Starting time- 2:23 am
I can't handle it anymore
Mom says, "I'm so tired and sick of this"
"Everything just doesn't go right"
"All the burdens are on me!"
But, you know, I have mine too
Not just you, me...me.
I have a hard time pretending, ignoring every members of our family, ranting about how you all have it hard
I want to shout out loud my thoughts of everything you all would say
Mom said along these lines that, "I just wanna d!€ rn, to stop these never-ending burdens, everyone problem, and you giving me a hard time"
While I just sat there, headsets on, though no music played, I sat there pretending nothing was heard, ignoring all of your phrases and drawing something unrecognizable
I sat there as my tears gathered on my eyes ready to fall down like rain.
I- I can't handle this anymore
It mught sound like I'm overreacting to this matter
But everytime my head clear all the thoughts, those comes back
As I lay down sideways, with my other eye constantly wet with tears and the other dry, since I try hard not to let the tears fall down.
And, about my thoughts of replying to your phrases, it all comes like such:
"If you wanted to die, why would you cry your heart out when you where suffocated in your dreams?"
"If you wanted to die why would you plan out with me to secretly bring you restricted foods when you turn old and your hair white?"
If you wanted to ease your burdens, if you thought of me as a burden why am I even brought to life? Was it my choice?"
"If you were afraid of having sinned for aborting me, you've already sinned when you said you never wanted me here"
Gosh....
Really-
Just feed me poison to let me slowly perish
In this world, and in your life
I'm sorry Lord God for having all these thoughts, but I just can't hold it anymore
I know it's an excuse I've just said
But please forgive me...
...
Finished- 2:44 am
03/02/22
