I was born on june 8 2005...whr i cried and my mom smiled for first time. i was the eldest from another father. Obviously everyone was really very happy to see me that i was a first daughter, but mostly my parents were happy. I was born in Thimphu hospital..since my sisters were all born at home. The day i was born was the very lucky day (monks used to say that) then my mom become more happy! But i used to thought to myself that, i may not be happy in my life ever! Monk says that...if i i wear black and red clothes i may become unlucky that i will never be happy again..after hearing that my mom was worried about me that what will happen to me when i grow up! Then everyone said to mom that dont worry, everything will be fine, have faith on God! But moms heart is moms heart, right? without worrying how can she stay quit...and she did every thing for me that will keep me away from black clothes and red clothes..but my thought was that...i never believe in sayings of others! Mom cried alot thinking about my future..but i couldnt even say her not to cry everything will be fine 'cuz i was just new born baby! i never thought that i had to face this kind of situation from small itself..but my mom did everything for me...gave me whatever i want...fulfilled my every wants and needs...more than other...because she really loves me..and cant see me in pain. And my lovely grandma used to massage my body with oil to make me strong..but while massaging i used to fall asleep because that massage makes me feel so relax and sleepy! And i used to cry at night that i used to distrurb everyones sleep...i used to cry when i see bad dreams,pee on hugies and all...by thinking about that now i feel shy!! ahh! i also wondered how will be my life... but i dont want to wonder and i dont want to make my mom feel more worried about me..! I used to cry not much..i cry once in a day only because i can feel my moms pain..😊 tho i was new born baby...i dont know how i used to manage not to cry!

but i felt happy that by not crying atleast mom used to get rest for a while. But my grandma used to wonder that why i dont cry...and gets worried that i maybe sick of i may fall sick!! between them i dont know what to do and what not to do! crying was really easy for me but to be quit was very hard for me even for my families! my dad bought me a new shoes..and new princess dress that i looked so cute on that outfit( haha am doing self showoff) but yes! i was cute tho..😆

after i was turned to age 1 my mom got pregnant again that she about to have a little sister for me...

Tho...mom was about to have birth...to my little sister and I was happy! when my sister was born..i was so so so happy ever!!

I was from poor family, where I,we, struggled a lot when I was small. When I was small like age 4 or something and my little sister was age 1, we lived in in a small house made out of metal (tin) which was dangerous. We had no electricity, we had to live in dark without light, so we used to use candles to see things a little but it was not clear tho. And we used to cook foods on fure, which was very tough for us...but specially for my mom, she hardly had to collect firewood from forest which was dangerous at forest alone, I wished I could help her that time, but i was small tho, I felt helpless infront of her.

When it rains...the rain used to get inside our house while we used to block with chewing gums and all. Tho..it was tough but we were used to it. Everyday our house stays dark from all..so one day I asked mom "mom...why only our house is dark, no electricity? Whereas, I see everyone's house with light and bright?" so mom said.."Tho we don't have light in our house,but we still can feed our self, and that's enough, so don't worry baby, one day, our life, our life, our house will also be bright and our house will also have light, but just now we, I, have to work hard" so I listened to her and helped her as much as I can do for her, but mosfly helped her by looking after my little sister since I was not able to do big works..!

We had to struggle so much because of my dad, since he left us when my little sister was just born and I was 2 years or 3. I wonder why he left us, just because for another woman? When I was small, when dad left us, but that time, I didn't know that we were left by dad and kept asking my mom " when will put dad will come back?" and mom with tearful eyes said.." baby..your dad will never come back now and stop aspecting that your dad will ever come back" so when I asked her..why? she didn't gave me any answers, so I was also quite, but waited and hoping that he will come back but he never came back and my hope went to hopeless.!

So many years later, I came to know the reason why he left us, the reason was he fakely married my mom,since he was already married before he marry my mom. After hearing that I was really angry, I hated to say out his name, I hated to call him that he was my dad once!! So after that I really felt sorry for my mom and felt pity that i wasn't there when she really was in need of friend. Tears fall of my eyes realizing and seeing her and thinking that how much she struggled for us, for me and for my sister!!

though my dad left us...after that after many years passed i forgot who he was to me, what was his name, from where was he, i forgot everything about him...i remembered nothing! i only remember was his name thats also not fully! instead mom was married to another guy...my step dad!! she married just thinking that we can have a happy life and we accepted him as a step dad but i used to call him uncle not dad..cuz i hate the word dad!! and life was going normal!

Between the years passing...after my dad left us...i studied really hard really really hard that i didnt even know what was the time...didnt know time has went so fast!! i studied hard thinking that one day i will make my mom proud and strong...will not let her think about dad anymore!! Though it will be tough but i will try my best!

I studied hard and reached to grade 9 2020 proudly...and was so happy thinking that..."I actually did it" me myself was really happy and mom was most happy....seeing her happy in daughters success was my precious moment ever!!

I thought of studying even more hard this year at 9...but between i couldnt because of family problems...it happens to happen problems everyday...day and night and couldnt concentrate on my studies anymore!! i problem used to happen between mom and uncle(step dad). The more they fight the sader i used to get...so i used to shut my door while they shout and used to listen to music get high and try not to listen! 'cause in every little things they used to fight!! I didnt do anything thinking that everything will get fine...but instead the situation used to get even more worse day by day!! So once i shouted to both of them..saying "please stop fighting...'cuz of you two am not able to focus on my studies...please dont fight until i finish my studies...please" *crying,begging* for once they were silent!! But from again next day they stared....then i lost interest in studying...lost interest in going school...i lost interest in everything!!

i cried a lot thinking that....WHY MY LIFE IS MADE LIKE THIS? WHY!!!? since i never expected that my life would be like a hell already!! Tears were not naming to stop it was falling continuously but luckly whenever i used to cry rain used to fall....because no one will know that i am crying if i cry in rain...!! The problem got more worse and worse and me crying everyday thinking that i couldnt do anything between!! Used to heard that family problems kills all your happiness..and i guess it was true! From the day they started fighting i never got the chance to smile again...and that made me feel pity on myself...feeling sorry to myself..that i couldnt gave a chance to smile..!!