Maybe is a heavy word filled with uncertainty. My whole life has been filled with maybes but only about one thing I wasn't uncertain. But when you said " Perhaps I wasn't made for you...." That sentence made my certainty crack from the edge, it started becoming uncertain too. Then a thought crossed my mind, filled with uncertainty, " Maybe in another life.... But what if that another life never comes? " Then perhaps it's destiny that you weren't meant to be mine.

One day I will just become a random face among the crowd of hundreds that you met in your life.



You will stare at with me with those cold uncertain eyes, those eyes which used to look at me with love once. It's one of my biggest fears.



I am afraid to hold on too tightly because it will hurt us in the end. I didn't want to argue, I was just sad, I didn't want to tell too. But that certainty that you are mine made me say everything in my mind. Only to meet with that uncertainty.

Maybe in this life, you weren't meant to be mine, maybe in another life you will be mine only. But what if this is that another life? Then I will smile with that uncertainty that I held on my life like and say " Maybe it was destiny."

I don't want to let you go but I can't hold too tightly, my possessiveness is something I can't hide, though I have been trying so hard to hide it behind that smile which has cracked, falling apart already. You were the only thing my heart was certain about until it met the uncertainty of reality and yours. I imagined a quiet future for us, filled with every emotion not just happiness, I wanted to experience everything with you. But uncertainty filled my mind as my imagination fell apart. I didn't break at once, I didn't break loudly, I broke slowly and silent.

I tried to lose my grip that held you near my heart so that you couldn't think I am being too much but it turned into an argument before I even realized.

In the past I tried to push you away because of this uncertainty but I try not to do it anymore. I am afraid to lose you.

One day my grip might lose forever when I lose the strength to hold on, if it happens, will you not hold me like I once held you? I got the answer with uncertainty when you replied. And it was No. You don't hold me tightly on place when I break apart, you will just say with uncertainty " Perhaps I wasn't made for you..." A sentence recurring in my mind, making it hollow from inside. A warm home that I built with you in my imagination slipping away from between my fingers and all I could do was watch with uncertainty. Life is hard I know that too. I didn't expect it to be easy too. It's filled with uncertainty, I know that now too.... Yet I foolishly wish for a future with us in it. If not in this life perhaps in another life, I want you to be mine at the end.

In a life of uncertainty, my only certainty had cracked from the edges. Getting away from me. It does hurts but in the end it was my fault for holding on too hard until my hands started hurting, my eyes became out of focus, my possessiveness clouded my mind and my selfishness blurred my judgement.

I muttered sorry all night only to meet with coldness. I looked at it, like always, it was How Expected. Because somewhere in a heart even I know perhaps this is how it was supposed to end. Maybe in another life, you could be mine. Perhaps not I guess.

In this life, Nothing is as perfect as it looks. You might admire other's life, Wishing to be like this. But try seeing behind that perfection, all you could find is pain. Everyone can be perfect but do you want to go through that pain? Only to create a facade to make yourself perfect even if only in the eyes of others.

I don't say I never admired anyone, I did too. That's why I ended up like this. In those eyes, I used to see happiness every day, shining like they held stars in it. Now has dulled like a dead fish's one, it had turned red from the edges as depression has devoured those stars. It hurts to see those eyes like this. Perhaps it was supposed end in this....

 In my life of uncertainty, you were my only certainty beyond imagination. Something I believed that could never leave me. But somewhere in the darkest corner of my heart where overthinking prevails I knew it was meant to end like this. My certainty left me. Soon the light from my eyes faded away too. My focus blurred, my thoughts were a mess, my mind drifting through the nights of our memories where once happiness was once a constant. Not anymore. Nothing lasts forever. I know that too. That's why I used to say Maybe, hopefully, I guess and many things which my certainty didn't like. But I knew it meant to be end like this.

Now my grip has loosened, my hands hung useless beside me, even you don't have the strength to hold me back. Perhaps that's how it was meant to end. But..... In another life, will you be mine? I know you won't. But still I wish you could be mine at least in another life where I am not like this. Where my possessiveness couldn't be suffocating. Where you don't have to where those chains that tied you with me. I wish you could be free, your heart could be filled with happiness unlike mine, your eyes could shine again brighter than before. No lies, you were my obsession but perhaps it is what that hurt you in the end.

Perhaps in this life, it was meant to be like this. But still I can't help but wish selfishly, just one day more, be with me. I wish I wasn't like this. Then perhaps we couldn't be together in this start. But at least it couldn't end like this too as nothing ever started.

I was living in a delusional of a happy life, suddenly yanked back to reality. Everything turned cold, even those warm eyes. Perhaps it was supposed to end like this. Maybe in another life.... Be mine at the end.