I'm sitting across the table from my best friend. She's wrapped in her boyfriends arms. Lily invited me but forgot to tell me Jo was gonna be here and now I'm stuck at an awkward lunch.

"So how's everything been," Lily asks. "Have you met any guys."

I fake a smile. "Everything has been great and no haven't met any guys yet."

Lily nods. Jo smirks, "How bout any girls."

I glare at him. He knows I'm gay and tries to use it against me all the time. I don't know what lily see's in him. Our food finally shows up and I am thankful for the distraction. I dig into my burger.

"You know Kate's not gay right." Lily tells Jo.

"Sure." Jo replies.

I sit and listen to their banter hoping that they will finish there food.

Finally Lily offers me piece of mind. "Well we'll be off."

I smile and nod, "yup see you guys at school tomorrow."

I start to head out when Lily comes up behind me. "You okay?" She asks.

"Yea why wouldn't I be."

"You were just quiet tonight and were in a bad mood."

"Oh. I'm just having a rough time with school." I lied.

I hated lying to her but I can't tell her I'm jealous. I can't tell her I love her. I turned to look at her blushing. What's going through her head. "You alright?" I ask.

"Yea. I was just thinking why does Jo always joke about you having a girlfriend."

I stop and turn towards Lily. "I'm gay." I said.

"What?" She shrieked.

I sat there waiting for her to calm down. I figured this would happen but I was sick of lying and I was just going to see if she accepts me for who I am.

"Why didn't you tell me? How long have you known?" Questions started bursting out of her mouth.

"I've known since freshman year and I didn't know how you'd react if I'd told you."

"How did Jo know?" Lily asked I had been waiting for that one.

"He caught me kissing a girl at a party."

"Oh."

"I better head home before it gets to late." I said trying to leave the situation.

"Yea me too."

I got in my car and headed towards my house. I didn't know how this would end. I didn't know if she would ignore me at school tomorrow or if she would act normal it was scary. I drove home on auto pilot. I went up stairs to my bedroom and sat on my bed. I looked around at my walls looking at all the photos of Lily and I. I wanted to cry she would find out sooner or later that I love her and then she'll leave me like everyone else.

When I came out to my parents they told me I could live with them but they would have nothing to do with me that they would provide what I needed but once I graduated high school I needed to be out of the house. So the only person in my family that talks to me is my sister. I have one friend that I trust but I'll probably lose her to.

I feel the tears run down my cheeks I'm crying and I hadn't even realized it. I'm lonely and I'm just waiting for everyone to leave me. I know I will never be loved and that I am worthless. So I just wait for the end.

I get up to turn off the lights I don't bother changing. I lay in bed thinking and hoping someone would love me anyone.

    How did I not know. That was my first thought when Kate told me she was gay. My second thought was why didn't she tell me. I was so confused. Why would she hide it from me? Did she have a girlfriend? Maybe that is why she didn't tell me.

    I stare at Kate while she walks to her car. She is beautiful, with her long red hair her perfect breasts and her slim hips. I was always jealous of her body. What would it be like to touch it. I pause that train of thought. Why would I touch her that's for girlfriend not me. The thought of  having another girl touch Kate irritated me for some reason. I'm not jealous I'm straight so that's not it maybe I just don't want to lose our friendship. Yup that's it.

    I drive home trying to clear my head but its not working. I walk into the house and am greeted by my mother.

    "How was dinner?" She asks.

    "Um different," I answer honestly.

    "Why what happened." She frowns the wrinkles on her face crinkling.

    "Um well I found out something about Kate I didn't know and I think I'm in shock."

    "Oh," My mother paused, "If you don't mind me asking what you find out."

    "She's gay." I blurt out.

    "Is that a problem?" my mother asks.

    "No I don't think so. It's not. I'm just surprised she didn't tell me. I think." I rambled.

    "Honey I think your right your just surprised and maybe hurt that she hid it from you."

    "Yea." I nodded.

    "Good you guys will get back to normal at school tomorrow and it will all be fine."

    "Thanks mom." I hugged her, "I'm gonna head to bed."

    I headed down the hall to my bedroom. It was small but big enough for me to have what I needed. I changed into Pj's and went to bed.

                                                                    ***********************

    I woke up the next morning energized and ready for the day. I headed to school ready for what ever the day brought. When I walked into first period I found Kate sitting at our table head in her notebook writing.

    "Hey," I announced my presents.

    "Good morning." Kate replied. She looked up at me her eyes puffy I could tell she had been crying.

    "Whats wrong?" I asked.

    "Nothing."

    "That's a lie. Is it about last night. It doesn't change anything." I reassure her.

    Kate shakes her head. "Just wait you'll find out sooner or later."

    The bell rings to start class and I don't get a chance to ask her.

     Halfway through the lecture.The school secretary comes on the speaker. "Kate Victor to the office please."

    I sit there confused as Kate gets up to leave. She turns and gives me a small smile. without thinking I get up and follow her out.

    I pull her aside, "Whats going on?"

    "Your saying you haven't heard." Kate glares.

    "Heard what?"

    "Well there is posters all over the school of me kissing a girl."

    "Oh." I stand there in shock.

    "So I have to go. Sorry for any inconvenience I've caused you. I've always loved you. Bye." Kate looked at me with lifeless eyes.

    I had only seen them once before it was before my dad committed suicide.

    "I'm coming with you." I tell Kate.

    "No your not." She states.

    "Fine then I'll follow you."

    "Please don't," Kate whispers.

    "I don't know what your planning Kate but you can't leave me. I can't go through that again."

    She stops and then continues walking. She changes directions instead of heading to the office she's heading towards the stairs. I just made this worse didn't I.

    "Please don't." I can feel the tears coming now.

    "I need to don't you get that. No one loves me no one cares. I need to go."

    "I love you." I cry.

    "No you don't you'll just leave me like everyone else does."

     I know what I have to do but I don't want to. I hide my phone and call 911. I know are school would just send her back to class and I need to do something. As soon as a person answers I lift up the phone.

    "My friend is suicidal and going to jump."

    Kate looks at me with fear in her eyes. She burst into a run and leaves the school.