My name is k , I am a teacher my life is not really happy i'm leaving in a boring life I don't remember that i wanted to be a teacher, when I was a kid i think life is happy if we have money you can buy everything but reality hit, even you have money you have so many things to pay bill ,apartment, food, my life is always like that sometimes I think why i become a teacher.

Everyone in my life my friend my family, expect me to be someone they want me to be ,not someone I want to be,everyone is expecting me to be perfect, because they think I living in a wonderful life, I feel my chest tie I cannot breathe normal, every person in my job is so pathetic cause they don't know me but when they talk they think we are close ,(like shit do you know me)(in my brain).

I always smiling, laughing when they're around but after that going again to my world again alone in a dark room, going to my kitchen wanted to make my self happy by cooking but I not good at everything so I cook and what happened,it not taste good it's awful, so I have a to eat my mother maid my favorite food spicy chicken I really miss her but you know I not kinda kind to her when his going to my apartment he always lecture me so I always wanted her to live but deep inside me I want her to sleep her sing my favorite song like when I was a kid.

actually I not a kind kid when I was young I always disobey my mother and my father cause I really hate my father,I am jealous to my classmate when they have a father who accompanied they children to school, cause I never feel that even just once,I'm a kid who making a trouble in school I always going to a guidance office grade1 to grade4 and after that in grade 7 yes I make a trouble to but after that accident I've been bullied a lot.but I not someone who never fight back.

My favorite life is grade 9 that is the first time I feel happy not boring everything is fine,I make friends having a buddy in life is make me alive but their is a time a feel lonely I don't know when it started, everything you like the most you not like it everything you want the most feel boring to you.

My mental health It got worse in grade 10,I had a fight with someone in my class Because he thinks he can bully, because in that time I'm always alone I don't have friends their cause my friend is not my classmate Even if I have a friend, I still won't tell them my problem.. I not a focal person so I just hide my pain my problem even my mother didn't know that my mental health getting worse cause I being lazy in everything.

I hate the facts that it not my fault but my mother. Saying sorry to them but I not someone who can mess of, (I said )it's not my fault so stop coming from our house And don't lecture my mom because your son is a jerk.(they said )What if you kill my son? (I said )so that's all He's going to die I give a stare as if I really want to kill( they said )What if you go to jail?(I said)I feel sorry for your son, but what if he's dead? ... everyone is shock what I said.

so the accident that happened is settle down with our teacher with our mother, our teacher give us Advice: Don't fight anymore because graduation is coming soon. after a few days the graduation has already started, but my dad really doesn't know anything about my life. He went back to our house because of my graduation.

My classmates are crying as if it's their last meeting. I have no friends I'm just lonely girl Not happy to see everyone, including my dad.

I'm on vacation and I don't do anything right and I get scolded at home because I'm lazy. I'm not lazy. I just don't know why I don't want to do anything.This is where my mental health is getting worse because my dad always scolding me because I didn't do anything right .

After the vacation, dad went back to his job and I went back to grade 11.I don't really have any dreams so I'll just enroll in whatever.

Time files I'm fucking done with my study I graduated and became a useless teacher.

I teach high school in the subject English. It's so fucking It's tiring and I have a coworker who tells me that you are a teacher but you don't know how to teach, even when it comes to cooking. You haven't cooked anything delicious or perfect.

It's fucking obvious that she is just jealous Because I was promoted, but then I started vomiting, coughing, and my nose would bleed when I was stressed.

At that moment I think I just so tired.But my boss said I needed to get checked out so he gave me leave so when I went to the hospital and got checked out he told me to take care of myself because that was the cause of my depression.

I was on my way home when I met a drunk man. He said to me, "Hey, are you okay?" That's the person who asked me if I was okay. He said the world is tiring, but it's better to die than to see ourselves struggling. I just said, "That's right, it's better to die. No one loves me, not even my family. They don't even care about me." My dad, even Kay Lan, never even said hello to me or talked to me. They all didn't care about me. My mom only came home when I asked her to bring me my favorite dish.

Sometimes I ask myself if I'm okay with wanting to live or not because it's really tiring.

I told the guy I wanted to drink, I'm free, we went to our favorite restaurant, we ordered a lot of alcohol, I had a lot of his quantity, even though I didn't know him, we fell asleep in the The table and the Owner are waking us up .