He shouldn’t have come. He shouldn’t be there, he should’ve just stayed home. If he did, he wouldn’t be where he was; he wouldn’t have to witness everything that was happening right in front of his eyes. He could only blame himself for bringing this predicament upon him.
Fiddling with his crease-free tie, he exhaled sharply— a frail attempt to loosen the air tightening around his chest. To say he was nervous was an understatement. He was trembling terribly. His fingers shaking with vigour.
“You don’t have to go, bud.” a voice from behind suddenly said. “You don’t have to force yourself if you can’t.”
He shook his head lightly. Through his reflection in his full-body mirror, he gave him a small smile. “I promised her, remember? I don’t break promises.”
His brother sighed. “Yea, you only break hearts— which, by the way, is worse than breaking a promise!”
He cracked a smile at his brother’s remark. He knew he was only trying to make him feel a little better, and he’s more than grateful for that.
“Okay, bud, whenever you’re ready.” his brother turned to leave, and he was alone again.
“Whenever you’re ready,” he told his own reflection. He smiled without humor and shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, anyway.”
He let out a breath before walking out of his room and downstairs.
~x~
“It’s not too late to back out,” his Mother said from the backseat, breaking the ice. “We can pull over, just say the word.”
He really appreciates it, how his family has been supportive of him— of his feeling; of how considerate they are, to the point that they’re willing to let him escape the situation at hand.
But he knew he has to face this otherwise, this will haunt him with regret for the rest of his life.
“No, Mom, I’m fine.” he assured her, but it felt like he was assuring himself more than his Mom, his family. “I’ll be okay. I’m a big guy, remember?”
When he looked out the window, he could already make out the building he was dreading to see.
There were already people outside: ladies wearing fancy, elegant gowns, gentlemen in their most expensive suits. The outside were decorated with beautiful, sparkling gems, beautifully arranged flowers and silky smooth clothes.
His chest tightened again. And he expelled another sigh.
Their car stopped at the space allotted for them. As soon as his brother turned the engine off, he knew there was no turning back.
One by one, his family went out of the car.. until he was the only one left inside. With a shaking hand, he reached for the handle and push open his side of the door. He met his Mother’s gaze and nodded at her with assurance.
“Let’s go?” he told them before making his way for the entrance.
People greeted them— him— as soon as they came. Some of them throwing him a knowing look, some with sympathy on them. But he didn’t need any of those.
“We’ll start in five.” the event’s organizer called. “Places everyone.”
He felt a tap on his back and when he turned, it was his Father. “I’m still proud of you, son.”
“Thanks, Dad.” he gave him a tight lipped smile.
“You know I’m here for you, right?” his Father reached for his hair and playfully ruffled it. “We’ll talk this one out with JD later, okay?”
He pushed his Father’s hand away from his hair. “Dad!” he frowned, reaching to fix his now messy hair. “You ruined it, this took me hours!”
His Dad only laughed at his annoyed remark.
“Just go with Mom.” he grumbled, still fixing his hair.
Before he could finish fixing his hair, a car stopped behind them. Stunned, his arms left hanging on the side of his head.
“Great! The bride’s here!” the organizer called again, clapping her hands. “Okay, places, places!”
The bridesmaids and the groomsmen all stood in front, along with the other part of the entourage.
He was left standing behind, his hands now at his side, trying to hide the terrible shaking of it. Soon, he heard the clicking sound of heels hitting the floor.
“You look rather dashing,” her angelic voice assaulted his ears, making his heart clench. “What’s up your hair?”
He cleared his throat, forced a smile before facing her. “My Dad,” he grumbled, “he messed this up.” grateful that his voice didn’t crack.
Chuckling, she tiptoed to put his hair in its rightful places. “There!” she beamed at him, eliciting a small smile from him. “You look perfect now.”
“As you are,” he blurted.
Her smile became wider. “Thank you.”
“Only telling the truth.” he shrugged.
She smacked his arm before staring deep into his eyes. He shifted on his heels, looking away. Her brown eyes were making him uncomfortable.
“No.. I meant thank you... for this…” she trailed.
Oh.
He immediately nodded in understanding, ignoring how his heart was starting to break like a shattered glass again.
“Don’t cry,” he swiftly wipe the tears pooling at the side of her eyes away. “Don’t ruin your make-up for me.”
“Are you guys ready?” the organizer asked, catching their attention.
He offered his arm to her, “Ready when you are, Milady.”
“You don’t have to do this, you know?” he looked over at her, who was now biting the inside of her cheek— a sure sign she was nervous and anxious at the same time. “I will understand. This is just too much to ask.”
Despite the breaking of his heart, he gave her a sincere smile and linked her arms with his.
“You don’t need to be guilty, if that’s what you’re worried about.” he assured her. “I’ll be okay, I promise. Besides, I promised you and your Dad, remember? I promised Uncle that I’ll walk you down the aisle if he fails to do so.”
“But—“
“Me walking you down that aisle towards the man you’re going to spend your life with.. is my gift.” he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. “Let me.. allow me to.. hold you close like this.. just for the last time. Just for the last time.”
“Oh, Brian..”
“Please,”
Biting her lip, she gave him a nod.
He turned to the organizer, who was standing and watching them in disbelief, and nodded at her. “We’re ready.”
As the doors opened, he held her hand tight, knowing that this would be the last time he’d be holding her like this; that when they reach the end of this aisle, he’s gonna let her go, he’s gonna give her hands to the man who’s gonna hold it forever.
With every step, his heart breaks and his dreams shattered.
Here he was, walking the lady, whom he loves with all his heart, down the aisle.. but he wasn’t the groom waiting for her at the altar.
Funny how he built all his life’s dreams with her, only to witness her be wed to another man.
He looked ahead, only a few more seconds left before he lets her go.
For the last time..
“I love you,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “I love you so much,”
Before she could reply, they’ve reached the end of it and he was taking her arms off his and giving it to the groom.
“Take care of her, man.” he firmly said. “Congratulations. And best wishes.”
“Thank you,” the groom said.
He kissed her temple for the last time before walking over to his seat, watching the love of his life say “I do,” to the man she now loves.
