Chapter 1 – Manic

Manic… manic.

The word echoed in my head like footsteps in an abandoned corridor.

It was just loneliness in those nights—thick, suffocating loneliness. Nights where I tried to fill my own emptiness, yet every attempt only made it louder. The halls stretched endlessly, silent but heavy, and every room I entered felt… unavailable. As if something invisible had already taken space there.

And that something—

Was her.

My obsession with her goes beyond.

Beyond sense. Beyond control. Beyond whatever I used to be before she came.

She doesn’t know.

She doesn’t know how much deeper I am missing her. Deep down in my heart, there’s a hollow space—cold, endless—and somehow, everything inside me tries to fill it with her. Every thought bends toward her. Every breath feels incomplete without her in it.

So I try.

I try to live my own life, to do my own thing, to keep my focus on myself. I move through the day like nothing is wrong.

But today…

Today was heavy.

It was hard to keep up with my own flow.

Because she was there—in fragments.

Her scent, soft and lingering, like something that refuses to leave. Her flowy curly hair, catching light in a way that made time slow down. Shine Alano… even thinking her name feels like touching something I shouldn’t.

Her complete existence brought down my ego.

If I hadn’t met her, I would have stayed untouched. Unshaken. Whole in my own pride. But now… even the smallest thing about her tangles me. Like something tiny, almost insignificant—

A little squirrel—

Yet powerful enough to shake my entire being.

It made her heart feel so small.

And somehow, it destroyed mine.

The day she came…

Was the end of my devil.

Or maybe—

The beginning of something worse.

She wasn’t meant to be tamed like this.

No…

I was the one who got tamed.

By her presence.

By the way she existed without trying.

London feels different now.

Colder.

Wider.

Empty in a way it never was before.

Sometimes I think… it shouldn’t even be called London anymore.

It should be called Shine Alano.

Because everything I see, everything I feel—

Leads back to her.

Her smile.

Soft. Unaware.

Her brown eyes, holding something calm that I can never reach.

Her existence…

It makes my breath stutter, like my lungs forget how to work unless she’s near.

Loving you from the outside hurts.

It burns quietly.

Because you laugh—

So innocently.

Without knowing how it triggers something inside me. Something restless. Something I can’t name.

“Shine Alano…” I whisper into the silence.

“My little squirrel.”

I remember that day.

You came with sleepy eyes, soft and distant, while I stood there—

Quiet.

Alone.

Surrounded by my demons.

Only my demons.

And you walked in like you didn’t see them.

Or worse—

Like you weren’t afraid.

With everything you are…

You changed me.

You made me something else.

A man forced to evolve.

To feel.

To break.

To become something I don’t recognize anymore.

What game is this, Alano?

What have you done to me?

Because I’m already lost in it.

I look at you through my phone.

A still image.

Frozen.

But alive enough to pull me in.

I study every detail—the curve of your expression, the way your presence fills even a screen. And there’s a quiet smile on my face… something hidden.

Something that wants more.

It feels like fire in water.

Impossible.

Burning where it shouldn’t.

Your existence drags me under, deeper and deeper, until I can’t tell where I end and you begin. Every part of me wants to close that distance—to leave no space between us.

And you don’t even know.

You don’t know how closely I watch.

Every movement.

Every shift.

Every moment you exist without me.

“You don’t know…” I murmur, my voice barely breaking the silence.

How much power you hold.

How much of me is already gone.

I try to hold onto control.

But even my thoughts betray me.

They return to you.

Always to you.

Shine Alano.

Soon…

Something will change.

It has to.

Because something this deep—

Something this consuming—

Was never meant to stay silent.

Chapter 2 – I Know You

Time…

It feels stuck.

Like it stopped moving the moment I started knowing her.

Not just seeing her—

Knowing her.

I have everything about her.

Every detail, every fragment, every piece she never thought anyone would notice.

She is a Sagittarius.

Born on the 20th of December.

I repeat it in my mind like it means something sacred.

Her life… I have watched it unfold in silence.

She loves pets—especially cats. The way her eyes soften when she sees one, the way her voice changes, gentle, almost like she becomes someone else.

She loves pepper… garlic in her food. Strong flavors. Bold, sharp—just like the parts of her she tries to hide.

She loves to cuddle.

That thought lingers longer than it should.

She loves maddening foods, chaotic tastes, things that don’t follow rules.

Just like her.

Five feet two inches.

Small…

But never weak.

She loves reading.

Dark romance.

Of course she does.

Stories filled with broken people, painful love, dangerous emotions—

Like she’s searching for something inside those pages.

Or maybe…

She already found it.

She loved someone once.

A cruel kind of love.

A man who betrayed her.

Left something cracked inside her that never healed right.

And before that…

A crush.

One-sided.

He never loved her back.

She gave pieces of herself to people who never knew what to do with them.

And now—

So many players circle around her.

Watching.

Waiting.

But she isn’t interested anymore.

Not in them.

Not in anyone.

Except…

She doesn’t see me.

I have watched her whole life through my own eyes.

Her likes.

Her dislikes.

The way she dresses—bold, confident, a girl who knows she’s beautiful but doesn’t fully understand her power.

A girl who can look dangerous…

And still carry kindness in her hands.

She fights for her friends.

Fiercely.

But never fully gives herself away.

Never completely.

Like she’s learned that lesson the hard way.

She is beauty.

But not the kind people understand.

Her beauty has softness.

Kindness.

And underneath it all—

A sensitive, broken heart she hides too well.

She loves scent.

Healing herbs.

Crystals.

Things that ground her.

Things that make her believe there’s still something pure left in the world.

I thought she could be easily manipulated.

That was my first mistake.

Because beneath everything—

She has a strength that doesn’t show itself loudly.

It’s quiet.

Hidden.

But it’s there.

And still…

She avoids me.

That’s what confuses me.

Because I know her.

Completely.

Her blush.

The way her smile forms slowly, like it’s unsure whether it should stay.

The way she loves—

Carefully.

Gently.

Even after everything.

Instead of becoming cold…

She still believes in people.

In random people.

In strangers.

In chances.

That’s what makes her dangerous.

Not to the world—

But to me.

Because no matter how much she’s been hurt…

She still hasn’t learned to stop trusting.

And I wonder…

When she finally sees me—

Will she trust me too?

Chapter 3 – She Became More

When I saw her…

Crushing the one who broke her—

Something inside me shifted.

I thought my baby would tremble.

I thought she would break… completely.

Fall apart in silence like she did before.

But she didn’t.

She became more powerful.

Not loud.

Not dramatic.

But something in her changed.

Something stronger.

She stood there—not as the girl who was once hurt, but as someone who had walked through it and came back different.

More assured.

More into herself.

More… untouchable.

And that scared me.

Because the girl I thought I understood—

Was no longer the same.

Here I am…

Still searching for meaning in her every message.

Every word she types feels like a code I need to break.

Every pause feels like something I need to understand.

I read between lines that may not even exist.

And still…

I keep searching.

I am afraid of her.

Not of what she can do—

But of what she doesn’t show.

Her thoughts… her silence… her distance.

They hold something I can’t reach.

Something I can’t control.

And I hate that.

I fight every attention she gets.

Every glance someone gives her feels like a threat.

Every laugh she shares with someone else—

Burns.

Quietly.

Deeply.

Yet I stand there.

Alone.

Right beside her.

Every time.

Watching.

Waiting.

Wanting.

And she never knows.

Or maybe…

She does.

Because now—

Something is different.

She sees me.

Not fully.

Not clearly.

But in a different light.

A way she never did before.

She claims me…

Without claiming me.

In her eyes, there’s a pause when she looks at me now.

A moment that lingers just a second longer than it should.

A silence that says something without words.

And I feel it.

That invisible thread.

Pulling us closer.

But I don’t know if it’s pulling her toward me—

Or pulling me deeper into her.

And for the first time…

I don’t know which one I’m more afraid of.

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Chapter 3 – She Became More

When I saw her…

Crushing the one who broke her—

Something inside me shifted.

I thought my baby would tremble.

I thought she would break… completely.

Fall apart in silence like she did before.

But she didn’t.

She became more powerful.

Not loud.

Not dramatic.

But something in her changed.

Something stronger.

She stood there—not as the girl who was once hurt, but as someone who had walked through it and came back different.

More assured.

More into herself.

More… untouchable.

And that scared me.

Because the girl I thought I understood—

Was no longer the same.

Here I am…

Still searching for meaning in her every message.

Every word she types feels like a code I need to break.

Every pause feels like something I need to understand.

I read between lines that may not even exist.

And still…

I keep searching.

I am afraid of her.

Not of what she can do—

But of what she doesn’t show.

Her thoughts… her silence… her distance.

They hold something I can’t reach.

Something I can’t control.

And I hate that.

I fight every attention she gets.

Every glance someone gives her feels like a threat.

Every laugh she shares with someone else—

Burns.

Quietly.

Deeply.

Yet I stand there.

Alone.

Right beside her.

Every time.

Watching.

Waiting.

Wanting.

And she never knows.

Or maybe…

She does.

Because now—

Something is different.

She sees me.

Not fully.

Not clearly.

But in a different light.

A way she never did before.

She claims me…

Without claiming me.

In her eyes, there’s a pause when she looks at me now.

A moment that lingers just a second longer than it should.

A silence that says something without words.

And I feel it.

That invisible thread.

Pulling us closer.

But I don’t know if it’s pulling her toward me—

Or pulling me deeper into her.

And for the first time…

I don’t know which one I’m more afraid of.