My mom always tell me, "If you want to be happy be free". In my younger days I don't really understand what she is saying. I'm free, but Am I happy? And now I'm grow up still don't get what she said.
Free? How should I say that I'm free? I know I free! I'm doing what I want. But still I'm not happy.
The class is so boring so I glance at the window. Watching the birds playing at the tree. But suddenly, a man catch the bird. Put it in the cage and run away leaving the other bird alone. Heh? That heartless man!
Like usual, after my class, I spent my time playing video games at the computer shop. It's already night when I think I should go home.
The night is so dark. There's no moon and only the twinkling stars are seen. Hmm? They are beautiful. Look, even though it's dark they still shine. Good for them.
I open the door of our house. Still dark? Maybe Mom is late. I sigh and open the lights.
I stop when I saw something. Just infront of me. My mother hung. My hands tremble and my knees felt weak.
My mom always say, "If you want to be happy be free". Look at her now. She hung herself. She's not free. My mother is not free, my mother is not happy.
I closed my eyes when that memory flashed in my mind again. It's been a year now.
"Are you okay?" my suitor asked me.
"Y-yeah. Just hungry" I answered.
"Here eat!" she said. And smile. She's such a sweet girl. We meet a month ago when she said that she's in love with me.
"Thanks" I said and eat the food she give me.
"Hmm. Your eyes always look so dull. You always look so sad." she said while staring at me.
"Huh? I am? I don't know." I answered. How could you say that the person is sad? How could you say that the person is happy? It is because of facial expressions?
"Try to smile!" she said. I raise my eye brow and look at her. She smile. I stop eating and follow how she smile.
"Like this?" I asked.
Instead of complementing me she frown.
"That's not a smile! Your just forcing yourself to smile." she said.
"What's the difference? You told me to smile so I smile." I said. She frown.
"Eh? You're so cold." she said.
"Am I? I don't know." I said and shrugged my shoulders. She roll his eyes and put his palm on his forehead.
"Esh. Just eat!" she said and put the whole hotdog in my mouth. I glared at her and he just smile at me. So sweet.
My mother always tell me, "If you want to be happy be free",
I laughed when Eliza fell while catching the bird. I run to her to help her stand.
"You laugh?" she unbelievably said. It's ready five months now since I and Eliza meet. Still, courting me and said she'll change me.
"Yeah. Why?" I ask and carry her. Her knees is bleeding I need to bring in the clinic.
"Are you okay? Does it hurts?" I asked.
Instead of answering me. She smile like nothing happen. She blushed and bite her lips.
"Dang. Why are you smiling if you're hurt? You're weird!" I said.
"You laugh! You're worried! And you carry me! That makes me smile and forget the pain." she said. I frown. How? That's possible huh?
Year passes Eliza is still with me not leaving my side. She said, it's okay if I will not accept her as my lover as long as she will stay by my side.
"W-why are you crying?" I asked. She immediately wiped her tears and smile at me.
"What? I'm not!" she lied.
"Hmm."
"I really want to be your girlfriend." she said. I stop eating and look at her. It's been two years now.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I love you!" she said. With sad eyes.
"Are you sad?" I asked. Her eyes widened and look away.
"No. Forget it! Let have a date today!" she said.
Like what she said, two of us headed at the park. Spend time together. She's smiling and she's happy. And me I felt weird. My heart felt happy that makes me smile. Makes me laugh like what she's doing. I'm happy?
Week after, I woke up wondering where is Eliza is. I woke without her. She didn't show up at the school. I waited at her in the house still didn't came home.
That night I received a text from her saying,
"Thanks for everything, love! You smile and laugh because of me that makes me so happy. You change after two years and I'm glad that I'm the reason! Goodbye mylove. See you again."
My heart ache after reading those words. What does she main? Goodbye? What? I thrown my phone away and angrily thrown everything I see. How could she leave me! My heart felt so damn hurts!
"Goodmorning class. There's a bad new came this morning your classmate Eliza.." my eyes widened when our teacher say Eliza's name.
"Committed suicide." my world seem crushed when that words came out from my teacher lips. I don't know what I'm feeling. My heart hurt so bad. My breath become heavy and blankly staring at my desk. Why?
My mother always tell me, "If you want to be happy be free"
"Today is your death anniversary." I put the flower beside her thomb stone and sitted.
"I'm still wondering why did you leave me? You said that you'll stay. I feel free with you. I'm so happy with you. You show me what life is.." I stop when I feel my tears falling.
"W-why?" I said.
"I already know what my mother means by saying" if you want to be happy be free". I put my self into a dark cage. To dark that my wings can't fly and can't get me out there. Then I saw you. You give me light and make me free. Why did you leave?" I said and cries so loud.
"I'm here. Why didn't you say you're not free?"
"Eliza, I missed you. I miss your sweet smile."
"Please be with me again."
