Chapter 1: Awareness

"Lin Wan, there’s a household in the South City Road Courtyard that needs room cleaning, you should go," the housekeeping company’s receptionist gave Lin Wan an address and phone number. "There are people at home, you just need to clean the room and cook dinner. They’re having a gathering tonight, I’ve heard you’re good at cooking. Go over in the afternoon."

"Okay, I’ll go home first to grab some things." Lin Wan was already in her fifties; time ages everyone.

Now that she’s over fifty, she should normally be surrounded by children and grandchildren, but Lin Wan still lives in a rented house. She has never owned a house, has no children, which is a major regret of her life. Now, she can only work more, save some money, and wait until the day she can no longer work, then go to a nursing home. fгee𝑤ebɳoveɭ.cøm

"Lin Wan, the man in this family is said to be a leader, has been single for many years, in his fifties with no children either. You don’t know if there’s something wrong with him; otherwise, how could such a well-conditioned man be without a woman? You should show your best tonight, cook well, maybe he’ll keep you on long-term. Such a family, simple in population, less work, the pay must be high." An old colleague at the company had been there twice, seen him, and heard some rumors. Yet, the man was unhappy with her cooking skills, or else such an easy and good job wouldn’t fall to this new old lady.

"Thanks for the heads-up, old sister, I’ll do my best." Listening to these words, Lin Wan also wanted to do well; after all, having a high income is desirable for everyone. She didn’t quite care about other’s personal business, but her mind was reminiscing about the past.

Back then, she married a man who also wore green. Although he wasn’t often home, he treated her well, and they had good days for two years... To end up in such a plight now, she only had herself to blame. She was too greedy, dissatisfied with him, and got herself into trouble because she couldn’t bear loneliness. He was gone long-term, leaving her alone with his grandma. Taking care of an elderly was tiring in itself, and when he finally returned, he had a cold demeanor, which gradually led Lin Wan to resent her newlywed husband.

Later, through a girlfriend’s introduction, she met Li Liang. At that time, Li Liang happened to be a teacher at their school. He had been to many places before and was later recruited back to become a painting teacher.

With a scholarly aura, romantic and charming, such was Li Liang, attracting Lin Wan. Gradually, with Ye Qing’s assistance, with just a few words, Lin Wan was smitten.

Secretly, the two of them were involved for a month. At that time, Han Yi was undergoing intense training, and hadn’t been seen for a year, completely unaware of this affair until Lin Wan found out she was pregnant. When she joyfully told Li Liang, his face suddenly changed, refused to acknowledge, and left.

Lin Wan didn’t know what to do, so she turned to Ye Qing. Ye Qing kindly advised her not to just let it go; considering she was pregnant, if worse came to worst, she could go to his home and confront him. Lin Wan thought likewise, if he wouldn’t acknowledge, she’d go find his parents. Lin Wan thought it through, if his parents accepted the child in her womb, she’d divorce Han Yi. But when she went to Li Liang’s home, she found that he was already married.

Enraged, Lin Wan fought with Li Liang, and in the end, Li Liang’s wife pushed her, causing her to miscarry.

Upon waking in the hospital, Lin Wan saw Han Yi’s complicated gaze looking at her.

Knowing full well she had wronged him, Lin Wan, regardless of her health, took the initiative to propose divorce.

"We’ll talk after you’ve recovered."

That’s what Han Yi said at that time. Such a good man, yet she humiliated him so badly. Any other man would have beaten her first, but he considered her health instead.

She got herself into this mess and pushed away such a good man.

Later, when she was discharged from the hospital, Han Yi didn’t hit or scold her, nor did he propose divorce.

Instead, he asked her to go home and wait for him.

Upon hearing Han Yi’s words, Lin Wan burst into tears. At that moment, she felt so heartless, feeling terribly sorry towards Han Yi. She ruined the good marriage with her own hands.

She cuckolded her husband, who didn’t despise her, but she couldn’t get over it herself. She felt dirty, unworthy of Han Yi, so she left behind a divorce agreement and quietly left the home, returning to her maiden home.

Upon learning about the situation, Mom directly slapped her and just said: "Are you trying to follow in your father’s footsteps?"

That night, Lin Wan left home crying, carrying only a few dozen yuan, and went to another city, struggling alone for a living for decades in that city.

Chapter 2: Awareness 2

There had been times of downfall, times of pride, but she could never succeed in anything. All these years, she’s been deeply repressed, unable to forget the man who was so good to her.

When she was with him, she disliked him in countless ways. After they parted and she met different kinds of men, the more she compared, the more she realized how good that person had been to her. But... she could never go back. Whenever the night was quiet, the regret in her heart would make her feel immense pain.

She missed Mom so much that she returned home five years ago, only to find everything had changed. Her brother rarely came home after finishing college, and her mom had passed away the fifth year after she left.

Lin Wan regretted it endlessly, crying in front of Mom’s grave for a whole day.

She learned from her uncle that her brother had gone to Z City, so she came here too, wanting to see her brother.

Her brother used to adore her, accommodating her in everything. Right now, she missed her brother’s doting gaze immensely but feared seeing his resentful eyes. Lin Wan moved around the city for a long time, knowing where her brother was, yet she couldn’t summon the courage to meet him.

...

Lin Wan took tools from her rented room and headed straight for South City Road.

She had never lived in such a grand and mysterious courtyard but knew it was very strict. "I am a cleaner going to clean Building Eight," Lin Wan explained to the person on duty.

"Hold on, I’ll make a call home."

This family is surnamed Han. Every time she heard the surname Han over the years, she would subconsciously look up.

The guard quickly dialed the internal line, spoke a few words, pointed Lin Wan to a location, and let her in.

So, Building Eight was a small villa. When Lin Wan rang the doorbell, the gate just happened to open.

A green figure stepped out, causing Lin Wan to feel slightly dazed, staring at that green figure in a complete stupor.

Gradually, that splash of green became clearer; upon seeing Lin Wan, there was a moment of daze too. Lin Wan could see surprise and disbelief in his eyes. But it was not as obvious as Lin Wan’s; Han Yi merely glanced at her and hurriedly went out the gate.

He was still so handsome; although time had climbed over his face, it hadn’t added any flaws but rather made him more attractive.

As for her? Her figure had changed shape. To make a living, her skin had turned rough, and the wrinkles were too numerous to count.

Han Yi wanted to step forward, pull her outside, but thinking about the people inside, felt a bit repelled. He could only suppress the longing and head outward.

"Lin Wan?"

Lin Wan didn’t know how long she had been standing at the door when she suddenly heard someone in the yard calling her.

Looking up, she met Ye Qing’s mocking gaze.

Mocking?

Lin Wan opened her mouth, facing her unfriendly eyes, holding a bellyful of words with no idea what to say.

Was this a former classmate? Fellow townsman?

"What a coincidence, how come you’re here?"

Ye Qing glanced at Lin Wan in surprise and said, "This is my home... Lin Wan, you wouldn’t be the cleaner the guard just mentioned at the gate, right?"

The word "cleaner" twisted at Lin Wan’s heart, wrenching her in a stuffy silence, yet she had no reason to argue. Reality is always that hurtful.

"You guys...?" Lin Wan didn’t answer her question and asked straightforwardly.

Ye Qing was first taken aback, raised her eyebrows, then gave her a strange smile without immediately responding. She casually dusted nonexistent dust off her expensive clothes, lifted her head, and gave Lin Wan a meaningful look, making Lin Wan’s heart tremble.

"Yes, within a few years of your leaving, Ai Yi and I got married." Ye Qing finished speaking, looked up. The sky was gloomy, the October weather outside somewhat cold. She said to Lin Wan, "Let’s go inside and talk, it’s too cold out here."

"No need, I just suddenly remembered I have something to do, so..."

Before finishing her sentence, Ye Qing interrupted, clasping Lin Wan’s arm and leading her inside. "There’s been no news from you these years. You wouldn’t know, after you left, your mom cried for a long time and fell ill within days. Your brother had to drop out of school. When did you come here? Judging by your appearance, life hasn’t been good these years, has it?" Speaking with a face full of sincere smile, yet the words that came out were just that discomforting.

With that, she led Lin Wan into the house, "How’s this house? Judging by your appearance, you probably haven’t lived in such a house, right?" Ye Qing smiled as she gave Lin Wan the once-over. The house was large, beautiful, but it didn’t belong to her.

"Yi is quite a character now. Speaking of which, I suffered a lot following him over the years too, but it was okay. Three years after you left, I married him."

"Ye Qing, sorry, I’m feeling a bit unwell, you should hire someone else." Lin Wan spoke as she hurriedly walked out.

Ye Qing stood there with arms crossed, unmoving, watching Lin Wan’s panicked escape, a tinge of ridicule playing on her lips like a ripple on water, quickly crossing her face before solidifying into two sparks in her eyes, vanishing in the depths of her gaze.

"Remember Li Liang? These years, he often gained favors from me. One of his paintings now is worth hundreds of thousands."

Lin Wan’s hurried step suddenly halted, turning back, looking at Ye Qing in shock, a wave of melancholic bitterness spreading throughout her body. "Why?"

Ye Qing just relished seeing her defeated, sarcastically said, "Why? What do you think? Haha..." Seeing her living like a fool all these years, Ye Qing felt somewhat pity and said, "I dislike you, purposefully."

Lin Wan could no longer suppress the anger in her heart, moved forward suddenly and gave Ye Qing a fierce slap, "It was you who ruined me, it was you!"

Ye Qing covered her face, not bothered, instead laughed even louder, "That’s right, but you knew too late, want to know why?... Remember that summer when we were sixteen? Obviously, we went out together, why did you leave ahead without waiting for me? Why? Tell me!" Ye Qing said as if mad, face contorted, originally delicate features now looking extremely ugly.

Lin Wan was stunned, unable to recall things from when she was sixteen!

"What is that expression? You even forgot what happened that day! Why? Why? How could you forget?"

Looking at Ye Qing for a long time, Lin Wan finally remembered that year, there was a movie screening in a neighboring town.

Everyone in the villages within a radius of ten miles knew, despite the miles, they scrambled to watch.

Her brother, her, and Ye Qing went to watch together late that night.

"That night at the movies?... There were too many people on the way back, I couldn’t find you. My brother and I waited for you for a long time, finally, someone from the village told us you had already gone back, and then my brother and I left."

Ye Qing suddenly burst into laughter, "You remembered?"

"Just because of this? You were angry, so you got Li Liang to set me up?"

Lin Wan only now realized that Ye Qing hated her so deeply.

Chapter 3: Back to That Year

"Hmph, so what? It’s because you’re unable to endure loneliness, it was you who foolishly fell into the trap, haha."

"You’re a bastard." At this moment, Lin Wan was filled with unspeakable anger and regret, but it was too late, there was no time.

Everything was too late.

Her life was lived like a fool. "Why, why does it have to be like this for her."

Lin Wan stumbled out of the courtyard, not knowing how she got out. All she wanted was to die.

Death would be the end of it all.

"Lin Wan... Lin Wan? Wanwan, are you okay?" Han Yi had been waiting outside for a long time, calling her repeatedly without any response. Seeing her wandering appearance, Han Yi reached out and pulled her slightly.

Only then did Lin Wan react. She stared blankly for a moment, suddenly seeing a long-lost face, and once again started to daze.

Han Yi noticed her face didn’t look good, her hair disheveled, and wanted to step forward to tidy it for her but reconsidered, thinking it’s not appropriate. His hand remained in mid-air then slowly lowered.

"Have you been well all these years?" The originally reserved and steady voice, tempered further by the years, still sounded so pleasant.

Lin Wan’s bewildered eyes suddenly cleared a bit, she stared at Han Yi dazedly and asked with uncertainty, "Are you concerned about me?"

"...Yes," Han Yi awkwardly hid his emotions, looking deeply into Lin Wan’s eyes, "I didn’t sign those divorce papers."

What does not signing mean? He didn’t sign? He actually didn’t sign, then what does it mean for them now, what’s happening with Ye Qing?

Looking at Han Yi, at this moment, Lin Wan collapsed completely, and suddenly something fell from her eyes, leaving damp trails over her cheeks on her dry skin, just like her life, so messy and chaotic.

"I’m sorry." At this moment, these were the only words Lin Wan could say to Han Yi.

Lin Wan didn’t want Han Yi to see her in such a wretched state, wiping away her tears, ignoring Han Yi’s calls from behind, she turned to cross the street.

But who had known that just then a large truck would come.

In that split second, Lin Wan felt that, like this, it was fine, she wouldn’t have to live like this anymore.

"Wanwan, don’t" Han Yi rushed forward at that moment, and Lin Wan was stunned. She had never thought Han Yi would risk his life to save her. She had so many things, so many questions to ask, but she didn’t want him to see her in her present state.

Now it’s fine, this moment, won’t be seen anymore.

Both of their lives faded with a piercing sound of brakes and collision...

Lin Wan only felt intense pain all over her body, she tried to raise her hand to brush away this pain, only to find herself powerless, extremely thirsty, struggling for a long time before finally being able to raise her hand to touch her face, feeling it was all sweaty.

Hadn’t she died in the car accident? Lin Wan raised her hand to touch the wall, finding a string, which she pulled, lighting up the room.

Thinking what kind of broken place this was, using switches from decades ago? It’s even more shabby than the house she rented. Hadn’t she died? Was this a hospital? This hospital was too frugal.

Lin Wan struggled to get up, holding a 70s enamel mug from the table, without caring the temperature of the water or when it was from, gulping it down in one breath, feeling finally relieved.

Looking down at herself, she found her arms wrapped in white cloth, covered with various scratches.

"She hadn’t died..." then what about Han Yi? Was he okay?

Thinking of Ye Qing made her heart sink again. Although she had been gone for decades, seeing Han Yi with another woman inexplicably hurt, let alone the woman being Ye Qing.

She was so foolish!

Lin Wan looked around the room and realized it was very old, like a house from the 70s or 80s, the walls still made of earth bricks, the floor tiled.

Only... This... House seemed so familiar.

The more Lin Wan looked, the more familiar it felt, she had lived here for a while, she had impressions, how did she come back here?

Had she died and Heaven allowed her to go back to the past to look?

Lin Wan, dragging her pained body, glanced at the calendar on the wall, it was a calendar from 1978.

In 1978, she was only sixteen, remembering that year she and her brother were both admitted to university. Though at that time attending university didn’t need tuition, living expenses still required a good amount. Those times were tough at home, and Mom could not afford the expenses for two kids. Mom meant she was still young, let her brother go first, she’d wait for two years.

She disagreed, thinking Mom favored boys over girls, biased towards her brother, and argued with the family fiercely. When Mom and brother went out to work, she took the ten yuan she saved by washing hospital sheets, and left alone.

Later, she secretly took the notice and went to university by herself; July 24, in another month school would start, which meant she had just arrived at this place not long ago.

She recalled she had a car accident when she first arrived, she was hit by a small car when she went out to buy food, but luckily, it wasn’t serious. The car’s owner was nice, compensated her twenty yuan, which was a lot at the time, enough to buy many things.

She spent seven yuan to rent a place, having only a couple yuan left, it wasn’t enough to sustain her for long, eventually she had to find a dishwashing job here, held on for a month before leaving.

Reflecting on the things she did, it did hurt people, her Mom and brother must have been very sad at the time.

Thinking about it now, what was the point of going to university? The people she met weren’t good, it ruined her life.

It was just a waste of money.

Lin Wan lay in bed, thinking of Ye Qing, thinking of her foolish past deeds, thinking until she didn’t know when she fell asleep.

The next day she was woken by hunger, Lin Wan lay in bed and smiled helplessly, a dead person could still get hungry?

After resting a night, her body and arm weren’t as painful, Lin Wan got up, looked around the room, found herself still here, wondering why Black and White Impermanence hadn’t come to take her, leaving her here.

Lin Wan rented a small courtyard with two rooms, one bedroom, one kitchen.

Originally, she wanted to go to the county, but worried things would be expensive there, and she didn’t have enough money. Passing by here, she saw it was much richer than her town, so she stopped to wander aimlessly around. Passing by this house, she overheard the owner discussing prices with someone, and out of interest listened a bit, discovering the owner wanted to rent the house, but the person found the rent expensive, and since someone had recently died here, the deal wasn’t made.

Once that person left, Lin Wan quickly approached the owner, saying she wanted to rent. It turned out this room belonged to the owner’s old mother, who had died not long ago. The owner was worried it couldn’t be rented out, unexpectedly met Lin Wan wanting to rent it, so rented it to her for seven yuan a month.