I'm lav ...I was abandoned by my parents ....I suck at socialising ....that's my weakness ...I give into people very soon ...I suck at hiding my emotions... whenever someone asks me something I end up doing it..even though I don't want to ...to put it simply I'm afraid....I'm scared to be called useless...I'm scared to dissapoint people ..I'm afraid of people judging me ,hating me ...to put it simply I'm a coward...
believe me it's not like I never tried to be brave ...its not like I never tried to be strong...its not like I never tried to be confident...its just whenever I tried to build up a bit of courage..I always end up being crushed...
i wanted people to like me .... I tried to sing ...I couldn't...I tried to dance ..I couldn't..I tried to draw I couldn't...the only thing I was good at was studying..so I studied hard ...giving it all I got ..hoping people to like me...but I ended up being called a nerd and bullied....I just wanted to make some friends...do I not deserve that ....I by lot of hard work managed to find people I could fit with ...I thought I could finally make friends...but I was just a friend with benefit for them ....sometimes when they laugh on something I couldn't understand why ...sometimes when they talk I'm always outsideded...sometimes when I talk..I don't even get a reply...i realized i was just an invisible wall for them ...i dont belong there....but even so when they call me for help ..I do it even though I dont get a simple thank you ...its ok right..there should be no thank you between friends...but still it hurts does that mean I never really had them ...i never really had people to call them my friends..to call mine...
hmmm i wonder how would it be to be someone's first priority...will that person love me with all their heart ...will they wish me a good morning every new day ..will they wait for me to return home every day...will they hug me whenever I want them to ....will they take care of me when I'm sick...will they talk to me ..or will they atleast listen to whatever I say ...or at least will they look at me wit a look Ive been longing for ...will that ever happen to me ..or is it just fantacy ....haa ..I was called a curse ..even my partners did not want me ....they thought I was a worthless waste of space...will there be someone who will love me as well...do I even be worth to be loved ...will I ever be good enough...to be loved
