Description

A world without fear. Is it even exist? If it does, then it is surely a fairytale. It is entirely diverse from my world. There is no one important in my life, so I guess I don't belong in this world. But somehow, I can't even make decisions for myself. It is not because I don't know-how. It is because they won't let me.

.....

Lily Railda, 11 years old. The year 1988~

I walk with my eyes up and down, making a target. My hands are in my pockets and I am walking with a strange confidence. I bumped into a lady and I fell to the ground. To be exact, dirt.

"Oh dear, I am so sorry little girl, are you okay?"

The woman didn't get mad. Why won't she get mad as normal people would?

"I-I am okay, thank you,"

I got up and pat my dirty cloth with my hands which also got dirty. I smiled at her. It is decided that she isn't my victim for pickpocketing today. She seems to be kind and her smile is delicate which makes me overlook reality for a while.

"Where are your parents, young girl?"

I shake my head and say,

"They're long gone,"

My face is expressionless. I guess it has been a while since there were any emotions. I am not disabled that can't feel my face or anything, I just hide it.

"Oh dear, I am so sorry. But I think that is what you beggars should get,"

Her smile changed to a discolored glare. I am shocked that I can't even move an inch. She walks with that unusual walk of and kept fanning her face with a lovely fan. It didn't suit her at all.

I sighed and I looked up at the sky. What was I thinking? Someone as good as that? Impossible. I am jealous of the clouds, they are flying freely and have the sky as a companion.

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Lily Railda, 18 years old~ The year 1995

"Catch her!"

I am only a pickpocket doing her job against an old woman, how come the old woman has guards?! I am running with all my energy being poured out, despite doing this for more than 6 years, I can't believe that my stamina didn't improve at all. Probably because the money I got was also robbed almost every day. It is not easy to survive.

It is not like I didn't practice, but two male guards chasing a girl is already an obvious ending.

My heart can explode right now, so I guess I will just run. In the end, I got caught. One of the guards came towards me and punched me in the face. He's mad, huh.

"Boys! What are you doing?! Stop that right now!"

The old woman came and panting heavily. Of course, she was also trying to catch up to us. The old woman smiled at me. The pretender's face. I hate it. My cheeks are burning because of the punch.

"Are you not going to say sorry, young girl?"

I gasped. In the previous seven years, those who caught me never asked me to say sorry. They will just beat me sensely.

"Sorry,"

The old woman smiled.

"Let her go,"

The guards bow their heads. Just who is this old woman? As soon as they let me go, I am still with my ego and walk away with my hands in my pockets. Even I can tell I am rude.

I opened my clothes and dip myself in the water. Refreshed. Peaceful. The only time when I feel I can be relaxed.

"Railda! Get out from the bathroom, right now!"

I opened my eyes. I fell asleep. I am doomed, I am doomed. I get out from the bathtub made by woods. I grab my clothes and wear them. As soon as I get out, I was slapped. I look down and didn't even bother to speak.

"What took you so long? Urgh, why would grandma adopted you in the first place?!"

Rose, my stepsister scold me. I missed grandma.

"I am sorry,"

It is the year 1994, I am 18 years old. The old woman adopted me. Why did I accept? Because she kept visiting me for a week straight, and I slowly began to trust her. As long as I have been in her family, my stepdad, Duke Rasyl, and my stepmom, Duchess Raffle never cared about me. Rose too.

Only Grandma took care of me, and only I took care of her when she was sick. This family is nauseous. I can't say for sure if grandma was from this family. I wish grandma was still alive. They have been treating me like a slave in this place after she died.

"Now, go away. Leave me alone,"

Rose poke my head hard with her middle finger. I nodded my head. I walked to my room, with no more confidence or ego like I was.

There is a headrest for me to sleep on in my room. Though it is a bit hard, that's okay. I laid on it and started crying. Now my hands are cold, my whole body is. It is unusual for me to feel warmth these days.

What is the benefit of keeping me, anyway? Just throw me away and I will live my life quietly in my real parents' house which is far away from the town. The house is ours, though it is empty.

Sometimes I think it is better to be a beggar than live here, worse than a beggar.

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1995, step-grandma death day

" Finally, she died! After a week giving her poison, The wealth is all ours!"

I can hear Duke Rasyl cheering for her death. If only I can smack his head. Duchess Raffle's action is similar. Both of them were blind in everything. They were smart but they don't use that blessing well. I walk away and holding back my tears. Why won't they care for her?

They won't let me go to grandma's funeral. I still remember how I spoke to her yesterday.

~~a day before

"Lily, why won't you get inside? Come in,"

She invited me with that gentle smile. I walk to her and hug her. In this house, only this old lady can call me Lily.

I feel disgusted if others say my name with that cruel mouth of theirs, so they call me by my second name, Railda.

"Are you still feeling sick?"

She shook her head. Liar. But rather than spouting nonsense and tell her to take care of herself, just let me take care of her by myself. I desire those who are dear to me the most.

I hold her hand. Her hands are cold and thin, almost like a stick. Of course, I will still say she looks pretty all the time.

"Lily, I want to hear you call me grandma,"

I stay quiet. Family? I can't accept her that easily.

"Call me grandma, please?"

In the end, I get out of her room and didn't bother to look at her face. Why? Why is she that kind to me? I will call her grandma soon. Soon...

"Grandma...grandma..."

If only I called her this on the day she was still with me. Won't she feel better during the pain she was enduring all night? It is pointless if I say that now. She is gone.

I am sorry.

\----A MONTH AFTER HER DEATH----

They treat me like scrap. I am honestly, hurt by that attitude of theirs. I may not show my emotions, but I have feelings. They won't talk to me, and Rose was taking the 'joke' too far.

"Miss, you can go down and eat,"

A maid knocked on the door. Eat? Oh, you mean, their leftovers?

"I don't have the appetite,"

I said my same answer. I usually eat three times a week. Only now do I realize that how typical my hands with grandma's hands.

"Duke Rasyl, Duchess Raffle, and Miss Rose are waiting for you, young miss,"

What? I quickly open the door and walk down the stairs. Not because of excitement, but fear. When I arrived, I look at an empty seat beside Rose. Should I sit on it?

"Sit beside Rose, Railda,"

I nod my head. I sit properly beside her and look down. The table is empty, they don't have the initiative to give me food, anyway.

"Soon, we will go to the palace,"

And they are thinking to bring me there? Oh yeah, I forget. This family act as they treat me nicely in front of others. I guess it will be strange if they don't bring me to the palace.

I nod my head. What else should I do, smiling? That is what an abnormal person would do.

"You will be learning etiquette, you are a woman after all,"

Again, I nod my head.

"Learn it properly! Walk with confidence! Make sure you looked elegant,"

I.Love.Learning.But.Sometimes.The.One.Who. Teaches.Me.Have.Quite.A.Problem.

I was trying to do the same thing as she did, but I guess it is kinda hard. I learn it and do it over and over again. I was so hungry and tired that I ate every breakfast and lunch for a week straight. Of course, their leftovers.

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I get off from the carriage. It has been a long time since I ride one. The first time was when grandma took me to the family's house.

The second time was when she took me to a place where I will be accepted as an adopted daughter by law. I guess this is the third time?

I walk beside Rose. My cloth is pink colored, yuck. Since when they give me such type of clothes? Meanwhile, Rose doesn't wear the types of clothes that she liked. She wears a cloth that hides her childish and hypocritical side, white.

The palace is huge. I mean, the size is terrific. I would love to be the king if I can.

I want to put my hands in my pockets, thus I realized that the pink dress doesn't have a pocket. Old habit. I walk in fake confidence that my teacher taught me, I think I am doing precisely like her.

All of the maids bow down since Duke Rasyl has a strong background. Part of the reason why I do not like him is, he doesn't bow down back, neither do Rose and Duchess Raffle. I guess that was how my ego looked like.

I wish I can bow down back to them, but I guess I can't, even I can't do anything I want right now, even only to pronounce a single phrase.

I am like a marionette.

As soon as I arrived, I saw the king enjoying his tea time. Another arrogant rich guy. All of us bow down our heads, so do the Duke and the Duchess.

Women's etiquette and men's are different. Men will bow their heads and put their hands on their chest, while women will greet the king by bow down from head to waist.

"Greetings to the glory of the empire, King Stephan,"

"You may rise,"

All of us back to our original position. Rose is smiling strangely, what is the reason? It is frightening, I don't think I like it.

"Ahh... It is Duke Rasyl's family. I have heard about your loss,"

The King looks kinda cool, though.

"I am honored that your majesty knows about the occurrence,"

Yeah, you poisoned her. Of course, there is no more than an honored thing than that.

"Hahaha, don't be. Please have a seat to talk about the marriage,"

Marriage?! Rose is going to get married? With who? Duke Rasyl sit down, so do the duchess, Rose, and me.

"The crown prince will be well-known about this marriage with Rose soon. Of course, only if I approve of the marriage. So, how do I make sure if you want the crown prince as an in-law for real or you just want my prosperity?"

Even if I don't look at the duke and the duchess's face, even I can know they are guilty.

.....

.....

....

I am quite offended, Your Majesty. How else would I show you my sincerity? I truly want to fulfill Rose's true love, I treasure my girls the most,"

T-true love? Treasure? Sincerity? I want to throw up. Please make this ends fast. I only lower down my head and think about what should I think. THIS IS SUFFOCATING.

"Somehow, I feel quite uneasy about my second son, Izzben. He still doesn't have a match, I am worried. Royal's generation is very important,"

He wants to say that he wants an heir. I decided to think about the second prince, Izzben Stephan since I don't have anything else to think about. He is so popular, though no one in this kingdom knows his face.

He has never have been in this kingdom, Kingdom Dlaynia, right after his 11th Birthday when he went to his first war sent by the king. Everyone can tell the king doesn't love him. However, I have heard he liked war so much that he doesn't even bother to come back.

I heard he is so handsome and I have also heard he is pretty ugly. Rumors can never stop, weren't they?

" I believe that is your second child. What's her name?"

I am shocked when the king suddenly asked about me. Thank God I was listening, if my mind was traveling so far, maybe I would not understand. They are quiet for a few seconds, of course, they do not remember my name.

"I am Lily Railda, Your Majesty,"

I can see that the duke and duchess are glad but also didn't satisfied. Of course, what I did is quite rude.

"I believe she is a little bit bold,"

King Stephan laughs. I will take it as a joke.

"Pardon me, Your Majesty, I was a little bit excited to say my name to Your Majesty,"

I am not doing this to help them, but to help myself. I will play the 'I am righteous' card in front of others. It isn't being fake, it is behaving. Both are incompatible.

"Forgive her, Your Majesty, she is a bit younger than Rose,"

Duke Rasyl said that and cover his nervous voice. Oh come one, it is obvious he is so desperate about making the Crown Prince as his son-in-law.

"I can see she has quite a big difference in height than Rose because of her age,"

I have the same age as her. I am not small because of my age, it is because they made me eat their leftovers. Whatever, these can only be explained in my mind anyway.

"Even a blind man can tell you love your second child so much,"

Are you serious? That man is crazy, not blind. I guess their acting is very good, I will give them 10 points! Forget it, I will give them 9.

"Yes, Your Majesty, I love her as my biological child,"

Duke Rasyl is smiling, probably relieved he has snapped the king's trust. Do you want the money that bad?

What is the difference between you and those beggars who you have been mocking for a long time? The fact that they truly don't have money, but you and your greedy personality certainly are sickening.

"How about marrying Lily with Izzben, the second prince?"

Yup, and...

WAIT, WHAT?!

Do you want to tell me that I was the person who doesn't even want to be noticed by anyone is suddenly being one of the main topics?

"What?"

Rose pinched me using her fingernails on my left thigh. It sure does hurt. I look at Rose and Rose glared at me, probably a sign to tell me that I need to follow the flow. I stay quiet again but my heart is beating hard.

"Since you are being sincere, how about you give me one of your also precious daughters to my second son?"

He wants to say that,

"If you are being sincere, give the daughter you loved the most to my worst son and let the murderer take care of her,"

In simple words... I am the prey.

'Yeayyyyy!!!!!'

Do you think I would cheer up like that?! I.am.the.sufferer. Thank you.

"It would be an honor for my two daughters to be married with both of Your Majesty's sons,"

Of course, the duke wouldn't have cared. Me? Marriage? With a war addict? He is in the middle of a war, right? Please God, make him die.

........

Two weeks after that~

'Rose Rasyl, daughter of Duke Rasyl had an active marriage a few days ago with the crown prince!'

'It is heard that Prince Izzben will arrive at the kingdom soon to marry one of the duke's daughters. Does the duke want to send all of her daughters away? For what reason?'

The newspapers' titles are already creepy. I throw them away and want to forget about it. I am scared. So much. Rose's marriage started and ended happily, will my marriage ceremony be like a 'calling ghost festival'?

It is dark at night, I don't want to sleep yet. I slide the curtains and open the window. I was so shocked when I see that...

There is someone behind it.

I move a few steps back. I can't move anymore after that, my feet won't move. I am frightened so much that I can't even say a single word.

The man gets in and didn't even make a noise when his feet reach the floor. I try to obtain my energy as much as I can. Please say a word, please say a word...

"W-who are you?"

Yup. I don't think I can speak more than that. My stomach is squirming, probably nervous. My eyes are active, so do my mind, curious about who is this guy.

He wears a black jacket, made of animal skin. There is a weird logo on the jacket, looks like an eagle's head.

He draws out his sword. I feel like my blood circulation just stopped.

"N-n-h-"

I can't speak. I can't ask for help. It doesn't take long before he stabbed me. My eyes are wide. What did I even do? The pain is slowly rising.

I fell, and the sword which translucent my stomach is moving deeper, ruining my flesh. What did I even do? Why? Why my life is like this?

"Kill with honor on the name of the Prince Izzben,"

He bows to me. My eyes are showing confusion, desperation, and regret. My hands are trembling.

"My daily wish to die had come, huh? *Cough*"

I miss you, grandma. It is finally over. Dying sure does hurt. I want to scream but I can't, I want to cry but I am too tired to do that because my blood loss is already exhausting. My consciousness faded.

......

The beginning has started.

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😄: Thanks for reading! The next chapter will be released soon, I appreciate your understanding.