What I wanted you to say is that you won't give up on me. That you are going to do your best to make me fall in love with you again. However, you only asked me what you should do with my clothes. Have I not love you enough? Have I not care enough for you? I gave up everything for you, followed you to your country and gave birth to two sons for you. I sat alone, cried in the dark alone, suffered alone for you. I raised both our sons alone. I never gave up once on us. But without blinking, you easily ask for a divorce, easily said that you are sorry. Easily said that you do not want our sons to hate you because of our relationship.

10 years of my life for you, only to end up with you asking what you should do with my clothes. At that time when you said, “Let's get married next week”, deep inside, I knew you could not love me till the end, but I wanted so bad to believe in love; to believe in us that I pushed away those feelings. I trusted you and now it is coming back to bite me and haunt me.

You asked me about my clothes but you couldn't even answer me "Why?" Why did you tell me to marry you if you knew you were going to leave me? You said that the main problem was because you didn't love me. If you didn't love me, then why did you make me marry you? Yes, you made me. You didn't even ask if I want to marry you. You just told me to marry you. Now you are doing the same thing. Without asking if I want to or not, you are forcing me to divorce you.

So my dear husband, before I give you an answer, would you kindly answer me first? Considering everything that I did for you, don't you think you at least owe me that? The "I was young and naive" phrase that everyone uses when they want to break up does not work with me. I am sorry but being young and naive is not an excuse for you or anyone to waste 10 years of a person's life!

You wasted 10 years of my life. I think you should figure out yourself what you should do with my clothes. Those time trying to figure out what to do with them will not hurt you like this hurt that I received from you.

The real question you should be asking is, "What about our sons?" Funny that, that was not even in your consideration. You were the one that wanted two boys. Now, you are the one that are giving up on them. It is okay. I am not weak. Since you don't know what responsibility is, I will love them myself. I will love them so much that they will not be sad that you gave up on them. Gave up on us.

And yes, figure out the clothes yourself. If you really don't know what to do with them then just gave them to that slut that you are planning to marry.

-Your Wife

A decade went by already but I still find myself waking up screaming your name. After all the screaming, tears of regret continually fall off my chin. It becomes an endless waterfall. As time passes, the waterfall changes into memories of you.

I wish these memories would turn into reality. I am tired of these constant shadows of you that are nothing more than shadows. I long to touch your hands, to hold you. I wish to hold you so tight that I would eventually become a part of you. At that point, even heaven would not be able to tear us apart again.

Why, why was I so selfish? When you said that you wanted a baby because you were already 27, I laughed at you. You were being serious but I took it as a joke. I laughed it off and said that we would be awful parents. After that, you never mentioned it ever again. In truth, I was scared. I was not ready to be a father, but I couldn't say that. I was afraid that if I told you the truth, you would not give up on the idea. Instead, you would find ways to prove to me that I was ready. Now, all I can do is slap myself for my selfishness. If I wasn't so selfish, our little baby would have been 12 years old already.

Why, why didn't I cherish you enough? Not only did I not give you the baby that you wanted, I also didn't give you the wedding that you wanted. I kept on pushing it back. I thought we still have all the time in the world. I thought that a couple more years wouldn't make a difference because I will always be yours and you will always be mine. With or without a wedding, my love for you will stay the same. Who knew that heaven would be so cruel to tear you apart from me right before our wedding day. It was as if heaven was mocking me for not caring for your wishes; it was as if heaven was saying, "Since you don't want to promise her forever, I will take her." This kind of sick joke hurt the most.

I hate heaven, I hate God, but what I hate most is myself. I hate the me who did not give you enough attention. I hate the me who did not spoil you more. I hate the me who refused to listen to your wishes and I hate the me who couldn't fight against God to keep you. Even though God was my opponent, I should have stood tall and fought for us, but I was hopeless and weak. I just let you go without a fight. I hate that cowardly me.

Do you know, I close my eyes every night, hoping to wake up to you, by my side? For 10 years I have begged God to rewind time so I could make everything right. However, God did not listen to me. Instead of waking up to you by my side, I would always wake up to tears of regret and shadows of you.

I am tired of crying and tired of begging God. Please, tell your shadows to take me already. Life or death, it doesn't matter anymore. All I want is to be with you. I don't want to waste another decade without you. Please, this time I will make everything right.

-Your Husband

This rush, I love it! The thought of my wife right next door, waiting for me to come home, not knowing that I am here fooling around with the neighbor always give me so much rush. Each time, it's like I fell off a tall cliff but survived. It's like the rush you get when you go bungee jumping or skiing or ride on crazy scary roller coasters. It's that same kind of rush but 10 times better. It's so addicting that I want to be more daring and do it even more.

Don't get me wrong, I love my wife. She's perfect. There is nothing that she cannot do. Whatever I ask for (even the impossible), she always finds a way to do it. This, you can say is the reason why I married her. She's beautiful, faithful, treat me well and give me whatever I want. Even our child ended up being a boy like I wanted. She is incredible; an angel from God. I cannot say anything bad about her. Even I cannot satisfy her sexually like she can satisfy me.

I am just addicted to this sinful pleasure. I never wanted to be like this but the moment my wife and I bumped into her, I knew she was easy. It was as if she was calling me to go do her. She was not dressed in any way that say, "do me. I'm lonely." but her awkwardness and shyness when she saw us made me want to try my luck with her. I even remember saying "slut" under my breath. The only one who heard me was my wife. She hit me on the arm and told me to be more respectful.

A month after that day, my wife and I bumped into her again. She was trying to open the door while holding onto a big box. I decided to try my luck and helped her. My wife was so proud of me. She was so happy that I was being more "respectful". My wife is a very kind person so me being kind always turns her on. Of course, that night she satisfied me more so than ever. Sadly enough, she did not understand my sinful reasons.

A week after that, I saw her carrying a box again. I helped her carry it into her apartment. To thank me, she told me to have a seat in the kitchen. My wife was still in school and had night classes so I knew this was my chance. When she brought me a cup of water, I held onto her hand, stood up and kissed her. She was shocked and pushed me away but I held onto her tighter and quickly touched her below. She stopped struggling and began to touch me too. I quickly finished her on the kitchen table and left without saying a word.

I knew I was right. She was easy. I quickly took a shower while recalling what just happened. That excitement and sinful pleasure was telling me to go back and get more. However, my wife was about to come home soon so I decided to wait until tomorrow. After that, I continued to see her. The rush was so good but as the months go by, I wanted more; more excitement than this.

That summer, my wife wanted to go to the beach. It was after this trip that I became even more daring. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about but my wife mentioned that if I have cheated on her, she wished the car would break down on our way to the beach. Halfway there, the car broke down! We were in the middle of nowhere and in the dark. Thankfully, I had all the stuffs needed to fix the car in the trunk. After an hour, the car was fixed. However, my wife did not start accusing me. Instead she apologized for her big mouth. This is how much she trusted me. I laughed in my head. God helped her and told her that I cheated on her, but she believed me instead!

After that, I knew that even God cannot stand in my way for seeking this rush that I love. From then on, I started to go over to that girl's place to have a quickie before leaving to work every morning. My wife would always still be asleep at that time. The thought of her sleeping face while I am doing this girl, always gave me more excitement.

Eventually, my wife became pregnant and was constantly horny. She also finished school so I went over less and less to that girl's place. It was a good thing that I never showed any feelings towards her. Me going less and less did not bother her. She was smart enough to understand that between us is only sexual favors and did not cause problems for my wife and I.

Today, I am back here at her place again because my wife just gave birth a week ago. My wife needed time to heal. No matter how much I wanted to do my wife, I couldn't. This rush that I love so much came rushing back. It is even more exciting knowing that I am so sinful, but God could not help fulfilling my wishes. He gave me a son! I laughed at God and whispered, "Thank you for giving me such a saint of a wife who kept on washing my sins away. Even if I am sinful, as long as she is by my side, if I wish for it, she will ask you for it. You will not be able to ignore her wishes and in return, will fulfill my wishes." I quickly finished my business here with this girl and went back to my wife and son.