The Devil Couldn't Reach Me
The devil couldn't reach me
Lilly
Try not to find yourself in this story
Lilly
The devil couldn't reach me.
Devil
I never had to chase you.
Lilly
Then what did you do?
Devil
For you to get hurt.
Devil
No. I waited for you to become afraid of being hurt again.
Devil
You started noticing every little change in people.
Lilly
Because people change.
Devil
You started overthinking their replies.
Lilly
Because sometimes silence means something.
Devil
You stopped trusting them.
Lilly
Because trusting people gets you hurt.
Lilly
Because distance keeps me safe.
Devil
You pretended you didn't care.
Lilly
Because caring gives people power over you.
Devil
And then you started testing them.
Lilly
I just wanted to know who would stay.
Devil
You wanted them to prove they wouldn't leave.
Lilly
What's wrong with that?
Lilly
Then why are you smiling?
Devil
Because you never told them they were being tested.
Devil
You watched them fail a test they didn't know they were taking.
Lilly
And when they failed, I left.
Lilly
Because I knew they would eventually leave anyway.
Devil
Or did you leave first so you wouldn't have to find out?
Devil
The girl who says she doesn't care...
Devil
...while spending the entire night wondering why someone changed their tone.
Devil
You hate that I know.
Lilly
Then tell me, Devil...
Lilly
What exactly did you do to me?
Lilly
Then why do I feel like you ruined me?
Devil
Every time you were afraid someone would leave...
Devil
...you left them first.
Devil
You might have discovered something terrifying.
Devil
Some people actually would've stayed.
The devil couldn't reach me
Lilly
Some people actually would've stayed...
Lilly
Then why didn't they?
Devil
You didn't give them the chance.
Devil
Neither was what happened to you.
Lilly
So what? I'm supposed to trust everyone now?
Lilly
Then what do you want from me?
Devil
I want you to stop confusing trust with blindness.
Devil
Trust doesn't mean believing everyone will stay.
Lilly
Then what does it mean?
Devil
Letting someone stay without constantly preparing for their departure.
Devil
Because every time someone gets close, you start looking for the exit.
Lilly
Maybe I just like having an escape plan.
Devil
You don't have an escape plan.
Lilly
Then what do I have?
Devil
The moment you feel vulnerable, you disappear.
Lilly
At least I don't get abandoned.
Lilly
What does that even mean?
Devil
You abandon the version of yourself that wanted to be loved.
Devil
You tell yourself you don't need anyone.
Devil
Then why does being forgotten hurt so much?
Devil
Why do you reread old conversations?
Devil
Why do you remember the exact moment someone's behavior changed?
Devil
Why do you still wonder what you did wrong?
Lilly
Because maybe I did something wrong.
Devil
You always look for what you did wrong before considering that someone else simply chose differently.
Lilly
Maybe blaming myself feels easier.
Lilly
Because if it's my fault...
Lilly
...then I can fix it next time.
Devil
And if it wasn't your fault?
Devil
Then you'd have to accept that sometimes people leave for reasons you cannot control.
Lilly
Aren't you supposed to enjoy watching people suffer?
Lilly
Then why are you telling me this?
Devil
Because I don't need to hurt you.
Devil
You already learned how to do that yourself.
Devil
But there's one thing you haven't learned yet.
Lilly
And if I stay and they leave?
Lilly
Then what's the point?
Devil
Because losing someone hurts once.
Devil
Spending your entire life leaving everyone first...
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