Caller Unknown
Episode 1
I wasn’t expecting a call or text or anything.
Isn’t that how these things begin?
Someone texts and everything falls apart.
Caller Unknown
Remember me?
Somebody
No. I can’t see your number.
Caller Unknown
I gave it to you.
Caller Unknown
You put your number in my phone.
Caller Unknown
Don’t your remember?
Somebody
Can you tell me where we met?
Caller Unknown
You don’t believe me.
Caller Unknown
I should’ve known
Caller Unknown
Just like every else.
Caller Unknown
Am I really that forgettable?
Somebody
I don’t know. I’m sorry. If you help me remember who you are …
Caller Unknown
No. Too late. I can’t believe you don’t remember me.
Somebody
Wait. I can’t see your number and you haven’t told me where we met. How am I supposed to remember you?
At least I think the texts were coming from a she.
It’s just, well, I don’t give out my number and I really don’t forget people. Names, sure. But the person? No.
Episode 2
To be honest, I was confused by the texts. Someone claiming I know them and then nothing. Nada. Zip.
I should chalk this up to someone prank texting me or a wrong number.
Somebody
Fine. Okay. I don’t know.
Somebody
I got a text the other day and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Somebody
I don’t know. I don’t think so.
Somebody
She says I’m supposed to know her.
Somebody
Maybe. I don’t know.
Somebody
Because. I don’t know. They got mad when I didn’t immediately know who it was.
Mom
Didn’t recognize the number?
Which is what I should’ve done. Forget. Let it go. Quit thinking about it.
That was both logical and responsible. Someone I didn’t know sent me some texts. Let it go.
Somebody
If only it was that easy.
Caller Unknown
Hey. Me again.
Caller Unknown
Have you figure out who I am yet?
I haven’t. What do I say to get her to give me more clues? I don’t know.
Somebody
Not yet. Want to give me an idea when we met?
Caller Unknown
No. You were really charming and fun to talk to. I can’t believe you haven’t called or anything.
Caller Unknown
Then how can you be sorry?
Somebody
Because I’m supposed to know you and
I wish that was the end of it.
I wish that she or he or it would reveal themself to me.
Caller Unknown
I guess we’ll have to wait some more.
She wants to wait some more. This is insane. I mean it. Insane.
How can I be expected to know someone I can’t see out of context and without any help?
I start to think about this.
This is the kind of thing I hate. An answer without a question. A question without context. A mystery without a beginning or a middle or an end, no chance for a denouement.
Which is exactly what I’m trapped in.
An unknown, unsolvable mystery.
Except, I’m the only one who is going to think about this or worry about it or, you know, stuff.
Episode 3
Somebody
Alex. Have I talked about meeting anyone recently?
If I met someone he would’ve been told.
Alex
I don’t know man. When?
Somebody
That’s part of my problem.
Somebody
I don’t know when.
Alex
Why does it matter? You meet people all the time.
Alex
Remember the girl from the comic shop?
Somebody
Seriously?!???!!!!
Somebody
You’re bringing that up
Somebody
What’s wrong with you?
Alex
That’s a little bit of a reach.
Somebody
Is it? She was PSYCHO!!!
Somebody
My takeaway is never date a drug addicted chickadee from Scotland after she’s broken up with someone and is finishing a bender.
Somebody
We ended up at the cliff. It’s a quarter mile from the edge to the floor.
Somebody
She was, like, do you ever think about flying?
Somebody
And she wasn’t kidding.
Somebody
She wanted to jump and fly.
Somebody
Like missing the ground was the point.
Somebody
Or some variation on 42.
Somebody
Crazy-hot scale. She was a lot hotter than me and crazy. Batshit crazy.
Somebody
And then there was Meghan from the bookstore.
Alex
Double, double, toil and trouble \ Fire burn and caldron bubble.
Somebody
Okay. You have got to stop.
Alex
Didn’t she want to take you into the woods?
Alex
And there was going to be a fire and dancing.
Alex
*****. With other people.
Alex
She was performing some kind of ritual and a spell and you were her sacrifice.
Somebody
It wasn’t a literal sacrifice.
Alex
And remember your roommates ex-girlfriend’s little sister?
Alex
Didn’t she stalk you?
Alex
She knew when you were good and bad.
Alex
She knew when you were awake and asleep.
Somebody
You really need new material.
Alex
What was it that you said?
Alex
She showed up dressed as Mrs. Clause in your bed?
Alex
Except Mrs. Clause wasn’t very nice.
Alex
And apparently you were being naughty too.
Somebody
I’m going to block your number.
Somebody
You’re dead to me.
Alex
What was the present you had to unwrap?
Somebody
Stop it. I mean it.
Alex
How did you finally get rid of her?
Somebody
I’m still getting emails and letters and packages.
Alex
That must be expensive.
Somebody
I don’t encourage her and I can’t stop her.
Alex
Yeah. Okay. What did she send you this time?
Somebody
Some African thing from the country she’s in.
Somebody
Volunteering was supposed to get her to forget about me. She promised.
Alex
You’re an unforgettable bit-o-man flesh.
We didn’t get anywhere other than to remind me of my tragic dating life and an ability to pick out the craziest girl wherever I’m at.
Eventually I gave up with Alex.
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