Hello! thank you for clicking Lose Or lose. This might be out of place since this is gonna be my first time to attempt finishing a fanfic

English is not my first language so things might not make sense to I will apologize early.

Have fun reading\~

————-

“Did you ever have a lover back then? Do you miss their presence?”

The interviewer asked “Everyone here is dying to know who Till dated before setting out on his new life!” Till froze at the sudden question, he didn’t think to answer right away as he tried to find the right answer.

“Well, not exactly a lover…“

“Not ‘exactly’? I wonder what that means.”

The crowd in the studio laughs as the interviewer is intrigued. Till felt uncomfortable by this but still showed a positive energy, afraid to ruin his career by his discomfort, he then shook his head before speaking.

“No, no! Haha, he was just an old friend who I was close with in high school, but I still miss him nowadays.”

Till laughs it out, as the interviewer asked more questions about this friend whom he misses, but Till just gave out short answers to avoid speculation, his response makes this question quite different from the real view. He wants fewer people to know about this friend.

Minutes passed, and finally the interview came to an end and they quickly said their goodbyes, Till who quickly ran into the dressing room after the interview, locking himself inside, as he lowered his head, and suddenly the memories of 7 years ago came back to him.

****

A young till who was sitting under a tree, outside the school field, far from everyone yet still noticeable. He seemed to be writing some lyrics for a song he composed, but as he was writing, he heard footsteps behind him.

“Till\~!”

Till had an idea who this person could be, he quietly sighs.

“Ivan.” Till sarcastically replied, “Why are you here?” He shrugs

Ivan was a boy he met in middle school. He doesn’t know much information about him, but he heard that long ago, Ivan was secretly watching Till from the sides.

At present, Ivan approaches till from the back, holding what seems to be a lunchbox.

“I’m here to give you lunch! Lunch is almost over, yet you haven’t eaten anything yet!”

“Oh, really? Thanks, I guess… Just put it down there.”

Ivan smiled before placing the lunch box down next to him. As he placed the lunchbox down, he stared at the paper on the ground, full of scribbles and words you won’t see every day.

“What are you doing?” Ivan asked, looking at the paper in Till’s hands.

Silence filled the air between them. Ivan continues to stare down, waiting for Till to answer him, yet Till can’t bear his gaze that long.

“Will you leave me alone if I tell you?”

“Maybe, so what are you doing?”

Till stops at what he was doing before sighing again

“…I am writing lyrics for my song.”

“Writing? I write too! A lot actually, I write stories and hope one day someone will act them out on TV! But writing for your song is definitely cooler! Can I see your progress?”

“I thought I told you to leave me alone after telling you?”

“Did I?”

Till froze and then rubbed both his eyes before staring at Ivan, his face glowing. He will definitely be the end of him, one day. “Kill me now…” Till mumbles as he stares back at his work.

“Just be careful with it…”

“I will!”

Till hands out the paper in his hand, Ivan grabs it and stares at the words written. The paper was hiding his face, so till couldn’t see his expression. A few seconds passed.

“Okay! Give it back!”

“But I’m not done reading it…?”

“So? Give it back to me, Ivan.”

Ivan noticed Till’s eyes glaring at him. He hesitated before giving back the papers, but as luck would have it. A sudden strong wind blast which made Ivan accidentally let go of the papers, till’s eyes widened as he saw his papers flying in the air.

“Shit, shit, shit! NO!” Till yelled out loud, “Why did you let go?! You know that was really important! I shouldn’t have trusted you to hold it!”

Till glared at Ivan, his eyes filled with anger

“Till, im sorry… l’ll—“

“Just shut up, Ivan. Now what do I do? You're so annoying! Just leave me alone!”

Ivan’s face was filled with guilt. If only he hadn’t let go, till wouldn’t be so angry right now. He slowly backs away as he runs back inside the school grounds.

“That guy…”

Hours passed, and suddenly the school bell rang school was over. Till was still annoyed by earlier, so he wasn’t exactly listening in class

“Damn, did something happen Till, you seem upset?”

Till looks back to see a close friend, Hyuna, and Luka.

“Oh, Hyuna and Luka, uhm… well yeah.”

“Oh, what happened?” This voice belonged to someone else. He turned to see it was Mizi, they had known each other since middle school, alongside her was of course Sua, her girlfriend.

“It’s just… Ivan. The lyrics I wrote for a song are gone now because of him! I spent hours on that shit, and yet he let go!”

The group stares at him before staring at each other. Luka approaches and asks

“Hold on, mind explaining it from the beginning?”

“Ugh… so Ivan went up towards me earlier and gave me lunch and blah blah blah, and he asked if he could see the lyrics I wrote… and there was this huge wind that blew my papers off because Ivan accidentally let go.”

“Did he say sorry?” Mizi asked this time.

“No, yes, maybe, I don’t know. I was so annoyed to hear what he had to say.”

“He probably did.”

“Look, even though he said sorry or shit, he still let go! Why should I forgive that weirdo if my papers that I worked for hours are gone?! Ugh, I hate him so much!”

Before Till could rant more, his classmates yelled out for him

“Oi! Till someone is here for you… Never mind, he’s gone, but he left this here. Is this yours?” The classmate showed what they had in their hand, it was his paper where he wrote his lyrics.

“Holy shit— are those my papers?! Thanks!”

“Uh, don’t thank me, thank that person who dropped this for you.”

Till tilted his head before grabbing back the papers and wondered who this could be, before asking out loud, Hyuna responded.

“Before you ask, Ivan probably was the one who dropped this for you.”

“Ivan?”

“Well, wasn't he the only one who knew you made this before you told us?”

The rest of the group kinda agreed with her, so Sua proceeded to say “I mean— this is Ivan, the weirdo who we’re talking about, so probably did.”

Till suddenly felt guilty because if it were actually ivan, he is pretty sure he heard him talk crap about him, till quickly packs his things before he said his goodbye and look for Ivan and thank him properly.

Till quickly grabbed his bag and hurriedly ran outside, looking for Ivan. He asked the remaining students in the hallway if they had seen Ivan, which had no hope.

And suddenly, one thought came up, a place. A place where Ivan could be. Till ran outside the school field and towards the tree, where he had been staying earlier.

He then saw Ivan, sitting there, just staring at the sky blandly. Till then reached the spot, trying to speak but was out of breath. Ivan noticed before giving him water, Till accepted it with no hesitation before giving back the water.

“t-thanks…”

“Yeah, of course.” Ivan ignored Till’s gaze on him as he was staring at the sky.

“Uhm…Ivan..?”

“Hm?”

“Were you the one who brought all my papers back?”

Silence filled the air once again, this time, Ivan hesitated to speak. But before he could, Till sat next to him and spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Well, you know… For yelling and… talking crap…”

At this, Ivan froze and looked at him. He was still hesitating to say more, but he sighed once again

“It’s okay, Till, at least the papers are back to their owner.”

Till can’t handle this dry response, so he thinks about what else he can say.

“You said… You write stories, right? Why don’t you tell me about them?”

Ivan's eyes widened, not expecting this from Till

“Are you okay with that?”

“Yes, so tell me.”

“Well…”

As minutes or even an hour passed of Ivan telling Till his story he wrote, Till was surprisingly quiet and listened to the entire story, he didn’t expect himself to sit there still listening to him.

“The end… so what do you think?”

“What I think?…. Well, for starters, that’s one amazing thing from a high schooler. Have you planned on releasing that?”

Ivan's eyes glowed staring at Till

“Well, Maybe I'm thinking about it.”

“You should! If you do, then I’ll definitely be one of the actresses for your story!”

Ivan looked away, his nose turning red, as he curled his lips.

“I hope you have more stories to tell me tomorrow!”

“Yeah.”

“Looks like it's almost nighttime; we should go home, wanna go home together?”

“Uhm, I’ll stay here for now, I’m gonna wait for my sister.”

“You have a sister—“

“You should go, see you?”

Before Till could ask, Ivan cut him off, but he still nodded and walked away. As he walked back inside to grab the rest of his things, he then saw Sua going in the direction where Ivan was but didn’t mind it, and said his goodbye to her too.

**

Starting from that day and every day, at noon or at lunch, Ivan started sharing his stories with Till, sometimes Till even brought the rest of the group with him, and they even enjoyed Ivan’s stories. Ivan returned to his old self, as he would bring Till lunch every day, but this time Till didn’t mind much.

But suddenly one day, at school, Till didn’t see Ivan anywhere. Thinking he was going to be late, he just stayed in his classroom, but as soon as class started, the teacher came with news.

“Okay, class, listen up, so has anyone heard about the car crash yesterday?”

Some students raised their hands, some students didn’t, and one of them was Till.

“Well, story short, there were 3 people in that car. Both were parents, and the other was a teenager, you probably know who he is, his name is…Ivan.”

Till's eyes quickly widened as he immediately stood up.

“What?”

“Till, sit down!”

Till's eyes glared at the teacher before he sat back down, his hands shaking.

“Now…back to where I was, the crash was… pretty bad. The parents died, but Ivan was recovering, but from the news we received in the morning, Ivan suddenly disappeared. So we ask you, students, if you have any way to reach out to Ivan and tell him—“

Till’s mind goes silent- no fucking way this idiot ran away from the hospital. He wants to say that. But just remained quiet, as he stared at his phone. He realizes he had no contact with Ivan, no number, no social media, and no address of where he could be. His heart felt heavy, that day, he truly felt…he felt useless.

******

“Till? You need to go back home.”

Till then, open his eyes, and realize he was still in the dressing room. He fixed himself, but then realized he had been crying. He quickly wipes his tears and unlocks the door. In front of him was his Manager

“Let’s go,” Till says

When Till reached his house, he sat on the couch daydreaming of something, and his manager noticed.

“Till? Is something wrong?” The manager said, No reply. The manager tries again

“Till?”

“Hellooooo Tilly?” And suddenly, Till was brought to reality once again. He stared back at his manager.

“Hm?”

“Is something wrong?”

“Oh no… I’m just thinking about my high school days, don’t worry, haha!”

“Is this about the Ivan guy, again?”

“Well…”

“I guess so… How about this, let's look for your next project in the future. Here are some script projects from different authors. Your agency sent this, so you just gotta pick which one you like. This should help you stop thinking about the past.”

“I…uhm…okay.”

Till’s manager brought all the written projects and put it in the table in front of Till

“If you have something to ask or you have already found one, just call me, okay?”

“Alright.”

Till’s manager grabbed his car keys and walked out of the house, leaving Till alone there. Till just had to look for his next project, easy right?

Till sighs before looking at each script, finding some stories the same and others were just boring, but then he finds a story that was interesting and reminded him of someone whom he used to know.

“This is really good… Who made this?”

Till looks at the person's name, hoping he knows this person. “Made by Ibanny.” Who is Ibanny? It was late at night, so he didn’t call his manager just to ask about this person, he ended up going to the web to look at this person.

But surprisingly, Ibanny was a famous author, but never showed his real name or face. He was… Mysterious.

Till made up his mind this time and finally called his manager.

A few phone rings later and his manager finally answered.

“Till—?”

“I found the perfect story, come here quick.”

2am. It was two in the morning when Till called his manager over.

“Till you do know what time it is right now, right?”

“You did tell me to call you at any time.”

“I didn’t mean it like that— Did you even sleep?” The manager says, half asleep. Before hearing anything in the other line, “You seriously didn’t?”

“So?”

Till was interrupted before speaking again

“I think I have a lead on Ivan right now, I need you to confirm I’m taking this story.”

Till’s manager did not speak, remaining silent before humming and ending the call.

Till thinks that his manager is coming, since he mentioned Ivan’s name. Till’s manager knew what happened to Ivan because of Till, he would mention his name every time he had a chance.

Till’s goal here is to find Ivan and ask why he disappeared without a word. But before that— all he can think about is who this Ibanny person is.

Time passes, and Till’s manager arrives at his place. He notices Till still sitting on the couch, wearing a black hoodie, his gray hair messy, and his eyes tired.

“Till? You do know you have a photo shoot later at 9am, don’t you?”

Till eyes remained unfazed.

“You’re an hour late.”

“Till, it’s 3:40 am.”

“An hour and forty minutes. Look, I just wanna play for this play, alright?”

The manager grabbed the script from his hand and looked at the author's name.

“Does this remind you of someone in particular?”

Till didn’t answer right away. Very hesitant.

“I told you I think I have a lead on Ivan earlier.”

“You seriously think Ivan wrote this?”

“Not only that, It's a nice story, and to clarify, if I picked this, I would be the Main protagonist? Kinda sounds interesting, don’t you think?”

The manager sighs and rubs his eyes before looking at the story itself, in the middle, so he told Till to go to sleep. Till finally agreed.

“Take care of the paperwork, will ya?”

Till walks inside his room, locking the door behind him. As he walked forward and sat in his bed, he set an alarm for 7 a.m. since he has a photoshoot in 9 after that, he sent a message to someone or people.

He lies down, eyes dripping, and finally he closes them softly, and he cuddles with a pillow next time.

********

“Till\~”

Till’s eyes widened as he turned to see a teenager staring at him with ease. He had dark raven hair, wearing an old uniform Till used to wear, but his face was blank. Till looked at the surroundings, the rest of the group was there: Hyuna, Luka, Mizi, and finally Sua.

“Till, did you already eat? Here I cooked your favorite!”

Till returned his gaze to the teenager in front of him and towards the lunchbox. He then remembered that long ago, he didn’t eat the food Ivan cooked for him, sometimes he just let some other student eat it, but now he remembers, he felt bad. He never accepted Ivan’s love at first.

“Thank you, I’ll eat it now,” Till says with a smile on his face.

The teenager tilted his head in confusion but then went back to talking.

Till hasn't realized it yet, but as he started to look more closer to the people, they all have faces except for the teenager in front of him. Could he be Ivan…?

But… why? Why? Why is Ivan the one with a blank face? Could it be?

Till is slowly forgetting Ivan’s face.

Till then opens his eyes, he realizes his alarm has been ringing for the past 10 minutes, he looks around the room, but as he does, tears are flowing down his face.

He just sat there in bed, staring at the floor, and thinking about the dream. He didn’t accept the truth, “No way, I don’t remember him.” He mumbles, his voice shaking, “His face… He had… His eyes… His.” Till stopped talking, and more tears poured down his face.

It would be bad if he came to shoot with red puffy eyes, but he can’t stop the tears. He just wished he had pictures of Ivan. If only he weren't arrogant and wasted their time. He wished he had more time.

Till took a deep breath before standing up and started to get ready for the shoot.

As he got ready, he opened his phone, and notifications popped up on his screen. He opened it to see who it was.

—————————————————. 💭 ———————————

Till: Sent 4 hours ago.

Do you guys know who Ibanny is?

Mizi: Sent 1 hour ago

Hmm, not exactly? But my co-workers talk about him a lot!

Hyuna: Sent 4 minutes ago.

Same, but why till? Do you think this could be Ivan?

Replied: Do you guys know who Ibanny is?

Luka: Sent 1 minute ago

Ibanny is a famous writer, no? They are known for their work and anonymous stories.

Replied: Same, but why till? Do you think this could be Ivan?

Till: Sent just now

Yes, I think so. I don’t have proof yet, tho… But I’m sure it's him.

Till replied without hesitation, if he believes that this Ibanny person is Ivan, then he should of course tell the gang about it.

Till's eyes narrowed at his delivered text, patiently waiting for someone to reply or see his message, and he caressed his gray, messy hair. A second later, Hyuna replied, and others followed.

————————————. 💭 ————————————

Hyuna:

There is a possibility that Ibanny could be, not sure tho

Mizi:

How’d you find out about that person, Till? Is Ibanny the one writing your next project?

Luka:

Remind me why we are looking for Ivan again? It's been 7 years.

That’s right. It has been exactly 7 years, 23 days, and 12 hours since Ivan disappeared. Not that Till was counting or gonna say that out loud, a text soon came in the GC. He looked at the name, ‘Sua.’ he clicked on the notification.

He always wondered why, when every time Till mentions Ivan in their gc, Sua would just not talk and just leave everyone on seen until we talk about something else, the others seem to also notice it but haven’t brought it up till now.

Replied: Remind me why we are looking for Ivan again? It's been 7 years.

Sua:

Even though Ivan is a weirdo and a creep, he still needs to be found.

Mizi:

BABY, YOU’RE AWAKE! GOOD MORNING(˶>⩊<˶)

Sua:

GOOD MORNING, MY BELOVED𐔌՞ ܸ.ˬ.ܸ՞𐦯

Replied: Even though Ivan is a weirdo and a creep, he still needs to be found.

Luka:

Where did this come from? You’re usually quiet when we talk about Ivan. Am I guessing you know something now?

Sua:

No, I don’t.

Luka:

Guessing you do.

Sua:

No.

Till stares at the messages on his phone. Weirdly, Sua wouldn't say such things about Ivan, she would just remain silent. But he didn’t mind it much and finally said something before turning off his phone.

Till:

I’ll just call the office about this writer. I need to get ready for a photoshoot, so gtg, bye.

Till then, proceed to go back to what he was doing in real life and get ready.

He wasn’t exactly a great dresser, himself. So before going to the set, the stylist would give him an outfit for what to wear when going to the set. He looks at the paper bag, grabs the outfit, and takes a look at it. He heard the theme was gonna be an angelic type of photoshoot to feature his new movie coming out. This isn’t Till’s style of clothing, but if it has to be worn, then there is no choice.

He then puts the outfit back into the paper bag and changes into his suit before finally going out. His manager was waiting for him outside, and when he noticed Till, he went to the driver’s seat and waited for Till to go inside.

*****

At the photoshoot, Till changed into his outfit, it was a long sleeved blouse with ruffled ends, the sleeves were long and full of ruffled layers, as he was wearing white pants to match the blouse, over the blouse was a white corset-type fit for Till’s body. As he finished dressing up, he then met up with the stylist, and they put on makeup for him.

After putting on the makeup, he then proceeded to go to the set, and he then met the rest of the actors who were playing with him in the last movie he made. A few minutes passed, and the photographer yelled out, “Till you’re next!”

A few hours passed, and Till was finally done with the photoshoot. Back in the car, it was silent, but Till was hungry, he hadn’t eaten anything since this morning.

“Are there any restaurants nearby?” Till asked the manager who was steering the wheel. Till then groans before speaking “I’m hungry.”

“There should be a restaurant nearby here, but It’s not your type of place, is that alright?”

“I don’t care, I just wanna eat.”

Till’s manager nods his head before turning to the side of the road and then taking a turn. A few minutes later, they arrived at a restaurant full of people, but like what Till’s manager said, this place wasn’t like those rich, fancy restaurants.

“You should wear a cap and a mask when you go inside to avoid fans or people who recognize you.” His manager says, before saying another thing, “I know the owner here, so I’ll tell them to bring in a private room to eat. I’ll be in the main room talking with people if you need something, just text me.”

“Alright,” Till replied while putting on a Black Baseball Cap, matching with a black mask. He then wears a hoodie to hide his suit before stepping out of the car and walking inside. The inside was crowded full of people, this restaurant was like those street food restaurants, but inside. It wasn't neat, it wasn't fancy, but it just makes you feel comfortable.

The manager asked the owner if he could bring Till to a more private room in the restaurant, and the owner nodded his head and took him to a room.

As he walks past people, he hears one of them mentioning the name Ibanny. He stops in his tracks and tries to make sense of their conversation.