Everything started with one letter.

Okay, it can not actually be called a letter, just one little piece of paper with three words on it.

" I love you. "

Because of his personality I already kinda knew that he would at least brag about the letter to his friends, right after he noticed it, but.. I wasn't really expecting anything, I was just.. waiting. Waiting for his reply.

Or that if he even got it.

I'm too timid. I'm too timid, to ask him out in front of everybody — because he's always with someone. I know it's a shame, but I can't help it, can I?

I never was that brave, leader type of child, I was that kinda timid kid, who was always in the background, never speaking to anyone, or only just when I had to.

And of couse... there are those facts.

We're classmates and.. both guys at that.

And Ookada-kun of course.. is the biggest straight guy you'd ever see on this heterocentric planet.

Any girl who comes at him... and they confess they're love to him, he... offers to them whether they want to have sex with him once or not, because he can't answer to their feelings. Some of them accept it, and sometimes there are girls, who refuse it. Though the first one is more likely to happen.

I too... came to realize my feelings for him, in this kind of situation. Just.. a little bit different, then those girls who had confessed to him.

I, myself can't even understand...

Whether was he too mature at that time... or just I wasn't even a little bit.

It happened when we were still in our first year of middle school, and I just helped the student council president to clean one of the classrooms, but it started to get dark, so he said, I can go home, which I did.

But... when I walked back to our classroom to my stuff, there were... strange sounds coming out of the room, so I just peeked in a little, to see what happenned. I saw something which I definitely did not expect, at all.

I only saw Ookada-kun's back, who was really busy with holding the senior girl's thighs, while moving back and forward.

If I compare this situation to myself, I can surely tell, it fell down really quickly what the hell was happening right in front of my eyes.

I couldn't take my eyes off of them.

I just watched, and watched, and watched until the pain inside my chest became almost unbearable.

A few seconds later, I only came to hear the girl's moans which became quite uncomfortable after a while.

Right after it got into my brain what the hell I was thinking of just now, I rapidly picked up my bag, which was already in front of the class' door, I ran off as fast as I could possibly be.

" I wish I could be in her's place.. "

" I wish I'd be under him like that... "

" I wish he'd love me, just like I love him..! "

" ..Lo.. ve..? "

Yeah, love.

I feel like.. I've always loved him, deep down, secretly.

This is how I realized I loved Ookada-kun, who is from the same sex, as I am. I've known him since we were little kiddos, even though we've never spoken to each other that much, if I remember correctly, we last talked when we had to sit beside one another in third grade, back in elementary school, but that had an end very soon, because he wanted another desk mate a few weeks later.

" I guess... I wasn't that entertraining.. to have him sit next to me.. "

Even so, I was happy. For some dumb reason, which I still don't know, I was happy. To be next to him since we were kids, everywhere, even if I wasn't visible for him, it's fine.

I don't know if it's fate or not, honestly I don't even care, as long as, I can be beside him, and I can see his happy smile.

Even if we never speak. Even though we're not even friends.

It's enough for me.

And after the first year of middle school, it was needless to say, why was I happy to be with him, it was as clear as the cloudless blue sky.

I even wondered that it's a little strange to always be in the same class every year, but I didn't look an answer for it, because I was happy to be able to see him smile every day.

It's true though it really hurt when I always saw him hanging out or flirting with girls, but.. that's just how it goes.

I had to put up with it.

It was a must.

This is my punishment, because I fell in love with a guy.

I always thought it that way.

I always hated myself for that, I realized, girls don't interest me in that way anymore.

But guys neither.

The only one who interests me... is Ookada-kun.