I have two friends.
One is basically the perfect angel. He always knows what the right choice is, and he holds no grudges. Not even against me. He stays nearby all the time, and I can always ask him how to act. Considering that he’s always with me, I should be ashamed at how rarely I really listen to him.
My other friend is much more like me. He has a dark side. He is naughty. He is mean. He, too, is a constant companion. He is much faster to give advise than my first friend. I listen to him so often, it’s now hard to shut out his calm voice.
As bad as it may be, I see him as a better friend than the good one.
These two friends help me feel. . . I don't know. I would say they make me happy, I’d say they help me feel good about myself.
But they don’t. They make me sad, they make my self esteem drop into the negatives. There are many reasons why, but the main one is this: I made them up.
They are imaginary. And they are my only friends. I even named them: Iares and Miko.
I don’t know how I made them up. Probably because I felt alone. The funny thing is that ever since I created Iares and Miko, I have only felt more alone than ever before.
The need for friends drove me to make my own, and now, even with friends I am lonely.
When will I find real friends?
Someday, maybe.
Both my friends can talk to me, but Iares only ever talks when I ask his opinion. That, or when I’m about to do something stupid.
Miko talks all the time, telling me how to do this, and that I should do that. His constant whispering has made me prone to following him; I don’t really know why.
I always have wanted real friends, but the nagging thought in my head has always told me that they would just let me down. That I don’t need anything from them.
When will I feel satisfaction?
Someday.
Iares has never led me astray, but he hardly talks anymore. He used to instruct me all the time, but he is quieter now. When I was little I was so like him. Perfect. A good child.
Now Miko tells me how to live. It doesn’t feel quite right, but I can’t send him away. I made him, and I guess I’ll have to live with his advice.
When will I be happy again?
Maybe someday.
