The story centers on Won (played by Pavel Naret), an anesthesiologist whose life unravels after his long-

time boyfriend, Fah (played by Pooh Krittin), dies in a car accident. Overwhelmed by grief and despair,

Won is also falsely accused of a patient's death and attempts suicide.

Before he loses consciousness, he is stopped by a grim reaper named Sipsi (which means "Fourteen,"

also played by Pooh Krittin), who looks exactly like his deceased boyfriend Fah. Sipsi refuses to let Won

die and encourages him to fight to prove his innocence, staying by his side and providing assistance. The

plot follows their complex, developing relationship as they work together to solve the mystery

surrounding Fah's death and clear Won's name

Join - Moon & Him - Bl Novels for more novels.

THe wind brushing against my face brought back memories of a time,

probably a year or two ago. It was when P’Fah and I went to the beach

together.

Mid-October on Koh Kradad (which P’Fah had always spelt ‘Kradad’

until the day we arrived), a small, little-known island. It’s flat, like a

sheet of paper, without the hills that other islands have. But that’s not

where its name comes from; it used to be covered in paper trees, but

unfortunately, they’ve all been replaced by coconut trees.

There are over a hundred deer on the island, and that was one of the

reasons we went. P’Fah excitedly exclaimed, “It’s like Nara in the

middle of the sea! It would be crazy not to go!” Therefore, I inevitably

dedicated my limited vacation time to this tiny, nameless island with its

deer.

It’s not like it is here.

There, the seawater is clear and blue, just like the name “P’Fah”

(meaning sky). The sand is a soft yellow, clean and pristine. A large sun

shines at twilight. P’Fah tries to build a sandcastle, but the waves crash

over it, engulfing and destroying it every two minutes—a group of deer.

They were running after us, chaotic yet peaceful. There’s nothing quite

like it here, except for the wind that makes me feel like I’m about to

spread my wings and fly.

I’m about to take flight in a few minutes. Actually, I should have

started long ago, but that last glimmer of hesitation clings to my wings,

keeping me standing here, letting the wind whip my hair and shirt loose, gazing at the night sky, hoping to catch a bright star before

soaring. But all I see is the deepest, most profound shade of blue.

I know there are hundreds, thousands, millions, or even trillions of

stars up there, but this crazy city is so brightly lit that it sadly obscures

the natural beauty. Many times, I can’t help but feel annoyed, even

though I know this artificial light is a sign of life and death for many.

I thought I wouldn’t feel anything anymore, but in reality, fear is still

my constant companion. It seems they say that those who believe

nothing are already dead. Before, I had a million kinds of feelings and

emotions flooding and raging within me, overwhelming and pushing

me to where I am. And when I was certain that I no longer wanted this

world, those heavy burdens of emotion gradually loosened. Anxiety,

anger, loneliness, even sadness—everything I thought was cutting into

my flesh faded away.

I’m not afraid of regretting this decision. There’s nothing for me to

regret or be sorry about. Only those who have something in their hands

can feel that way, but I don’t. I only have myself, worthless, lacking the

strength even to force myself to breathe. Therefore, this fear is merely

the last remaining instinct of a living being.

When faced with a situation that conflicts with survival, the intelligent

tissue in my skull releases fear as a warning, using hesitation as a final

desperate attempt to hold me back. I still perceive it vividly, but

unfortunately, it doesn’t change anything.

I looked down. No one was walking by in front of my condo. Of course,

it was almost midnight; few people would be out and about. Even the

security guard was probably dozing off in his booth. That’s why I was

relatively confident that no one would get hurt because of me. It may be

chaotic, but whatever. It wasn’t something I wanted to care about

anymore. What happened after I died didn’t matter at all, I tried to tell

myself.

I took a deep breath, probably my fifth. Fear was making it hard for

me to breathe properly, so I shifted my gaze from the ground belowd looked straight ahead. In front of me was the rooftop of another

building across the street. It was an office building. I’d never really

noticed it before, and I figured it was too late to do so now.

Unless something catches my attention.

There’s someone standing on the rooftop. Someone I was sure could

never have been there, and that’s the same person who brought me to

where I am today.

“P’Fah.”

No way.

That’s not him.

“Jump.”

He was across the street, yet I could hear his voice clearly, a whisper

echoing in my ears. I even saw the slight, mocking twitch of his lips. He

seemed to pity me, knowing I wouldn’t dare jump, yet at the same time,

he waited expectantly, waiting for my body to plummet onto the

concrete below, limbs broken and disfigured, my brain a gruesome

mess. He was waiting for my soul and body to be completely severed.

This may be a sign.

My fear gradually diminished and vanished when I thought that.

“P’Fah, are you here to pick up Won?”

P’Fah didn’t answer, but smiled back. Although it wasn’t the same

smile I was used to, it miraculously calmed my heart.

“Jump.”

He repeated the same sentence, this time more clearly.

“What are you waiting for? Jump, now!”

I ooked at his face, tears welling up in my eyes, yet a wide, inexplicable

smile spread across my lips. I only knew that I wanted to smile, to smile

at him one last time as a human being with a physical body to be

touched, because after this, I would become dust, weightless matter,

without substance, and my name would slowly fade away with time.

But as for P’Fah and me, we will be together forever.

“Yes,” I replied softly, spreading my arms like a bird preparing to

spread its wings.

“Wait for me, Won.”

I closed my eyes and plunged from the top of the building, my heart

heavy with a sense of longing.

“No.”

I answered hesitantly, my eyes scanning the report on patients

scheduled for surgery tomorrow. My mind was divided into two

thoughts: work, of course, and the person on the other end of the line, a

matter I couldn’t ignore even though I knew it wasn’t very smart.

“No,” I said in a low, firm voice, slightly more assertive than before,

when the person on the other end started whining and refused to accept

my initial answer.

“Don’t be childish.”

[Why? Because I want you to go.]

I sighed wearily. I didn’t know how to define this man. Sometimes he

was as compliant as a stupid dog, while other times he was as difficult

and stubborn as a four-year-old who kept saying “why” and calling for

his mother.

“I know, and I’ve said it many times, I don’t want to go.”

[You cruel tofu!]

"This"

”

[Bad bastard]

“Phi Fah.”

The person whose name I called fell silent when I addressed him in a

serious tone, level four—almost the highest level. But I knew this

silence wasn’t because he felt guilty. That older man, though physically

imposing, didn’t feel guilty about whining at me like this anyway. He

was just silent, rolling his eyes and mumbling something in a way that

mocked my seriousness.

“If you roll your eyes too much, you might not be able to reverse the

process.”

[P’Fah didn’t roll his eyes.]

“You know, the other day a patient told me that he rolled his eyes at his

girlfriend behind her back and lied, saying he didn’t. Three days later,

he felt like someone—”

[Ouch! *Rolling, rolling, rolling* I just rolled it once!]

I couldn’t help but laugh. Cornering this guy wasn’t difficult at all. He

was the most terrified of ghosts I’ve ever known. Because of that,

anything and everything, just linking it to the supernatural, this

coward would spill the beans.

[What’s so funny? It’s not funny.] The voice on the other end sounded

irritated. Even though he knew I was intentionally teasing him, he still

cowered in fear every time. [P’Fah just wanted you to watch him play

soccer sometime. Is that asking too much?]

“It’s not much, but I don’t understand why they want him to go so

badly. He can’t play football, and he doesn’t even know how to watch

football.”

[I wanted you to go and sit and keep watch.]

“Is he a child or something? Do I have to sit and watch him while he

plays with his friends?” He grumbled childishly, his eyes still glued to

the computer screen. I thought something was strange. I don’t know if

it’s because the patient has an unusual condition I’m unfamiliar with,

or if the resident doctor who wrote this report just haphazardly

submitted the information.

[Everyone else’s fans are coming, why can’t P’Fah’s boyfriend come

too?]

“So, in short, you have a boyfriend just to show off to your friends,

huh?”

[Fah definitely has more to show off than just being proud, but his

boyfriend is totally worth showing off! We rarely get to see each other

like this.

Knock, knock, knock.

“I have to go now, P’Fah, work has to come in,” I cut him off

immediately when I heard a knock on the door. The person who had

been whining and complaining stopped immediately. Even though he

often acts like a child, P’Fah never makes things difficult for me at

work. He swallowed all his words and replied, “Okay, get back to work.

I’ll bother you again later,” and hung up easily, as if he hadn’t been

complaining at all.

“Please come.”

I responded, just as the door opened.

“Professor, the case I told you about this morning.”

“Hmm, what’s up?” I leaned back in my chair, trying to relax as much

as possible, knowing that these residents were quite intimidated (or

afraid) of me, even though I hadn’t threatened or scolded them at all.

Actually, I was the kindest person in the ward. But maybe it was

because I wasn’t particularly cheerful or smiling, especially when I waslow on energy; my face was even less welcoming. That’s why they

secretly liked to call me ‘Strict Brother.’

Which means exactly what it says: “Have you gone to pre-order yet?”

“It’s all done,” the third-year resident said hesitantly. Although her

communication was clear, her eyes and body language clearly indicated

her desire to leave the room as quickly as possible. “The patient is ASA

Class 32, BMI 403, intubated. It was a difficult procedure.”

“So, what’s your plan?”

“Let’s see how difficult it is to insert. We’ll try Ramp Position,

Adequate Oxygenation, HFNC for Apneic Oxygenation, and Video

Laryngoscopy.”

Pre- or Premed comes from the word Premedication, meaning the

administration of medication before anaesthesia. In the context of

anesthesiology, it broadly refers to Preanesthetic Evaluation and

Premedication, which includes evaluating the patient before anesthesia

and administering medication based on the evaluation results.

ASA Class stands for the American Society of Anesthesiologists

Classification. It’s a system for categorising patients into groups based

on their physical condition to assess surgical risk. There are six levels in

total (though in practice, only five are commonly used, as level 6 refers

to brain death). This sentence refers to ASA Class 3, meaning the

patient has severe underlying medical conditions that significantly

impact their daily life, such as hypertension, abnormal obesity,

hepatitis, or alcoholism. In the context of anesthesiology, where

anaesthesia is administered during surgery, patients in ASA Classes 3-5

are considered significant obstacles to anaesthesia and require careful

planning to ensure the best possible surgical outcome.

BMI, or Body Mass Index, is a measure used to assess obesity and

underweight in adults aged 20 and older. It can be calculated by

weighing the patient (in kilograms) and measuring their height (in

centimetres) using an obesity assessment program. In this case, thepatient has a BMI of 40, which is classified as severely obese (obesity

level 3), making intubation during surgery difficult.

A tube, or in this context, an endotracheal tube, refers to a breathing

tube.

Ramp Position: This positioning during endotracheal intubation

involves tilting the head higher, using pillows to support the head and

shoulders, so that the external auditory meatus is level with the sternal

notch to open the airway.

Adequate Oxygenation refers to ensuring the patient receives

sufficient oxygen to allow tissues and organs to function normally,

especially during surgery or procedures involving anesthesia or

sedation.

High-Flow Nasal Cannula (HFNC) is an alternative treatment for

patients with respiratory failure or hypoxia. It provides airflow of up to

60 litres per minute, along with humidification and optimal

temperature, through the nasal canal. It maintains a constant oxygen

concentration, helps remove carbon dioxide accumulated in the

nasopharynx, improves sputum drainage, and increases oxygen levels

in the body.

A video laryngoscope is a device similar to a regular laryngoscope

but with a camera attached to the end. This allows visualisation of the

larynx on a display screen and is useful for patients who cannot use

conventional devices.