There goes my heart beating cause you are the reason........
In our life we'll meet someone who would make our heartbeat run at it's abnormal phase. We will get butterflies in our stomach and we'll be fluttered when we see the one we are waiting for.
I can see her shoulders shaking and I can hear her sobs one by one. I hate to admit it but it hurts me, it's hurts a lot, it feels like my heart is sinking.
Every dawn this what happens, she would cry and I cannot avoid to cry too cause it's hurting me.
I can't ask her problem cause she won't tell. She have changed since that day.
FLASHBACK:
"Jhaze? Let's go! it's friday! Let's have fun!" Kyla one of my work mates said.
"Sorry kyla but I am going home. My wife is waiting for me." I said and smiled at her then i took my leave.
Kyla is the most beautiful lady in our office. Though many of our workmates are persuing her, she isn't giving any attention to them at all. She is pretty at the same time brainy.
She is one of kind, but what makes me wonder was she is giving her attention to me. When I ask questions, she would always answer, when I enter the office she would always greet me good morning or good afternoon. She is kind to me and treats me differently.
I arrived at the parking lot and went in my car. I hurriedly headed back home, my wife is surely waiting for me.
I arrived in front of our house and straightly parked my car at the garage. I went in the house with a big smile on my face.
I went to the kitchen to see if Alexa is in there.
"Alex?" I called out her name. This is the first time that I didn't saw her in the kitchen after coming home from work.
"Alex?" I called again but there was no response.
I went up stairs to check if she is in the room.
"Alexa? Sweety?" I opened the door of our room but she isn't in.
I went out again and heard silent cries in the library room.
"Alexa?" I hurriedly opened the library room and went in. I saw how messy the books are, it was scattered everywhere.
In the dark corner of the room I saw Alexa crying. Her hair is messy as well as her blouse. She was hugging her knees as if she was so scared.
I hurriedly hug her and asked,
"What's wrong Alex? Why are you crying?"
She just shook her head and hugged me tightly. I just let her cry on my shoulder as different questions are popping in my head.
"I'll take you to the room, stand up slowly." I said and guided her.
I let her lie down the bed and put her blankets on.
"Sleep you might be tired.I'll just wake you up when it's dinner time." I said and she nodded.
I exited the room confused at the same time I feel like I can't help my wife at all. All I can do is just let her cry on my shoulder.
I cooked our dinner with my mind occupied.
END OF FLASHBACK
After that we ate as if nothing happened at all. This things that she is showing me is slowly killing my love for her. I am starting to think that she might be cheating on me.
***
"Hey Jhaze? Wanna go out?" Kyla asked me and as usual it's friday.
Since Alexa changed, I changed also I was never that Jhaze who would always go home after work anymore. I became the Jhaze who would go home after night out, who never cares about Alexa anymore.
"Yeah sure, Why not?" I said and she smiled.
"So Let's go?" She said and I nodded.
We exited the office building together and went to the garage and get in my car. We went to the bar that I and my other office mates go.
***
"Jhaze your drunk" Kyla said and I shooked my head.
"No Kyla I am not." I said and looked at her face.
Her face was angelic, I slowly look in her lips, it was red like rose.
"Umm Jhaze?" She slowly called my name.
"Yes?" I answered
She put her hands on my thigh and she looked at me.
"Jhaze I-i Love you." She said and slowly hugged me.
My heart fluttered as I hear those words.
She broke the hug and looked at me.
"Kyla? I think I love you too." I said and I held her cheeks.
I slowly kissed her and she deepened the kiss but out of no where I saw Alexa's picture on my mind, she was smiling at me sweetly.
That's when I realized I was already cheating on my wife. I broke the kiss and looked at Kyla,
"I am so sorry Kyla I think we are just drunk, I need to go home to see my wife." I said and stood up.
"I'm sorry" I said again.
I quickly left the bar and drove my car going home. I looked at my wrist watched and it's already 5:00 in the morning.
I stopped infront of a flower shop and I bought her favorite flower which is white tulips.
I hurriedly get in my car again and drove home.
"Alexa, I promise I would get back in the real Jhaze that I used to be.
I parked my car in the garage and went straight in the house. I walked up stairs and stopped to our room's door. I hesitate to come in and the what if's in my mind are popping out, but at the end I chose to open the door.
It was dark inside the room and I can't hear any sobs at all.
I let out a deep sigh, smiled widely and slowly opened the switch of the light, which I wish I didn't.
The moment I turned on the light I saw Alexa's lifeless body hanging. Alexa hanged herself using a rope.
My tears slowly fell down one by one as I ran into her body. I quickly get the chair and put her down.
I can't help my tears from flowing as I look into her dead body lying on the floor. She was wearing the wedding dress she used on our wedding day.
"I am so sorry Alexa. I'm sorry." I said this words over and over again while hugging her body.
I held her hand and felt something. I look at her hand and she was wearing a bracelet, it was the gift I gave her on her birthday this year.
And that made me cry even more.
When I was able to regain a bit of my energy, I stood up slowly to called the police.
***
"As you can see her position was here." The investigator said pointing to where the rope was tied.
"And on the position of her body, she didn't struggle at all. If you survey your house she can tie the rope on the stairs railings but she realized that she might struggle and she would be able to hold the ralings and get herself up. So she chose your room andd tie the rope here, where she can't save herself." The investigator said and that made me cry again.
"I got this letter in the pocket of her dress." The investigator gave me a pice of paper folded.
"Excuse me." He said and went out.
I sat on the bed and slowly opened her letter, and this is what she said.
DEAR JHAZE,
MY CARING AND LOVING HUSBAND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
I AM SO SORRY IF I CHANGED AND DIDN'T GET TO TAKE CARE OF YOU LIKE I ALWAYS DO. TO SMILE AT YOU, HUG YOU AND GAVE YOU MY LUCKY KISS EVERYDAY YOU WENT TO WORK. I AM SO SORRY.
(while reading this letter my tears fell like waterfalls)
YOU KNOW SINCE WE MET, I FOUND THE COMFORT I WAS LOOKING FOR. I FOUND THE WARMTH AND CARE THAT I WAS LONGING FOR. I FOUND THE LOVE OF AN ALMOST PERFECT MAN THAT I WAS PRAYING FOR.
I SLOWLY DEFEATED THE SICKNESS I WAS EXPERIENCING BEFORE, UNTIL WE GOT MARRIED. BUT THEN ONE DAY I FELT SO MUCH SADNESS AGAIN. I FELT THE SADNESS I NEVER WANTED TO EXPERIENCE AGAIN.
YES JHAZE, I AM DEPRESSED, THE SADNESS I FELT SO MUCH AND ME CRYING WITHOUT ANY REASON WAS DUE TO DEPRESSION.
JHAZE I AM SO SORRY IF I DIDN'T TELL YOU. AND I AM SO SORRY IF I TOOK MY OWN LIFE, I KNOW IT'S A BIG MISTAKE BUT I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE. I TRIED TO FIGHT BUT I CAN'T, I JUST CAN'T CAUSE I WAS ALREADY DROWNING IN THE SEA OF DEPRESSION AND THERE'S NO WAY OUT.
I REPEAT, I TRIED JHAZE, I TRIED BUT IN THE END I LOST. I LOST IN THE BATTLE I WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE IN.
AFTER THIS PLEASE DON'T BLAME YOURSELF CAUSE I WON'T BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY TO WHERE I WILL GO IF YOU BLAME YOURSELF. I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR CHANGING AND TURNING COLD CAUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE, I DID.
JHAZE BE STRONG OKAY? DON'T GIVE UP LIKE I DID. STAY STRONG AND FIGHT THE BATTLE OF LIFE, FIGHT THE WAVES THAT WILL COME INTO YOU LIFE. AND THOUGH I WON'T BE ABLE TO STAY BY YOUR SIDE, I WILL ASK GOD TO SEND YOU SOMEONE TO STAY BY YOUR SIDE, TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND LOVE YOU LIKE I DID.
JHAZE MY ALMOST PERFECT HUSBAND, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL NEVER END. I PROMISE YOU I WOULD GUIDE YOU IN EVERYTHING YOU DO. I WOULD WATCH YOU FROM HERE WHERE I WILL BE.
JHAZE PLEASE DON'T BLAME YOURSELF, STAY STRONG.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, HIGHER THAN THE MOUNTAINS, DEEPER THAN THE OCEAN AND WIDER THAN THE UNIVERSE.
LOVE,
ALEXA.
***
That was the day when my questions was answered, Alexa is suffering from depression and until now I am still blaming my self for not being in her worst when in the first place she was there to guide me in my highs and lows.
***********
A/N
Hi guys! so I decided to write a short story to share it with you. Thank you for reading and if you would like to read my novel you can click on my profile and you will see my novel entitled "THE SHAM MARRIAGE".
THANK YOU LOVE LOTS!💓💖💝
