Even now sometimes I stare out the window, a question echoing in my mind, a question which my heart could never answer" Was that love?" I don't know what was it? Attachment? Crush? I don't know...

Your name is still in my mind, lingering in my every thought, your smile is probably the most beautiful thing I saw..... Well... That's why...

A fleeting smile from you can brighten up my day, You look like a star indeed always shining brightly surrounded by everyone. Your cheerful smile never fades away unfortunately I was never the reason of that smile, your eyes shine brightly that I had to look away, my cheeks felt burning. Why....? I don't know. Like always I sigh which was lost in the crowd reaching none as expected.

Another chaotic day passed by, all my energy drained away yet your smile didn't. My gaze wander around, like always you are surrounded by people, I envy those who are close to you. I closed my eyes tired from the chaos, as the gentle breeze came caressing my face, perhaps you don't even know my name. Then My eyes fluttered open, a thought lingering on my mind, was I supposed to like someone... yet along you? I don't know. I scratched my neck light feeling annoyed. Then suddenly you passed by like a fleeting patel of a beautiful flower going with the gentle breeze all my annoyance faded away like it was never there to begin with, my shoulders relaxed. I looked at the sky and thought how weird...

As I went home, retracting to my safe haven. My same black hoodie, dark room and no noise, it was peaceful like always with no one to disturb me, no one to judge me.

 I started scrolling though my phone, everything seems to remain me of you, your dazzling smile, your cheerful yet calm presence.... My mind is such a mess now. I put down my phone on the bed and put my head on my arm and ran a hand through my hair and groaned " Agh- why am I still thinking about you?'

I looked up and murmured to myself" ok, Distract yourself.... It will fade away soon... don't hold on to it too much... It don't last long too... Don't think about it... Sleep now... best and easiest way to escape reality.... Yes, sleep peacefully and forget about all this...."

I flopped on the bed tiredly, only that smiling face haunting me, only your name in my heart and I could only sigh... For a person who doesn't believe in love, isn't it torture?

I covered my eyes with my hand, trying to focus on the ticking sound of the clock and the city sound in the distant. My eyes started closing as I drifted into a dream. Hopefully I don't end up dreaming about that smile too.... Well, some feelings are better left unsaid and fading away with time so that no one knows.

I woke up as the morning sunshine came though the window illuminating my room. My eyes fluttered open and I sat up on my bed. I glanced at the clock while scratching my head," 6 am?" I stood up, yawning.

For the first time I woke up early. I did my usual routine morning routine and got ready to go. I stepped outside locking the door behind me. The wind was blowing gently, it was less crowded than usual perhaps because I am early today, but still everything felt the same. I stopped on my tracks as a thought hit me," It's the last year? After that I don't be able to see you again..." I sighed to myself, well it was obvious from the beginning.

I started walking again slowly. As I reached near the school, I saw quite a few of my classmates walking together among them were you, laughing brightly. I just wanted to stop and stare at you looking so happy.

After reaching the classroom, I sat at the corner like usual, my hand on my cheek.My eyes lazily wandering around as I spotted you in the front talking to your friend.... A weird feeling hit me this time" Why not me?" You talk with everyone... Smile at everyone... Then why not me? I want to be close to you yet ... I don't have the courage.... Perhaps it's better this way.

I looked at the ceiling blankly, obviously you are the star, always bright with everyone and excellent in everything, meanwhile what am I? I am too introverted and ordinary to be noticed by you, I know it will never be me... Yet I couldn't help but think why not me?

The classes started again, my focus drifting away... The question why not me lingering in my mind. I wonder how it could be like if I was close to you too. As smile touched my lips at the thought of you smiling at me...

but it faded away as soon as it appeared. Well obviously it couldn't be true. So it is pointless. Aghhhhhhhhhh, Focus on the class. Yes, don't think about this... I glanced at you again like always you were focusing on the class not like a certain someone who was lost daydreaming, I am roasting myself at this point 😭 Ahem....

It all went normally, like always the class was in chaos at the end of the day. I couldn't help but glance at you, still smiling brilliantly with others. I looked away, not wanting to be noticed. I remained myself while packing my things Some feelings are better unsaid... Yes, now let's getting going. I slung my bag over my shoulder ready to step out of the classroom then suddenly someone called out my name, I turned to see who is it. Just hoping this day couldn't turn weird....

To be continued if I am not lazy but anyways surely no one will read it so whatever~ I feel more lazy now.

I looked around and saw one of your friends called me out, I looked at him and said, " Yes?" He looked at me, his eyes wandering around nervously and finally he spoke while holding out a pencil " You dropped it .... " his voice trailed off. I smiled and took the pencil it had indeed a "S" curved on it one of my bad habits to write my name on my things. I thanked him and then suddenly you came from behind him. Your arms draped over his shoulders, you glanced at me for a fleeting moment then asked him " Let's go?" He nodded and turned to go with you, hesitantly looking once for once. After you both left the classroom was empty. I stood there frozen as a blush crept up to my cheeks.

 I looked at the pencil and then tried to hide my face," Agh- Stop blushing you idiot, it was just a normal eye contact. Stop your delusional mind.



I took a deep breath,ok don't think about it. And let's go home. You still have to cook and study then sleep. I stepped out of the classroom and started going downstairs, the corridors were completely empty feeling a little spooky too. After a while I was out. I looked at the sky thinking what that weird feeling was? But brushed it off not thinking much about it. I started walking slowly towards my house, a familiar route and routine, calming my mind down.

I finally reached my safe place though it felt like eternity. I carefully closed the door and flopped on the bed feeling completely drained out. I hugged my pillow and ran a hand though my hair wondering about the whole day.

I sighed again and stood, then went to the kitchen lazily made some pasta and ate it. I yawned while doing the dishes, I murmured to myself " So sleepy." After doing the dishes, I somehow dragged myself to the study table and started studying. After 2 hours, I put my head down on the table, my thoughts drifting away slowly from one things to another, Everything seems to remain me of you.

I slowly picked up my pen and wrote your name in my copy without thinking it looked nice there. I caressed the name slowly wondering what are your doing now?

Suddenly the train of my thoughts broke as I heard as noise outside. I shook my head and thought if it's that cat again. It comes to my house quite often so I fed it. I stood up and walked towards the noise. I looked around and saw that fluffy one hiding near the sofa, I picked it up in my arms and started caressing it's fur.

I gave it some cat food and stared at it gently as it ate happily wondering where does it comes from?It looks good and clean too, is it someone's pet? Well perhaps yes, it only comes at night then disappears. And how does it enters the house even? Gotta check it later.....