The Stranger I Text Every Night
An automated reminder
Unknown number
This is an automated reminder from Moonflour Bakery that invoice #2214 (catering, 40 pax, lemon tarts + assorted viennoiserie) is now 21 days overdue. Please remit payment at your earliest convenience or we will be forced to escalate to strongly worded sighing.
Unknown number
I have several questions
Unknown number
1.This is not Mr Alvarez
Unknown number
2. Do automated systems usually threaten sighing?
Unknown number
3. Who is invoicing people at 2:47 in the morning?
Moonflour
I am so sorry. wrong number. please disregard. the sighing threat was not meant for you
Unknown number
Too late. I feel very threatened. Deeply unsettled. I may need to sit down.
Moonflour
are you not already sitting down? it's almost 3am
Unknown number
I'm standing in a hallway eating crackers out of a vending machine, actually.
Moonflour
that's the saddest sentence I've ever read or heard "single tier wedding cake, cancelled"
Unknown number
Okay, that's sadder. You win.
Unknown number
Question 3 still stands, though. Why are you awake sending invoices?
Moonflour
why are YOU awake eating hallway crackers
Unknown number
I asked first
Moonflour
I work nights. sort of. I always work. the invoice thing is because if I do paperwork during the day, I feel too much stress
Unknown number
And? at 2:47 AM?
Moonflour
at 2:47 there are no feelings. just flour and spreadsheets. it's the loophole hour
Unknown number
The loophole hour.
Unknown number
What a perfect name. I've worked nights for three years and never had a name for it.
Moonflour
see, the crackers understand me even if mr alvarez doesn't
Moonflour
anyway. sorry again, random hallway person. I'll let you get back to your vending machine
Unknown number
For what it's worth, if I had ordered forty lemon tarts, I would have paid on time.
Moonflour
that is the most ‘romantic’ thing anyone has said to me this year
Moonflour
which says more about my year than yours
Unknown number
Anyways. Goodnight, Moonflour.
Moonflour
goodnight, hallway crackers
[Unknown Number — draft, deleted before sending: What kind of person names a bakery Moonflour]
[Moonflour - draft, deleted before sending: ok but who ARE you]
Unknown number
One last thing. It's bothering me.
Unknown number
"Escalate to strongly worded sighing." Does that ever actually work?
Moonflour
you'd be surprised. sighing is the most underrated weapon in small business
Moonflour
first you sigh. then you sigh AUDIBLY. then you sigh in an email, which is just writing "per my last message"
Unknown number
Per my last message is a war crime, yes.
Moonflour
ok. goodnight now. some of us have croissants to laminate at 4
Unknown number
Some of us have hallways to haunt.
Unknown number
Goodnight. Good luck with Alvarez.
Moonflour
he doesn't stand a chance. I'm about to sigh SO loud
[Unknown Number saved contact as: Moonflour (wrong number)]
[Moonflour saved contact as: hallway crackers, 247]
Rules
Moonflour
hi. quick professional question
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
It's 2:47 AM.
Moonflour
yes. the loophole hour. keep up
Moonflour
if a customer asks for a cake that says "sorry about the boat" with NO further context, am I legally allowed to ask questions
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
You texted the wrong number again.
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
...Did you not?
Moonflour
ok here's the thing. I have exactly one person in my phone who is awake at this hour and isn't my brother, and my brother's advice on everything is "just don't worry about it," which is how you end up with a boat situation in the first place probably
Moonflour
so. statistically. you're my best option
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
I'm honored and alarmed.
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
And no. You take the boat money and you ask nothing. Some doors should stay closed.
Moonflour
wise. dark, but wise
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
If we're doing this - the talking-at-3AM thing - we should have rules.
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
Rule number one: no names. You're not getting mine, I'm not asking yours.
Moonflour
intriguing. mysterious. slightly serial-killer coded, but ok. why
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
Because at 2:47 AM I would like to be no one in particular. During the day I'm someone very specific and it's exhausting.
Moonflour
...yeah. ok. that one landed somewhere real, hallway crackers
Moonflour
counter-rules: no photos. no socials. no looking each other up. the loophole hour stays in the loophole
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
Agreed. What do I call you, then?
Moonflour
hm. I'm the baker
Moonflour
what are you? besides a cracker enthusiast with a haunted schedule
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
The night shift.
Moonflour
the baker and the night shift. we sound like a folk song where somebody drowns
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
As long as it's not Alvarez.
Moonflour
LOOK AT YOU. a joke. an actual joke. the crackers are working
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
Don't tell anyone. I have a reputation for being serious.
Moonflour
with who?? I don't know your name. your secret is absolutely safe
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
That's the most comforting thing anyone's said to me this year. 🤣
Moonflour
which says more about your year than mine?😅
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
…Fair.
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
3:12 AM
Moonflour
last rule. proposed: if this gets weird, either of us can just stop. no explanation owed. the thread just ends and we go back to being strangers who never meet
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
Deal
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
For the record, I don't think it'll get weird.
Moonflour
bold, from a man eating vending machine dinner in a hallway
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
I never said I was a man.
Moonflour
the crackers said it for you
Hallway crackers, 2:47:
…Is that so😅
[Moonflour renamed contact: the night shift]
[the night shift renamed contact: the baker]
Baker
goodnight, night shift
Night shift
Goodnight, baker. Take the boat money.
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