...Zu Cheng...

...Let’s do it....

...This time, I won’t bend under family pressure....

... I won’t live shackled by regrets....

... I, once the coward of my entire class, had finally found the courage to go against my parents’ will....

... ...

...Now, you might wonder why....

... The reason is simple....

... ...

...I got a second chance....

In the previous timeline, I never understood why I couldn't accept the way I was living even when I got a decent job with a six-digit salary. Then when I got into the accident, I realized maybe it was my death, I was seeking for so long.

...But I had my regrets....

My regrets always gobble me up from the inside, leaving me nothing but an empty man. I wanted to create a story, a story that reflects the world, that people could burn into their memories. No flashy hero, no popular actors, yet a story people see themselves in and feel. Yet, I couldn't. Not because I gave up but because I never got the chance—my parents were Asian; they never believed in my life as a successful director, nor did I ever get the chance to work in any reputable agency. Moreover, I was poor. I had plenty of excuses to give up, but I couldn't.

Not until I lost the person, my only supporter, my best friend, Xie Mei. She wanted to be one of the top screenwriters and make a drama or at least a short film with me. But my life didn't wish for it.

She committed suicide.

I was helpless. I couldn't help it; I was powerless. I couldn't even fight against the bullies I had; I couldn't even fight for my dreams.

It was a rainy day; the streets were almost empty. I returned from her funeral clutching the letter she left me.

Dear Zu Cheng,

I understand you are really angry on me for what I did; I know I'm in no position to ask for this… But can you do me a favor? Only one—do not stop chasing your dreams.

...Do not step back. FIGHT!! FIGHT!!!!...

^^^ — Xie Mei^^^

My hands shook as I read it again and again. Why do you care for me when you’ve already given up? Why did you leave me? I had no answers—only tears.

I stepped onto the road, lost in grief, and only noticed a bright flash...hah... it was my fault; I didn't notice the truck coming earlier. By the time I noticed, I could only see the bright light fading into darkness. I felt myself sinking into the sea, my heartbeat slowing to nothing.

I thought it was the end; it felt like I accepted my fate.

But that wasn’t the case. In the next instant, light exploded behind my eyelids. When I opened them, I was staring at the ceiling of my old room—twelve years earlier, the day of my final results. My chest tightened; the sight had to be a hallucination. However, later that day, when the results were released, I felt a chill run through my body. The numbers were exactly the same as in that last, terrible vision.

So at the end, I could come up with only one conclusion —

I’d been thrown back into my own past. I am seventeen again.

When I realized I got a second chance, I absolutely didn't want to waste it; this time I have two goals I must achieve: become the director I always wished to be and, secondly, somehow save her.

Before I realised what I should do, I called her subconsciously, and when I heard her voice, the first thing came out of my mouth was —

...Can we meet now?...

My words cracked, trembling in her ear. She surely noticed. Just as expected, she seems confused. Her tone made it clear she wanted to ask, "Why?" We just saw each other yesterday… yet she said, “Yeah…I guess it's okay… you can come…”

I couldn’t afford to waste a single second and rushed to her house. It’s only a 10-minute walk from mine. Her house was small but cozy, with soft white walls and a few potted plants by the entrance.

I pressed the doorbell; she opened the door instantly. My arms moved before I could think, wrapping around her as if drawn by some invisible force. I couldn’t stop it. I had just returned from her funeral just hours ago, yet here she was, alive, standing right in front of me. The world felt impossibly wrong and utterly right all at once.

She got worried; she asked, “What happened? Did someone bully you again?? What is it this time? Did they do something mean again?”

I denied her. But yes, I’m ashamed enough to admit that I couldn’t even fight for myself against those bullies previously; she always comforted me. It’s never like she could stop the bullies; also, I didn’t want her to get involved—after all, it would not solve anything but make her life harder, yet she was always here by my side. Even when my parents ignored it.

I looked at her, smiling. I joked, “Thank you so much, buddy. What’s gonna happen to me without you??”

Her facial expression changed from worried to annoyed instantly. "Of course. You are an alien; without me, you can’t even speak.”

“It’s really not like I’m some kind of alien.”

“Yep. Then get your shit together. You don’t have some superpower, so use what you have.” She continued, “Don’t let them bother you… That's all I can say. Not like I can really help you out of it.”

She was right. Even if she tried, she couldn’t. She was powerless too.

I sighed, finally letting go of her, though part of me didn’t want to. She gave me one last look, half-annoyed, half-worried, and then closed the door behind me.

The walk back home was quiet. The streets were calm, the sky tinged with the soft orange of late afternoon. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, about Xie Mei and about the second chance I’d been given. Everything felt different now yet terrifyingly the same. I had one shot that I couldn’t afford to waste.

Oh… I almost forgot something. Well, maybe not that important.

These moments I’ve been carrying—ten months ago, they almost broke me. But now? I’m doing better.

I guess I should probably say who I am. Uhh… Zu Cheng. Honestly, I’ve never had to introduce myself… People always saw me as extra.

So, I never really knew what to say. Uhhh…yea… Just don’t mind me.

This work is a piece of fiction. All characters, events, organizations, and settings portrayed in this story are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

This story contains themes such as regret, mental health struggles, suicide, family conflict, and personal trauma. These elements are included solely for narrative and character development purposes and are not intended to promote, justify, or glorify such actions or experiences.

The depiction of real-world systems, including educational institutions (such as exams, universities), locations, and the entertainment industry, may not be fully accurate and should not be considered factual representation.

Reader discretion is advised.

Weekly updates.

...Zu Cheng...

The next week, after I returned in the past, I had to study for the entrance exam for university. But this time I didn't choose 'finance' as a subject—I chose 'film studies'.

My parents were against me, as I predicted. They said I was gambling with my life and being a director wouldn't make money.

They said, "We love you. We care about you. That's why we want you to live the life you’re supposed to. A straight path is better than a winding one."

They said they cared, but what they really cared about was bragging to relatives. Then why, in that future I remembered, after following their plan, getting the job, and sinking into depression, did they still call it drama, nothing serious? I don't understand which love and care they talk about. But I won’t suffer again. This time, I’ll choose my passion over their choice.

Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like they don't love me at all. They just want to fulfill their dreams through me only to brag about it.

To choose my passion, I ended up fighting with them. But I didn’t back down. The first step to my future was to get into film directing, and for that, I had to pass Yikao—the national art exam.

In my previous lifetime, the same thing happened. I had already applied for Yikao back in December 2022 and even received the admit card, but when I came to him for his signature, he refused, no matter what I said. Back then, I couldn’t resist. I just stood there, holding that paper in my right hand, desperate to chase what I loved, yet too much of a coward to fight for it. I accepted the life they chose for me and blamed fate for my misery.

NO… This time, it wouldn’t repeat. I’ll get his signature. But if he refuses, then I’ll refuse to live the way he wants me to. When he said no, I stopped talking, skipped meals, and locked myself in my room. I studied harder than ever because I knew he’d have to give in sooner or later.

That’s when one of my uncles came for a visit. After hearing everything, he told my father, “Children should do what they want to. Let him live as he wants; he is not a kid anymore.”

You might wonder who he is—it's my father's younger brother, who absolutely didn't want me to succeed. So he didn't say all that out of goodwill but because he thought the truth would ruin my worth in the family, as I'll obviously end up as a broken man.

Then again, thanks to him, at least he helped me get my father's approval. My father trusts his brothers more than his son. When he signed my exam pass, it was clear he wasn’t a typical cool dad who agreed because he saw the spirit of his child, but rather because his brother said so.

It hurt, but that's fine. Uncle doesn't know—I already have a plan. Despite his forced smile, he truly doesn't care. And my father, as always, was blind to it.

The next few days, I prepared as best as I could for the exam. I would be starting university early, having already completed high school ahead of schedule. I was 17, but the minimum age for university was 16, so it wasn’t a problem. Some of my cousins had started early too; in modern China, it wasn’t unusual.

It was 24th February 2023 when I finally began a change. The exam was held at many schools, including Beijing Huairou No. 1 High School, where I studied. I knew the test would be brutal for the normies. But for us? It was fun. I knew it! This exam was only for the creative ones—no place for the ordinary.

I felt confident as I navigated through it; everything seemed to fall into place.

The results came out on 14th March. I had ranked 15th. My relatives were shocked, but I wasn’t.

On the other hand, Xie Mei had applied for Yikao in screenwriting, and she came in 17th place. We both made it into the top 20.

After seeing the results, my father finally accepted me and allowed me to do what I wanted. That didn’t mean he would support me. He made that clear when he refused my request for a laptop for work.

At least he didn’t resist when I bought one myself, using the money I earned from a part-time job at a cybercafé.

During that job, I met a guy named Ray, a British student who was into photography and editing as a hobby. He loved traveling and natural casting. During breaks, he would show me some of his work and travel blogs. I took the opportunity and got his contact info.

Over time, we became friends with similar tastes. He sometimes sent me natural images of animals and birds, while I helped him sort and organize excellent footage while he did the editing.

After a few days, he realized how curious I was and decided to teach me the basics of editing. A couple of months later, I had learned the fundamentals and even understood some actual editing techniques. Using my three months’ wages and the savings I’d kept for years, I built my own PC setup—perfect for a beginner like me.

All these events happened while I spent three months preparing for the Gaokao—reviewing Chinese, math, English, and elective subjects; doing practice papers; and memorizing key concepts. At the same time, I juggled my part-time job, learned more about editing, explored camera techniques, and studied the elements I’d need for creative filming.

I was completely shocked when, a week before the Gaokao, my mother asked me if I needed any more parental signatures. She said they'd be gone for work from June 5 to 12, so I had to get any forms signed before the 5th.

It was shocking for two reasons. First, they were actually asking me if I needed their approval. Second, they knew exactly when the exam would take place.

That was growth I never expected from them. I didn’t know whether to feel happy or worried about their unusual behavior.

Soon, it was 5th June, the day they were supposed to leave.

When I went downstairs to see them off, I saw Aunt Keima, my mother’s Japanese cousin, talking to her. She’s one of the few people in this family who genuinely cares about me.

As I approached, my mother said that Aunt Keima would take care of me until the 9th . That confused me.

I’d always been alone whenever they went away—so why now?

After they left, Aunt Keima turned to me and said, “All you need is proper food. No packaged snacks or instant meals until the 9th. You need to stay in your best health if you want to do well in the exams.”

I just stared at her as she spoke. Before I could reply, she continued softly.

“Listen, la boy… your mom loves you. But in a family where everyone’s so successful, she didn’t want you to dig your own grave. She thought forcing you onto a safer path was the right thing. But now things are different. You’ve proved you can do something better. Even if she doesn’t say it, she’ll always be cheering for you.”

Her words felt hollow at first. If she really loved me, why didn’t she believe me? Why couldn’t she see how much I was suffering?

But then… the thought hit me like a wave.

I remembered her voice saying, “Zu, you’ll understand why…” I remembered the day she cried when I fainted from overwork.

Why? Why did it take me this long to realize? They never wanted me to fail—they just didn’t want me to break. They forced me into a cage, thinking it was safety. They’d rather let me hate them than watch me ruin myself.

What type of typical crazy parents are they, huh? So bothersome! If you love me this much, why don’t you put away your that pride in side and say that?

Anyway, I thanked Aunt for coming for me and then went upstairs. Well, I couldn’t afford to lose now…