I have always been this ice cold nerdy but even I had some crushes back in school which I haven't told others about.
So this first guy would be my very first male friend Mr X. I met him for the first time in Kindergarten and I was sure that I loved him not realising I was too young to have such a strong feeling. Although I used to hit boys a lot but he was kind of exception because he never took my hits in a fun way unlike others so I avoided hitting him. I used to be such a trendsetter those days that when I started doodling in my diary, everybody followed the same. And apparently I used to draw him and me in a wedding gown with all those fancy stuff. But ironically in class second I tied him a rakhi instead of a friendship band ( thanks to my mother whom I asked for bands but she gave me a rakhi because Rakshabandhan and Friendship Day usually lie in the same week and she was not interested in buying band). So I unintentionally brozoned my very own crush of 3 years. After that he left my school by the time we reached middle school. Although he departed but the failure to give him a proper farewell made me do a bigger scene which I would talk about later.
So during second I not only unintentionally brozoned my first crush but also my close friend Mr. Y who never said it out aloud but I felt had a crush on me and I purposely tied him rakhi every year until class 7th because he was always giving me brotherly vibes. After 7th he stopped accepting my rakhis and later due to section shuffling we lost touch.
But there was one more guy Mr Z. I used to hit him the most and he always used to take it sportingly. Being the topper during those times he had told his younger brother about me. But this lead to a filthy rumour that we were in a relationship. I suffered owing to this groundless rumour for 2 years unless the girls guilty of spreading these rumours finally apologized to me. During this time I certainly developed a mild crush on Z due to his supportive nature but since he also changed schools in 6th grade so that affection stopped. Though he re-entered my school in 8th grade but by then I was completely rid of such feelings for him.
During my 6th grade, a lot of new students enrolled in my school and among them were two best friend boys Mr P and Mr Q. Mr P was my deskmate but since he was close to Mr Q we ended up in the same friendship circle in which Mr Y was also there. So the status at that time was (according to what I feel) Y had a crush on me , I had a very mild crush on Q since I knew the fact that he was in a relationship with his deskmate. although by the end of middle school all of us got separated in different sections.
High school was tough for me socially because being the kind of person I was I didn't possess the ability to make new friends and felt more lonely when my old friends started spending more time with new people. During this time I met a bunch of awesome guys Mr. M and Mr. N. They used to have that typical bad boy aura the kind I despised the most. But as time passed by I realised that they are not as bad as I presumed them to be but when during Teachers day they gave credit to the whole class for decorations despite doing the maximum work I started seeing them in a completely new light. I started opening up with my own pace and the sweet fact was that they accepted me with my flaws and were generous enough to stay by my side until I became comfortable with them despite having different ideologies towards things. But I became so invested with them that it took me almost 2 years to realise that I developed a crush on Mr. N. And instead of being all lovey dovey I became more irritated and behaved very rudely with Mr.N and this feeling was killing me deep inside until my bestie encouraged me to propose to him.Now at this point I was reminded how I failed to give a proper farewell to Mr. X(who later started dating our common friend because he assumed I brozoned him) So this time with no intention of having regrets Just to clarify I said to Mr.N that I LIKED him not LOVED him. And I got rejected. I was upset but the bright side was he also changed school after 10th grade so I could recover emotionally but I certainly lost my soulmate due to my immature puberty feelings which hit me a bit late. Nonetheless I survived the sea when 70% people were mingling without any interaction being aloof and compared to my affection adventures during school life the last two years of my school life were super plain and boring.
So for a girl who was pretty confident that she found love at age of 4 , I am currently 18 and still don't have a boyfriend. But honestly now I know that my true love will come when it is supposed to come and I don't have to push and pull strings to attain it. And I am literally too young to fall in love and I would rather do this stuff when I am completely independent.
