Today also I am waiting for him to come online ...we will have chat. Today is Saturday night usually we will chat or talk with each other on every Saturday, as Sunday is off and it will be convenient for him to talk with me every Saturday. He work in abc company. and his working hour is night shift. so it's hard for us to communicate with each other. He always keep me on waiting him. uff his dominating character. He never understand my emotion feeling like he got low EQ disease.

Again he avoided me feeling like whether he must be busy with someone else. we are long distance relationship. I have now sense insecurity with him leaving me 9times or 9time breakup in these seven year.

I always question myself if we got this much break up how come I am so stupid accept him always as he left me several times.

Always he left me gave some lame excuses. actually he is good liar and active manipulator and still I am so dump accepting ..

I am thinking this night should I do breakup with him as always he do with me.

He is not texting me at all and I waited for him long time. what makes him busy always being distance from me.

do I overthink about him or its generous reason must he is not texting me...or he took me most granted. I feel so bad and think of me. am I big dump girl ?...

He still don't care of me. he is very selfish ..I am not his first priority. if people want to talk with someone they usually find to the time with them but this guy don't even think to text me good night. always keep on waiting me .. is this relationship is nothing now to him ?!

should I do block him and leave him again ....????

I guess the time is 1:13am. why my heart s think of him and always expect from him ? and get hurt from expectation.

he know today is our time but he again didn't gave me important. am I so much complaining girl only thinking about me and my perceptive.

This time by today seriously he must be busy. it's really sucking shock thought.

my thoughts my body my feelings everything belongs to him . am I that much love with him ?? but he don't care of my love feeling for him ..

I am feeling like I am really sexually unattractive towards him ..does he again doing time pass with me ...still he is not serious with me . he never ever get attached with me just like that why we got servals times breakup.

I am thinking again mentally torture with his thought not getting peace myself. is this relationship is complete toxic.

Full day I usually kept myself busy even though I had lot of work kept aside and waited for him. but he is frivolous freak and a kind of ruthless creature never think of me whole day.

still so many thoughts continued ...now I am feeling like I should sleep with this thought let decide myself morning about this breakup and patch up thought. I will surely think.

I was in office busy with my stuff but I always remember him . I messaged him call me 7pm today evening. in evening on terrace I am waiting for his call from 6:45pm. it's 7pm I messaged him call me I am waiting for your call.that day I don't remember whether he call me or not .

but today it's 25dec I said him on 24dec to call me on 25dec but he said ok .. whole day I waited for call but he called me at night approximately 10pm for 5sec to accomplish his task to call me.

why I don't find guts in me to leave him ..now I wanted to him forever he always left me several time we got separated always I left without him ..but why I don't find guts to say him leave me . I wanted to say him today that just leave me forever please don't contact me don't be touch with me 5-6year I want to forget you.

he said he came to make my life easier but I am not finding my life easier it's being tough for me everyday .I don't feel happy it's like poisonous relationship for me.

with me he had so many restrictions that not to call him, he never send his pic, not to message him, if we do video call no screenshot even once he blame for video call I took his screenshots.

I am feeling like I had loved him is enough ..this now enough. he cannot be mine how much I put effort and be good with him. may be I am someone else match .. although he said me I am set to free. so he don't have feeling toward me he is still think I m his plaything and he is still playing with my feelings.

why I am not feeling guts to say him I want to give time myself I want to now love myself ..I am not happy with you .. whatever I tried in my life to make you happy in thought but don't even do the things to make me happy ..I am not complaining I am comforting myself I want to set free myself but without you. please stay away from me .I want to misunderstand once again . you know I m in love with you already. but you are not. please if you want to come in just come or leave me forever. you said if you applied for passport...ok u wanted to sent me ok you can ...after that you won't message me right ...I will accept that last time too ..u want me in ur friendlist ok I will accept someday. please I want to be happy ...

I want to be with you I want to be love by you I want you ...I want so many things but sometime something you won't get ..I am satisfied that .and also I realise I can't get you ..i felt now you don't love me anymore.

still I am dilemma .. hoping to find out with thought as still I am not clear with my thoughts and not having guts to leave still I am same position. still I am taking your rude behaviour . still .....