The morning sunlight slowly penetrates through the windowpane. Qin Zhiai is still on the bed. She is still half asleep when Gu Yusheng enters the room. Gu Yusheng sits beside her on the bed. Qin Zhiai is shocked to see his sudden presence and unconsciously gets up.

“Yusheng….you’ve returned home”.

Anxiety begins to creep in her body when she sees Gu Yusheng starts to unbutton his work shirt, one by one. Those pairs of eyes are burning with fierce. What have I done last night? He pushes her to the bed ruthlessly.

“Ahhh—“.

That sudden force hit the old wound on her back, leaving her an indescribable pain. Qin Zhiai tries to push him back, but her strength is not enough to push his firm and muscular body.

“Please stop….I don’t want this!”, she said while her tears begin to craw down her cheeks. He grabs her hands and pins them above her head using his right hand.

He chuckles and says, “Are you pretending? You try to get into my house. When I go to work, you find another guy and say I leave you alone in this room. If this is true, do you think I still have the guts to sleep with you?”.

He pinches her cheeks strongly. He lifts the thin blanket that is used to cover her body. “Why? Afraid I’ll find out if you sleep with him last night? I can give you more than what he can give you”.

He pins her legs and starts to touch her face.

“No….No….Please stop….It’s not like what you think….”, Qin Zhiai tries to plead. However, her voice is so soft that the ruthless Gu Yusheng acts as if it’s totally inaudible.

She cries but he still does what he wants to do. He starts to kiss her from her face, lips and down to her neck while her hands are still pinned above her head. He starts to tear her nightgown and pull off her remaining undergarments.

“I’ll give you what you want, as promised”, he whispers.

“Ahhhh---------!”.

The morning seems to be the judge on how cruel he is toward her.

“Call my name and say how much you love me compared to him”, he said.

“Gu Yusheng, I love you so much. You’re the only one that I love”, she says while crying. Qin Zhiai knows that means nothing to him. But, indeed she meant it.

He removes the tie in her hands and gets up, heading toward the bathroom. She walks toward the veranda while covering her body using the blanket. She cries and cries until she falls asleep.

The next morning, she looks at her side. “He is not here. I’m here in this room for 5 days and he does the same thing every day. Yusheng, I really love you, but you don’t believe me. You only think of me as a bad person to be by your side”.

Her eyes start to become watery. She stops crying and wipe the remaining traces of tears on her cheeks.

* to be continued*

She heads toward the bathroom to clean her body. After that, she goes to her closet and chooses what to wear. The peach-coloured long sleeves dress that is one inch below her knees attracts her attention. She grabs it and wears it. As she is going down the stairs, she sees Gu Yusheng downstairs. He is having a call.

The thought that her husband is calling his mistress begins to crawl inside her head. Gu Yusheng feels someone is staring at him from afar, so he turns his head toward Qin Zhiai who is standing on the stairs. He puts down the phone.

“Mr Gu, the car is ready”, said the butler.

“Okay”, Gu Yusheng replies.

Suddenly, he stops walking and turns toward the butler. He calls the butler to come near him.

“Wait a minute. Go to buy birth control pills. Don’t forget to mix the pills in her drinks. Tell her to drink it”, Gu Yusheng whispers to the butler. Gu Yusheng walks toward the main door and goes to his workplace, leaving no single word to Qin Zhiai.

However, Qin Zhiai can hear the conversation and it totally shatters her heart. Tears begin to fall again. She starts to monologue. “Maybe he really hates me that he can’t see me bearing his child”.

She runs toward her room and locks herself in the room. She feels pain in her chest. She begins to cry again. The thought of meeting him two years ago starts to hit her memory.

* Flashback *

Two years ago, she was invited to a formal party at a luxurious hotel in the capital city. She is the niece of a chairman that organised the party. Her uncle told her to ask Gu Yusheng about the reasons for his absence in the last general meeting.

“Why don’t you come to the last appointment?”, she said.

Gu Yusheng turned toward her. A woman who was standing beside him asked him why he ignored Qin Zhiai. He said, “Who is she? I don’t know her”. Qin Zhiai was so embarrassed because he said that right in front of her face. The woman beside Gu Yusheng was puzzled. Qin Zhiai was so shocked that he pretended he didn’t know her. They used to be classmates, but he said he didn’t recognise her. What did he mean?

* Back to the reality *

But, this time it is worse. She can accept if Gu Yusheng says he does not recognise her at the party. Maybe because they have been apart for many years since she goes to further her studies. However, she cannot accept the same feeling as they are now husband and wife. She leans toward the door. Her legs become weak and she sits down in front of the door to her room. She lifts her head up.

“Why he doesn’t like me?”.

She covers her face with her hands. Her clothes are wet with tears. She cries loudly although she knows nobody will come to comfort her.

* to be continued *

Qin Zhiai is in the dining room. She is alone, enjoying her breakfast. The butler approaches her.

“Miss…”.

Qin Zhiai stops eating. She can predict what will happen next.

“Is there any oral contraceptive at home? If there is any, please bring me some”, she tells the butler.

It will be such an embarrassment if she becomes pregnant with Gu Yusheng’s child. Other people do not know that they are married. So, they might spread false rumours saying that she is the mistress of Gu Yusheng who is pregnant out of wedlock. Who doesn’t want to get near to Gu Yusheng, a handsome and successful man? At least she can choose to retain her dignity by not having his child.

The butler gives a box of contraceptive pills to Qin Zhiai. Qin Zhiai tries to swallow one of the pills. She closes her eyes so that she will forget about this soon. After that, she goes to wash her own dishes. She is used to this although the house has many maids to do that for her.

“Miss….”, the butler tries to stop her because she is about to go to her room.

“What?”, Qin Zhiai turns toward the butler.

“Miss, Mr Gu said….the old master has gone to Hainan tonight...you don’t have your patron around. He also asked you not to bother him”, the butler said.

Qin Zhiai is hoping for good news. Turns out it is a warning not to go to meet her father-in-law. She trembles because she cannot hold her feeling. Seems like Gu Yusheng does not care about her at all. He does not ask about her conditions, whether she is healthy or not. She quickly turns and walks toward her room. Suddenly, she stops halfway.

“Anything else?”, she asks the butler.

“No”.

Qin Zhiai never thought that her husband is so determined. He does not want others to know about the coldness between them, including his own father.

* One month later *

Qin Zhiai is looking at her phone, waiting for any messages from Gu Yusheng. But, sadly there is none. It is already 10 o’clock in the morning. Probably he will not come back tonight.

“It has been a whole month. He has not called me at throughout the month, not to mention meeting with me”, she murmurs.

Ring---Ring---Ring---

The telephone beside her bed rings. It is a call from the old house, the house that belongs to her father-in-law.

“Young mistress, I’m so sorry…for calling you at this late hour”, Auntie Zhang said.

Auntie Zhang is the housekeeper at the old house.

“Auntie Zhang. What’s up?”, Qin Zhiai asks.

“The old master just called. He said he will take the earliest flight this morning to return home. He also told you to come over for dinner at the old house. And the young master as well. Don’t forget to tell him”, Auntie Zhang said with her croaky voice. She seems to have a sore throat.

Qin Zhiai is about to call Gu Yusheng. But, she stops when the memory of the incident this morning gets into her mind. The butler told her not to bother Gu Yusheng.

“Should I call him?”, she murmurs.

Qin Zhiai is having a dilemma about whether to call or not to call him.

* to be continued *