September 26, 2022

Nineteen years old.

A first-year B.Sc. Nursing student.

Still single.

It's funny how three simple facts can make you question your entire life.

Sometimes, I sit alone and wonder if there's something wrong with me. Not physically, not mentally—just... emotionally. Maybe I was born with a heart that doesn't know how to fall in love. Maybe everyone received a manual on love except me.

I know that sounds dramatic.

But when you're nineteen and every other conversation around you somehow turns into stories about crushes, relationships, heartbreaks, or "the one that got away," you can't help but wonder why you've never had a story of your Own.

Or maybe...

I did.

I just never realized it.

Growing up, I watched my friends blush whenever someone mentioned a boy's name. Some secretly wrote names in the corners of their notebooks. Others spent hours talking on the phone, smiling at messages that I could never understand. There were girls who cried over breakups, girls who celebrated anniversaries, and girls who confidently declared that they had already found the love of their lives.

And then there was me.

The girl who always smiled and listened.

The girl who teased her friends about their crushes.

The girl who was always asked, "Don't you like anyone?"

I would laugh and shake my head.

Sometimes because it was true.

Sometimes because I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling.

Was it possible to like someone without calling it love?

Was it possible to carry memories of people long after they had left your life?

If it wasn't love...

Then what was it?

Maybe my story was never about finding love quickly.

Maybe it was about understanding what love truly means.

I don't know.

Even today, I don't have an answer.

As I write this, it's September 26, 2022.

My first year of B.Sc. Nursing has just begun. Life is moving faster than I ever imagined. New classes, new people, new responsibilities, and dreams that seem both exciting and terrifying at the same time.

Everyone keeps telling me that college is where love begins.

Maybe they're right.

Maybe they're wrong.

Only time knows.

But before life decides to write my future, I want to preserve my past.

Because memories have a strange way of fading.

Faces become blurry.

Voices become quieter.

Conversations disappear.

But feelings...

Somehow, they stay.

There are people I haven't seen in years, yet I still remember the way they smiled.

There are moments so ordinary that no one else would remember them, but for some reason, they continue to live in my heart.

A flower.

A goodbye.

A laugh shared on a summer afternoon.

A misunderstanding that seemed like the end of the world.

At the time, they felt insignificant.

Now, they feel like pieces of a puzzle I haven't finished solving.

Maybe that's why I'm writing this.

Not because I have an extraordinary love story.

In fact, I don't think I have one at all.

At least, not yet.

I'm writing because every person I met changed me in some way.

Some stayed only for a season.

Some disappeared without saying goodbye.

Some taught me kindness.

Some taught me disappointment.

Some reminded me that even the shortest encounters can leave the deepest memories.

If my life were a book, each of them would be another page.

Some pages are filled with laughter.

Some are stained with tears.

Some make me smile whenever I revisit them.

Others still leave me wondering what could have been.

Maybe none of them were meant to be the final chapter.

Maybe they were simply preparing me for the chapter that hasn't been written yet.

The chapter where I finally meet...

you.

I don't know who you are.

I don't know where you are.

Maybe we've already crossed paths without knowing.

Maybe we're complete strangers.

Or maybe you're reading these words years from now, smiling because you already know how this story ends.

If that's true...

I hope you'll understand something.

Before our story ever began, there were countless others.

Not love stories.

Life stories.

Stories of a little girl who believed in destiny.

Stories of friendships that felt unbreakable.

Stories of innocent crushes, painful goodbyes, unexpected lessons, and quiet hopes that never disappeared.

Every one of those moments shaped me into the person I became.

Every one of those people unknowingly wrote a page in my heart.

And this book is about those pages.

The pages that came before you.

So, before life turns another page...

Let me take you back to where it all began.

To a little girl who believed that destiny could be found in a classroom.

And to a boy...

...who once handed her a flower.

Until then... these are the Pages Before You.

Sometimes the smallest memories leave the biggest marks, and remembering those memories refreshes your soul. Mine began in a classroom I barely remember... with a boy whose face has faded from my memory, but whose kindness never did. And trust me, he was cute—even though I don't remember his face now.

If someone asked me where my love story began, I'd probably laugh before answering because I can't really define it as love. Maybe it was just a feeling—a simple, human feeling where a little girl starts liking a little boy.

It wasn't something grand or extraordinary, but it was something that still makes my heart flutter. It also raised my standards. Now, it might seem like the bare minimum, but I'd say no boy these days would be quite like him.

It began in UKG.

Yeah... rolls eyes.

UKG.

It's funny and unbelievable, right? But it is what it is.

I know what you're thinking.

"You were only a kid!"

Exactly.

What did you expect?

Back then, my world was incredibly small. School felt enormous, and my crayons were my greatest treasure. One even got stuck in my ear once. Yeah, I was that naughty kid. What do you expect from the second child?

I studied at a school called Joyland. I joined in Nursery, although I don't remember anything from then. LKG? Still no memories. My real memories started in UKG.

The school was amazing. My favorite part wasn't studying—it was playing on the merry-go-round. One of the biggest reasons I loved the school had nothing to do with classes. My father's elder sister, my Fufi, lived right beside the school. Every afternoon, after classes ended, I'd run straight to her house before going home.

To little me, it felt like having my own secret kingdom. While the other children waited at the school gate, I had another home waiting for me.

And let me tell you about my Fufi. She was the sweetest and kindest woman you'll ever meet. She loved everyone. Not just people—even animals. She had dogs at home, and I was terrified of them because... well, I was tiny.

Life was simple.

And then...

there was him.

His name was...

Well, I can't tell you because I don't have his permission. So let's call him Flower.

I'll tell you why later. There's a reason behind that nickname.

The funny thing is, I can't remember his face anymore. Not at all. No matter how hard I try, it's just blank.

Time erased it completely.

If someone showed me a photograph of him today, I probably wouldn't recognize him. We were both so little back then. Maybe he's even cuter now... or maybe not.

Who knows?

But somehow, I still remember how I felt whenever I saw him.

To my little heart, he looked like a prince.

The Prince of Flowers.

Children have strange imaginations.

Don't judge me.

We don't notice expensive clothes or handsome faces the way adults do. But he had a computer and loved playing chess on it, so in my little mind, that made him look rich and incredibly intelligent.

Children don't need much.

We simply decide someone is special...

and that's enough.

I've always believed in destiny.

And honestly...

I still do.

Maybe that's why, the moment I finally noticed him, something unbelievable happened.

We had probably been in the same class since Nursery, but I had never really noticed him. It's like that saying: You'll only meet the right person at the right time. Before that, even if they're standing right in front of you, you won't truly see them.

It was exam time when our teacher suddenly asked him to sit beside me.

I remember looking at him for a second before quickly looking away, trying my best to act normal.

Because...

he looked cute.

He looked at me and whispered,

"Can you help me?"

I know, I know.

It was only UKG.

What could the exam possibly be about?

Alphabets.

Numbers.

Missing letters.

Something like that.

Still, he asked for my help.

I was one of the top students in class. There wasn't much academic pressure, but somehow I always managed to come first.

Part of me didn't want to help him.

I thought, Didn't we both have the same amount of time to study? Then what was he doing instead?

But...

he asked so politely.

And he was cute.

So instead of letting him copy my paper, I came up with another idea.

I quietly pointed toward the classroom wall.

There was a big alphabet chart hanging there.

A for Apple.

B for Banana.

C for Cat.

Practically the entire exam was hanging right in front of us.

He looked where I pointed, then turned back to me with the biggest smile.

"You're a genius!" he whispered happily.

He finished his paper by looking at the chart.

So technically...

I didn't let him cheat from my answer sheet.

I just helped him use the resources already available.

Honestly, the teachers should've been more careful about what they left hanging during exam time.

At the same time, another thought crossed my mind.

Why was he the only one sitting beside me?

Inside my head, I had already reached a conclusion.

See? I knew it.

This is destiny.

Of course...

destiny apparently had a strange sense of humor.

A little while later, the teacher changed the seating arrangement again.

Just like that...

he was gone.

Maybe the teacher realized I was helping him during the exam.

Or maybe it was just a coincidence.

Either way, we never sat together again.

I remember staring at the empty seat beside me, completely confused.

Wait... wasn't he supposed to be my destiny?

Looking back now, I can't help but laugh at how dramatic I was.

Maybe I've always been dramatic.

Either way, that tiny moment stayed with me far longer than it probably should have.

The rest of the school days passed quietly.

He was one of the most popular boys in class.

The girls seemed to like him.

Maybe he really was that cute.

Or maybe little girls simply liked boys who smiled a lot.

Meanwhile, I stayed exactly where I always was...

watching him from a distance.

We never really talked.

Not even once.

Eventually, I convinced myself to let my tiny crush go.

After all...

summer vacation was about to begin.

And summer vacation was my favorite time of the year.

Every single year, without fail, our family packed our bags and traveled to my grandmother's house.

For me, summer didn't begin when school ended.

It began the moment my mother said,

"We're leaving tomorrow."

Nothing could compare to those vacations.

The food somehow tasted better.

The afternoons felt longer.

The evenings were filled with laughter.

Every corner of my grandmother's neighborhood held another adventure waiting to happen.

When we finally arrived, I spent the entire day doing exactly what every child dreams of.

Eating the delicious meals my Nani lovingly prepared.

Running around with my cousin sister.

Playing with the neighborhood children until sunset painted the sky orange.

By the time night arrived, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep almost the moment my head touched the pillow.

Little did I know...

the very next morning was about to surprise me in a way I could never have imagined.

After breakfast, my grandmother smiled and said she wanted to introduce me to our neighbors.

I happily followed her outside, completely unaware of what was waiting at the gate.

She raised her hand and said,

"Come here. I'd like you to meet my granddaughter..."

Before she could finish her sentence—

A familiar voice interrupted her.

"Anya."

I froze.

Slowly, I looked up.

There, standing only a few steps away...

was the boy from Joyland.

The Flower Boy.

For a second, I forgot how to speak.

He remembered my name.

But...

what was he doing here?

..."Some summers don't last forever, but the memories they leave behind never really end."...

So, let's continue where the previous episode left off.

I stood there, frozen.

The last person I expected to see in my grandmother's neighborhood was the same boy I had convinced myself I'd never see outside school.

The one I once believed was my destiny—the one I'd lost contact with and thought was no longer meant to be in my life—was standing right in front of me.

Flower.

He looked just as surprised as I was.

Before I could even process what was happening, my grandmother smiled and continued the introduction.

"You two know each other?"

Flower answered before I could.

"Yes. She's my classmate."

I blinked.

He remembered me.

Not only that...

He remembered my name.

For some reason, that made my little heart race faster than it probably should have.

Trying my best to act calm, I smiled and asked,

"So... you live here?"

He nodded.

"Yeah."

"Then why aren't you going anywhere for summer vacation?"

Instead of answering immediately, he looked at me for a moment.

"How long are you staying here?"

"Maybe one or two weeks."

He smiled.

"Then I don't want to go anywhere anymore."

...

I know.

It sounds unbelievably cheesy now.

But to a little girl in UKG, those words felt like something straight out of a fairy tale.

I spent the rest of the day replaying that conversation in my head.

Even today, I remember those exact lines.

That's how much they meant to me.

That night, sleep completely abandoned me.

Every time I closed my eyes, I remembered his smile.

The next morning, I woke up earlier than everyone else.

Normally, my mother had to call me at least three times before I got out of bed.

That day...

I was already dressed before breakfast.

My sisters immediately noticed.

"Why are you in such a hurry?"

"No reason."

There was definitely a reason.

As soon as breakfast was over, I practically dragged them outside.

Of course, I couldn't just go alone.

I needed an excuse.

And younger siblings always make the perfect excuse.

When we reached his house—right next to my grandmother's—he was sitting in front of his computer.

Back then, owning a computer already made someone seem incredibly cool.

He was playing chess.

The chess game looked amazing.

The pieces were animated and looked so cool that I couldn't stop staring at them.

I had absolutely no idea how chess worked.

To me, all the pieces looked exactly the same.

He noticed me standing at the door and smiled.

"Come."

Then, with all the patience in the world, he started teaching me.

"This is the king."

"This is the queen."

"The horse moves like this."

I didn't understand half of what he explained.

But I nodded anyway.

Not because I wanted to become a chess champion.

Because I simply enjoyed sitting there, listening to him.

Looking back now...

Maybe childhood wasn't about understanding everything.

Maybe it was simply about enjoying someone's company.

Or maybe...

just his company.

Hear me out—I think many of you can relate.

And just like that, time passed.

Of course...

Every story needs a villain.

Ours arrived sooner than expected.

A girl named Throne.

Why Throne?

Well, if my hero was named Flower, then my villain deserved an unusual name too.

Throne lived nearby and seemed to visit almost every day.

Oddly enough...

That didn't bother me.

At least, not yet.

The moment she saw me sitting there, she looked completely shocked.

Then she greeted Flower.

He barely looked at her.

Instead, he simply continued explaining chess to me as if no one else had entered the room.

I secretly smiled.

Interesting...

I thought.

Let's remember that.

Yes.

Even as a child, I noticed tiny details like that.

Soon, everyone gathered outside to play.

Those summer evenings felt magical.

There were nearly fifty houses lined up in two rows.

Between them flowed a narrow stream that looked more like a drainage canal.

Oddly enough...

We loved it.

We'd stand on the little bridge, watching tiny creatures swimming through the water.

Later, I learned they were actually tadpoles.

Children really do find happiness in the simplest things.

Every day felt like a new adventure.

Hide-and-seek became our favorite game.

Finding the perfect hiding place among dozens of houses felt like an impossible mission.

Sometimes we'd hide behind walls.

Sometimes on rooftops.

Sometimes inside unfinished buildings.

And somehow...

Someone always found us.

Then there was Ice-Water.

One person chased everyone else until they froze like statues.

If another friend touched you before the catcher did, you'd be free again.

It was complete chaos.

We ran.

We screamed.

We laughed until our stomachs hurt.

Whenever we got tired, we'd switch to Ghar-Ghar.

Every Indian kid probably knows that game.

Each of us pretended to be someone's mother, father, teacher, or doctor.

Looking back now...

It's funny how children practiced adulthood without realizing how complicated growing up actually is.

Every evening ended the same way.

All of us climbed onto the concrete slab built over the little stream.

We sat there with our legs swinging in the air, talking about absolutely everything and absolutely nothing.

Those conversations never made much sense.

But somehow...

They became some of my happiest memories.

Day after day, Flower and I kept spending time together.

Not alone.

Never alone.

There were always cousins, neighbors, or friends around us.

Yet somehow...

No matter how crowded it became...

I always noticed where he was.

Maybe he noticed where I was too.

Or maybe that was just my imagination.

One afternoon, I finally decided I couldn't keep my little secret anymore.

I wanted to tell my cousin sister that I liked him.

But before confessing anything, I casually asked,

"What do you think about Flower?"

She smiled.

"I like him."

I froze.

Somehow...

I already knew she would say that.

Still, hearing it out loud hurt a little.

Trying not to show my disappointment, I asked,

"What kind of person is he?"

She smiled as she praised him.

She said he was kind.

Helpful.

Friendly.

Everything I already believed.

Then...

She said one more thing.

"Oh... and he kisses Throne."

...

I laughed.

Because I thought she was joking.

She wasn't.

"They're always together," she continued.

"I've heard they've kissed each other many times."

The smile slowly disappeared from my face.

My heart suddenly felt heavier than it ever had before.

I didn't know whether to believe her.

But I did.

Because sometimes...

The lies we fear are easier to believe than the hopes we cherish.

That night, I lay awake, staring at the ceiling.

The prince I had quietly admired...

Was he already someone else's?

I closed my eyes.

For the first time that summer...

My heart hurt.