, gaming park, Tattoo studio, street food, long drive, horse riding, skiing, swimming, sky gazing, all types of Activities ex: paragliding, skydiving.. etc. Abandoned places.. Etc

I like Cloths which I like lol you'll need Ram in brain to understand this

5.i also like all types of hard drinks

6.i like sleeping

7.online surfing

8.eating food

9.doing nothing

10.singing

11.. Many more ig that's it for now

picks from yesterday..

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 q w e r t y u i o pa s d f g h j kk a d f g hd f g hd f g hd f gh df g h d f gh hd do e. j j. j j j j h u 8. I. u 1 2 3 5 t y u u u u i I t r t g e r r e 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 67 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5

6 7b8 9 9 0

well currently my life is shit, I don't feel like doing anything, or thinking about anyone.

I just want to go somewhere where there's no human i just wanna disappear badly from this Social circle.

ppl talk shit about me, about my body, my personality, my voice, how I look, how I behave, Fucking everything, Ik I'm different from them but what to do i didn't chose to born here my consent wasn't taken I'm just here. and I Fucking hate that fact.

They judge so hard now I feel so scared even from anyone looking at me it's so scary, their eyes wandering on top to bottom.. That disgusting face they make It's so horrible for me to go through this everyday..

I just want to die so badly, my desire for death is more strong than my will of living, of course I have my own Fucking Dreams I also wanna live my life at my fullest but it's not happening it's just so messed up. everything sucks, I started avoiding all possible humans, I don't wanna talk to anyone They Deserve better, I'm becoming so much aggressive annoying and irritating, I can't control my emotions anymore I'm not able to handle it anymore I just can't do this i wanna Leave everyone behind and hide somewhere.

I don't know what's happening in my life anymore, I don't wanna do anything, I don't feel like surviving anymore, I just wanna die.

in my life i lost my own feelings or emotions whatever u call it like Your own opinion, I don't have my personal options anymore or favouritism, I can't do anything or take decisions by my own self, I've to ask my surrounding ppl about this or that, I lost my ability to take decisions, I'm not peaky Even if I want to be it's not happening, I had so much expectations from myself when I was younger I had goals i had dreams, now I'm feeling ashamed on my younger self whenever I look back i feel pity on that little kid and I'm disgusted from my current self, I feel Bad for my parents they deserved Better, This world Deserves someone better then me, idk why i born in shouldn't be here

I'm so much guilty that I ask permission from my mom that let me die please, idk why she always denies, idk how am I even beneficial to her idk why she wants me to live in this world I don't wanna please Say Yes only one yes and I can go without any guilt.

I'm having suicidal thoughts, I'm becoming every violent, I don't feel empathy looking at dead body, ppl calls me Psycho, they are disgusted by me.

Whenever I remember my childhood self I feel like crying out loud Ppl used to Bully me a lot, idk what I did to them, I was just simply existing and they used to hate me, they still hate me, idk what the fuck is wrong with me and if I'm that much abnormal why they don't admit me in mental hospital at least I won't feel weird there, fuck everyone Fuck myself

I'm never invited anywhere, no one ever wanted me, Whenever I remember my life till now I get to know that No one ever wanted to be my friend It was always me who wanted to be someone's friend, I got dumped by all, they used me my whole life, ppl still use me but I let it go thinking at least uk what lol nvm

no one just ever looked at me and thought of being my friend, No one ever came to me, I always felt that maybe I'm not friendship person maybe I just don't deserve this kind of bonds maybe I born to be like this, it's not that I want to be alone or I like silence, it's just I can't Have friends, I can't Have voices around me in my life I'm not capable of it since I born, I never wanted to be alone, It was never my liking, from the beginning I always wanted friends, I also want to feel being important person i also Want someone who can Care for me genuinely

I cared for many ppl in my life At the end they just bumped me I supported them physically mentally Financially Without expecting anything in return just be with me, but they all vanished suddenly they ghosted me they just dumped me, this all started effecting my brain by time I got many traumas, Ppl don't born with weird Brain, I became like this Abnormal which I never chose to become, I just want one happy Normal life, others pray for Happy Life i pray for normal life cause World told me I'm not normal I'm Abnormal, I shouldn't be like this

And those who act about being kind to me are just Fake ik they pity me and They are also disgusted by me at some point they just don't say it out loud, but they did showed Some hints by saying some things at certain points they slip their tongues and show me my place

Ppl always do that they always make me remember my place they be like you shouldn't forget your flaws.

there's no good thing in my life or in my body

Ugly eyes, ugly hands, ugly color, ugly hair, ugly legs, ugly voice, ugly nose, ugly ears, Ugly brain, Fingers Every Fucking thing is ugly

I used to love myself a lot and I still do but it doesn't change the facts that how I am actually lmao How long a person can be in delulu? Fact is Fact, No one ever looked at me with loving eyes no one ever admired me Guess what it's not that I never want Love in my life Lol it's just no one will ever love me

This all shits ever Less I even got to know that I'm Bisexual Fuck Not a thing can be okay in my in life it's just so shit

I'm disappointing ppl in every prospective, Bruh ppl can even like insects Animals Birds but not me, they can't even Talk or do anything guess What? ppl still like them, but not me, I try my very best to entertain Ppl, even as a joker if I make them adore me I'm okay with that I can Step so low if someone is ready to accept me, I'll do everything but no one Fucking wants me My Value is so much low Then those spiece Rip

I'm Value Less, Hope Less... I wanna end everything so badly hope someone kidnap me and Take out my organs and sell them at least like that I'll be some good use for someone who's in need.

Aaj k liye etna kaafi hai Shayad lol