It was a rainy evening, cold winds howling through the city, swirling fallen leaves in their wake. Le Yao and I stood at the gate of the Municipal Maternal and Child Health Hospital, umbrellas in hand. Amid the surging crowd, she stared at me, her face pale and ashen.

"Zhaoyang, I'm pregnant."

I froze for a split second, then stared back, eyes wide. "Then go find the man who got you pregnant! Why did you call me out here for this?"

"You're the only man I've been with this whole year. If not you, then who?"

"Do you believe me when I say you're the only woman I've slept with this year?"

"Zhaoyang, are you even a man?"

"We were just fooling around. Don't pin this mess on me just because you got into trouble. If you want me to take responsibility, show me some proof. Don't come at me with empty words—who the hell wants to be a dad out of the blue for no reason?"

Le Yao fell silent for a moment, then said, "I already had the abortion. There's no proof left."

I flared up. "Do you really think I'm some easy mark? You get rid of the baby, then..." I raised my hand, then let it drop in utter exasperation. "Then you turn around and tell me it was mine? Are you pretending to be naive, or am I actually stupid? ...Le Yao, we're both adults. Can't we act like it?"

Le Yao bit her lip and stared at me. After a long pause, she said, "So you refuse to take responsibility, huh? Tomorrow I'll go to your company..."

"Damn it... Is that really necessary?!" I snapped, furious.

Le Yao bit her lip hard and stared at me, yet I thought she was a terrific actress. We'd met at a bar, and what followed was a one-night stand. A woman who frequented bars, claiming I was the only man she'd been with all year—if I believed that, I'd be a complete fool.

I had no desire to keep this going. I pulled out my wallet, took out all the hundred-yuan bills inside, and held them out to her. "This is all you want, isn't it? Take the money and leave me alone for good!"

Le Yao said nothing, and made no further attempt to argue. She nodded, turned around, and walked back into the hospital with her umbrella, as if she still had some medical bills to settle...

Watching her lonely figure vanish into the rain, an indescribable feeling welled up in me. Even though I didn't believe the baby had been mine, even though she annoyed me to no end, I couldn't shake the sense that she'd been having a hard time lately. Otherwise, she never would have resorted to blackmailing me like this.

After a long silence, I finally called out to her. "Wait..."

Le Yao turned back to look at me.

I pulled a bank card from my wallet and held it out. "You can overdraw on this. You just had an operation—go buy something nice to nourish your body."

But Le Yao didn't take it. "...I don't need it. Seeing that you're willing to take responsibility was all I wanted. I came to you because I refuse to be just some random fling, to get pregnant and lose it all without a single word of accountability."

...

At the bar, I drank my sorrows away as I waited for Fang Yuan—the only friend I could truly open up to in this city, who was also my colleague.

From the very first day I'd stepped foot in this place, I'd seen countless lonely women and empty men, nursing all kinds of drinks. Some sat in silence, while others scanned the room with hungry eyes, searching for something they called "drowning their sorrows in wine and oblivion".

The truth was, the moment we shed our daytime selves and let our souls get lost in this neon-lit chaos, we were already living in that oblivion.

I couldn't remember exactly which night it was that I'd started calling this bar my home. I loved the women here, swaying their hips to the music; I loved the flickering stage lights, the rainbow of colorful cocktails, the heady mix of perfume and cigarette smoke. I loved this place of drunken escape—and in that escape, I buried my messy past, carving it into a tombstone for all to see, yet no one to mourn.

I lit a cigarette, peeled the plastic wrap off the pack, and held it over my eyes. Staring at the flickering lights through the crinkled film, my body swayed unsteadily, and in the refracted glow, I seemed to see the decadence of a muddling-through life—so transfixed that I lost myself in the sight.

...

Fang Yuan snatched the plastic wrap from my hand, and the world snapped back into sharp focus in an instant.

"What's the rush to call me over?" He set his briefcase down, pulled a cigarette from my pack, and lit it for himself.

"Lend me some money. I got blackmailed, damn it!"

"Knocked another girl up?" Fang Yuan said, unfazed as if this were an old story.

"Fuck off with that 'another'! This time I really got scammed..."

"Who's the one pulling this on you now?"

"Why the hell do you ask so many damn questions?"

"I lend you thousands every single time. The least you can do is tell me who's robbing me blind with my money!"

"Le Yao." I lit another cigarette, my anger still boiling over.

"That freelance model?"

"Who else? Her circle's a total mess. She said I'm the only guy she's slept with all year—do you believe that? Fang Yuan, if this happened to you, would you buy it?" I banged my fingers on the table in agitation, the wood cracking with sharp, rapid thuds.

"This kind of shit would never happen to me. Besides, she wouldn't stoop to conning you out of a few grand, would she? She shot all the promotional posters for our department store last month—she made over ten grand just for that..."

I cut him off with a snort of contempt. "Have you seen her spending habits? Ten grand wouldn't last her a single month. She messed up with some guy, has no money to clean up the mess, and now she's crawling back to me, her easy lay... I'm such an idiot. I should've never been nice enough to hook her up with our company. She's made a fortune off me, and now she stabs me in the back. Does she have any professional morals left at all?!"

Fang Yuan ignored my rage, leaning in and lowering his voice. "Did you use protection?"

I wracked my brain, memories fuzzy with the haze of too much alcohol that night. I couldn't recall a thing. After a long pause, I mumbled, "Obviously not... otherwise I wouldn't be getting scammed like this!"

Fang Yuan shot me a suspicious glance, sighing heavily after a moment. "Zhaoyang, we've been friends for nearly ten years. I really want to talk some sense into you sometimes. I know Jian Wei breaking up with you hit you hard, but it's been two years. You don't have to keep punishing yourself like this... Youth doesn't wait for anyone. Just find a nice girl and settle down, okay?"

The name Jian Wei jolted me. I froze for a split second before snapping, "Mind your own damn business. I'm doing just fine!"

"Fine with nothing but trouble, is more like it!"

...

Fang Yuan went on trying to reason with me for ages, and I gritted my teeth through it, half-listening. In the end, he spat out, "You're just a lump of mud that can't be propped up!" and stormed off in a huff—forgetting all about me asking to borrow money.

Luckily, I'd been hanging around this bar for two years, often bringing friends here to drink, so I was on good terms with the owner. I put the tab on my account for now.

Stepping out of the bar, I opened my umbrella and walked down the rain-soaked street, a sharp, bitter sense of being utterly alone washing over me. I'd struggled in this city for two years, and all I had to show for it was endless emptiness and loneliness. To escape this poison of despair, I'd had to put on a mask to hide my shame, one that let me wallow in recklessness without a shred of guilt.

But no matter how hard I clung to the edge of this pain, she would never come back.

...

Lost in my daze, I walked for several stops before reaching my neighborhood—an old, run-down place with no property management at all. The first day I moved in, the elderly ladies in the complex told me it had been built in the early 1990s. Time had gnawed away at every building, leaving them gaunt and weathered, yet they stood packed tightly together, as if afraid to be alone. It made me think they had a life of their own, that in the dead of night, they whispered to each other, easing decades of loneliness.

With a cigarette dangling from my lips, I pulled my keys out of my pocket and headed for my building—the only one in the complex covered in ivy. Every summer, its south wall blazed with green. If these buildings had genders, this one was undoubtedly a woman. A cold, unfeeling woman.

One that always made you feel sorry for her.

...

What caught me off guard was the red Audi Q7 parked at the foot of the shabby building. In the two years I'd lived here, I'd never seen a car worth more than 500,000 yuan in this neighborhood—not once.

I didn't give it a second thought, whistling as I trundled up the stairwell to my place. But when I reached the top floor, I froze—my door was ajar. I'd definitely locked it when I left. My first thought was a burglar, but after a quick steadying breath, I remembered I hadn't paid Old Li, the landlord, my rent in two months. It was almost certainly him come to hound me for it.

I pushed the door open. Old Li was sitting on the sofa with a strange woman, and on the coffee table lay a set of Audi Q7 keys—no doubt the red car downstairs was hers.

A thought immediately flashed through my mind: what trick had this petty, shrewd old landlord pulled to bring a woman as elegant and untouchable as a white lily into this shabby little room? I was utterly baffled.

I took another long look at her. She sat with perfect posture, wavy chestnut hair cascading over her shoulders—fair-skinned, slender, with a faint upturn at the corners of her lips that exuded sharp, unshakable confidence. All in all, she was drop-dead gorgeous. From the second our eyes met, it was like a spell: suddenly, it felt like there wasn't a single thing in the world that couldn't be forgiven.

Old Li waved me over urgently. "Zhaoyang! Get over here—I need to talk to you."

"It's about the rent, isn't it?" I forced a grin, already cringing inside. I'd owed him for months. "I'll pay you everything next month when I get my paycheck, okay?"

"It's about the house… uh… this young lady just bought it."

"You sold this place?!" I exploded, rounding on the woman. "What idiot would fork over money for this rickety heap that'd crumble if a breeze blew too hard?!" Staring down homelessness, her elegance and beauty meant nothing—rage had taken over.

Old Li's face turned red, glancing nervously at the woman's furrowed brows before finally speaking up. "You gotta move out tonight. And I won't even hound you for the back rent—we'll call it even."

"Old Li, how'd you get so spineless in your old age?!" I snapped. "If you were gonna sell, you could've warned me! Where the hell am I supposed to find a new place in this pouring rain?!"

"Just book a hotel for a night or two," he said, his tone completely dismissing my panic.

"You don't own this place anymore—save your breath," I shot back, then swiveled to the stranger. "Look, it's your house now, but can I keep renting it? Please?"

She shook her head, calm as still water. "I bought it to live in. No plans to rent."

I lost it. "Miss, are you crazy?! You drive a million-yuan luxury car and you're moving into this dump?! You're doing this just to mess with me, aren't you?!"

She didn't bat an eye at my outburst, her voice cool and unwavering. "You have one hour to pack your things and leave…"

"I'm not moving!" I cut her off, slamming myself down on the sofa right beside her. She jolted, shifting away so fast she almost fell off the edge.

I lit a cigarette, the flame flickering against the dim, worn walls of the apartment. A heavy sadness settled in my chest. I'd lived here since moving to Suzhou two years ago—this shabby little space had been my safe haven through the darkest, hardest days of my life.

I'd cried to the living room clock, poured my heart out to the tattered floor lamp in the bedroom all through sleepless nights—every single thing in this place was like a dear friend who'd stood by me through thick and thin! Leaving here meant losing the only anchor keeping me going.

The smoke curling from my cigarette made the woman frown in disgust. She stood up abruptly and moved to the opposite side of the room.

I couldn't help but feel like the unluckiest guy alive. It was like all the good and bad luck had conspired to hit me on the same day, just to ruin my mood.

After a tense silence, Old Li cleared his throat. "I've got stuff to take care of at home… You two can work out the house stuff slowly." Before we could respond, he bolted for the door—like he was dropping a red-hot potato—grabbling his bag and scurrying out as if his feet were greased.

The room fell quiet, leaving just me and the woman.

…

Outside the window, the wind howled and the cold rain lashed down harder, turning the night into a raging mess. The terrible weather only made me more stubborn—I decided to sit tight and outwait her. After all, being poor meant I had nothing but time to spare.

I broke the silence. "Miss, may I ask your name?"

She stared at me, her face completely devoid of warmth. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it does!" I shot back. "I deserve to know which celestial being decided to leave me homeless on this freezing rainy night!"

She ignored the sarcasm dripping from my words, her voice still icy. "You have 40 minutes left. If you're not gone by then, I'll call the police."

I was about to blow up when my phone rang. I glared at the woman, then fished the phone out of my pocket. The caller ID read Le Yao—just what I needed, another woman who knew how to get on my nerves.

I answered the call with a scowl. "What now? Didn't I already give you money?"

Le Yao fell silent for a beat before speaking. "Zhaoyang, tomorrow's the weekend… Can you go with me to the hospital for a follow-up checkup…?"

"Is that kid even mine? Can't you ask a friend to go with you? Do you think I've got nothing better to do?" I fired off the words like a machine gun, trying to cow her into dropping this absurd request with sheer momentum.

"In this city, you're my only friend."

"Le Yao, you've got it wrong. We're hookups—not friends… Do you even know what a hookup is?"

She ignored my jab, her voice dropping to a whisper. "I'm really scared to go alone!… If you don't come, I'll just let things take their course! I won't go to the checkup at all!"

I gritted my teeth and forced patience into my tone. "You went alone just yesterday, didn't you? Tomorrow should be a piece of cake."

"That's exactly why I'm scared! Going alone yesterday was terrifying!"

Her stubbornness pushed me to the edge. I cursed under my breath—old habits die hard.

"I should've just had the baby! I'd raise it all by myself and tell it: your dad's a monster!"

The line went dead with a sharp "beep-beep."

…

"Dammit!" I lit another cigarette, slapping myself hard on the forehead. For two years, I'd never met a more high-maintenance hookup than Le Yao. Even though she sounded so sure of herself, I was just as certain: that kid wasn't mine! And her claim that I was her only friend in the city? Total nonsense. Just last week, I'd seen her post a photo on Weibo, partying like crazy with a bunch of people at a bar.

"Scum."

I looked up, and my eyes locked with the woman's. She was staring at me with an expression of pure disgust. With only the two of us in the room, there was no doubt who'd spoken.

"You were listening to my call?" I asked flatly, not the least bit bothered by her insult. After all, I couldn't even be sure I wasn't scum.

"You have 30 minutes left." Her voice was colder than ice, sharper than before.

What a godforsaken cold, rainy night. I'd given all my cash to Le Yao earlier, and now I had nothing to my name—where the hell could I even move? The world was big, yet there was no place left for me, Zhao Yang.

After a long silence, I turned to the woman. "Miss, look at this storm outside. It's already late, and there's no way I can move out tonight!"

She glanced out the window, finally relenting a little. "When then?"

"Tomorrow."

"What time?"

"Before one in the afternoon," I said, softening my tone—because I was about to ask her for a favor.

She nodded. "Leave now. And make sure you're gone with all your things tomorrow, prompt on time."

I stayed put, then leaned toward her after a moment, putting on a hesitant act. "Miss… could you lend me some money?"

She looked surprised, but her answer was firm. "I have no obligation to lend you money."

"Not gonna lend it, huh? Then don't expect me to leave tonight. I've got no cash—you want me to sleep under a bridge?!" I slouched back onto the sofa, then added, "And don't even think about calling the police. This whole thing was you and Old Li's fault for being so underhanded. Be honest—didn't you two owe me a heads-up? At the very least, I deserved time to prepare."

She stared at me like I was a plague, confirming she was desperate to get rid of me—yet her next words took me by surprise. "I don't have any cash on me."

My eyes widened. Three little words, spoken like it was the most natural thing in the world—so typical of the wealthy. Rich people these days never carried cash anyway. For their fancy ten-thousand-yuan splurges, a wallet full of cash was utterly useless.

"Miss, it's fate! I hate carrying cash in my wallet too!" I said shamelessly, telling the truth—I never kept much cash on me anyway.

She ignored me.

I pressed on. "How about this? Lend me your card, I'll only withdraw a thousand yuan. I'll pay you back tomorrow when I move. Or there's an ATM 200 meters downstairs—you can come with me if you don't trust me..."

She cut me off by pulling a bank card out of her wallet. "PIN is six zeros. Get everything sorted by one PM tomorrow."

I took the card she handed over. "No problem!"

Her trust in me didn't surprise me one bit. Old Li knew every detail about me—my phone number, workplace, all my contacts. Or maybe there wasn't much money in this card at all.

...

She sat quietly on the sofa, and I studied her again. Honestly, in my twenty-something years of life, I'd never seen a woman this beautiful. She had an aura no other woman possessed. A shame, though—we just didn't click.

As I was leaving, I spoke, half teasing, half serious. "Miss, wanna consider living with me? I can cook, and I give great massages. After a long day at work, I can treat you to a full service when you get home—guaranteed to make you feel amazing..."

"Get out!" Finally, she snapped. A throw pillow flew at me, guided with pinpoint accuracy.

But you have to learn to face reality, don't you? The moment Old Li sold this house, my leaving was already inevitable.

I found the nearby ATM, withdrew a thousand yuan as promised, and checked the cardholder's details on a whim—that's how I learned the absurdly beautiful woman's name was Mi Cai.

I loved her name. Mi stood for food and warmth, Cai for color and splendor. A life with both was surely a life of happiness, yet I had neither. My world now was nothing but hunger and black and white. So Mi Cai's appearance felt like a bitter mockery—of my emptiness, of my dead end.

...

There was a motel on the corner of the long street, where I checked in. Tossed all night by the howling wind and lashing rain, I finally drifted into a dazed sleep at dawn, waking up nearly noon.

I checked my phone and saw a dozen missed calls—all from Le Yao. She was truly relentless. When I didn't answer, she sent a text: I should've just had the baby, then punished you for the rest of your life with this so-called child of yours.

I almost laughed. If she wasn't afraid of being an unwed single mother, why the hell would I fear being a fake deadbeat dad? Her complaints clearly didn't faze me one bit.

After a quick wash, I hurried to the hospital anyway. Maybe it was the last flicker of my conscience, maybe sympathy between hookups. I couldn't say for sure. Half the time, you don't even really know yourself.

I got out of the taxi at the Maternity and Child Health Hospital, and there was Le Yao, holding an umbrella, waiting at the entrance.

She spotted me at once, the look of unease on her face softening a little as she walked over.

I was seething with anger, but thinking of her lying on that cold operating table here, I bit back my rage.

Le Yao's face was grave as she looped her arm through mine, glancing down at her stomach—an expression of loving me with all her heart, yet being met with my utter lack of pity.

I wrenched my arm free, finally snapping. "What the hell!… Tell me the truth, who got you pregnant?"

You, Zhao Yang.

"Do you believe I'll strangle you?" I glared at her.

"You beast, go on then! If you'd done it yesterday, it would've been two lives lost. Today you'd be on the news headlines, and the whole country would know what a monster you are!" Le Yao narrowed her eyes at me, pressing her body even closer to mine.

"Will you just shut up?! I slept with you two months ago—how far along are you? Show me the ultrasound!"

Le Yao ignored my accusations, her tone suddenly softening as she linked her arm through mine tightly, her voice thick with regret. "Zhao Yang, if I hadn't had the surgery yesterday and had the baby instead, letting him call you dad, how happy you would've been!"

I stifled my anger and pushed her away. "Quit the act, okay?… Hurry up and get your follow-up check. Once you step out of this hospital, consider me dead. Never bother me again!"

Le Yao hung her head. After a long moment, she said, "Don't talk about death. I won't bother you anymore, I promise."

...

After her checkup, Le Yao was in a ward getting an IV drip. I sat beside her like a worried family member, yet I refused to say a single word, my chest heavy with frustration.

A doctor pulled me outside the ward and said, "Young man, your girlfriend is in very poor health, and she has mild anemia. She must take good care of herself after the abortion—otherwise, she'll have chronic health problems when she's older. I'll write her a prescription for tonics and supplements; go pick them up at the pharmacy on the second floor."

I nodded without a second thought, figuring the thousand yuan I'd withdrawn from Mi Cai's card would be more than enough for the medicine.

I took the prescription to the second floor. It took the pharmacist five minutes to hand me a bulging plastic bag full of medicine and supplements, then said flatly, "That'll be 3016 yuan. Card or cash?"

I froze, then snapped, "What kind of magic elixir costs over three grand?! You think I'm loaded and you can rip me off?!"

The pharmacist was unfazed, nodding at a man who'd just picked up his medicine at the next counter. "See that? He just bought eight grand worth of supplements and medicine. If you can't afford it, don't get your girlfriend pregnant!"

"Idiot, acting like a fool and loving every second of it!" I cursed at the man's retreating back. Then I thought of Le Yao's weak, helpless look after the abortion, stifled my anger, and pulled Mi Cai's bank card out of my wallet. "Give me a discount, or at least waive the 16 yuan change."

The pharmacist snatched the card from my hand, rolled her eyes at me. "That's a new one. Ever heard of a hospital giving discounts?"

I grabbed the bag of medicine from the pharmacy, my heart bleeding. Being a hookup had never cost me this much!

...

I supported the weak Le Yao, fresh off her IV drip, out of the hospital. The rain was still drizzling down, the air thick and oppressive from the endless downpour.

Le Yao leaned on me as we walked for a while, then asked an unexpected question. "Zhao Yang, a film crew invited me to Hengdian next month to act. Do you think I should go?"

"Is it legit?" I asked, softening my tone to avoid upsetting her—though I could not have cared less where she went to act.

"I already did a costume fitting. The director and producer were both really satisfied; they said I'm perfect for the role."

"Then go for it. You freelance models are all climbing over each other to get into showbiz, anyway. Seize the chance… By the way, these are the post-op tonics the doctor prescribed. Take them on time, I'll text you the dosage later." I held out the plastic bag to her.

Le Yao didn't take the bag, instead staring at me for a long moment, her voice soft. "Modeling is just a temporary thing for me. I actually graduated from the Acting Department of the Shanghai Theatre Academy."

"Holy shit! No wonder you're so good at conning me—you're a pro! I really am blind, not realizing I was dealing with a top graduate from the Shanghai Theatre Academy!" I exclaimed, half sarcasm, half teasing.

Le Yao ignored my outburst, her eyes fixed on mine. "Zhao Yang, do you think I'm beautiful?"

"Do you think I'd sleep with you if you weren't?" I shot back, staring at her. She was indeed a stunning woman, the down-to-earth kind of beauty—bright eyes, red lips and white teeth, with a hint of sexiness, a hint of charm.

Le Yao nodded, a faint smile on her lips. "Zhao Yang, forget Jian Wei. When I become a famous actress, I'll only love you!…" With that, she took the plastic bag from my hand and walked away like the wind.

...

It took me a long moment to snap out of it. A cold wind blew, and I suddenly remembered my promise to Mi Cai to move out by one o'clock—it was already half past one. I immediately hailed a taxi and rushed back to my old place. On the way, I thought of the 3016 yuan I'd just spent on Mi Cai's card for the tonics and medicine. I'd told her I'd only withdraw a thousand; now I owed her 4016 yuan. How the hell was I going to pay her back?

I thought of Mi Cai's cold, unsmiling yet absurdly beautiful face, and my mind went blank.