At a young I could hear my parents fight from behind the door of my sister’s bedroom as she held her ear to the door trying to listen in. I suspect that I heard a lot as a child, but I never let what I heard dwell in my mind. When my parent’s divorce finalized my sister and I were seperated and I was sent to live with my father. I didn’t grieve because whenever I got sad I was told to suck it up. Little did I notice that this had completely changed who I thought I was. When I visited my mother and sister, I could notice a change especially in my sister as she would be mean and get mad when I brought anything having to do with my home. If only I had known the truth behind her resentment. My family at home expected me to always be happy, have no opinion, and do as I was told. I was almost always alone so I learned how to work through everything on my own. I couldn’t believe anyone on either side of my family because none of their stories ever lined up with the others. As a result of this I couldn’t trust anyone which led to me losing almost anyone whom I tried to call my friend. I took no interest in either family’s traditions marking myself as the black sheep. As I grew up I realized that I had been morphed into someone who didn’t fit in their own home, so I worked extra hard to be a good kid and follow the rules that were set out for me. I even learned how to fake smiles and fein happiness to a perfection. It wasn’t good enough. I ended up being used as a trophy by one family and pitied by the other. There was no love around me just resentment and pride. I figured that to keep friends I had to be someone that they could trust so I became more reliable. That is when I started to gain true happiness and gave some people my trust, but little did I know that depending on people for happiness will end with you hurting yourself. I then decided I would sacrifice myself and let them hurt me if that makes them happy. I knew that love was never something I would never have because who would want to love someone who couldn’t love them back. I had become a monster morphed by my home and the people in it. Yet they still have the nerve to ask my why I changed from the girl I used to be? Sorry the world killed her.
