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...Prologue...

He was three years older than me, but always seemed the most mature one among us.

On my 16th birthday, I wore the dress he chose for me, even though I was forbidden to wear that, but he left without saying anything or wishing me.

Now after three years later, after skipping those family gathering and events, he decided to finally show up.

That also on the morning of my 19th birthday, when I'm about to dance with someone whom I'm supposed to love to move on, but now that he is looking at me with something soft, so softer than clouds within his gaze- I can't help but freeze.

He is my cousin, but I love him as a man which is so unholy of me.

From the moment, I learned how to dance, he has been my dance partner, but then he left me three years ago. All alone on my birthday without a partner and never talked to me after that day.

Every night he used to appear in my dreams and look at me with his soft, calm gaze.

He has always been nothing but kind and patient to me which he is to everyone. But now, I want him to be cruel and selfish to me. And I'll do everything to push him off limits of hIs curtsy because maybe this is how I can actually unlove him.

...ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ...

This is the beginning of a new novel named ‘About Us’. It is purely a work of fiction so read it like a fiction don't try to relate it to real life.

I don't really know how it is going to turn out but let's see.

I'm not a very consistent updater, so I write when I feel like writing.

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Ignore everything written below......

Jo teri khaatir taRpe pehle se hi

kya usey taRpana O zaalima, O zaalima

jo tere ishq mein behka pehle se hi

kya usey. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, O zaalima, O zaalima

the one who is already suffering for you (aren't there with him)

torment him even more, O cruel one..

the one who's already intoxicated,

why intoxicate him even more, O cruel one...

aankhen marhaba, baatein marhaba

main sau martaba deewana huaa

mera na raha jab se dil mera

tere husn ka nishana hua

your eyes are beautiful, your talks are beautiful,

I have become crazy a hundred times.

my heart hasn't remained mine,

since it became the target of your beauty..

jiski har dhaRkan tu ho

aise dil ko kya dhaRkana

O zaalima, O zalima..

the one whose every heartbeat is you,

why make that heart beat even faster,

O cruel one...

jo teri khaatir taRpe pehle se hi

kya usey taRpana O zaalima, O zaalima

saanson mein teri nazdeeqiyon ka

itr tu ghol de, ghol de...

main hi kyun ishq zaahir karoon

tu bhi kabhi bol de, bol de...

dissolve the perfume of your closeness

in my breath...

why should I alone express my love,

you too say something some time..

le ke jaan hi jaayega meri

qaatil har tera bahaana hua

tujhse hi shuru, tujhpe hi khatam

mere pyaar ka fasaana hua

it's take my life only,

every excuse of yours has become a killer for me.

the story of my love

starts with you and ends at you only.

tu shamma hai to yaad rakhna

main bhi hoon parwaana

O zaalima, O zaalima..

if you are a candle,

remember, I too am a moth,

O cruel one, O cruel one...

jo teri khaatir taRpe pehle se hi

kya usey taRpana O zaalima, O zaalima

deedaar tera milne ke baad hi

chhooTe meri angRaayi

tu hi bata de kyun zaalima main kehlayi

kyun is tarah se duniya jahaan mein

karta hai meri ruswaayi

tera qusoor aur zaalima main kehlayi

only after I have seen you,

my first stretch of the morning happens.

(that is, it's necessary for me to see you to even begin my day.)

tell me why am I called the cruel one..

why do you disgrace me like that in public,

it's your fault and I'm the one being called the cruel one.

deedaar tera milne ke baad hi

chhooTe meri angdaayi

tu hi bata de kyun zaalima main kehlayi

tu hi bata de kyun zaalima main kehlaayi

Chapter 1

All skies and hell can't seem to forgive me. Not after this immoral dream of mine.

I never thought about him that way, at least not willingly. But now he is everywhere — in my dreams, in my head, and now in front of me.

“Bella, aren’t you going to say hi to him?” I heard my mom say. But how am I supposed to tell her that I can’t look at him without remembering the things I saw in my dreams?

How am I supposed to pretend things are normal when they’re not? He is my cousin. I’m not supposed to see him that way, but his eyes affect me, even though they’re pretty decent in their own way.

I tightened my hold on the hamper of gifts I was holding. But before I could say anything, he walked closer with a smile, and I held my breath like he would know if I let it out.

“Darla,” he whispered, looking at me. But little did he know what he was actually doing to me. Keeping myself steady, I gave him a small smile.

“Hey,” I whispered back, barely keeping eye contact. He was taller than before. His hair was messier than before. Indigo buttoned shirt tucked messily into faded black pants.

And the more I try to resist him, the more I’m failing.

“You seem confused, overwhelmed. All good?” he said, taking a few steps back.

Embarrassment rushed to my cheeks. I bit my lower lip and sucked in a little air to keep myself steady. Lowering my eyes, I turned around without saying anything.

I need to clear my head.

I left the living room without looking at him again. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it, but I can’t face him when my head is a mess.

He never came for my birthday for the last three years, and I thought maybe he was going to skip it again. But he did come. And I don’t know if I should be happy or sad or angry.

Why did he come after three years? He shouldn’t have. I walked upstairs with tears in my eyes. I thought it was nothing. I thought he was nothing — not anymore. But I was wrong.

He still affects me, which isn’t his fault, but my own.

I remember my sixteenth birthday, the one we celebrated together. But that night...

*Flashback — three years ago*

“Mom, have you seen Raden?” I asked the moment I came downstairs.

I was dressed in a delicate, off-white lace mini-dress with a sweetheart neckline that framed my shoulders like a whisper of elegance. It had fitted, long sleeves that flared gently at the cuffs, giving my arms a soft, romantic silhouette.

The lace fabric was intricately textured with floral patterns, making the entire gown feel like an embroidered veil of femininity.

A subtle ribbon tied at the back of the neck, adding a charming finishing touch. On my 16th birthday, the dress hugged my youthful figure, its lace shimmering like morning dew, turning the celebration into a scene of youthful grace and timeless charm.

But what truly made it special was the fact that he chose it for me. He himself chose it for me.

“Not really. Must be somewhere here. And you know he’s not the most important person tonight — you are. One more thing, please behave, Bella. No more mistakes tonight. All eyes will be on you,” my mother warned, soft but firm. An unsettling uneasiness hovered in her serious tone, which I decided to ignore.

No birthday wishes, nothing — just her warnings, like always. But what truly mattered was him. I needed to find him and show him the dress he had chosen for me.

And of course, again, he would be my dance partner tonight.

Since my fifth birthday, he and I had danced together on my birthday.

My grandma, Charlotte Miller, had always been very conscious of social elite representation and was an admirer of balls.

She told me that his choosing me wasn’t a coincidence. It was his choice. I was his choice.

Walking through the crowd of strangers, I tried to find the only person whom I could truly call my person, but he was nowhere to be found.

Answering every greeting and well-wish I got, I let my gaze roam around the entire hall. Everyone was there, but not the one I wanted to find.

The dance was about to start. I could see the people around me gathering in the middle of the hall with their partners, but I kept waiting for mine.

They wouldn’t start the dance without me. But then I saw my grandma standing across from me with a smile none could miss.

But there was something in her expression when her eyes stopped on me. I gave her a nervous, unsure smile.

Her eyes stared for a good couple of minutes before she whispered something to the head maiden, and then the head maiden walked toward me.

I gulped, not liking the vibe I was getting. The head maiden, Ms. Garrett, stopped in front of me with a neutral look on her face, and everyone in the hall started looking at us.

I hated being the center of attention, and right now I couldn’t help but become it.

“My lady, Mrs. Miller wants you to start the dance now,” she said, as always, polite and without emotion.

“But Raden is nowhere. Do you know where he is? Please call him if you do,” I said with the last bit of strength left in me.

“Mrs. Miller wants you to change your dance partner. Don’t forget you are sixteen now,” Ms. Garrett said as I heard new footsteps approaching us.

Now everyone’s attention was fixed on the newcomer at the party. But before I could see who it really was, Ms. Garrett continued, “Laren Bradley will be your dance partner from now on.”

I don’t know if I sighed or gasped for more air, but as her words processed in my head, I froze.

Finally, I saw the new person in the hall standing right beside Ms. Garrett. A tall young boy with dark olive eyes.

Looking at me with his perfect smile, he had the kind of face that could make me fall for him at first sight — but only if I were a normal 16-year-old girl.

But I was anything but normal.

I was a girl who had fallen for her own cousin long before, maybe from the age of five when I danced with him for the first time.

It was so unholy of me, but then, love is the purest of all.

I looked at the boy, then at my grandma, to check if it was any kind of prank or joke. But from her unwavering eyes, I knew it wasn’t.

I don’t know what came over me, but I just ran. I ran away from the strangers faking to know me and showering me with fake blessings.

I ran away from the boy who was about to become my new dance partner.

I ran away from the sudden change.

I ran away from shame — shame of hoping for impossible things.

Raden Rhodes Hemsley was not there. He was nowhere.

And at last, I realized that things would never be the same again after this night, because he left me, right on my birthday.

Because I left myself right on my birthday.

I made a spectacle of myself right in front of so many people, right in front of my mother who had already warned me — maybe because she knew about his absence.

Everyone knew it except me.

I stopped near the backyard of Miller Mansion, right near the garden where we both planted my favorite lilies together.

I knew what changing dance partners at the age of sixteen meant.

It meant replacing the first one with the long-lasting one.

My own grandmother, after knowing my true feelings, changed the dance partner?

This was a custom in our family: we dance only with the person who is going to be our life partner on our sixteenth birthday.

And it was so foolish of me to think that they would let me dance with him, and that he would willingly dance with me in his full senses.

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Stay tuned to know more. And they aren't blood related. Means Bella and Raden aren't blood related.

Chapter 2

I closed the door of my room with a dizzy head still filled with the flashbacks rewinding that day.

Why is he here? After three years later?

After no explaination!

Why now, when I have made my mind to forget him and move on?

Even though, it's not his fault. Of course, it's not like it's my home. He can come whenever he wants, who am I to stop him.

Wiping away the unwanted tears that I didn't realize are staining my cheeks until I facepalmed myself to get back to senses.

I walked near to see myself in the dressing mirror, and it was too obvious.

Too obvious that I cried. But it's not like anyone is going to care.

Even though, my pain has always been quite obvious, no one really paid attention to it. So, I never felt any need to hide it properly, but then there was this boy, the boy who used to see through my soul.

Like I was some mirror, and he was habitual of seeing things within me, as he used to refer me as his own reflection, does this means back then, he was troubled just like me?

Leave it, get hold of yourself, Arabella.

Act normal.

But how am I supposed to when I know that he will exactly know how troubled I'm right now?

More tears fell down, I tried to wipe them off harshly not caring about the redness that is already pretty obvious.

I ran to washroom, splashing cold water til I feel nothing but numbness.

He is back, but calm down Arabella.

Calm down, you promised Laren to give a chance.

Arabella, you can't play with someone's heart.

I tried, I kept trying to convince myself to not lose my mind when I have to face everyone downstairs and the whole city tonight.

But I don't want to go downstairs, I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to lock myself here. I don't want to celebrate my birthday.

I already hate it.

What should I do? What should I do? I need to tell this to someone but whom I don't have anyone.

I tightened my grip on the wash basin rim, as the water kept flowing from tap, hiding my loud sobs which were almost difficult to hold anymore.

Maybe, I'm just overreaacting. Maybe it's just sudden outburst after seeing him.

But I don't know how to react, I don't know what to do?

.......

.......

.......

After half hour later, I finally walked down stairs taking careful steps to not make any noise.

Even though, my eyes are still bloodshot red, and nose probably red from crying for this long, and now I'm feeling all sick.

This is one of my curse, I fall ill whenever I cry, and right now I'm feeling sick in my head.

As I reached the main corridore leading to the hall, there was none, which was quite new.

Because it's my 19th birthday and there is this much utter silence, is every thing okay?

Normally on this same day, every corner of this house used to be full of people and flowers just to show off their wealth but right now it's exact opposite.

But it's a good thing. I don't want to see anyone right now.

I kept walking with a sigh of relief, but then suddenly I saw Laren walking towards me with a gentle smile, I wish I could love this person the way he loves me.

I brightened my smile, seeing him coming to me.

“Happiest birthday, Ara!”, he wished in his merry tone while throwing his arms around me with a light peck on the side of my head.

He has been nothing but sweet and warm to me, but......

No buts, Arabella. I don't want to hurt him. My inner voice hushed other voices in my head.

“You are looking more pretty, my lady! How is it even possible for you to get prettier with every passing second?”, he said once pulling himself away from me and taking a better look at me from head to toe.

I know he is just flattering me, because I'm at my worst state right now.

“Stop lying, Laren.”, I said with a little scoff, rolling my eyes. As I turned my head a little to look out of window where I spotted him.

Right outside the window, standing in the lawn, both hands tucked in pants, still dressed in indigo shirt, but the starting three buttons undone, his forehead covered with the messy knots of curls.

And I forgot all the reasons I gave myself to not think about him.

But I have to, even if it's inevitable, I still have to, but then his eyes, those black eyes, looking at me with such importance that.......

I turned my eyes back to Laren who was looking at me with something that I immediately lowered my gaze not willing to face him or his distress gaze.

“You excited for tonight's party?”, he cleared his throat sensing my sudden change in behaviour.

“Arabella, I want to take you somewhere, so may I?“, I stared at him as he offered his hand for me to take, even though it's going to give him nothing but pain, I placed my hand in his which he wrapped in his gentle but firm grip leading me outside from the back door.

And the thing I saw there left me shocked. Outside, the whole land was filled with the petals of cherry blossoms.

The entire goddamned land.

“How did you even get them?“, I asked in complete awe, but this only saddened me more. This only made my mood swings more worse.

I tried to smile for his sake, while looking up at sky to hold back the tears that are so ready to just shed down.

“You liked it?“, he asked with his pretty smile, his hooded eyes clearly shinning more brighter than the afternoon sky.

I bit the inner lining of my cheeks to hold my cries as I gulp hard to get rid of the knot bubbling in my throat.

“You know it was not necessary”, I said which was merely a whisper.

“Ofcourse, It was. You deserve it, Bella. More than these small gesturs. You deserve my heart and you know that.”, he held my both hands looking at me with such look that I'm incapable of giving back.

I hate myself, I really hate for not being able to love this person.

“You shouldn't and you know this too Laren.”, I said, pressing my lips in thin line avoiding his gaze.

“I have to Bellie, you finally decided to give me a chance. I'm so grateful for this and I'll always be.“, he kissed my knuckles with utmost care with his eyes still shinning with honestly.

I immediately pulled away my hands from his grip as I nodded to him before turning back to the petals covered ground, I took few steps near it finally kneeling down to touch them.

These soft pink petals which smells like my long gone childhood. How to tell Laren that the reason behind my likeness for these flowers is him?

How to explain this to even to myself?

I smiled to myself as I took a handful of petals in my hands bringing them closer to my face to inhale it's scent with closed eyes.

The first breath was calmness and familiarity.

The second breath made my throat itch.

By the third, my head was spinning, and my lungs felt too tight, like someone tied a ribbon around my chest.

That’s when the tingling started. Not the good kind as I was brought back to the orchard where I was introduced to these flowers for the first time by none else but him.

I made them caress my cheeks as my head kept playing the flashback of those days where I had him, where I was important to him, where I had a home.

But then there's a saying that people can't be homes, they are like rivers always flowing, always changing, never steady enough to give you a place to stay.

He promised to be my home, but then promises are made only to break, right?

The two people in my head kept arguing, one talking against him and one reasoning for his every action.

That was when I felt a strong pull on my forearm, forcing me to stand on my toes with such swift movement that my eyes opened in a blink in reflex and that was when my eyes met a pair of raven black orbs, looking at me with anger.

But my mind was so consumed with the fragrance of those petals that it was so difficult to decipher anything happening around me, my body was feather light, almost floating.

I couldn't feel my weight on my feet, it was as if they were dangling in air. I tried to keep my eyes open, but they keep trying to resist my attempts and admist all this what didn't change is his eyes, those, these worry filled eyes.

“Darla! Darla! open your eyes. Stay with me, Darla! You listening me....... who............ did this. Ar.......la!”, all I could hear was his faint voice, his mesmerising voice, the voice that I love so much.

And at last, I gave up and gave in to my head and darkness embraced my senses as I leaned to him for his familiar scent.

How could I ever unlove Raden Rhodes Hemsley when all I can see is him, all I want is him?

...ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ...

Another chapter. I got my inspiration back, so I'm going write it more often.