English
NovelToon NovelToon

Sillage

Do I mistake this feeling as butterflies

Noah had rehearsed this moment so many times that the words almost didn’t feel real anymore.

The rooftop wind brushed against his face as he stood there gripping the straps of his bag tightly. His heartbeat was so loud he wondered if the person in front of him could hear it too.

Asher stood near the fence, hands inside his pockets, school blazer slightly loose, golden evening sunlight falling over his face beautifully.

Everyone liked Asher.

Teachers praised him. Students admired him. Seniors trusted him.

He was handsome, calm, intelligent— the kind of person people naturally gathered around.

And Noah had loved him quietly for months.

Noah swallowed nervously.

“A-Asher senior…”

Asher looked at him silently.

That gaze alone made Noah’s chest aching.

“I… I really like you.”

The words finally escaped.

Noah’s ears burned red immediately afterward. He looked away in embarrassment, fingers trembling slightly.

For a few seconds, Asher said nothing.

He only stared.

Noah’s nervous smile slowly faltered.

Then—

“Are you gay?”

The question hit him so suddenly that his mind went blank.

“…W-What?”

“I asked,” Asher repeated calmly, “are you gay?”

Noah’s throat tightened.

The rooftop suddenly felt colder.

His lips parted, but no words came out. Panic slowly crawled into his chest.

“A-Asher…”

Then suddenly, Asher smiled.

A soft, beautiful smile.

His eyes curved gently as if nothing uncomfortable had happened at all.

Inside, however, his thoughts were far less gentle.

What an adorable prey.

“You’re cute,” Asher said lightly. “Want to grab coffee together?”

Noah blinked in shock.

“…R-Really?”

“Mm.”

Happiness exploded inside Noah so quickly it almost made him dizzy.

“Y-Yes!” he answered too quickly before lowering his head shyly. “I’d love to…”

Asher watched the way Noah’s face turned red and smirked faintly.

“Then meet me at the café near the station. Around five thirty.”

He stepped closer slightly.

“Don’t make me wait, okay?”

Noah nodded immediately.

“I won’t!”

Even as he smiled, though, a strange uncomfortable feeling lingered somewhere deep inside him.

But he ignored it.

This was love, right?

People always said love made your chest feel strange.

That had to be it.

Noah arrived nearly twenty minutes early.

He had changed clothes three times before leaving home.

In the end, he wore a black jacket over a soft grey hoodie with a cap pulled low over his head. Casual. Not too obvious. Not trying too hard.

At least that’s what he hoped.

His fingers wrapped nervously around the warm coffee cup as he waited.

Then the café door opened.

Noah looked up immediately—

—and forgot how to breathe.

Asher walked inside wearing a dark sweater and cap, looking effortlessly handsome and even dressed casually.

Several people near the entrance glanced toward him instantly.

“He’s seriously handsome…”

“Is he a model?”

Noah’s heart pounded wildly.

Oh my god. He actually came. I’m really going on a date with him…

But then—

Noah noticed the people behind him.

Three boys walked in together laughing loudly.

Asher stopped in front of Noah’s table.

His friends stopped too.

One of them frowned slightly.

“Hm? Why’d you stop?”

“Did you step on something?” another joked.

Asher smiled pleasantly.

“Guys, this is Noah. My favorite junior.”

Noah’s entire brain froze.

Favorite…?

“I invited him to join us,” Asher continued smoothly. “That’s okay, right?”

Noah’s face turned bright red instantly.

“H-He called me his favorite…”

“Y-Yeah…” Noah mumbled shyly while looking down.

The others exchanged confused looks but shrugged casually before sitting down.

Noah sat beside Asher quietly, trying to calm his racing heartbeat.

Then suddenly one of the boys pointed at him.

“You.”

Noah looked up nervously.

“Go order for us.”

He listed several drinks casually.

Noah blinked.

“...Me?”

Discomfort twisted in his stomach.

Still, he quickly nodded.

“O-Okay…”

As he started to stand—

“Noah.”

Asher’s voice stopped him.

“You don’t have to do that.”

The boys laughed.

“He’s joking around.”

“Who even goes to order themselves when there are waiters?”

Noah forced an awkward smile, unsure what expression he was supposed to make.

Asher sighed softly.

“Guys, stop. You’re making him uncomfortable.”

Then beneath the table—

warm fingers suddenly slipped between Noah’s.

Noah stiffened.

His breath caught instantly.

Asher intertwined their fingers casually as if it was natural.

He’s comforting me…

Warmth flooded Noah’s chest so quickly it hurt.

Meanwhile, Asher simply smiled at the table conversation like nothing had happened.

“Drink whatever you want today,” he told Noah softly. “It’s your day.”

Noah smiled shyly.

And because Asher kept filling his glass…

Noah kept drinking.

By the end of the night, Noah’s vision blurred softly around the edges.

His cheeks were warm.

His thoughts floated strangely.

Asher watched him quietly across the dim café lighting.

Then he smiled faintly.

“I’m taking Noah home.”

One of his friends raised an eyebrow.

“You really care about this favorite junior lot.”

Asher chuckled softly.

“That’s none of your business.”

His smile never changed.

After he left, one of the boys stared toward the door uneasily.

“…You know,” he muttered, “when Asher smiles like that, it feels like he doesn’t mean anything at all.”

“Seriously,” another sighed. “That bastard’s creepy sometimes.”

Noah could barely walk properly by the time they reached the hotel room.

Everything felt warm and dizzy.

Asher sat beside him quietly on the bed, watching him.

Noah looked up at him with flushed cheeks.

“S-Senior…”

His voice sounded soft and happy.

“I really like you…”

The sincerity in his eyes was almost painful.

Asher stared at him silently.

Then his fingers brushed against Noah’s face gently.

Noah closed his eyes immediately, trusting him completely.

Even when things started hurting later…

Noah convinced himself that this was normal.

Because this was love.

Wasn’t it?

The next morning felt cold.

Noah slowly opened his eyes.

The room was empty.

Asher was gone.

For a moment, Noah simply sat there silently staring at the untouched side of the bed.

Then he noticed the sticky note beside the table.

Went to class first. Don’t skip yours. Use the money for a taxi.

Beside the note was folded cash.

Noah stared at it quietly.

Something inside him felt strangely hollow.

Lonely.

But after a few moments, he smiled faintly to himself.

He’s considerate…wasn't he....

was that all a nightmare or real?

The sharp pain on Noah’s back made him flinch with every step he took toward school.

“Agh…”

He tightened his grip on the strap of his bag.

Does it always hurt like this…?

His cheeks slowly turned red remembering last night.

Asher’s face. The way he looked at him. The warmth of his hands.

Noah smiled unconsciously.

Even though Asher never officially called him his boyfriend…

…he stayed with him.

And Noah believed that meant something.

“He was happy because of me…”

A small giggle escaped him.

Suddenly—

“Why are you smiling to yourself like an idiot?”

Noah jumped slightly.

Kate appeared behind him at the school gate with a teasing grin on her face.

“O-Oh… it’s nothing…”

His face immediately flushed deeper.

Kate narrowed her eyes dramatically.

“Wait.” “You’re blushing.”

Noah froze.

“You totally got confessed to, didn’t you?!”

“W-What?! N-No!”

“Oh my god.” She grabbed her chest dramatically. “Does God really hate me this much? I’m still single while you already found someone?!”

Noah looked away shyly.

Not girlfriend… boyfriend…

The thought alone made his heart flutter.

Kate stared at his red face in disbelief.

“Dude, calm down. You’re turning into a tomato.”

Noah laughed softly despite himself.

For the first time in a long while…

…he felt light.

As they entered the classroom together, Noah greeted several classmates quietly.

He was surprisingly popular in class despite being reserved.

Mostly because:

he was kind,

good-looking,

and helped others without complaining.

Noah sat down at his desk and started searching inside his bag for his notebook.

Then—

Silence.

Noah slowly looked up.

His classmates were standing around him.

Too close.

Kate stood there too.

But something felt wrong.

Their faces looked dark. Their eyes completely black.

The classroom around him became foggy and distorted.

“Noah…”

Kate’s voice echoed strangely.

“Are you gay?”

Noah’s body froze.

Another classmate looked disgusted.

“That’s creepy.”

“I feel sick thinking about all the times we were around him.”

“Did you look at us weirdly too?”

Noah’s breathing stopped.

“N-No…”

Sweat formed instantly on his skin.

“That’s not—”

“You’re disgusting.”

Fear swallowed him whole.

The walls felt like they were closing in around him.

“No— no please—”

His chest tightened painfully.

He couldn’t breathe.

“I’m not like that—!”

Suddenly—

Noah shot upright in bed.

“HAH—!”

Heavy breathing filled the dark room.

His body trembled slightly as sweat clung to his skin.

Again.

Another nightmare.

Noah covered his eyes weakly.

“…How many times am I going to wake up like this…”

Morning light quietly spilled through the window.

The room felt painfully silent.

Then the door slowly opened.

Finn walked inside carefully.

“You had the same dream again?”

Noah didn’t answer.

Finn’s expression darkened immediately.

“I seriously want to kill that monster you wasted your love on.”

Noah slowly got out of bed.

“I’m fine, Finn.”

But the way he said it only worried Finn more.

Because Noah never sounded fine.

Before Finn could say anything else—

The front door suddenly burst open.

“MY LITTLE BABIES!”

Both boys flinched.

Elena walked inside carrying multiple shopping bags in both hands with the brightest smile imaginable.

“I bought so many things for my favorite people!”

Finn immediately rushed over.

“Big sis, what are you carrying?!”

Elena laughed dramatically.

“My love and affection.”

“You literally said you’d be busy with work for weeks.”

“Work ended early,” she said proudly. “So obviously I came to see my children.”

Finn sighed.

“We’re not your children.”

“You practically are.”

Then suddenly she looked around.

“Where’s Noah?!”

“He’s taking a bath,” Finn answered before lowering his voice quietly.

“…He had the nightmare again.”

Elena’s smile faltered slightly.

“…Again?”

For a moment, both siblings exchanged worried looks.

But Elena quickly forced her cheerful energy back.

“Then I’ll cheer him up.”

She lifted a bag proudly.

“I bought his favorite boba tea and pudding.”

Finn smiled softly.

“You really love him like a brother, huh?”

Elena reached over and patted his head.

“I love both of you idiots.”

Finn squirmed immediately.

“Stop treating me like a kid.”

“For me, you’ll always be one.”

Finn looked down quietly before lightly gripping the edge of her sleeve.

“…Sis.”

“Hm?”

“…Did dad ask about me?”

His voice sounded careful.

Small.

“Is he doing okay?”

Elena looked at him silently for a moment before smiling gently and patting his head again.

“He’s healthy.”

Then softer—

“But I wish you’d worry about yourself this much too.”

Finn smiled weakly.

“…Yeah.”

The bathroom door finally opened.

Noah walked out quietly while drying his damp hair with a towel.

Elena immediately brightened.

“NOAH!”

Noah blinked.

“…Hello, big sis.”

“Did you have a good bath?!”

Noah nodded slowly.

Then his eyes landed on the dining table filled with food and desserts.

“You bought all this again…”

He looked down slightly.

“You already do so much for us. You don’t have to keep burdening yourself like this.”

As he spoke, he quietly started arranging the table instead of looking at her directly.

Elena watched him silently before sighing.

“Noah.”

Her voice softened.

“It’s not like you’re staying here for free.”

Noah paused slightly.

“You’re working part-time and trying to help with money even when I told you not to.”

She crossed her arms dramatically.

“So at least let me spoil you a little.”

Then she clasped her hands together.

“Pretty please?”

Noah stared at her for a moment before sighing quietly.

“…Don’t do it too often.”

The moment he accepted the pudding from her hands, Elena’s face lit up immediately.

“I’ll try.”

Then she grinned.

“But you’re too adorable, so no promises.”

Noah looked away awkwardly while Finn laughed softly nearby.

For a moment—

The apartment finally felt warm.

Safe.

When Finn’s mother died, Elena was only ten years old.

At an age where children still needed protecting themselves…

…she suddenly became someone’s protector instead.

Their father could never look at Finn properly after the birth.

Not because Finn did anything wrong—

—but because grief turned love inside him into something broken.

And while their father only saw loss…

Elena saw something else entirely.

Her little brother.

The most important person left in her world.

Download NovelToon APP on App Store and Google Play

novel PDF download
NovelToon
Step Into A Different WORLD!
Download NovelToon APP on App Store and Google Play