"Have you ever felt that you are in a state of complete misery & you are fucked up, you have lost someone close and you are in a deep financial crisis, but instead you felt like you are a character of some creative hollywood movie and you are the main character on a mission?"

I saw a face of beautiful girl with HD white colour shade, perfectly shaved eyebrows and a naughty smile on her face, that was enough to seduce anyone on the earth. She was so close to me that I was about to feel it like a dream, which was actually a dream and I was sleeping, I suddenly remembered ' Wait a minute! She was my girlfriend few years back!' I couldn't believe that and suddenly I came in my consciousness from my dream.

It was a perfect thing to start my day!

I woke up and turned on my light. I thought about ourselves for a few minutes. Then I realised the room was a complete mess. Clothes were every where. Beer bottles were in every corner and dusts have taken place. I felt like I should clean my room after long. Next fifteen minutes I kept myself busy in doing that. It was third year I hadn't into any relationship and now all that I had done in the past even I was unable to believe that. I wanted to quite smoking and other tobacco things but I was failed to do so as the next I start feeling tired.

I live in a small town Rourkela in India which is a peaceful place divided in twenty two sectors. Parks are in every sector and people are amazingly humble till you don't mess with them. Government is dedicated to keep it as clean as possible. I have a room just beside the park and you can see people everyday doing Yoga and exercises to motivate yourself as a fitness freak. On the other side, I never use that park. At 8:30, I started for my office where I work as a Head of Marketing and buisness development in an edutech company followed by just two streets away. I had my work in TO DO list and I was waiting for the girl who was only attraction there.

She is from Kolkata and such an attractive charming personality. She can easily catch your eye and you have to struggle with your eyes to look somewhere else. In the starting, I didn't like her as she was a mystery to know, and I was unable to understand her work ethics and herself. All I could do is scold her and tell her what to do. And in the response I was unable to get anything as she will do what she will do.

'How can someone be so cold?' I thought about her fifth time in the first hour of my work. Either she has reached in the higher state of her mind where no matter what people think of you, you don't give a **** or you are a shy person who takes time to open up till you are not comfortable. She was so hard to come out of my head.

By the way I heard the call from my boss, a gentle man who thinks he is gentle, instead he is a moron. Whatever🤗

It was Sunday and it was a working day. As most of the guardians,parents are free on this day, so we have good no.of things to engage on this day. Apart from that, today our all employees were on leave and five staffs were there including me. All staffs have different lunch timings of two hours. This is a great relief in the city. Here you can go on lunch, have a nap, can smoke and come back easily in this much time.

I came back at 3:30 and saw shutter down. So, I decided to call one of the guard person. He said to grab the keys and open the side door that leads to my cabin. I followed his order. After 10 minutes, the beauty also arrived. She had office on different floor. All the lights were off and it was dark on my floor and same on her. OMG! This could be an opportunity if I was the wicked person three years back. I was sensing it as an awkward situation. I mean a boy and a girl, no one in the building, could be a scene. But I didn't want to leave a wrong message. If someone is alone with me and she feels safe, comfortable, that is a real deal. I was wondering if she was feeling comfortable there or she thinks she can trust me. Because as usual she never seems comfortable with me. No casual talks, no laugh on my humorous jokes, nothing at all. It was the day, I can make her believe that I have no other intentions by not disturbing her at all.

Half an hour has passed, still no one has arrived. And then I heard the footsteps of someone. I thought I should show myself busy and I quickly grabbed a file pretending I am into something. I saw from left eye corner and WHAT THE HECK!

It was her! She was coming to my cabin. I smelled if my cabin has no foody smell. I look at my belly as it seems little outside when I sit, corrected my posture and there she is!

She was in light pink Indian traditional suit. Her perfume was so mesmerising. All time, I wanted to know what her brand is. Perfumes add it's fragrance when pour on some beauty I guess. I never found any perfume so charming on me in life time, because I am not beautiful. May be! I noticed she had a new sets of ear rings. It was not so big nor small, but it was perfect. I offered her a seat. She sat. She sits with style. Her lower portion will be on seat, crossover her legs on one another, she will bend slightly left, and both hand joint as professional. She was on the other side of my desk. And she freed her hair, yeah now it is perfect with her earrings. She knew better how she will look doing what.

'So, what's the matter?' I asked.

'Matter is any substance that has mass and takes up space by having volume.' She replied.

'Was it a joke? Because if it is you have a very bad sense of humour and these types of jokes we used to do in schools Mam.' I was in my bossy position.

' Ooh, I thought you will like it. ' She was questioning herself with her eyes.

' Okay, so tell me what makes you come here?' I asked again.

' How old are you?' She asked.

' I am 27.' I replied.

'Ooh, we are close then.' She looked direct into my eyes.

WTF? I noticed that I was bending forward on my table and she was similar. And we were close. Yes!

I noticed her lips. She always has some dark lipsticks. I have noticed earlier too.

'Close means....how old are you?' I asked.

' I am also same.. 27. ' She replied.

I smiled.

' So, do you feel bad when a similar age guy is your boss?'

' No, why will I feel bad. I don't want some extra responsibilities on my shoulder. Better I am in a lower position.

'So, according to you, you are not capable of taking new responsibilities?' I looked at her lips again.

Wait a minute, how are my lips? Are they dry? I slipped my tongue over that to look it glossy.

' I am responsible but I know how it feels like. Better onto someone who wants that. And btw you are good in this than me.' She also looked on my lips.

Her mail id has 22-06 in it. And I knew it was a date. Either it her birthday date or someone's date.

'So, your birth date is 22 June?' I asked.

' Yeah, what's the matter?' She also asked.

'Actually mine is 23rd June. ' I shared mine.

' What, no and what is the year? She was freaked out.

'It is 1993' I replied.

'Oooh no, I am one day elder than you. Now I feel bad for your position.' She giggled.

I laughed.

' So, we share same zodiac sign? Cancer? ' I was also feeling good.

'Yeah, and I knew now that how you are. Because if we were of same zodiac sign then we also share characteristic.

'May be, it can be a thing of fun.' I replied.

Okay, let me tell you...Are you super emotional?

'Yes...and you?' I exclaimed if we were going to share same things.

' Off course, I am! That's why I asked you. '

'Okay next question, Have you peed into your pants till the age of seven while sleeping?'She was on fire.

' What no, and don't tell me you were doing that?' I made a face.

'Ooh' she looked serious as in the flow she shared a completely wrong info.

I knew that I was peeing till the age of eight not seven. So, I needn't to tell her.

I looked into her eyes and decided to tell her to make her happy and said yes I was doing that, but till the age of eight.

She bursted into laughter.

'Here you also won the race.' She said that laughing.

I was wondering now what to do with her. A girl same like me. She will know when I am lying, she will know when I am hiding and she will know what to do.

'Let's be friends. ' She offered her hands.

'Sure' We shook hands.

I was happy today I had made her comfortable. She shared things with me for the next half an hour. Her secrets, food habits, favourite movie, everything.

Really it was a good day. I switched off the light and slept.

It was 12:30 in the night. I saw myself climbing on my bed and tying rope in the fan. And suddenly I took the rope in my neck and jumped from stool. I was suffocating. I was going out of life slowly and when I was going to die, I woke up.

I was wet with sweat and searched for my water bottle. Drinking all the water in one sip, I tried relaxing myself. It was march few months back and my younger sister has committed suicide hanged her to death. That was a thing which I never accepted in my life. It was a shock to all my family. I never bear the pain of the moment. Hearing the word from my mom that your sister is no more, it was never acceptable. She was only twenty two and she had a world to see. She was learning the things of cruel world but she surrendered.I could have tell her how people reacts. I could have given her more time. I never bought a gift for her. Apart from being younger sister she always sacrificed. My money issues, my little things she always cared and I had left her with nothing.

I was living full of guilt and ignoring her thought because I couldn't make that process in my mind. I wanted to heal but this was making me sick. She had called me once and said how she is feeling with people she is living there. How they are torturing her everyday and I told her ' Once you feel like you are loosing yourself, you are in a wrong place.' We have to search people like ourselves and leave the places where this is not. I myself had gone through this for a year when I was with my friends. I suffered bullying, their taunt over my financial condition and I was in depression. Later with life I realised that I was in a wrong place. If I am a singer, I should go to a place where singers exist. These management dudes can find you disorganised. Vice versa. And later in my life, I found people who were like me. I always felt angry why she didn't think about that for once.

I thought about my father who was going through a lot. She was his favourite kid. In this age she turned into a journalist. She had written hundreds articles and Papa was proud of her. And he was broken now. I knew that I couldn't share his pain. I offered him several times to join me at my place but he denied to come. Every month he cries on the same date for whole day and don't eat. Life had moved all of a sudden. For me it took whole month to realise I am dreaming or this is a reality. My mother she lost her hope in life and doing things only to engage herself.

In life there are consequences of every little actions. Two years ago, it was different. I shared a happy family. I had a charming girlfriend and I was living in a city of dream 'Mumbai'. I was in love with my childhood classmate and we both were living our dreams in a relationship and also in our daily life. My family didn't liked her but I was mad on her and obsessed too. But the consequences had left me fucked up.

What are the consequence? How it occurred? Let's talk about this.

I used to share a family with seven members, now three. Apart from me Papa, Mom, two sisters, one brother and grandmother. My elder sister and me, both were born when my father was rich. She was two years older than me and then me. My younger sister was four years younger than me and the brother eight years. Me and Dee were the kids for whom our parents were concerned. We had a good schooling, good life, social connections with powerful people and administrative bodies kids and a happy life.

At age of eleven we had gone through financial loss phase and we came to earth and shifted to village. My father was okay with that and we were super excited to see village. Fields with wheat corps, sugarcane, our family members from father's brotherhood all was so fantastic. But soon we started abusing learning from village kids. We were loosing moral ethics and developing a new personality of village kids. Some were good but we enjoyed bad. Now my father was concerned and he decided to admit me in a missionary school near about twenty kilometers from our place. Papa was looking for a new thing to settle for finances and I was suffering from how to go to school. School buses were not coming to our village at that time and Papa decided to fix a person for my daily school duty. It went for a year and then the person left.

It was again a challenge. My sister was going to a local school nearby but Papa was more possessive for me and he didn't allow me to go there. I used to feel emotional because all the person whom I know and feel like they could be my friends were in the local school.But it was not going to happen. So, in the lack of competition and friends I turned to be a shy and socially disconnected person at the time till tenth. My family was made of more female members and my life was shaped by them and I had more female connections than men. It was not also so bad at all. I learnt how to be humble and caring like female emotions.

So, the first girl in my life was a beautiful girl whom I dreamt that day. She had some sparks. Her malish voice, her confidence, her face everything was just astonishing. I met her first time when she was little like in sixth. She was a person of attraction among girls and boys and everyone wanted to talk to her. My routine was strict so I only watched her playing with my sister. I used to feel sad watching her and not to be with her. But my father...he wanted me to study all day and released me for 1 hour at evening to play. I was also not so smart as other boys. I was not charming, only people knew that I

was good in study. My cousin brother was always with her all day. Even my childhood friend Sonu used to play tennis with her and he was so good in that that he started impressing her.

One day she came to me and asked hey...wanna play ?

I wanted to but couldn't. I replied as a no. She asked okay so what are you studying?

I showed her my English book and the story about an emperor who was fooled by some cunning people and in the end he went to the whole city without clothes.

She laughed a lot and that made me realised that I have fallen for her and if she became my wife I will keep her this happy always.

What else you do? She asked.

I do drawings. I replied.

'' Ooh wow, I also love drawings.'She was enjoying the time with me.

'' Ooh really, Let me show my drawings.'' I was excited

I had made some rabbits, a hunter and some trees recently. So, I showed that to her. In return she burst into laughter.

'What, why are you laughing?' I thought I again have made her happy or my drawings are funny and I don't know that.

' We used to made these kind of drawings when we were in nursery. ' She was still making me inferior.

'So what kind of drawings you make now?' I asked with my sad and angry voice.

'I use to make paintings now, with real things. We use papers and painting kits.' She was adding more things that I haven't heard before.

'Okay, I will love to see that. ' I was eager.

' Sure, so come some day to my home.I will show you.' She invited.

' I can't say for sure but wil try.' I was thinking of plans.

' Why...I don't see you often playing also. Why you don't get time? She asked.

' My father is very strict.' I replied sadly.

' Ooh Okay then...try if you can manage.Bye.' She left.

I took a deep breath.

My father and I were sitting under Ashoka Tree. He was listening to the chapters I learnt from Srimad Bhagavadgita.

I was on chapter two.

' So, Krishna said that there are two ways by which people can achieve Moksha. Gyanayoga and Karmyoga.

Arjuna asked but which way is better?

Krishna replied ' Both ways are better. But due to the responsibilities ahead in the world I personally believe that Karmayoga is better.

Arjun asked ' So, how is this Karmyogya better?

Krishna replied ' We can't ignore karma when we are on earth. Knowingly or unknowingly we do Karmas when we are alive. Sleeping, sitting, eating , breathing... everything is Karma. But we should do Karma without taking the pressure of results. A Person should remain same in all conditions in sorrow, in happiness, in pain everytime.

I heard the snoring sound of my father. He was slept.I said slowly ' Papa, I discussed all of second chapter.'

He was still sleeping. I planned to escape. But then I thought what if he will know later.

I repeated louder again ' Papa, ho gya second chapter.

He said '' Umm...hmmm okay. Go then.''

He wanted the sleep badly.

I ran like a rocket and landed to her home.

Her aunty was at home.

After touching her aunt's feet, I asked her if Swati was there. She called her.

For a half an hour, she discussed how I am intelligent and so good in study with Swati.

Inner me was sounding that how dumb I am and I am nothing compare to my classmates. But if someone is praising, take it.

Swati came with a big painting of Maa Durga she had made a day ago.

' I was like Wow, what a painting. ' I was really impressed

and thinking that now I understand why she was laughing like this.

For the next hour , we discussed how she make these paintings. I listened her and getting fallen for her with her every words.

I returned to home with so many ideas and her smile.

With my study routine, I was thinking of plans to meet her again in the playground. But in the evening I didn't get enough time.

The next day, I was again sitting with my father with Geeta chapter three.

I was explaining how Krishna was saying that everything was his part once, and in the end it will again go inside him. Arjuna has taken birth several times but he doesn't know and Krishna knows. Whenever the Dharma collapses and Adharma increases he takes birth and again organise Dharma on the land.

Papa was again snoring. It was again time to escape. I ran and reached her home.

Her grandmother opened the gate.

' Where is Swati?' I asked directly.

' They have gone.' She replied.

' Gone, where? I asked.

' Her holidays was over, so she returned to her place. ' And that made me panick.

I came back with heavy heart. At least I should have been said good bye. I have no phone number of her. My heart was crashed a bit. But it was good that atleast I talked to her for some time.

I remembered Geeta Shloka...The person who remains same in sorrow and happiness is a true Karmayogi. I grasped it in my mind and went to my studies again.