I am Jean Smith. You see, I wanted to die. If my reasons to die is weird or crazy to you, we had different tolerance of pain emotionally and physically. What may seem easy to you it might not to me and vice versa. I'll introduce myself again. I am Jean Smith and I am an orphan don't pity me yet cause I am filthy rich and don't be envious like wow an orphan and filthy rich, what a great combination you think so? Nah. No one is God's favorite or so I think. Well, I am an invalid. The lower part of my body is paralyzed. They can't feel anything. I can't feel anything even if you burned them. Kidding I hadn't tried that. It was just an exaggeration. Okay sorry did I bore you? I'm gonna go real quick with the reasons why I wanna die.

I'm the only survivor of the car crash and became like this. I insist that the four of us would go to the amusement park for my birthday. I'm bearing this guilt until now. If only I didn't insist and that my parents didn't love me and do as I wish, they wouldn't die. My sister, too. I really miss them. I badly wanted to go to the afterlife to meet them but they said that when you killed yourself, I will not go where they are.

My friends left me. At first, they were there for me. Maybe I was angry for too long to the world, with everything; and they decided that I'm not worth the trouble. I even made a friend cry. Yep, I am an asshole. That time, they were looking at me with so much pity that I hated them. I hated the pity on their eyes. I cursed God for everything that happened to me. The solitude was nice at first, eating lunch alone in the cafeteria with my nanny pushing around my wheelchair. It gives me some time to think as I was staring blankly to the space. It was too late when I was sorry and they had forgotten me. Some tried to mend the friendship but we couldn't fill that gap. A gap that you just feel. It was sad that when I am ready to face the world again, the world moves on and I did not. I was frozen.

I can't run. If you think that it is easy to me because I am well-off, you are wrong. I can't even go to the bathroom alone.

...4. I can't start a new family with my blood. ...

Everyone seems to have hidden agenda that you're tired of being suspicious but you can't help it.

I am tired that everyone is so careful around me like I am made of glass that would shatter once dropped on the ground. And would talk behind my back on how awful I was blah blah blah that I deserved everything that happened to me blah blah blah that this is my karma blah blah blah. I wish everything would just stop so I can keep up.