1

Today I have traveled to the past and I remembered when I met you, I fell deeply in love with your smile and your bright eyes, it is crazy that even the memories make my heart beat frequently.

I remembered your words, your caresses and the way you told me I love you every day while we secretly loved each other.

I would like to say that I no longer love you but that would be lying to everyone and especially to myself, I still love you and maybe I will do it for a long time, I know that new loves will come, that is what they say but no one can overcome yours, the one that me You gave without asking me for anything in return

2

Today I have reread our chat and my tears have rolled without stopping ... I need you. I miss you but I'm not strong enough to tell you, what a pity right? Well, that's the way things are, no matter how hard you try to do it, when you are going to do it, everything becomes impossible and we back down like the cowards that we are.

Sometimes I think how I could fall in love with you, love from so far and so close at the same time, why my heart recognized you by itself that day while I still did not do it, very ironic really was Jean Paul.

Miss you

3 I'm still lying down waiting for you to touch my window and come in to read me a book like you did every night before your departure. Now I'm here wondering how fucked up I was Past life to pay so badly in this one, Without you, without me, without us, they say that everything will pass but I see it so clear. Today I saw you from afar and I wanted to call you to ask how you are but I just gave you a smile like you did too darling. Have you ever wondered if ours was real? Who would say that it was all a sham on your part to take all of me

4 I would like to hate you but I can't, I don't even know how I feel about you and that's the worst ... every day I wonder what our story would have been like and I say to myself: it would be very different from what it is now. Your caresses seemed true. The way you saw me when I ran to you and wrapped myself in your arms and your perfume penetrated me ... everything seemed real. But when the truth gets over, the world fell apart. Do you remember when we went out to eat? It was fun to see you jealous because someone saw me or greeted me. What memories ... Inevitably smiled. I keep smiling for the last thing I wrote, seeing your face red with anger was one of my best privileges and I will always be grateful

5 I miss seeing your smile ... I miss everything about you. Why did you have to go? You have left me alone in such a cruel world, now who will read me my favorite book? If you are gone. I want to see you Jean Paul. Today I fell and injured my ankle, a nice boy helped me, healed and cleaned my wound and I blushed I don't know ... why. I felt almost the same .. from when you cleaned my cut finger Jean. Do you think I'm doing something wrong? I was in classes and I remembered when it was your turn to expose and vice versa. When you finished speaking, your cheeks were very red, highlighting your little freckles, I laughed, and when it was my turn, you applauded saying: That girl you see there will be my wife in the future. It hurt ...

6

After saying that everyone applauded telling us that we would make a beautiful married couple and even I knew it but ... now you are gone ... Today I have gone to see you like every day and I have read you two chapters of our favorite book: Andromeda. I loved seeing you making hypotheses that in the end they would be wrong, since with Dayanara you never know the lace of their stories. Even though you didn't go on to read the ending, I'm here to read how you did it every night when you climbed through my window. I was on my way home and I wrapped myself up more when I felt someone watching me, I accelerated my step until I felt something warm on my breasts. The guy who helped me with my ankle had spilled his coffee on me. I just looked at it and then I exploded

7 He called me crazy, can you believe? and he told me that I look beautiful flushed, he's a fool honey right? How dare you say something like that to me ... I ... honey I'm sorry for not going to see you for a week I haven't felt well ... I had a strong argument with my father about it and it made me feel horrible. Sometimes I just wish you were never gone, so we could spend more beautiful moments, the two of us together, read more, discover many intertwined worlds and make theories that in the end would be wrong.

8

You know, today is one of those days when your tears combine with the rain, you look at the sky and ask: Why me? Knowing that no one answers you, I love you my love. Come back soon .. It was a difficult week, the exams are killing me, I need to reach the required score to study the career I want. Today I have changed the flowers on your tombstone and I have caressed it imagining your face and my cheeks have warmed, I imagined your knuckles caressing me and then leaving a kiss on them, sigh. I opened my eyes and reality hit me, you were dead because of me, I sobbed loudly and cried, cried and cried, I don't know when I fell asleep on top of you.

9

I feel how someone slowly removes me, I open my eyes and I find an elderly man touching my shoulder, he told me that I should go home since it was too late and he had to close, I asked for an apology and I left the cemetery covering myself more with the scarf that you gave me, my love. It was the time when it was cold in Wells and you had to be warm if you didn't want to catch a deadly cold. When I got home I slowly opened the door and went in, went up the stairs and leaned out the window to remove the cloth that covered them and sat on the edge I took one of my favorite books and started reading imagining that you are by my side .

10

While I was reading I could imagine your face making the same faces of the characters of my love in Hone's quarantine times and I giggled closing the book. It would be a long long night, I could sense it. Dad had left for work and Mom is in heaven with you Jean, take care of her a lot and tell her that I love her just like you. Guess what will happen today? Today they give the results of the test I gave! Do you think I achieved the score that required love? I am so excited that I decided to go for coffee with Ciao. I hope you are well darling. Who do you think Ciao is?

11

I must admit ... that ... I had a super nice time with Ciao, it made me blush, did you know that I had studied high school at our same school? Well, love and we didn't know ... or did you ? ... Jean Paul .. don't make me form absurd theories, did you know him or did you know him? I'd better go home, it's too late, darling. I must accept that Ciao is a good boy, I find someone interesting and he's very funny, I like the color of his hair, it's very pretty, I think if you were here, the three of us would have been the best together, he's also suspicious, that made me tingle my belly. I did not bring this letter written from home, I am writing it on your headstone while I make myself a bun since my red hair fell away causing me to almost write badly. I miss you very much my love alone ... I hope that wherever you are you are happy remembering our history and your family who will always love you just like me. Sweet afternoon Jean, I must go home, I love you.

12

My love today I dreamed of you I saw your blonde hair being lighter thanks to the sun, your splendid smile, your blue eyes being more blue, your complexion a little sweaty from playing soccer while I watched you from the sidewalk shouting that if you could win . When I woke up I smiled releasing a few tears because they were moments that would never come back. Honey, get the score you need for the career I wanted, I am happy and I hope you much more to hear me telling you this, my beautiful blue eyes, Dad is at home and he has asked me not to take too long to come see you, now What a surprise to me, what will it be? We'll see my love. Then I tell you it was.

13

Dad will spend more time with me Jean, can you believe it? The idea seems nice to me since most of the time he spends away from home and we only talk on whatsapp via audios or calls, however the very idea of ​​being able to share full time makes me happy with my sweet father. Dad and I are in front of your tombstone, arranging it while I write this, he has left you a white rose on top of your name, I looked up and I could see Ciao leaning on a tree, I waved at him giving him a smile, now I realize ... you have a resemblance or not for sure they are my imaginations.

14

Ciao came over and greeted my father by shaking his hand and a kiss on the cheek he asked us if we needed help and we told him just a little then he offered to help us. You guys would have been the best of friends, Ilo could have assured. What Dixi did not know that they had not only been the best of friends ... they were united by something more than that. and she had no idea what it could be until Ciao himself told her. It's Saturday my little green eyes and the cold has already subsided in Wells, today I decided on a yellow long-sleeved dress in a soft, loose tone, a finger reaches above my knee and I made a braid leaving two little hooks on my forehead. I put on makeup, I came to see you before I go, dad and I will go to the beach to spend a whole day together. Take care my love, I'll be back soon yes? I love you.nothing

It was fun the weekend with dad, we ate we danced and we jumped Playing in the sand, he told me to excuse him for all the time he left me alone I hugged him smiling he would never hate dad he was also affected by mom's death everything happened so fast that we still can't accept it's gone. He asked me if I had something with Ciao and I told him that not that we were only friends but he said that you had the same last name Delacrois, do you think it is a coincidence my love? And above all .. how did my father know his last name? This is very rare ..

16

Guess who's home Jean My favorite cousin Angelo, son of uncles Ambar and Angelbeth. He is also a very fan of Dayanara, he told me that he released a new book entitled: Pura. Which is set in a boarding school where things happen that you can't even imagine ... it is a lesbian story with explicit sex scenes, it will consist of 10 to 16 chapters nothing more. I blushed just imagining reading the book I giggled I must leave you love, Angelo wants us to do some of Contender. I adore you very much, Jean Paul Delacrois.

17

Silly Angelo burned the noodles with the excuse that her boyfriend sent her a video ... ummm ... you know ... hot ... what a shame! I'm sorry ! I'm sorry!, I shouldn't have said that .. now I feel like my heart will jump out of my chest with shame. Angelo is bisexual, I jumped a little excited when he told me and then I kissed his whole face, because at last I should have material to write my boy x boy stories. Is incredible !. By the way my love, how are you? It's Thursday and I feel like a truck fell on me I shouldn't have stayed up late watching that series on Netflix now I look like a zombie redhead looking for fresh meat, that sounded grotesque, I laughed, when I went down to the kitchen my father gave a little cry That only made my headache increase, ay

18

My love, dad made me up so that I don't get so destroyed in the first hour and I must CLARIFY that I look more beautiful than I am, he learned thanks to mom, she was very much into makeup and she loved him. When I entered the room, I will all see the guy: Who is she? I am Dixi of course ... Who else would be? Everyone greeted me and byo I responded by giving them a smile, the girls from the cheerleading team approached me to ask who had arranged me like this and I told them it was my father then they all shouted excitedly while they touched my red hair flattering it. At the door I could see ... Ciao stare at me and my cheeks heated up and I secretly looked away my heart began to beat very fast and I had to open my mouth to breathe better. What's wrong with me love? Why do I feel like this when I see him so close?

19

On the way out, Ciao approached me saying hello and leaving a kiss on my cheek, I blushed and had to cover my cheeks with my hair so that he wouldn't notice, he asked me if he could accompany me home and I said yes, I know I won't. I have talked about him a lot but after that day where I drink my coffee we discovered that we had many things in common and we wanted to be friends. But I don't understand why my heart races every time I see it. I can't like him, right?, No ... I love you Jean Paul. But lately Dixi only told Jean how cute Ciao Delacrois seemed to him and no longer his best moments / memories, could it be that our sweet protagonist will be experiencing feelings for someone else other than Jean Paul Delacrois? It didn't even sound so safe in your last written line ..

20

We walked home, he offered to carry my suitcase and I thanked him with a tap on his shoulder. Ciao laughed and I could swear that ... she is ... beautiful, I swallowed thickly getting mad at myself I couldn't feel anything forscreamse had months going out to cafes and bookstores but we were friends, right, just that honey. He opened the door of my house for me to enter and then he did too. I thanked him, I was going to leave my suitcase but he stopped me by asking me a question that tore my heart apart. Who is it ?, He said pointing to our photo where we were leaving with our favorite books smiling, I opened and closed my mouth and I could see a flash of sadness cross his eyes. is my boyfriend. Only that I could answer him while I swallowed the lump in my throat, he looked at me and I could see his eyes crystallize. Who are you going to see every day at the cemetery? A tear rolled down my right cheek and I nodded running to my room. I made sure I didn't want to see him, I didn't want to, not after I had told him that.

21

that day I cried begging that ciao he will never speak to me again, I couldn't see him in the eye after seeing me so weak just hearing your name. 10 months and two weeks have passed since that incident where ... you left, I have written you a letter a week and I have only longed for you to listen to them, my love. 3 weeks have passed and ciao has not stopped looking for me asking me to excuse him for his recklessness and that he should tell me something, what should I do ?, give me a sign. at that moment the photograph where they both came out fell to pieces, dixi astonished took the picture between his hands and with a sad look he said: Thanks my little eyes, I know what I should do so that everything is as before between him and me, he said to nothing

22

From: Dixi Force.

To: Ciao Delacrois.

Subject: My deep pain.

Recipient: Ciaoelcomelibrosdelacrois@gmail.ex.

Dixi giggled when she saw the clever name Ciao had in the mail. He sighed and began to type: Hello, Ciao ... almost a year ago, a day when the leaves fell and the cold lashed, a couple in love walked through the streets of Pheyton Wells, a city that they say keeps countless white ... black secrets. .. but never gray, they holding hands seeing each other with a sincere love and loyalty they entered the Coffee'Z Woods cafeteria they sat down waiting for someone to come and take their order a sweet girl with blond hair approached and they said their request they said water rdar a few minutes ... a few minutes where the chaos broke loose leaving the girl without her love and he died to save her. Dixi had to pause, wiped her tears and continued: Jean Paul Delacrois, he died that day and she couldn't help blaming herself if she hadn't wanted a coffee they would not have entered and further back those thieves who would take the life of her love, Jean got in the middle when one of the bad guys wanted to shoot, The bullet went through, his heart entered, blood rolled to the Feet of her inert fell. For her everything happened in slow motion seeing him put on as a shield then the bullet went through his heart and then there was only a lot of blood in his legs he fell ... he fell dead and she crouched down pressing Paul's wound that she had read in too many books and could be of help. But in this story it was not like that ..., he said in spasms, The screams The heartbreaks of her caused immense pain inside him. He screamed he screamed and nothing worked Jean Paul Delacrois had died in the arms of his love. She spent the whole night crying while blaming herself for his death, if she had not wanted that coffee they would not have gone to that cafeteria they would have preferred to stay home watching one. She had lost the love of her life one tragic night where the cold hit the city, no one could help her because she had lost her boyfriend to that sweet boy she met thanks to his clumsiness on the first day of school. A week after his death, she wanted to release her pain in an unusual way. She would write him a letter FOR SEMANA and he would go to read it to the cemetery where he would tell him about his best moments / memories that they lived together. And so Dixi Force began to express her pain through her letters, she wrote down everything they went through and lived but one day on the way home she tripped, hurting her ankle and a pretty boy with good intentions appeared to help her, she blushed slightly and had to divert her Looking to another place after the young man helped her, he thanked him, going slowly home. He wanted to accompany her but he politely refused. Thus the time passed and both were frequently in the library, cafeteria or computer room. Both loved to read and hypothesize, they were even waiting for a new book entitled: Pure a book with strong lesbian scenes set in a boarding school where the protagonist of Andromeda was also there and even she will also appear there in that book. . As the months passed, Dixi began to feel something for Ciao but that couldn't be real ... she loves ... ba .. Jean Paul but nobrothersdn't know what she felt for the boy who was fascinated by reading. DiXi began to have feelings for him and she knew it when it hurt to talk about her boyfriend with him, Ciaoyella asked, she nodded running to her room with tears in her clear eyes. I like you Ciao but I don't know if I'm ready for a new relationship I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you too ... I wouldn't ... I would bear it. Dixi felt better writing that letter, she wiped her tears with a sigh and when she was about to click send she felt a bad feeling. He waited a few minutes to see if everything was okay at home he returned to his bed and sent, sent his statement to Ciao. Romanov, Jean Paul met Princess Dixi a sweet and beautiful redhead thanks to her clumsiness she had spilled the coffee on him when leaving the cafeteria, they both laughed, turning red with shame, Paul invited Dixi to make up for the bad time They complimented instantly and 6 months later Jean declared himself to the princess asking her to be his girlfriend, she accepted and it all started. While Ciao returned to lock himself in his room and only came out what was necessary. Months passed and a cold night where the cold hit the town of Wells. Jean Paul approached his brother to ask him for the first and last favor of his life. HermanO .. Jean whispered sitting on Ciao's bed. What's wrong brother ?, asked Ciao staring at him. I have a slight feeling that I will die young so I want to ask you to take care of her, Jean took her brother's hand, handing him a photo of Dixi. Prince Ciao looked at him terrified. You are not going to die do not say that, he squeezed his hands, I love you brother, do not repeat something like that or I will have to tell parents what you are saying.A tear rolled down Jean's left cheek, I love you too brother, both They merged in one last hug as a farewell, promise me that you will take care of her and you will make her very happy. He nodded thinking that this would never come true. Now, said Paul, I must go out Dixi and I will go to have a coffee at Coffee'Z Woods, when I return I will tell you how it went, I placed a kiss on his brother's forehead and then he stopped walking to the door. Wait, Ciao spoke, come back brother I'll wait for I die to meet the queen of your heart, they both laughed and now it was Ciao who placed a kiss on his older brother's forehead for just one hour. They killed Dixi, those thieves killed my brother and I couldn't do anything I understand that you hate me when I finished reading the letter for not having told you since the first day I saw you when you sprained your ankle but Jean Paul swore to me to take care of you from the shadows but I could not bear to see you cry every day when I go to see him and I watching the scene from afar, I need you to tell me that you do not hate me to be able to kiss you, although now it is too late if you are reading this it would only mean one thing I commit suicide. Forgive me beautiful ... I love you

23

When Ciao also finished reading the letter, he only thought of two things: he liked Dixi just hearing her name turned red and he had to tell her the truth before it was too late and she found out on her own. Clarifications: They know how to pronounce the name of Ciao ?, well here I will tell you it is pronounced like this: Siao. Dear and beautiful Dixi if you are reading this let me tell you that it was the best decision I could have made at my young age. I'll tell you a story. Once upon a time, there were two princes who were born strangely, they were not twins, much less twins, a case had never been seen before, they were the first born without a name at birth, little Jean Paul was born first an hour later, the second prince Ciao both brothers They grew as time went by. Jean showed interest in various things, unlike Ciao, he used to spend countless books in his room, his brother also liked to read, but in that sense it was his brother who won, day and night, he spent between books. discovering new worlds imagining living in them. And so the years passed the kings Jonathan and Eric did not tire of knocking on the door of their son Ciao so that he came out to share with everyone, Ciao did not want his parents to feel bad for spending all day without them so he decided to spend more time now more than 50% of the day he spent with his father and brother talking and sharing moments together. Adolescence had come to the Delacrois brothers

24That day after having finished reading the letter that Ciao Delacrois gave me, I ran with all my strength to the cemetery. She needs an explanation, although no one would give it to me, I removed my hair from my face in anger, my jaw was hard and my eyes were swollen from so much cry and think why misfortune haunts me at my young age. I arrived with my breath on the ground I put my hands on my knees and began to breathe with my mouth open, I fell in front of him and then I hit the tomb angrily my fists were bloody I screamed until my voice failed and I said: I just don't hate you, I would ever love you, you were a good boy who came into my life thanks to my clumsiness and with whom I lived very beautiful moments ... and I loved too much, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and continued, just not I realized they were brothers ... the resemblance was there but I just thought it was a coincidence, you know, I didn't see the best clues in the books I read. I was very clueless ... I let out a painful sigh caressing his written name, I understand that I could not meet Ciao when he had to spend locked in his room reading while you spent with me. Everything hurts, it's too hard for me to breathe and to think that he is gone ... I know he has gone like you and now I'm here talking to you with the hope that you will listen to me wherever you are. Love Ciao .. I committed samcide .. I can't get over it ... why? Why first you and then him? I don't understand, darling, why does bad things always happen to me? I'm tired of suffering and my prayers not being heard. I looked down and saw a small folded white sheet at the side of Jean's grave. I wiped my tears and unfolded it slowly, my heart finished breaking. He said: that was the first thing I thought when Jean Paul a few hours before he died told me that he will take care of you, how could I love you? How could I take care of you if I also need help? My brother's death happened so fast that I I stayed there processing the fact that I would never see him again every day, that I would no longer hear his laughter .. it hurts, you know? When I watered your coffee it was thanks to my clumsiness I had been thinking about How would I tell her that we are brothers if she has never seen me?, She will think that I am crazy psychopath and when we collided and I saw your eyes my heart pumping like crazy causing my cheeks to turn red and I had understood why my brother fell madly in love with you, the best thing I could have done in my life before I died was to have shared almost a year with you and my brother the 3 together without realizing it, I love you queen Dixi as you have no idea. It is difficult and I know that you do not understand why I committed suicide but you should look for the clues yourself ... when you find them I will be waiting for you beautiful red-haired zombie. With affection, Ciao Delacrois says goodbye. Epilogue The son of lawyers Jonathan Delacrois and Eric Parker was found dead in his room with his wrists severed, everyone does not know the reason for his suicide next to his pillow, a small note was found that said: I love you and some initials next to a photo of a red-haired girl D.F