When i was 7 years old my whole family used to live in one house... And ofc conflicts is very normal and my grandfather is very abusive. When i Become seven i already know what depression is and whats the outside world looks like and other stuff that kids like me shouldn't know.
Everytime i hear them fighting and screaming at eachother i always wish that im blind or deaf and i do wish im both so im not going to be able to see or hear them fighting.
Since child i wanted to live alone and lock myself in a box just by myself without any contact to the outside world...
I'm scared of being judge by others since im not good looking and not that smart.
Im only good at understanding other people and cheering them up thats all i have.
The first day i felt sad is when the day i woke up hearing my moms shouting at my dad i didn't really understand what they're talking about so i just cried and cover my ears.
My parents always fight and when i was in sixth grade i feel like they broke up at that time because my mother misunderstood my father... i can see that my dad really love my mom because till this day hes still trying to get her back But my mom is really arrogant and want to marry someone abroad...
Tbh im really scared hearing this new. And for me i dont want a new dad or mom i want it to be just us like a normal one...
Going back my family always fight and eventually starts to getting seperated little by little we were the first one to leave the house since my dad bought a house but.. i know my mom cheated on my dad first because i saw my mom doing it with her friend and I know that how would my dad make my mom pregnant when his working abroad all year...
I grew with a huge wall from my parents and family. I grew up alone and i guess im lucky I didn't become like the other kids who do bad stuff i know whats good or bad and i rather make someone happy or helping other people to not make them feel what i felt before because i know how painful it is.
My little brother was born and he doesn't really looked like my dad at all. and our appearance is so different he has whiter skin and weird nose shape... And i dont really feel this brothely connection to him.
And when i was in sixth grade i got bullied everytime and more family problem happen i regret it a lot and i kept on wishing that im blind and deaf and now its really happening i know im soon to go blind first but its fine at least i dont have to see those eyes staring at me and it looks like they are disgusted just by looking at me thats why i keep lowering my head.
And i dont have to hear others people or my family harsh words anymore and please if you are going something more worse than me please dont give up in the end of the battle there will be freedom and happiness waiting we just need to wait and continue walking even if the group is full of torments...
