"You don't have an aim in your life!"
This sentence means that your life is going to end.
I think you all are familiar with this sentence and had heard it numerous times.
Now, Let me tell you there are 3 types of students.
1. Special type- one who knows what to do with their life by birth.
2. Stubborn type- one who don't know what to do and don't even want to know.
3. Confused type- one who don't know what the hell is happening and decides to go with the flow.
I am the 3rd type.
I thought this life is very beautiful and I can saw light of hope in every thing until I crossed 8th standard. The change in the benchmark of syllabus struck my mind really hard but I worked hard and completed my 10th grade.
oh!oh! I forgot to tell you that when my 10th standard was coming to an end(like finally), my teachers began councelling and kept asking me " what is your passion", " what do you want to become in your life", " what plans do you have for your future". And my answer to every question would be " I don't know, sir".
My teachers complained about my situation to my father and he started stressing out about my future and began lecturing me day and night so that I will search something for my future atleast by pressure. That was the point of time where my sweet childhood ended. R.I.P. to my great childhood.After that time it became a regular tension that is not realising by anything.
My father challenged me that if I scored more than 90% in my 10th standard final exams then I can go to a city for studying as we live in a remote place. I accepted this challenge, worked as hard as possible to win and finally I won but all went in vain. He broke his promise for whatever the reason be and made me feel like it was all because of me that I am not compatible with the environment I might be facing and I believed them. I totally lost all my hopes of a "good future" when I was admitted to a government school for my intermediate studies. I did everything as directed by my father such as taking his favorite subject as my stream, going to the school he wants me to go, etc.
Then I started preparing for a competitive exam called "JEE MAINS" which a national level exam for admission in engineering programmes. I knew I am not of that kind to crack a competitive exam without couching but I still tried and went with the flow as many of my classmates were planned to go through this exam. I tried but I just can't study as much as the true preparation of this exam needed. After my 12th, I filled many forms of different institutes to get admission but I can guarantee that I am not going to be admitted in any of them.
And do you know the worst part of that whole thing happening to me was when I finally started planning after almost rottening my brain with damn books, there came a pandemic you all know about, generally named as "CORONA".
I planned everything that I will be able to get admission in any degree program by June or August at maximum. but because of the great pandemic, I wasn't able to either study properly or to rest properly. I almost got caught by depression that I wouldn't be able to get admission anywhere and just going to drop this year which I really don't want to do.
During this period of time one thing kept coming to my mind that what is the use of this competition or this struggle everyone is facing these days just to survive here. and the most important question " why we all have to be struck in here doing nothing meaningful". And a thought blew my mind that all the species do nothing but come to life, f##k, make new life and die then repeat this cycle. And my mind went blank by the thought -
"What The Hell Is Happening?"
but still I need to move forward.
Now, I really don't have any aim in my life but I want to roam this whole world, learn new things and I firmly planned to "NOT STOP ANYWHERE" until I feel tired.
THANK YOU for Reading
