My first ever memory was singing a song with my mom. I loved singing since I was young everyone around me seems to love singing too. It was something I enjoyed doing for a long time, I was a child who didn’t care about anything else except for the fact that I loved what I was doing.
Then I started growing up and I became a teenager, that’s when my anxiety started to begin. A few years ago when I was just 13 years old, I met a cousin of mine who was 5 years older than me, I haven’t met her for a long time, I adored her for she was a great singer, my cousins seem to think the same way as I do.
After a few days of her staying we decided to have a karaoke night. At that point my voice was starting to change because of puberty. So I started singing like I usually do then I heard-
“Your voice sound hoarse”
“Your voice sounds deep”
Take note I am a girl those words made me anxious of how I really sound like.
But at that time I didn’t care I was simply enjoying myself.
Fast forward to a few years I always hear these words.
“Your voice sounds too hoarse”
“Your voice sounds too deep”
“It sounds strained”
I felt dispirited and anxious.
“Do I really sound that bad?”
“Is it unbearable to hear?”
So after that I rarely enjoyed singing, every time I sing I can’t help but feel anxious, I can’t stop thinking about how others think of my voice. Suddenly singing wasn’t something I enjoyed anymore.
I only enjoyed singing out my house. Inside my house I was free and no one was gonna judge me.
Then came my sister’s puberty, she started getting angsty and sensitive. Of course at first I didn’t mind, I only tried my best to not get on her bad side.
The thing is I loved singing duets with her and I usually sing around the house. It was fine for a little while but then-
“Can you stop singing it’s annoying?”
“Your voice sounds ugly”
It was alright at first because it only seemed like an innocent joke, but she started saying that with such a serious face that I know I would be fooling myself if I say that she was only joking.
Of course you could say that I was just being sensitive but if you hear that every day you would also get quite sensitive. Every day I hear that I was bad at doing something that I loved doing.
I hope that no one gets to feel the same way as I did when hearing those discouraging words but you know what there will always be someone out there who will support you.
My friend and my parents supports and that’s what’s keeping me happy.
“Your voice sounds great”
“Your voice sounds calming and peaceful”
“Wow, I can’t reach a note that deep but you can even though we’re both girls, you’re amazing”
You see it doesn’t matter what some people care about you if you know your worth. Only you can tell how much you’re worth. Do what you love and do what you enjoy. Prove those people who discourages you that you can do it.
