Blue Eyes

    Sul Hee 

     We left Korea and moved to Haleiwa, Hawaii when I was seven years old...

1936

I can remember the first time we met very clearly. The sound of jazz had filled the air. The wind blew strong as people danced barefoot on the soft Haleiwa sand. It was an hour past sunset. The air was chilly. Girls had flung their skirts while boys shuffled their feet. It seemed as though I was watching a live cinema. Despite the failing economy we had still seemed to find happiness in the most unlikely places. Some had probably even gone hungry that day but still found a way to smile through it. The sound of the waves were triumphed by the radio that sang all throughout the night. I looked up at the sky, completely enchanted by Duke Ellington’s “It Don’t Mean a Thing”.  It was my favorite. I sat at the table sipping my Coke waiting for my friends to return to the table. Rachel and Kimi were my two best friends we had grown up together. Rachel was the eldest among us and boy could she move. She twisted her body and swung her arms side to side. Dancing was what she was famous for. She was known as the Queen of Swing. She was blonde, had a killer smile, and was the most sought out dame in school. Kimi danced beside her, laughing while she missed a couple of beats.  She's the most optimistic girl I've ever met. After her mom left her for some grifter, she still had hope she’d come back. Kimi's father was a Korean woman and her mother was American. When the song finally ended and the restless pair came rushing towards me giggly and laughing. 

“You’re dancing for the next song. I won’t take no for an answer,” Rachel said.

“I’m tired,” I said. 

    “Come on, Soul,” Kimi said. She had reached for my hand and gave me the same puppy eyes that had convinced her dad to let her out in the first place. Eventually I gave in. I was just about to take a sip of my soda pop when I got dragged to the dance floor.  “Let’s go!”

I didn’t know what to do so I just stood there for a while debating on a dance move. Thinking about it now it’s pretty funny cause I always find myself dancing even without music.

“Just feel the rhythm and your body will move naturally,” Rachel said. 

I started to bob my head as I felt the beat and swayed my hips as I had begun to get into the rhythm. Before I knew it my body was swinging side to side, my head was bobbing left and right, and my feet had a mind of its own. That time we laughed together. I could feel the sand getting caught between my toes. Suddenly Rachel had pulled me in close, and slyly pointed out a guy, who stood opposite of us. He had a big smile and deep dimples. His dirty blonde hair hung lazily in front of his face. He was standing next to the snack shack drinking and laughing amongst his friends.

“He’s been staring at you all night,” she said.

“No he hasn’t. Maybe he was staring at Kimi’s wacky dance moves,” I said. Kimi giggled.

Rachel put a hand on her hip and said, “You always do this. Don’t you know how pretty you are? If a guy is giving you attention you should be happy. ” 

“And I would be except he’s not.”

“Oh really. Well let’s go ask him shall we, missy.” 

“What? Rach-”

I tried to protest with no success. It was too late. Before I knew it I had tripped and fell into the arms of a man that I would soon fall so deeply in love with.  At that moment our faces were so close I could practically taste the mint on his breath. His eyes had smiled at me. Bue like a lake.

“Are you okay, miss?,” the blue eyed boy asked with genuine concern. That was enough to bring me back to reality. 

I’m alright,” I said slightly out of breath. It then came to my recognition just how close we really were. My hands were placed against his chest while his arms were tightly wrapped around my waist. 

Surprised, I quickly drew back. I looked down at the soda pop bottle I had tripped over and turned around to glare at Rachel. She quickly averted her eyes to avoid eye contact well aware of my firecracker like temper. I turned back to the boy. He smiled at me.

“Thank you,” I said and smiled back at him.

“No problem it’s every man honor to save a beautiful lady”

His friends snickered and a girl said, “Oh God. Dawn, he’s at it again.”

“Leave the boy be, Sunny. He can’t help it,” said one of the guys.

They were a couple. The girl he called Sunny sat on his the table while she played with his hair.

“My name is Bud but my friends call me Buddy. You can call me Buddy”

I could feel my cheeks go hot. I swear it had gotten twenty degrees hotter. He was so cheesy but it was the way he stared into my eyes.

“Hi Buddy” I said. 

He had me right where he wanted me because I was cheesy too.

“Buddy!” 

A small boy had shouted from the distance as he rushed towards us. He couldn’t have been about five. His sandy brown curls that shook wildly along with his movement.

 “Buddy.” He called out to the blue eyed boy.

“Jo!” he replied. His muscles tensed. His concern for the boy deemed obvious. “What happened?”

When Jo got into the light, I could see his busted lip. The poor little guy was dressed in rags.

“Oh, Buddy, they got ‘em. They got Noah,” he said. “I didn’t know what to do. The had us cornered. Oh, Buddy, I left ‘em. I can’t imagine what they could have done to ‘em”

Buddy grabbed him and said, “Come on Jo! Spit it out. Who’s got Noah?”

“The Bailey Brothers” The tension had risen. “They said, 'if you don’t give them the Graveyard Noah was gonna get it'. I, I don’t know what they’re gonna give him Buddy but it doesn’t sound too good.”

Sunny got up and walked towards Jo. She knelt down and put a hand on his cheek and said “How dare they put a hand on you? They’re just begging for a fight.”

“Uh oh, who’s upset the empress upset,” said Weston coming out of the crowd. Everyone knew Weston he was the biggest playboy of Haleiwa. 

Sunny turned around greeting him with a smirk then rolled her eyes once she saw the latest chick on his arms. 

Dawn stood.“The Bailey Brothers got Noah. Take Sunny out here and get the boys”

“Hey I can handle my own,” Sunny said.

“I know I just can’t let them scratch that pretty face.”

Buddy turned to me.

“Guess I’ll have to take a raincheck.”

“On what?

“Why, our dance of course.

I looked at little boy Jo and said, “Is he going to be alright?

“You mean our Jo?” He put a hand on his back. “The boy was born hard-boiled. He’ll be okay” That’s when he pulled me in close and said, “You’ll save me a dance, right?”

He placed a kiss upon my hand and before I could even respond he left into the night. I was unsure of what to do. I knew trouble was stirring. I was worried. I knew it was silly. I didn’t even know him and I didn’t even know if I would see him again. But I wanted to.

***

We were all spread out on Kimi’s bed. We were eating popcorn and strawberries while we listened to Kimi gossip. She knew what was going on with everybody.

“Oh, come on Soul. You have to tell us what happened,” Kimi said.

“Well, it’s kind of a blur.” I blushed. They stared at me. “All I remember is him.” 

“Oh no she’s in trouble. She’s got it bad, Rach.” 

I bit my lip.

“Well,” Rach said. She was antsy

“When he smiled at me I felt my heart melt… but he was probably just being friendly” I said. I was trying to practice rationality. 

“Oh please Kimi he stared at her like a newborn pup. She’s got him whipped and doesn’t even know it.”

“What’s his name?”

“Buddy.”

“The proper name for puppy”

 I pushed her and we started laughing.

Never before had I had a boyfriend. I did not want to rush into anything because of a mere assumption. I was trying to protect myself. Perhaps I was just afraid. I started playing with my hair and my mind began to wonder towards him.

“You think I’ll see him again”

“With Kimi’s professional stalking abilities. Trust me. We haven’t seen the last of him.” This had us laughing again.

"Hey, it's call precautionary research," Kimi replied

"Whatever you say, Kimi," Rachel said. "So what did he say when you fell on him".

"Goodnight, guys".

“So does he have any cute friends,” Kimi said.

I wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight.

Hawaiian Phrases

maholo > thank you

Beginnings

Buddy

During those days, the Rags would always seem to find themselves in some kind of trouble. Rags was the name of our gang. We were walking up to our hangout, the Graveyard. Now don’t let the name Graveyard fool you. We didn’t play in cemeteries. It’s an old deserted building that had become a second home to us and like us it had been abandoned at one point in time. It was the Bailey's greatest wish to tear it down. It seemed like the richest sole purpose was to steal the one thing we who had nothing could regard as precious. Why? I don't know. I wonder if it made them feel richer…

 My mind started to wonder about Noah. Man, I hoped the poor boy was alright. Then my mind started to turn towards her. She sat there undisturbed. Her black curls hung low on the side of her face. Her eyes twinkled as she smiled into the distance. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I know I said the same about Susan, Anne, and Ruth but this time it was different. When I looked at her I couldn’t see anything else. 

“Who’s attracted our poor buddy’s attention now?,” said Wes.

“Aw, it’s nothing. Just a little dust in my eye,” I said. He wouldn’t have understood. Weston’s idea of love was temporary. Can't blame 'em though. Around here, love would either end in divorce or the couple staying together unhappy . 

“How many times do I have to tell you, Bud? Women don’t want a sincere heart. They’re all just begging to get their hearts broken because they always run towards the guys who’ll hurt them,” he said.

He smirked and took a sip of soda. “Don’t give your full heart. In the end you're the only one who’ll get hurt.”

He wasn’t completely wrong. Ruth had left me heartbroken. Now that one was a heartbreaker. 

He said, “Listen don’t worry about it. I’m gonna go for a dance. You're gonna be alright by yourself.”

“Yeah, man.”

I went to get a drink. I stood there by the table deciding whether or not I should go back home for the night. My mind felt heavy but when I looked up there she was dancing. She swayed with the utmost grace. I tried to think of what her name might be. I was leaning against a tree. I thought of all the poetry I could write about her.

“You alright, Buddy?” Sunny said. She had been worried about me since the break up. I kept telling her I’m fine but she can’t help but worry. Sunny’s like the mom of our gang. Sunny was Dawn’s girlfriend. She had red hair, hazel eyes, and a bright smile. He was a lucky man because inside Sunny was a genuine heart. She had naturally curly hair that she left untamed. She’d always complain it was too wild to deal with.

“I’m fine, Sunny”

“I told you that girl was no good when I first laid eyes on her, Dawn,” she said. Now Dawn was my best pal. We had known each other since diapers. She walked over and sat down on his lap.

“A woman's instinct.” he said, “I say Buddy these women are scary. They can even foresee things before us.” 

“Not scary, dominant.” She smiled at him. 

I was about to go get Wes so we could go home when someone fell right into me. I looked down and it was her. She held onto my shirt tightly. Now that I was able to see her up close, I could see the details of her pale face. The indent in her thick lips, her grey eyes, and the freckles on her nose. 

Then I realized something. Something awful brought me back to reality. 

***

“Name. Darn, I didn’t ask her name.”

Dawn had tackled me then pulled me into a headlock.

“Still thinking about that girl. Stay focused, Buddy. We don’t know when they might attack.”

“I can take those guys with my eyes closed”

As we made our way to the Graveyard, everyone was gathered in the meeting room. It was packed. Everyone was here. Skip was in his wheelchair talking about giving those Bailey’s a good beating.

“Skip, I want you to stay behind and watch Jo,” Dawn told him.

Skip frowned.

“Come on Dawn. Let me go too. I promise I won’t get in the way. Tell him Buddy. Tell him I won't get in the way. I can help.” He looked at me and I shook my head silently.

"Sorry, Skip," I told him.

 When we found Skip he had been beaten up pretty badly. We saved him but he’s been in a wheelchair since. They call him Skip because he gets left out on almost all the events due to his legs.

“Aw, poor Skip,” Jo said. He put a hand on Skip's head and shuffled his hair around.

“Shut up, Jo. You scaredy cat.” Jo stuck his tongue.

Sunny came into the room holding a wet rag and a first aid kit. 

“We’re going to get you all cleaned up, Jo”

“Leave him be, woman. Let him wear his battle wound with pride.”

Ignoring him, she continued to wipe his face off. Dawn cleared his throat demanding the attention of everyone in the room.

“Everyone. I’m sure you’ve already been informed of the Bailey’s disrespect towards our gang. They’re trying to take away our home by kidnapping one of our brothers. The Bailey are spoon-fed spoiled brats who continue to try and take what’s ours. What we made for ourselves. What we earned.”

The room was quiet. The authority Dawn presented was practically beaming.

“Today we were all disrespected. And today we will take back what’s ours.”

The room was filled with cheer. As we made our way out the room, Skip, sat there with his head down and his shoulders hanging low.

“Come on, Skip,” I said.

His face lit up and we were on our way. 

***

The sky was black. The boys howled into the night as we approached Bailey territory. We were running into the night while I pushed Skip’s wheelchair. When we finally got to the Shadow Creek, the boys were hopping the gate. I had ran my hand through my hair and let out a sigh. We couldn’t hop the gate with Skip with his legs like that.

“I’m sorry, Buddy.”

“It’s alright. I think I have an idea.”

Dawn approached us from the other side of the gate. 

“What’s going on?” he said.

“It’s okay we’ll meet you there.”

Dawn cleared his throat and said, “Be careful.”

I started searching for the entrance. When I found found the opening. I pulled out my pocket knife and started picking the lock.

When we got through I noticed the ground was too rough for a wheelchair. 

I knelt down and said “Get on my back.”

A tear had rolled down his eye.

“I’m sorry Buddy. I just keep getting in the way”

“Don’t cry…. We’re family. We gotta stick together.”

I lifted him up and I ran. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long to catch up to the gang. I finally slowed my pace when we got closer to Dawn.

“Look. Skip really came,” Ryan whispered. 

Seth came over and gave him a pat on the back.

Seth was mute. He was born that way. He was the brightest of us all, you could always catch him smiling.

Skip started howling.

Dawn nodded.

“Guess you need a new name,” he said

Skip smiled.

***

I saw lights. They had lit a fire. I could see Noah. He was motionless, tied to a tree.

“Look who decided to show up. Dogs always did have a sense of loyalty.”

“Shut it, Skit. We all know you still aren’t potty trained,” said Skip.

Skit’s face got red. It happened last october. Every year the Bailey Brothers and us were at war over new territory. Now that year things got a little out of hand.

Summer of 1934

“Hurry up, Jo,” said Billy.

“We’re going to leave you Jo,” said Ray.

“Wait for me, you guys,” said Jo.

He was running after us with one pants leg rolled up and his shoes untied. It was Spar week. This year was decided through a “friendly game” of  baseball. It was hot out. Sunny and Dawn had gotten there early. Sunny was in her schoolgirl outfit chewing gum. She was wearing a loose bun. Sunny was unique and refused go with the trends. She would always say “people should be their own versions of themselves” Dawn had a mitt on his left hand and was tossing the ball back and forth. He threw the ball at me and I caught it. 

“You’re late.”

“They were arguing again,” I said, “I had to sneak out through the back”

I ran my hand through my hair and looked up at the sun. My father hated my mom. I just don’t know why. I think the only reason they married was because of me. My father would get drunk every day since he got laid off. He would come home every night to start a fight at times he’d use force with so I’d have to interject. One time he hit me in the head with a wrench. I had gotten thirteen stitches and had a concussion but she never left him. I got her as far as the car door of Dad's red pick up truck before yanked herself out of my grip and sped back inside. I think she was afraid of being on her own. That’s why she’d smother me at times... she felt guilty. 

“These guys don’t stand a chance,” he said.

“Yeah…,” I said.

He gave me a small smile. That was Dawn’s way of comforting me.

We just do our best to forget and move on.

“We’re gonna take The Rocks and your red-headed bimbo,” Pip said.

This time Dawn stood up. He still stood hands on hips and retorted, “Keep at it, Pip and you ain’t gonna have a mouth to talk with you old chucklehead tool. I’ll drop ya flat out.”  

Pip sat down, quiet.

“What’s eatin’ ya, Pip,” joked Ryan. “Why’d you back out?”

Ryan mocked him and Pip was as red as a strawberry. No one dared to step up against Dawn. 

When the game finally started we were already 9:2. The Bailey’s were all sore, and claimed we were cheating. Boy, those were the days. Things were all going good. That is till Miss Gerber left the gate unlocked and Rocket got out. Rocket was her scrunchy pit bull she always kept near her. He was huge and mean. It happened when Skit, well, during this time he went by the name James, was attempting a home run. Rocket stood still heaving his chest appearing calm but in actuality he was preparing himself. That’s when he took two steps forward and started by barking demanding our attention and provoking our fear. We turned around in unison and remained completely still James however was still pushing to third base. That’s when Rocket got angry. He barked again.

“James,” said one of the Bailey’s.

 James still didn’t noticed him. I swear that boy was determined. Rocket began to dash right towards us.

We were gone. Kids were hopping gates, falling down, and pushing people over.

“Run, James. Run,” they said.

James turned around and saw Rocket coming right towards him. He started running towards the gate. Rocket was right on his tail. Right when James was hoping the gate Rocket bit off his shoe and James fell on the opposite side of the gate. Poor guy barely escaped with his life. Rocket charged at the gate and James flinched. When we were sure the danger was gone, kids surrounded him.

“You alright, James,” one said.

James was quiet. A strong odor had hit my nose. 

***

“Give Noah back or don’t blame us when you’re missing your two front teeth,” said Billy. He waving his fist in the air.

“Oh, yeah. Well bring it on, chubs,” said Pip.

The Bailey twins came out, Robert and William. They were sixteen just like me and Weston but could easily pass for nineteen. They were wearing matching outfits. They had blonde hair and a nose that turned up to the air, as if they smelled something bad. Their father owned the biggest hotel in Haleiwa yet they’d always try to trespass on our turf. Just last week they convinced their father to knock down our neighborhood grocery. Now it takes an extra fifteen minutes to get to the next store. He was the one who fired my dad. He used to be the hotel manager.

“Let’s make a deal,” said William. “Give us the Graveyard and we'll give you back Noah and let you keep your lives.”

“No,” said Dawn.

“I told you. You can’t reason with these kinds of people,” said Robert. “Too uneducated.”

He smirked. That’s when the fight broke out. People were swinging and yelling. I wanted to get my hands on that patsy, Robert. I punched my way through their followers and Robert lunged at me but I dogged. I grabbed him and gave him a good blow to his stomach and grabbed him by his overpriced coat. I looked around and saw most of the Bailey’s on the floor. I had witnessed Dawn give an epic blow to William but he still came back strong. Nose seemed a little crooked though.

“I’d advise you guys to leave if you still wanna walk on two legs,” I said.

They looked around at the states of their leaders and the all left. It would have been silent but there was snoring coming from Noah’s mouth. Everyone had begun to complain.

“That senseless fool.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“What a waste of time.”

Sul-Hee

I had woken up with Kimi’s foot in my face. I pushed her foot on Rachel’s side and got up. When I walked to the bathroom, I looked into the mirror and stared for a while.

“Am I pretty?,” my inner voice said.

It seemed the more I stared the less pretty I got. I let out a heavy sigh and I quickly looked away. 

“Silly of course you’re pretty.” That's what I would think to myself but I thought if that was the case why did I feel so alone. 

Kimi busted in on my endless thoughts and I quicked threw some water on my face.

“Morning, girly,” she said.

She gave me a big bright Kimi smile. Now she was pretty. She took out her rollers. Her hair was always in two high ponytails with big curls, wrapped around a big bow tie. 

“Pretty?,” she said. 

“Yeah.”

Rachel came in the bathroom yawning. 

“I’m starving,” she said with a stretch.

She was so thin but could eat a whole fridge. When we met we were only 9; the year when the Great Depression hit and the year my father died. I was walking in the neighborhood on my own because my mom was crying for the third time that day. I remember she would play the same sad song over and over. That’s when I saw Rachel for the first time. I pulled open the door of the small, English diner. I watched as she chugged down two hamburgers and a strawberry milkshake. I was surprised because I’d never seen a little girl eat so much.

“Oh my, you’re gonna eat all that.”

"What? Why does you're voice sound so funny? Are you from the village?"

"No, I came from Korea… with my mom.'' I looked down at my hands. 

“Oh, well yup. If I don't eat now I won't be able to later.” She reached for another french fry.

“Wow, just like those superheroes in the comics,” I said.

I smiled at her and she stared at me in awe. You see Rachel’s mom was strict. She always hated how much Rachel would eat. 

“People are going hungry and look at you stuffing your face like a pig,’’ her mother would say.

Ms. Baker never took her nowhere but Rachel never paid her no mind. Rachel lived in her own world, an honest and straightforward world. That’s why I loved her so much. She was herself no matter what the world thought of her.

Finally putting down her burger she said, “Hey, you wanna be friends.”

She smiled at me and gave me some of her fries.

***

“Can I get a cup of orange juice, three stacks of pancakes, two hash brown, eggs scrambled, and a bowl of grits,” Rachel said. “What are you guys getting?”

Kimi grabbed her menu and said, “Mmh, may I get a cup of water and some french toast, please?”

“That’s all,” Rachel said.

“Orange juice, a blueberry muffin, and scrambled eggs, for me,” I said.

“Coming right up,” said Seth. He went to our school. He was a waiter here at Haku’s Diner. He had black hair and green eyes. 

When he came back with the food Kimi smiled at him and said with a blush, “Thanks, Seth.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. 

“See be more like our Kimi here take a chance.”

“You can fool everybody else but you can’t fool me. I know dang well you he’s got you smitten”

My cheeks were a hot red.

“Well...maybe I like him a little but I must say I think you guys more.”

"Good answer."

The door chimed and a group of people walked in. 

“When you clocking out today, Seth,” some boy said,

“There’s gonna be a party, celebrating the return of our famous brother Noah. We’re getting everything set up."

“Don’t know, I have to ask the boss but I’ll meet you guys there."

“Alrighty then I guess I'll see you there, pal.” 

They left and Rachel grabbed my arm. 

“We should go.”

“What? We weren’t even invited, Each.”

Kimi said, “Are you nuts? Don’t you know who they are?”

“The Rags is the toughest gang in Haleiwa. You wanna crash the party of one the most renowned gangs,” she said in a whisper.

“I accept the challenge,” Rachel whispered back.

“I don’t know.” I said.

“What? You’d rather go back home?”

I thought about my mom. She’d probably be in the same spot I saw her laying in when I left.

“Fine, but ask Seth first. I’m not getting kicked out with a busted lip for nobody.”

“They wouldn’t.” Kimi held a hand to her mouth.

 “How can you be so sure?”

“Well then, let’s have are best flirt take a go at it.”

“Aw, guys, he’s gonna think I’m crazy.”

We laughed.

“And he doesn’t already,”

She stuck her tongue out at us and got up. She sat on one of the counter stools next to the register and said, “How’s it going, Seth.” She started twisting her chair.

He looked up at her and gave her a sweet smile. He leaned on the counter with his arms crossed and put one hand on his head and said, “What can I do for you, Kimi?”

Kimi spun the chair around, she was freaking out and her face was red. I couldn’t stop laughing. Boy that guy Seth sure had moves. 

She turned back around and said, “Well words going around that y'all Rags are throwing quite the party tonight.”

“Mmh, doesn’t ring any bells.” He said with a shrug

She started to give her signature shimmy and batted her eyes.

“Oh come on Seth let us go. We’ll behave. I swear we won’t get in no trouble.”

He laughed and said, “Alright, alright, I can’t have you losing a shoulder. Meet me on 22nd Avenue at six-thirty and make sure you have the doc check out that shoulder.”

She hit him teasingly and walked back to her seat.

“Yall saw that right. Seth and I had an actual conversation.”

I had noticed Kimi was wearing a locket I had never seen before. 

“Where’d you get that,” I said.

“Oh it’s mama’s,” she said, “I found it in the attic.”

Kimi smiled and Rachel and I were quiet. Kimi’s mom was one of those wild flappers. She was a beautiful blonde dame. She had left her when Kimi was only ten years old. An age old enough to know she was being abandoned. When we were young we would hear her parents arguing so much, calling her a shotgun baby. Her parents were wed out of wedlock. It seemed her dad truly loved Kimi’s mom but Kimi’s mom was too wild. She was always partying and staying out late while he took care of Kimi. Everytime Kimi’s mom would cry about wanting to travel and be happy, Kimi would try to cheer her up. That is until she left with some musician.

“I was thinking if I wore it, mama will be able to recognize me better. Don’t you think so?”

“Maybe...,” said Rachel.

“When she comes back we’ll go shopping, to the movies, and go to one of those parties she would always talk about.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to upset her but I also knew that the chances of her mother coming back were very unlikely. 

“I should check in with my mother before the party,” I said.

“We’ll meet up after,” Rachel said.

“You should prepare yourself, Kimi, because I’m sure Rachel has every intention of raiding your closet.”

“That’s not completely true. You can keep the bows.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with my bows,” she said pouting.

***

Kimi and Rachel went back to her house. While I was standing on my porch hesitating to open the door. I could already hear "Billy" an American quartet in the 1910's playing through the speakers. I opened the door and went inside. The music got louder. That was the song Father used to sing to her while they would dance every night. I remember he had me dance with him. We laughed because I kept stepping on his toes. He lifted me up and gave me a kiss on the cheek and I laughed. He had put me on his feet and guided me through the dance. I loved papa, too. I sat down next to the door and cried. This is why I don’t come home. The sound of my cries were silent over the radio. When I finally pulled myself together, I walked to my mother’s room and opened the door.

“I’m home!”

She was silent.

“I was at Kimi’s house with Kimi and Rachel.”

Not that you cared.

Silence.

“Did you eat?”

I gave up. I walked to the kitchen to prepare some food for her. I wondered if I cut my hand or burned myself if she would make some attempt to care. When I finished cooking I walked back to her room.

“I’m staying over at Kimi’s again.”

I hesitated. “I made you some food. It should be enough to last you awhile.” 

She moved. She got off the bed and walked right past me without even looking me in the eyes. She went to the bathroom and slammed the door right behind her. I flinched. 

I went to my room and laid down on my bed all spread out. I layed there until the sun began to set. I thought of the moon. I don’t know why but the moon and it’s rays brought me comfort on lonely days. I sighed and laid on my side. 

Like the moon, at times I felt as though I was watching the world pass by, in isolation. We were both lonely. I just never truly felt apart of something. I knew that Kimi and Rachel were with me but I guess you can’t truly create a bond with someone without exposing yourself completely. But I can't let my guard down

That was where my trouble started I didn’t know how to open up my heart. I cry on my own because I am ashamed. Tears made me feel weak and reminded me of my mother. I can't be like mother.

***

I was walking up to Kimi’s house when the door swung open.

“Sul-Hee, where’ve you been?And why are your eyes so red?”

“I fell asleep.” 

“Well let’s hurry and get you cleaned up”

I smiled and let them drag me inside.

Kimi was painting my face with blush while Rachel was snacking on a slice of pie.

“Boy, your dad sure does spoil you,” Rachel said in between bites.

“You think so,” she said with a big smile. 

“I can get you another if you would like. Papa wouldn’t mind.” Kimi’s father owned the baker around the corner.

“Really.” 

“What are you thinking about, Soul? You’ve been so quiet.”

“Nothing.”

“I know. She must be wondering whether or not she’ll see Buddy tonight.” She grabbed a big stuffed teddy bear and gave it a great big kiss.

“Stuff your pie hole.” 

She grabbed the spoon and took a big bite of pie and literally began stuffing her face.

There was a knock at the door.

“Come in,” said Kimi.

“Hello ladies,” her dad said.

“Hello Mr. Davis.” 

Kimi’s dad was a frail but handsome man probably because he works so hard to spoil Kimi he barely has enough time to sleep. Kimi’s papa was a airplane pilot so he was always gone and whenever he’d come back he would always come bearing gifts. I guess he was overcompensating . He was quiet but you could tell he loved Kimi from bits to pieces. He was holding something behind his back and wearing a big smile on his face. He had gotten back from his last trip two days ago but it had seemed he was still suffering from jetlag. 

“Guess what I found all the way in Chicago, Illinois?” He pulled out a pink box wrapped in white ribbon. “It’s your favorite chocolates.”

“Mom likes those chocolates too you know,” she said undoing one of my curls.

He had begun to fiddle with his glasses and clear his throat. “Oh, um yes, she liked many things,” he said and he left the room.

“Now why’d you go and do that,” said Rachel.

“He never wants to talk about her.”

I sat there quietly unsure of what to say so I fidgeted with my curls. Rachel put a hand on her hip and said, “That heartless wo-” I gave her a look and she stopped in her tracks. I thought at least one of us should be happy especially during these times. Kimi continued undoing my curls, humming to herself. The Depression didn’t hit us quite as hard. We were considered the lucky ones. We went to school while other kids took on the responsibility as head of the household. Many kids' education had been put on hold while they were subjected to laborious jobs with an undeserving pay. We had to cherish every moment.