Sixteen years ago~

"Quickly Yuchen! I can't take it anymore, drive faster!" said mother." Hold it a bit longer, alright? Our baby will be fine, the hospital is just a few buildings away." said father.

"AHHH!" mother screeched in pain."Ruixi dear, take in a deep breath. You'll be fine. We'll reach there soon!"

Unfortunately, on that day, there was a heavy downpour. The vision was not clear. He drove too recklessly. And the next thing, their car skidded.

"Weehoo, weehoo." the ambulance came just in time. Both were severely injured.

At the hospital(in the operation room), the doctors rushed the adrenaline on father. Little did they know that soon both were at their wits' end," Beep, beep, beep....." The sound of the heart beat detector became to fade.

Mother was left lying there without any left of energy. When father was in the car, fainted, he had already lost too much blood on his forehead.

Mother said," Doctor, please. Save my baby. Without him, I couldn't do anything else. Please..." she begged him.

The doctors immediately had an operation on mother. Soon, a cry of a child filled the room." The baby is safe." The doctors smiled," Miss, your-" the heart beat detector interrupted," Beep, beep... beep..."

Mother laid there, unconscious. No movement at all. Her eyes closed, just like sleeping there peacefully. The doctors sighed," We promise to Miss that we will let the orphanage keep their child safe."

From that day, the child, named Lang Finchen, was brought up by an orphanage called 'Peace Harmony Orphanage'.

A few years later, it was my 8th birthday," Muomo! When will I be receiving presents?" Muomo was my nun. She has been taking care of me since I was taken in by the orphanage.

She was the closest person to me that time," Well, be patient. Alright? Of course it's today. I won't tell you when. Or it wouldn't be a surprise!" Muomo was so sweet. Whenever I feel down or lonely, she would always accompany me and talk on other subjects to brighten my mood.

I went to my dorm. Sitting on bed, I watched over the window, there I saw friends playing with each other. They were having fun together, they looked so happy. I felt a little lonely and sad.

The night came, I watched through the window to see many beautiful stars sparkling brightly, I would always have the feeling of hope. Hope that everything would go well. However, whenever I wished for that, there would always be sadness deep in my heart. The feeling was so painful. Oh, what's that? Heartbreak, the feeling of losing everything, the feeling of holding them back and put the broken pieces back together. But it turned out to lose them again.

The middle of the night~

The moon was shining through the window, I was sleeping on bed hugging the pillow, little did I know a nightmare woke me up during this peaceful night.

In the dream~

"Mom? Dad?" I tried to shout as I dreamt of them in the hospital. It feels like I'm in there, watching them. But no matter how loud I shouted, they couldn't seem to hear me at all.

A cry of a baby filled the room, everyone was relieved. Then the heart beat detector's sound became the fade,"Mom! No!" I cried. I felt my tears started to trickle down my face. Before her death, I nearly hear what she said, almost a whisper, " My child, thank god you are alive. I love you. Take care."

The feeling of her words felt like she was saying goodbye, I ran towards her but found that I'm still on the same spot. I felt my legs were rooted to the ground, I can't seem to move at all. I shrieked at my mom until i couldn't,"Mom! No! Please don't go!" The vision of where I am began to fade. At last I woke up, panting, my body was sweating through out the night! My face felt damp too!

" Huff, huff, huff..." I managed to control my breath. The nightmare was still clear in my mind. Looks like I have thought too much since Muomo told me a few weeks ago. I calmed myself to sleep. This time, I felt at ease.

"Chirp,chirp." The birds chirped early in the morning, I woke up with panda eyes," Damn, I didn't have enough sleep again." I sighed.

I made my way to my calendar, " Mmm... Finally today is the day I need to pay a visit my parents' grave."

~Thursday, 23 November 2009

Muomo brought me to John's Gents Cemetery. The feeling of going there feels like a loss of someone. I didn't even need a guide to go there will help anyway. This cemetery, is just so familiar to me, it feels like home.

I found myself making my way to my parents' grave, there were wilted flowers all around them. I remembered when I first came here, I felt confused, " Why am I so sad? Why do I see people crying around me? Where are my parents?" I kept thinking it all over again when I was six years old.

Muomo didn't explain it to me clearly what happened because I was too young to understand. But the more I grew older, I was curious. Asking more questions about my parents, begging Muomo to tell me what really happened. Until that day, when I turned ten, I finally understood.

I jolted back to reality as a gust of wind hit me awake.

I smiled at them, " I come to see you again, dad and mom. I've missed you so much."

" There's many things I wanted to tell you. I know there's millions of questions I want them to be answered. But I just couldn't help to keep them to myself. Even if I ask anyone, they wouldn't come up with the right answer, it's fate."

I grabbed the roses tightly on my hand, I felt lonely all of a sudden. The word kept ringing in my ear, it always repeat. It was always that exact same word in my mind, " Why?"

Cold tears rolled down my cheeks as I keeled down, trying to be brave and holding back my tears. I arranged the roses neatly, the moment I got up. I just felt heavy. The feeling of reluctant to leave, wanting to stay by their so forever, but I know that this is impossible.

I noticed Muomo staring at me with a bitter smile a distance away, waiting for me.

I put on a courage smile to beckon myself to leave.